Chapter 17 Noah
Noah
“Yay!” A loud pitched squeal echoes all the way down the drive. I see mom standing there on our front porch, waving her hands in the air and jumping up and down excitedly.
Oh, God.
“You okay?” Brad asks me, as he waves to her through the truck window. “Remember, we’re in and out.”
“What are you going to say? She’ll wonder why you’re not staying the night,” I say, unclicking my seat belt.
“That’s no problem. Saying I have work stuff to deal with will seal the deal,” he says, doing the same.
“Cool.” I answer, taking a big breath in.
I look over at Brad who looks at me with soft eyes. His mouth parts and I suck in a breath, awaiting what he’s about to say.
Before he can, his truck door swings open, dragging us both into reality.
“What are you two sillies still doing in here? Get out and hug me!” She giggles, grabbing at Brad’s arm.
A twisted knot festers in my gut as I watch her yank him from his seat.
“Woah there,” he laughs awkwardly, hugging her as she wraps her arms around his neck.
I unbuckle my seat belt and slide out of the truck.
“Mmmm, I missed you so much. Next time, I’m coming with you boys,” Mom coos, nestling her face in his neck. My teeth threaten to crack as I bite down, watching the exchange. Mom meets my gaze, serene as ever, and mouths a quiet, “Thank you.” The contrast makes my stomach twist even more.
I nod my head curtly, before turning to walk into the house. I don’t need to see any more of that.
“Was he good? I know he’s…” I hear her mutter to him.
“He was…Noah,” Brad answers.
I want to be angry hearing his answer but it’s exactly to plan. He’s doing this for me. For us.
I head inside, slamming the screen door behind me.
It’s clear by the state of the house, that mom has been home for awhile. Blankets and half-eaten snacks fill the living room and the house feels warm, lived in, which is weird since she was supposed to be gone too.
“Did you end up staying home this weekend?” I ask, hearing them stepping inside after me.
“Was feeling sort of off once you guys left. Decided to stay in. No biggy.” Mom sings, rushing past me and into the kitchen.
Stay in? Not exactly her scene.
I sniff the air, smelling a faint scent of baked goods.
“Are you baking something?” I ask, placing my duffle bag on the kitchen table.
She’s never been the cooking type. The only “home cooked” meals I got growing up were the ‘ready-made food trays’ you’d buy from Costco whenever my dad was busy.
She’d throw them in the microwave and call it a day.
But, baking. Baking she only ever did when she was anxious.
“Jesus, Noah. Take your stuff off the table. Don’t be rude,” Mom mutters behind me as she shuffles in.
I roll my eyes, but begrudgingly, I do as she says. I look to my right to see Brad watching me and instantly feel my ears burn. Fuck, I don’t want him to see me getting in trouble. I’m not a little boy.
In and out. In and out. I repeat the reminder in my head.
“Whatever. I’m not staying. Brad was just dropping me off at my car—” I mutter, turning to leave.
“No, no, no—” Mom whines, rushing towards me, slipping my duffel bag off my shoulder and placing it on the ground. “Stay for a few minutes, at least. I’ve got to talk to you both about something important.” She giggles, dancing over to the cupboards.
“Veronica, what’s going on?” Brad asks, standing beside me.
There’s a strange feeling in the air. Something feels off and it’s clear Brad can sense it too.
Does she know about what happened this weekend? Did we accidentally call her during one of our…moments? I rack my brain of all the worst-case possibilities.
“I want to hear all about your camping trip. It’s so nice that you were able to go away together and spend that quality time,” she says, opening one of the drawers, taking out an apron and slipping on some oven mitts.
Why is she being so weird?
“It was…whatever.” I lie. “And, it’s not like we’re best friends now or anything.” I shrug.
Brad shoots me a look but I try not to let mine linger.
“Well, that’s not very nice, Noah,” Mom mumbles, ducking her head down into the oven. “I really wanted this weekend to change things for you two. Bring you both together.” She reaches in and we watch as she pulls out a loaf of bread.
I know my mother doesn’t cook so why the hell did she buy a loaf to eat at 10 o clock at night?
“Well, sometimes people don’t really… mix.” Brad coughs nervously, shifting awkwardly on his feet. He eyes what she’s doing and steps forward. “Veronica, do you need help?”
She bats his hand away. “No. No, please. Sit down, the both of you.” She insists, placing the hot loaf on a cooling rack on the kitchen table.
I swallow deeply, thinking about sitting on that chair.
Remembering what’s between my cheeks, I squeeze my legs to stifle the hardening that’s happening in my pants. This is not the place I should be feeling this.
Brad and I exchange awkward glances once again before following her orders, taking a seat across from her as she stands at the other side.
She sighs, looking at us both with a big beaming smile on her face. It’s actually kind of terrifying really. Mom is only happy like this when she’s up to something.
“I really hope you two can come together soon.” Mom's eyes bounce between Brad and I, she nips at her thumb, the same way I do when I’m nervous. I hate that I honestly share any qualities with her at all.
“Because…well…” She looks down at the bread, nervously biting her lower lip, and then back at us unexpectedly.
What is going on?
She takes in a deep breath, obviously amping herself up for some big news to share.
“Veronica…what—” Brad shakes his head, until he cuts himself off. I look over at him and see his eyes wide, his mouth dropped open. I can almost see the chill climb up his spine from here.
Why do I feel like I’m fully out of the loop here?
My blood starts to boil as I watch them communicate something between each other in silence.
Their gaze doesn’t unlock which only makes me angrier.
“What!?” I ask, looking back at the bread and then up at my mom who now has tears brimming her eyes. “Could someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?!!”
“No…” Brad stutters quietly.
Mom nods her head excitedly, rubbing her stomach.
I stiffen, frozen in place. I swear, I can feel all the blood from my face drain as my eyes follow the motion of her hands.
Realization hits me like a train as the pun she created clicks into place in my mind.
That’s not a loaf of bread. That’s a fucking bun.
No…
No, no, no
“You can’t be.” I stand up in a haste, knocking the table as I jump to my feet.
Mom rolls her eyes, sighing as her shoulders drop. “Noah, please.”
I look over at Brad who’s expression is still the same. Total and utter shock.
Yeah, well, fucking same.
“Did you fucking know?” I ask, not being able to stop myself.
“Of course not. We…we weren’t even trying…” Brad says quietly.
“I think the words you’re looking for, Noah, are ‘congratulations’.” She huffs.
My jaw tightens as I realize what this means. They’re having a fucking baby.
This isn’t just some wave in our plans. This is a massive fucking tsunami.
“It’s a miracle.” Veronica beams, rounding the table and throwing her arms around Brad’s neck. “A gift to bring us all together as a family.”
This can’t be fucking happening.
She doesn’t deserve him. She can’t be…
Suddenly the air is too thick.
Everything's too loud. I can’t think straight. I’ve gotta go.
I grab my bag from the ground and make my way to the door.
Moments of our time together this weekend flash through my mind. The way he made me laugh. How he touched me. His mouth—all over my body. All of that just…gone!
“Noah, wait!” I hear Brad’s voice behind me.
“Don’t bother. It’s what he does. Making it about him like he always does.” Veronica complains, loud enough that I can hear her before I slam the door behind me.
I’m halfway to my car when Brad catches up.
“Noah! Jesus, wait. Please!” He grabs my wrist, dragging me out of the house’s eyeline and toward a tree. “Noah!”
“Brad,” I mock. “You’re having a fucking baby.” I spit.
“Apparently,” he says, rushing his hand through his hair and looking back at the house. “I’m finding out at the exact same time as you are. I thought we were being careful—”
“Clearly not careful enough.” I shake my head. “Fuck. If I knew…I wouldn’t have…dammit, I wouldn’t have—”
I don’t know how to finish that.
I wouldn’t have come onto him?
Had sex with him?
Fallen for him?
Fuck! I am so fucked.
“I know. Shit! I didn’t see this coming.” Brad sulks, pushing against me.
I shove him off.
“So, what now, huh?” I ask, looking at him deep in the eyes. I know the answer but I don’t want to say it.
His mouth drops open but no words come out. My heart…fucking hurts.
“Hawaii is a fucking no go.” I state. “Obviously.”
He stares at the ground like it has all the answers. Well, that's enough of an answer for me.
“And clearly, you’ve got to stay here tonight. Probably for the foreseeable future,” I say looking at the house.
“Noah,” his tone pleading now. I’m not sure what he wants from me. I’m just stating the facts. The fucking reality of our situation.
“This is…over. That’s pretty much what I’m picking up.” I frown, feeling the words sting on my tongue. I bite my lip, feeling my emotions creeping to the forefront.
No. I won’t cry. I won’t.
This fucking bastard fucked with my head and now…now, I’m alone. Again.
“I’m fucking out of here.” I shake my head.
Brad reaches for me, grabbing my arm. “Please,” Brad shuts his eyes. “Please don’t leave.”
“Do I even have another choice?”
“Yeah, you do. To stay and figure this out with me.” His grip tightens, like he’s scared that if he lets go, I’ll float away.
I look at his beautiful face. I mean, really look. And all I see is a man that’s going to be tied to me for the rest of my life. And before, when I felt like that might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me— Now, I feel like it’s the worst curse that has ever crossed my path.
Because he won’t just be my mothers husband. I’ll share him with a sibling. This sounds like a fucked up Jerry Springer episode.
“Yeah, well…” I look over his shoulder, back at the house. “How do you feel about this?”
Brad’s mouth parts, his gaze flitting across my face like he’s searching for the right words—but can’t find any. I watch as he looks over his shoulder to the house, following my line of sight. Taking a moment, he looks back to me, sadness written all over his face.
“I want you, Noah. I really do. I just…I…” He swallows deeply. “I’m going to be a dad.”
A deep pain hits me straight in the chest. He wants this.
And if it weren’t for me, he’d probably be ecstatic right now.
That thought alone shakes me to my core.
Brad’s raw, unfiltered happiness is how this whole thing between us fucking started.
I wanted him free. I wanted him to be honest. And now I’m the one making him hold himself back.
If after everything he still feels like he has to hide from me… if I only make things worse… then maybe I shouldn’t be here at all.
“That’s it then.” I nod. Brad steps towards me but I move back out of his reach. He can’t stop me this time. “I’m happy for you. The three of you.” I swiftly evade his attempts at grabbing for me.
I’ve got to get away. As far away as I possibly can.
And it still wouldn’t be far enough.
“Noah, wait!” I hear him stumble, trying to catch himself but before he can regain his balance and before I change my mind, I quickly make my way to the car, swing open the door and whip out of the driveway as fast as I can.
As I pull away, watching him standing there, lost and confused, getting smaller and smaller, I can’t help the feeling that I just drove away from my chance at something real.
That I lost something I never even had a chance to fully enjoy.
But, it’s the only way. I’ve made a choice tonight. A choice to let Brad be happy with a baby that he clearly has always wanted.
I clench my fist around the steering wheel and continue to drive.
Leaving Brad, and the best weekend I’ve ever had behind me.