Chapter 30 Brad
Brad
“Babe, have you seen my pink bathing suit top?” Veronica asks breathlessly.
She’s been running around all morning finishing up her packing for this girls weekend. She’s supposed to be gone in ten minutes. I wonder why she didn’t finish this last night. Only, I keep that question to myself for fear of annoying her any further.
“Uhh, check the laundry. I think I saw it there,” I say, strumming at my guitar.
Ever since Noah returned, I’ve found myself thinking about this old passion of mine. I’m not sure why—only that I felt an overwhelming pull to pick it up.
And I’m glad I did. The moment my fingers struck the first note, my heart skipped a beat.
Paislee hops away in her little baby bouncer in front of me.
She’s chewing excitedly on her favorite giraffe toy that I popped in the freezer a few nights ago.
Poor girls' molars are really coming in fast. But, I feel like the music is really helping her though. Within a few minutes of playing, she’s really giggling away, bouncing on her tip toes.
I keep strumming, even as I feel his presence behind me. The force is incredible, like a current slamming into my chest. Breathing is nearly impossible, yet it’s a glorious, overwhelming weight.
“Sounds beautiful,” he says quietly, behind me.
I continue playing while he sits next to me, watching my fingers dance across the strings. He leans back, silent and still. No hurry. Just quiet, perfect beauty.
My eyes glance up to his sharp jawline, the beautiful cupid's bow of his lips, his sparkling eyes that bounce between mine and the guitar. His hair falls perfectly in front and around his face. Soft waves that remind me of what a delicate angel he is.
“What song is that?” he breathes.
I arch my eyebrow, a smile creeping on my lips. “You never heard of Pearl Jam?”
Noah gives me a straight-line smile before shyly shaking his head.
I give him some notes and then sing into the chorus of Just Breathe by Pearl Jam.
Stay with me, Let’s just breathe,
“Brad,” Noah exhales deeply. My eyes drift to his and I see brewing tears along his waterline.
“Am I that bad?” I smirk.
He shakes his head. “No…no, you’re really really good.” He smiles, so earnestly it makes my heart stop. My fingers lose their pattern and I stumble over the next few chords.
Right here. This is what confused me so much over a year ago in those woods.
It’s this… pleasant stillness between us. Comfortable. Warm.
An energy I can only equate to a bright, sunlit morning before school, back when you were a child. When everything felt at ease.
“Noah, I’m happy you’re doing laundry, my darling,” Veronica storms out of the laundry room. “But, would you please keep your boxers out of our loads? Your dirty laundry mixed with ours is just…a lot.” She tosses the few pairs of his I forgot to return onto the couch beside him.
His mouth drops open as we both stare down at the evidence of our affair now covering the couch in plain sight.
“Oh! Uh, yeah. Sorry about that.” Noah quickly grabs the clothes and stuffs them behind him.
Veronica nods her head, not picking up on the awkward tension she’s drawn up in the room, and makes her way upstairs with the laundry basket.
Noah averts his attention to Paislee, thankfully bringing us back to the moment. “You liked that song too, didn’t you, Peeps?” He smiles.
She answers with a little bounce and a giggle.
“Where’d you learn how to play like that?” he asks me.
I continue strumming a few chords, changing up the song to something simpler. “My dad used to teach me when I was younger. It was fun learning and impressing him.”
“Is he still around?” Noah asks.
I swallow deeply. “Oh yeah. He’s up north in Cambridge. I visit my parents every Thanksgiving, Christmas, you know. The usual holidays.” I nod. My parents are in their late-sixties now and while I don’t see them often, I try and see them when I can.
“You close with them?”
I think about that for a moment. “I used to be when I was younger. But, I guess the older I got, the more I realized how different we really were.” My eyebrows pinch as my fingers move along the strings.
“They’re pretty religious. They're devote Baptists and... I guess I’ve always wondered…
how they’d react if they really knew me. ”
The next words stick in my throat, but Noah cuts in before I can force them out.
“Worried they wouldn’t accept you if you brought someone…else home?”
My eyes snap up to his, breath catching. I never wanted to admit out loud why we drifted apart, but Noah, doing what he always does—just sees me.
“Yeah,” I whisper. “Exactly.”
My eyes skip nervously to the hallway, in fear that Veronica may be around the corner.
Noah gets the message and nods once, slow and thoughtful. “Yeah, well. Sometimes I wonder about my dad too. If he were still around, I mean.”
“Did he ever do anything to make you feel otherwise?”
“No, not at all.” Noah shakes his head. A small flicker of a smile appears on his lips.
He glances at me, hesitating, like he’s deciding whether to say more.
“There was this one time, when I was younger, we were walking to the Home Hardware store.” Noah chuckles lightly as he recalls the memory.
“There were a couple of guys that walked out at the same time as we walked in. They were holding hands and…”
“Did your dad say anything?”
Noah smiles softly, shaking his head. “No. He didn’t.” He swallows. “I knew he saw what I saw. And then he just… looked at me and smiled. That was it.” His brows pinch slightly. “But I hold onto that. I hold on to that smile for dear life.”
A moment passes between us. Then, softly he adds, “I’ll tell you one thing.” He looks at me with tears in his eyes. “I hope my dad meets you one day. I just know he'd love you.” A small, careful smile curves his mouth. It feels like a gift. Like trust.
This confession hits my heart. I know how much Noah loves his dad. How highly he thinks of him. For him to say that…it means a lot.
“You miss him?”
“Every single day. We talked a bit after he left but it wasn't the same.” He blows out a long breath, like the words themselves are heavy.
“I know it was hard for him to leave. We were happy… and when he found out, he was so hurt." He fidgets with his fingers. "I don’t blame him for how he reacted. I just… I wish he didn’t have to leave me too.”
“How old were you when he left?”
“Sixteen,” Noah says, dropping his eyes to his hands in his lap.
My heart drops. Sixteen. A time when he should've been out with friends, going on dates and going through his own heartbreaks. Instead, he faced his mother’s infidelity and the loss of his father.
And in all the time I’ve known Noah, I’ve never seen his dad reach out.
No wonder he had so many walls up when we first met.
"I know what you're thinking." Noah's lip twitches.
"I know I should be mad at him for shutting me out. And in a way, I am. But… I also understand." Noah glances at Paislee for a moment before meeting my eyes again. “A bigger part of me just hopes that one day, when he’s ready and healed, he’ll come back… Is that pathetic?”
I shake my head, sadly. "Absolutely not. He probably thinks about you every day. I know I would."
Noah lets out a soft laugh. "I guess… maybe."
I take a deep breath, watching Paislee happily chew on her giraffe. I couldn’t even imagine not seeing her—or him—ever again. The thought is unbearable.
"You're worth coming back for, Noah. But to be fair… I never would have left you to begin with."
His chest rises and falls. "I know…" he says softly.
I wish I could take his pain away. But I know there’s nothing else I can say.
Maybe there’s something I can do.
I shift the guitar to his lap, his eyes immediately brightening up. He grips the handle perfectly, and I position his fingers on some chords.
“Turn your back to me.” I squeeze his thigh gently. He does as I say, turning his back against my chest. I get to work, aligning my fingers with his on the strings.
“Nice and gentle, like this.” I take his right hand softly and brush the chords, as if I was playing.
A beautiful sound vibrates through the air.
“Cool.” Noah laughs softly.
“Now, you can move your hand here, and it’ll play this.” I change his fingers and strum a different pattern.
It takes a few tries but not before long, he’s strumming to Sparks by Coldplay. Simple and beautiful.
His soft laughter make my heart swell. I love how happy it makes him.
Getting to show him something new. I steal a few glances at his side profile over his shoulder.
His eyelashes are so long as they flutter against his skin.
His cheeks have the faintest bunch of freckles that no one would know unless they were this close.
But the way the sun reflects down on him, you can see them clear as day. I can stare at them forever.
“Oh, some Coldplay in the morning?” A sudden male voice cuts through the air like a knife.
I immediately scooch back on the couch to create some distance.
Kev appears behind us, looking as happy as ever as he strolls in, hands in his pockets.
“Hey, buddy.” I run my hand through my hair. “Yeah, just wanted to show him the ropes.” I chuckle lightly.
“Well, I’ll tell you what, little man,” Kev says, his hand coming down on Noah’s shoulder in a firm squeeze. “If you’re gonna learn anything, this is the guy to teach ya. He’s a pro at everything.”
Kev flashes me a wide grin. “Ran laps around me—especially when it came to the ladies. Remember back in school?”
He gives Noah’s shoulder another squeeze. “That’s really what you should be taking his advice on.”
Noah’s jaw clenches and I don’t miss the way he looks down at Kev's hand touching him.
Does he not like him?
I file that away to ask for later.
“Nah, I think I’m good…” Noah mutters, nudging his hand away.
"Yeah, I guess that’d be weird," he cringes. Kev folds his hands together, his eyes bouncing between us. “So… where’s Vee? She ready yet?”
My eyebrow arches. “Why?”
Just as I ask, Veronica comes running down the steps with her suitcase noisily bouncing down the stairwell behind her. “Oh shit!” she mumbles, fumbling to pick it up.
“What the hell? What are you doing inside?” She blows hair out of her face as she looks at Kev.
“I wanted to say hi,” Kev says, shrugging.
“Well, we gotta go. Help me with my bag.” Veronica snaps, shoving the handle at him.
“Kev going on this girl trip too?” I ask, slightly intrigued.
“No.” Veronica looks at me with her hands on her hips. Uh oh, I shouldn’t have asked. “He’s just driving me to the train station so you two can stay with Paislee. Just like I told you Kev would—two weeks ago. Why do you insist on not listening to me?” she snaps.
I cringe. “Oh, that’s right. I’m sorry.” I offer her an apologetic smile. “Have a nice time, Vee!”
I don’t miss the way she rolls her eyes at me, trudging past Noah and I, and picking up Paislee. She immediately softens as she kisses and plays with her.
This must be a scary moment for her, seeing as she’s never been away from her for too long.
“We’ll take good care of her. Don’t worry about anything.” I smile. She looks at me and gives me a light nod and thankful grin before kissing Paislee all over her cheeks.
As she says her goodbyes, Kev taps me on the shoulder.
“Whole weekend without mom in the house. You two going to get into some trouble?” His eyebrows raise and fall with a mischievous grin.
I try to keep down the excitement I have brewing in my stomach. “What do you say, Noah?” I shrug, nudging him with my foot.
Noah looks at me, and it’s like we share the same thought. I can feel the intensity vibrating off him. “Trouble is my middle name.”