Chapter 34 Brad
Brad
I have no idea what time we ended up going to sleep.
We got cleaned up—after dirtying ourselves up again—remade Noah’s bed with clean sheets, checked on Paislee when she woke, and played more music until we passed out.
I haven’t had a night like that in…years. Just completely and utterly…happy.
Noah has this way about him. He draws out a carefree, lighter, happier version of myself and it’s intoxicating.
I can’t pin it but I almost knew it as soon as I met him that he’d have that effect on me.
It’s the way he holds himself. As though he doesn’t care about the way people perceive him. It’s contagious.
I can’t really explain what it’s like being around him.
The air feels lighter. Colors are more vibrant.
Songs have deeper, more fulfilling meanings.
Everything just seems…better. I mean, don’t even get me started on sex.
Sex feels…transcendent. Otherworldly. The first time we had it, I knew nothing would ever top that again.
Last night proved that every time is better than the last. I’m hooked.
The sun beads down in my eyes and I slowly open my lids to see Noah walking in with Paislee in one hand and a plate in the other.
We had decided to sleep in separate beds, just in case something happened and Veronica came home. As much as I hate being away from him, I’m happy he’s coming in early.
Especially looking like this. In the same sleep pants he wore when we were camping. Black and red checkered, and they always hang just right off his hips where I can see his devastatingly delicious v-lines.
“Can you say dadda?” Noah coos to Paislee, who’s giving me a gummy smile as she waves her excitement for me.
“Ah, there’s my girl.” No wonder I slept so well. Paislee didn’t wake me up throughout the night. “Did you grab her last night?”
“Ah, only a couple of times. I wanted you to have a good sleep after…such a late night.” He smirks, coming to sit by the edge of the bed. My hand instantly comes up to rub his back. So soft and fit.
“Thank you,” I sigh, only happiness in my mind. “Are those pancakes?”
He looks down as if he just remembered too. “Oh! Yeah, we made these for you.” He hands me the plate, along with the knife and fork.
Drizzled with syrup, I see that he also smeared some butter on.
“Wow, thank you.” I smile down at the sweet gesture. Very thoughtful. It’s nice seeing yet another side of him.
I look at him to see him bite his lip, watching me cut a slice out, anticipating my reaction. He wants me to like it so badly. It’s adorable.
I bring it to my mouth and am immediately hit with a raw and gummy texture.
“Mmmm,” I moan around the fork trying to play it off like it’s delicious.
He frowns. “You hate it.”
I shake my head, trying to stifle my laughter. “I love it.”
“I knew it. I should’ve ordered takeout or something. Do they do takeout breakfast? Paislee, I told you that was a bad idea.” He rushes to stand up.
“No, no!” I laugh, stretching my arm out to catch him before he gets too far. “I love them.”
“I wanted you to have a yummy breakfast. You deserve yummy pancakes.” He huffs, sitting back down on the bed.
“Why don’t you have a bite?” I cut into the pancake, holding out a piece for him. He leans in and bites off the chunk with his teeth.
After a few chews, he immediately shakes his head, making me laugh even harder.
“Ew. They are so bad.” He pouts, as I drop the fork back on the plate.
“They're not bad. Just…not very good.” I laugh, dropping my head back onto the pillow.
“I can’t believe it.” He shakes his head, chuckling. He shifts Paislee so she can see his face. “Your daddy just lied to me.”
“I didn’t lie. I do love them.” I shake my head, trying to wipe away the tears.
“You’re so good to me. And look, the syrup is still good.
” I prop myself up, dip my finger into the sugary liquid and bring it to his lips.
Grabbing the back of his neck to hold him in place, I dab my coated finger on his bottom lip.
“Mmm,” he hums, slowly licking it clean. “That does taste good.”
His gaze drops to my lips, lingering there a second too long. We hold the look, just a beat, desire plain on his face, thick enough to feel.
Paislee babbles suddenly, reaching for the plate between us and nearly knocking it over, snapping the spell.
He chuckles under his breath. “Well,” he says, “I guess we should get something in you that’s a little more sustainable than syrup. Shouldn’t we?” He stands, already heading for the door. “What do you say—out for breakfast?”
I flop on my back, putting my hands behind my head to watch the glorious scene of the two of them.
“Yeah, that sounds great.”
I’d want nothing less.
***
The more time I spend alone with Noah and Paislee, the deeper my feelings get.
I always knew what I felt for him was intense.
I just thought it was lust—raw, blinding, all-consuming.
And sure, that part was real. Undeniable.
But a year away from him should’ve dulled it, worn it down to something manageable.
Instead, I’m just as tethered to him now as I was the day we met.
Maybe more. I know it. He knows it. Whatever this is between us, it’s bigger than sex.
Sitting here now, laughing over freshly made French toast and pancakes, watching Paislee babble in her high chair—it all feels…solid. Permanent. Like something that exists beyond this moment.
And while permanence used to terrify me, now it feels like an aspiration. With Noah, it feels like something I want more than anything. Like if I could just untangle the mess I’ve made, maybe we could actually have a real shot at something more. At a life.
Together.
***
At some point during breakfast, it came out that Noah has never been to a waterpark before.
Which, I had to rectify right away. Especially on a sunny day like today.
Stopping at our house quickly to grab our swim trunks and Paislee’s bathing suit and baby essentials, I drove us to my old stomping grounds. A park I used to come to all the time with my parents.
Proctor park isn’t huge by any means, but it’s big enough to be the hub of this town. With a whole waterpark in the middle, with a big water fountain, spraying on all the happy, stomping kiddos. There’s even a giant red bucket that pours down on ones that walk underneath. It’s perfect.
“Brad, look at her!” Noah calls out, holding Paislee by her armpits as she splashes her feet up and down in the water.
The beaming smile on his face almost knocks me back off my feet.
I watch, pulling out my phone to snap a picture.
His smile is magnificent as he looks over at me, flashing the most dashing smile I’ve ever seen.
“I’m looking! I’m looking!” I laugh, snapping as many pictures as I can before tossing my phone back in the stroller.
Running over, I join in on the chaos, taking Paislee and Noah under the bucket as promised.
He shakes his head at me, leaving me even more soaked by his wet locks.
Running my hand in his hair, I pull him in to kiss the top of his head.
It’s a full day of good vibes, laughter, and I seriously never want it to end.
As we drive home, Paislee is tired as all hell and completely passes out in her car seat. I look over at Noah. He still has a smile on his face as he looks out the window, tapping his foot along to the beat of the song he is playing.
I reach over to his lap, pulling his hand in mine.
He looks at me, and then down at our fingers intertwined.
I smile, looking back at the road. “You make me so happy.”
Pulling my hand close, he brushes my knuckles against his lips softly.
I look over to see his eyes closed as he does it. Like he’s really soaking in my words. “You make me so happy too, Brad. Really fucking happy,” he mutters, before kissing it again. “Don’t fucking ruin it.”
A soft breath slips past my lips. I slide my hand to the back of his neck, stroking my thumb along the column. “I don’t plan on it.”
***
By the time we get home and settled, everyone’s tired.
Noah basically collapses on the living room floor, and once I get Paislee out of her carrier, we do the same beside him.
Noah’s head lays opposite to mine on the ground, as we both stare at the ceiling.
Paislee lays on my chest, sucking on her soother as I rub her back softly.
“I wish you could sleep in my bed tonight,” Noah breathes.
I close my eyes, imagining how nice that’d be. “Remember how it felt in the tent?”
I can feel him smiling. I know he remembers it like I do.
“You were so warm,” he recalls. “It felt like you protected me from everything.”
“I always will,” I say instantly. And I mean it. I’d do anything for him. It’s like a visceral need I have to keep him safe.
“I know you would. I can feel it,” he says softly.
I nod my head, tilting it so I can kiss him gently on his temple.
“I’ve never felt this way before,” he confesses.
I close my eyes, letting that fact fill me up. “I know what you mean.”
“I’m scared.” Noah admits.
I turn my face so he can meet my eyes. He’s so beautiful in the setting sun. It’s reflecting those little hazel specks in his eyes so perfectly.
“You don’t have to be scared of me. Ever.”
“Not of you. Of losing you,” he corrects.
I swallow deeply. “You don’t have to worry about that either. Not being with you this past year…was the hardest thing I had to do. There’s no way I want to relive that again.”
He nods his head. “I feel the same way. It really sucked.”
Tilting my head, I press my lips to his for a soft kiss, letting it send tingles through my body all the way to my feet.
“All because you ran away from me,” I shake my head, giving him a soft smile. “Now you know never to do that again.”
“I’ll always run back to you. I can’t help myself.” He smirks, brushing his nose against mine.
I can only hope he means that.
Because as great as this weekend was, I know deep down that I don’t deserve anything this great to last forever.