Chapter 31 Noah
Noah
Guess getting up to trouble means a good fucking day out in the sun.
As soon as mom and Kevin left, Brad and I started getting ourselves and Paislee together for the petting zoo.
I might have suggested it after seeing that The Wiggles were in town after a night of scrolling on my new phone. Thanks, Brad.
Brad knows exactly what to do to make sure she’s all ready to go, but I’m happy to help pack a day bag full of all the essentials. After all, she is my baby sister.
The drive to the petting zoo is quick enough. Before long, the sun is beating down on us as we make our way through the zoo grounds. There’s a collection of different sounds and smells flying through the air.
Next up, sheep. She points at the little fluffy lamb, snacking on some hay.
I poke Paislee’s little belly full of milk. “Try saying baaah.” I overextend my words as I hold her to my chest.
Spit bubbles form in her mouth as she babbles to her heart's content, making me laugh.
I look over at Brad who looks at us with a big smile on his face.
He looks absolutely incredible today. With a backwards hat, sunglasses, a white t-shirt and black shorts, he looks like the hottest dad in the world.
He seriously needs a trophy or something.
I don’t miss how the other moms in this park have been flicking their eyes on him either. This man shouldn’t be allowed out of the house.
“She’s a little too young to talk,” he laughs, coming over to fix her little pink sun hat.
“Such a shame. I was writing full essays at this age. You gotta catch up, kid,” I say, bouncing her up and down.
“I believe it. You never stop talking.” A sly grin spreads, and he laughs, walking further with the empty stroller and scoping out the other animals.
“Never is pretty extreme.” I tease. “I can think of a few ways you’ve shut me up.”
This earns me a heated glance back before he continues.
“Peeps, wave at daddy,” I say, wiggling her hand at Brad.
He throws his head back and a deep laugh barrels out of his chest. “You’re sick. Give me her.” He comes over to me, picking Paislee from my arms. “Don’t use your baby sister to flirt, you weirdo.”
I flash a smile at him, pushing my own sunglasses back to get my hair out of my face. I see the way he looks at me before returning to his walk.
Fuck, I love this.
I can’t help but feel…comfortable. Safe. Out in the daylight. Being with him and Paislee, outside with other families, feels like our own little piece of normalcy. Everything just feels…real. Like, it was always supposed to be like this.
I’ve always been known as a trouble-maker. Shit stirrer. Hell, the principal at my high school knew me by name and insisted I would be expelled by the time I graduated. To her disappointment, I wasn’t.
But here, right now, nothing feels better than being a good boy for him. If this is what being good will get me, I want to be the best boy he’s ever seen.
***
After touring the grounds, I think it’s safe to say that the ducks are Paislee’s favorite. Her excited giggles and kicking feet are proof enough that I will be getting her all the duck merchandise for Christmas. It’s official— I love seeing her happy.
Just like I love seeing him happy.
He would never say it out loud but I saw how excited he got when we got to the rabbits. The man hardly wanted to let the one in his arms go. Thankfully, I snapped a few pictures so I can relive that memory whenever I need a pick-me-up.
We’re currently sitting on the grass, on the blanket we brought as Paislee plays with her toys in between Brad’s legs.
He’s sitting back perched up on his hands, as The Wiggles perform on stage.
As I sit here, watching him—because let’s be real, I’m not really watching the show when I have this handsome man beside me— I think about the year that went by without being with him.
How far one weekend alone with him in the woods got us.
Where this will lead to, I’m not entirely sure, but all I know is that I’m thankful for where we’re at today.
Because even just a moment with him, it’s made me happier than I’ve ever been in my whole life.
Looking behind me, I see his hand splayed on the ground. I inch my hand closer and subtly lace my fingers through his. He doesn’t move away, which only makes it better.
It wouldn’t be obvious to anyone else walking by but to us, we know exactly what this is. My heart jumps at the feeling.
I swallow deeply as I try to steady my breath.
“Hey.” Brad nudges my shoulder with his. “What are you thinking about over there?”
I look away, trying and failing at acting nonchalant about touching him. Thinking fast, I reach out and grab an apple that we brought.
“Just thinking about how cool you are.” I shrug, throwing the apple in the air and catching it.
His eyebrows shoot up. “Wow. You never would’ve admitted to that when we met.”
“Shut up,” I laugh, biting into the fruit.
“No seriously, I vividly remember you telling me I had quote, ‘no cool points’.” He laughs freely, nudging me with his knee. His fingers squeeze mine, pressed on the blanket like our little secret.
“I mean, I’m still deciding on how many you’ve got so I wouldn’t push your luck.” I offer him a bite of my apple, and sit back wide eyed as he leans in, and bites it as I hold it.
“Mmm, I’ll keep working on it.” He nods his head, returning his attention back to the stage.
“Yeah. Okay,” I breathlessly answer.
Yeah, I’m a goner.
By the time the sun dips and The Wiggles pack up, Paislee’s knocked out cold. Mission accomplished. A whole day of good boy points, cashed in her tiny snores.
***
Turns out good boy points extend to bed and bath time too. After getting home, Brad took Paislee up for her bath time while I got her bed ready.
“I’d say we make a pretty good team,” Brad says, walking into Paislee’s room with her all wrapped up in the yellow duckie towel I bought for her at the zoo gift shop before we left. He’s got a bottle to her mouth as she suckles quietly.
The compliment immediately warms my chest. “Yeah, I’d say so.” I say, brushing my hand down her nose. She looks up at me with such soft, kind eyes. Every day I feel closer to her. She’s really something else.
“Want to help me put her to sleep?” Brad asks, his eyes on me.
“Yeah,” I smile. “Let’s do it.”
The house feels different since my mom isn’t here with us. Her presence in the evening usually makes me feel like I’ve got to walk on eggshells around Brad. Here, right now, I’m getting the chance to sit back and admire him without the fear of getting caught.
Brad sits down in the rocking chair in the corner of the room. Resting a towel over his shoulder, he gently pats Paislee’s back, working on getting her to burp.
I smile at them. He’s so good to her. I take a moment to look around the room. It’s so different in here than it used to be. “This used to be my dad’s home office,” I say, leaning on the closet door, now used to store baby things.
“Yeah, I actually knew that. We had to move some stuff when preparing for Paislee.” Brad smiles kindly. “He's an architect, right?”
I nod, happily remembering him. “You know that big office building down on Queen street in Toronto?"
“Yeah, I do.”
“He designed that.”
Brad’s mouth drops open. “That’s really cool.”
I bite my lip, nodding my head. I forgot how good it felt hearing someone say that. My dad is cool.
“Is that what you want to do? Architect?” Brad shifts Paislee to hold her like a football player. The little sounds she’s making makes it clear that his patting is working.
I scratch the back of my neck. “Uh, no. I’m not really the design type. Not handy either.”
“That’s alright. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. What are you interested in?”
A smile tugs at my lips. “I don’t know. It’s stupid.”
He rolls his eyes. “I bet it’s not. Hit me.”
“Don’t laugh.” I warn him.
His eyebrow arches up, clearly intrigued. “My lips are sealed. Go.”
“Audio engineering.” I burst out. I never really talk about it but I guess this is what Brad does to me. “I’ve just always loved music and the mechanics behind it. Getting a chance at building it and helping it come alive so others can enjoy it.”
His eyebrows shoot up. “Audio engineering,” he repeats slowly. “Why would I have laughed at that?”
I shrug, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden. “I don’t know. It’s not really a common job.”
“That’s not true. You could work on music. Movies. There’s so many avenues. You know what? I’ve known some audio engineers. I could call some of them up. See if they can get you to intern or something.” His eyes light up like he’s excited for me.
I don’t know what to say. That’s…so nice of him. I shake my head. “No, you do too much for me as is.”
“I wish I could do more.” He looks down at Paislee who’s now successfully nodding off. “So much more,” he says quietly.
I fold my arms over my chest. “Oh yeah? Like what?”
He looks back at me, an expression passing over him that I’ve only seen a few times on him. Like he’s fighting the urge for something. To say or do something, I’m not sure.
“Anything.”
This answer shocks me. Brad isn’t normally so outright with how he’s feeling. Whatever I want from him?
Easy.
I want him to be with me instead of my mom. Would he give me that?
I open my mouth, praying the question would find the courage to slip out past my lips, but as soon as I do, he interrupts me.
“Paislee’s asleep,” he whispers.
I look down at her, eyes closed and breathing softly.
“Yeah.” I exhale. The question I had escaping the moment. Maybe it’s for the best.
“You hungry?” Brad’s eyebrows raise.
I follow him out of the baby room, heart still caught on the things I almost said. Maybe food will be safer territory.
***
Watching Brad move around the kitchen is a sight to behold.
He looks so at peace and in the zone.