Chapter 44
Cole
THIS IS…UNEXPECTED
Something is going on with Ariana.
She sent me a text from Lina’s phone saying she had accidentally broken hers and wouldn’t be available until everything gets transferred onto the new one. Which, sure, people break their phones. But even before that she was suspiciously quiet, and my gut is telling me not to ignore it.
So I told Blake to handle things and took the first flight home. It could be nothing, but I’m not going to sit on my ass and twiddle my thumbs hoping it’s not.
Tonight also happens to be when that poetry fucker is doing his thing at Novel.
I trust Ariana and she’s stated more than once that she’s not interested in Wes like that anymore.
But she was at one time. For all I know he’s stirred something back up and now she’s conflicted, so naturally I’m going to kindly remind her that he’s not shit and no one could love her or fuck her or worship the ground she walks on better than I can.
I’m not giving her up without a fight and I’m damn sure not losing her to some pretty boy with a twinkle in his eye for my girl.
I haven’t even gone home yet. Drove straight from the airport, and the first thing I see when I get out of the car is Ariana laughing with her head thrown back and Wes grinning at her like she hung the moon.
The lights are dimmed low inside, yet there’s a glow around them like a scene out of a movie, and my stomach drops out from under me.
Maybe this is about Wes. Maybe I really am a fool. A fool in love with a woman who finally figured out she can do better than me.
I stand there like a creep and watch them through the window. They’re not touching or doing anything that crosses a line. He turns his attention back to the stage and she moves to the chalkboard where she writes the weekly specials. I stare a while longer because she’s just so damn beautiful.
Am I overreacting? Probably. Am I behaving irrationally? Most likely. This boyfriend thing is new for me and I feel possessive and protective of her, but I don’t want to suffocate her either.
I should go. She’s clearly fine and I’m jumping to conclusions.
As I’m about to leave, her gaze drifts toward the window.
She can’t see me—it’s too dark out here, too bright in there—but for a moment it’s like she senses something.
Then her eyes drift up to the night sky and her chest trembles on a slow breath, her gaze turning watery.
When someone or something inside catches her attention she blinks it away, puts on a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes, straightens her shoulders, and walks out of view.
Something is definitely wrong.
My feet start moving before my brain has made a decision.
I barrel through the front door not giving two shits about being quiet.
A few heads turn. Someone near the back shushes the disruption. Ariana looks up from the chalkboard and when her eyes land on me her expression cycles through surprise, confusion, and something that looks a hell of a lot like anger.
“What are you doing here?” she whispers, grabbing my arm and steering me firmly toward the back hallway. “You’re not supposed to be back until Tuesday.”
“I came home early.” I shrug.
“I can see that.” She pushes open the back room door and pulls me through it, letting it swing shut behind us. The muffled sound of a poet at the microphone bleeds through the wall. “Cole, now’s not a good time maybe—”
Is she seriously trying to kick me out right now? “Something’s going on with you.”
Her mouth hangs open. It looks like an attempt to get some words out but nothing comes.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” I say. “Don’t tell me you haven’t because we both know you have been.”
“I broke my phone,” she says quietly, eyes averting my gaze, and all but confirming she’s just using that as an excuse. Assuming her phone is broken at all.
“Ariana.” My jaw clenches. “What the fuck is going on? If you’re going to break up with me, just do it already. Is it Wes? You want him still?”
Her head snaps up, her expression more hurt than anything. “What?!”
“Is something going on with you and Wes? Just tell me. I can handle it.” The words come out steadier than I feel. “If you’ve changed your mind about us, about me, just say so. Don’t go quiet and make me piece it together from states away like an idiot.”
Her eyes thin to slits, arms crossing over one another. “Are you serious right now?”
“Dead serious.”
“There is nothing going on with Wes. There has never been anything going on. I don’t want him. I want—” She stops, pressing her fingers to her mouth. Her pupils are blown so round I can hardly make out the blue around them. “This isn’t what you think it’s about.”
“Then what is it about? Because you’ve been avoiding me and you look like you haven’t slept and I’m standing here trying to figure out what I did wrong—”
The door swings open at the worst possible moment.
Wes leans in casually, eyes already on Ariana. “Hey, sorry to interrupt, we’re having that same speaker issue again, I was hoping you could—”
“Fuck off,” I grit.
Wes looks taken aback. “I’m sorry?”
“Fuck. Off. We’re in the middle of something and I’m this close to kicking your ass.”
He looks between me and Ariana, hands raised. “I don’t know what’s happening right now but I didn’t do anything—”
“You’ve been sniffing around my girlfriend and you know damn well she’s taken so I’d appreciate it if you’d stop finding excuses to—”
“Cole! Leave him alone.”
“No.” I shake my head, rolling up my sleeves. “I’m done being nice about it.”
“Cole!” she shouts again, but this time there’s a catch in her voice that stops me in my tracks. When I turn to face her, her eyes are brimming with tears, chest heaving like she’s on the verge of a panic attack. “I’m pregnant.”
Ariana’s hands fly to her mouth the second the words are out, her eyes wide with fear.
Wes clears his throat awkwardly. “I’m going to—” He points vaguely toward the door. “The speakers can probably sort themselves out.”
The door clicks shut behind him.
And then it’s just us.
I can’t speak. I’m not sure I’m breathing.
“Say something,” she whispers, her voice breaking on a silent sob.
She’s bracing herself like she’s preparing for the worst. Like she thinks I’m going to be angry. Like I’m going to leave.
“How long have you known?” I ask, my voice small. Unrecognizable.
“Since yesterday.” A tear slides down her cheek and she swipes it away fast, lifting her chin like she’s trying to hold herself together but she’s barely hanging on.
“I took a test at Elyse’s. I wanted to tell you in person.
I didn’t want to do it over the phone. And then you walked in here and I wasn’t ready.
” She exhales shakily. “I’m sorry. This is not how I wanted to tell you. ”
I drag a hand down my face trying to wrap my head around it all. Ariana is pregnant. With a baby. With our baby.
Holy fuck.
“Please say something,” she repeats. “Please.”
I come closer, approaching her like one might approach a feral animal. “Are you okay?”
She nods quickly followed by a dry laugh. “Yes. No. Maybe. I don’t know.” Her face falls to her palms, her shoulders trembling as she cries. “I’m so sorry.” It comes out wet and muffled. “I’m sorry.”
She’s blaming herself, terrified I’m going to make this her fault. Have I done something to make her think I’d be angry or mean? I’m definitely shocked. I’m for sure scared out of my mind. But I’m not mad.
I love this woman.
And I’m not going to stop no matter what she decides.
Unable to watch her cry and not hold her, I circle my arms around her. My lips place a kiss to her temple. “Are you going to keep it?”
She sucks in a harsh breath of air, gently nodding against me. “Yes. I thought about maybe not for half a second. I’ve always wanted to be a mom, I just imagined it happening years from now. This is…unexpected.”
I draw back, my hands cupping her cheeks. “Did you think I was going to leave you to do this alone?”
She nods again, gnawing hard on her bottom lip. “Yeah. I keep waiting for you to realize you don’t want to do a relationship after all. And now I’m supposed to expect you to become a father to a baby you don’t want.”
“Hey. Who said I don’t want it? I never said that.”
Through all the anguish on her face she manages to give me a pointed look. “We’ve never talked about kids besides you telling me that you didn’t want them. What was I supposed to think? That suddenly you do?”
When I told her I wanted to give her everything, I meant everything.
I thought we had more time. So I could finally tell her I’m in love with her.
Eventually ask her dad for permission to slip a ring on her finger.
Give her the wedding of her dreams. She deserves to have the fairy tale she’s always wanted.
I’m the one who’s been careless with her.
Never using a condom, never pulling out.
I’ve been plugging her up with my cum since day one.
It’s no wonder she’s pregnant, I practically forced it on her.
This is all my fault.
And God, she’s so young. I feel like a lecherous old bastard for doing this to her. For taking away her future like this. I can’t change how we got here, but I will do right by her. I’ll do right for both of them.
“Hey.” I tip her chin up, forcing her eyes to mine. “Look at me.”
She does, barely, her lashes wet and clumped together.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I tell her. “I need you to hear that. I’m not walking out that door. I’m not leaving you to do this alone.”
“I’m not going to force you into something you don’t want. This is bigger than us. It’s a life sentence. We’ll be tied to each other through a living, breathing person. Forever. I’d rather you leave now than decide it’s too much for you down the road.”
How does she not know the last thing I would ever do is leave her to do this by herself. How does she not know I’d do anything for her.
Maybe because you’re a coward who hasn’t told her how you feel.
It ends now. She’s right. This is bigger than us. It’s forever. And I intend to keep it that way.
Cradling her cheeks, I stroke my thumbs through her tears, staring into her ocean eyes. Eyes I know I’m going to look into for the rest of my life. Because she’s it for me. And it would take an act of God to get me to leave her. “I love you.”
She goes motionless in my hold, not breathing. Not even blinking.
“I’ve been trying to find the right moment to tell you for a while and apparently this is it, which is not ideal, but I need you to know that before anything else.
” I draw her closer. “I’m in love with you.
And I love that you’re carrying our baby even though we aren’t ready.
Even though I’m terrified and I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.
” A rough breath pushes out of me. “We’ll figure it out.
Together. Because you’re stuck with me, doll.
I’m going to keep showing up. For you. For our child.
You’re going to wish you’d never agreed to be my fake girlfriend. ”
She laughs at that last part and for the first time since arriving, the tightness in my chest starts to loosen.
“I’d never wish that,” she says softly. “I love you too. So much.”
I tip my forehead to hers, my heart beating so hard I think it might be trying to join hers.
She loves me back.
We can do this. It’s going to be scary and hard. The timing isn’t great. But none of that matters because we’ll have each other.
There’s nothing I can’t do with Ariana by my side.