Chapter 35 Noah
Noah
Something’s wrong with Paislee.
I’m not sure how I know, but I can just feel it.
“Shhh, you’re okay girl. You’re okay.” I bounce her the best way I know how, but nothing is calming her down.
“Brad!” I call out. “Brad, get in here.”
Not even a second later, he’s through the door. I can tell he woke up out of a dead sleep by the way his eyes are still red, and his hair is a mess. He stumbles over to us, getting in close to look at Paislee’s face.
“She’s been crying like this for about half an hour. I’ve tried to give her a bottle, rock her back to sleep, everything. She won’t calm down,” I say, barely pausing for a breath between words. I can’t gather my thoughts correctly. My heart is beating out of my chest as Brad takes her from me.
“Come here. Aw, baby girl. What’s wrong?” He picks her up and brings his hand up to her forehead. “She’s running hot. Fuck.”
“What do we do? Is she going to be okay?” The questions fall out in a spill.
“Noah, calm down. Let me think.” Brad paces the room, looking for Paislee’s soother.
“Here.” I step behind him, handing it over to him. He thanks me and tries to put it in her mouth but she knocks it out of his hand.
“Shit. Okay.” He runs his hand through his hair. “Fever, fussiness, and she’s not sleeping.” He racks his brain for symptoms. “Could be…” He thinks for a moment. “Dammit! I don’t know, it could be a million fucking things.”
Worry takes over as I look at her crying face. She’s so red. Fuck! It’s like she’s in pain.
“I can’t watch this. I—” I shake my head, covering my ears.
“Noah, you’re okay. Everything's okay. Paislee’s going to be fine.” Brad grabs at my arms, looking me right in the eyes. “I’m going to need your help though, can you do that for me?”
I look at his ocean eyes, feeling the calm waves they bring. Focusing on that, I take in what he’s asking me. I nod.
“Okay, good. That’s my Noah.” He grips the back of my neck. “Can you start up the truck? I’ll get Paislee’s stuff together and meet you there in five minutes.” He gives me a squeeze. “I need you, Noah.”
I nod my head. “I’ve got you. I’ll meet you there.”
I throw on a big black baggy sweater, and make a run downstairs.
I’m in the car in less than five minutes and Brad meets me there five minutes after that.
Driving to the hospital at three am was definitely not something I thought we’d be doing on a Sunday night.
Brad frantically dials mom’s number, but it keeps going to voicemail. Of course it would. Can’t count on her for anything.
“Shh, baby girl. We’re almost there,” he says, rubbing her hand. He’s sitting in the back seat with her, and I watch in the rearview mirror as his stress raises with every passing second.
“Noah, how are we doing?” His voice cracks despite his effort to keep it steady.
“Five more minutes. We’re almost there,” I say, moving through traffic as best as I can.
Paislee is all sweat, spit bubbles and tears by the time we get to the emergency room.
I drop them off at the door before I swing the car around to find a parking spot.
With them out of my sight, panic claws at my chest, each second apart squeezing tighter.
As soon as I find the closest parking spot, I jump out of the truck and make a run for it.
Heading into the sliding doors, I look around until I spot them. Paislee is on a stretcher, as Brad follows close behind the nurses. She looks so small as she’s carted away.
“Brad!” I call out.
He doesn’t hear me, but I can see from here the true panic that’s on his face. All that time he spent with me, calming me down in the bedroom, I hadn’t even taken in how scared he was.
Shit. I need to be there with him.
My feet move before I do, following after them. A nurse steps in front of me before making it through the electric doors that they’ve gone past.
“Sir. Sorry, you’re going to have to wait out here.”
“No, I’ve got to be with them.”
“Relation?”
“I’m his…she’s my little sister.”
The nurse looks me over before stepping aside. “Okay, come on.” She leads the way, guiding me to the pediatric floor.
I see Brad standing there, outside a room, talking to a doctor.
“Can’t I just stay in there with her? She’s going to be so scared.” His voice shakes.
“I’m afraid not. Let us do what we do best, and we’ll be right out as soon as we can to give you an idea of what’s going on.”
I walk up to them, putting my hand on Brad’s shoulder.
“Excuse me,” the doctor says, nodding to us both before excusing himself back into the room.
Brad visibly shudders, and I waste no time pulling him into my arms.
He wraps his arms around my back, holding me tightly. I do the same, making sure to cover him as best as I can.
“Breathe for me, Brad.” I encourage, rubbing him softly up and down his back.
He lets out a big breath, picking his head up to look at the room.
We can’t see past the door which makes it worse.
“Fuck, this is the worst.” He breathes out in a shaky laugh.
I look at his red, swollen eyes, as he wipes them with the back of his hand.
“She looked so scared.” He turns back into my neck.
I can feel the soft shivers running through his body as he fists my sweater.
I squeeze the back of his neck. “She’s going to be okay. I promise you.”
He quietly cries on my shoulder, and I hold him, guiding us toward a couple of chairs along the opposite wall.
***
The next twenty minutes feels like an eternity.
I continue to rub his back long after he’s calmed down. He sits up, biting his thumb nail looking at God knows what as his knee jumps up and down.
“What if I did something wrong?” he asks, breaking the silence.
“You didn’t.”
“But what if I did?” His tone sharpens, as if the blame belongs squarely on him.
“We don’t know what happened yet.”
He shakes his head, staring at the closed door. “This is what I get. I can’t ever just be happy,” he mutters under his breath.
My eyes narrow as I try to decipher what he means. Does he think this is his fault?
The door opens. The same doctor steps out.
“Mr. Stone,” he says. We both shoot to our feet.
“Is she okay? What went wrong? Can I go in and see her now?” Brad rushes out.
I place my hand on the small of his back so he can feel me there. But, when the doctor glances at the exchange, I feel Brad take a small step away from me. The subtle action cuts a little deeper than I’d like to admit.
“She’s okay. Ear infection probably brought on by some water in her ear. She just needs some antibiotics and she should be okay. If the irritation persists after a few days and she’s still not sleeping, you can come back in and we’ll take another look.” He nods his head.
Brad’s shoulders melt, his whole demeanor softening. “Oh, thank God,” he exhales, running his hand through his hair.
“You can go right in and see her.” The doctor steps aside, and we both waste no time rushing in the room.
There Paislee is, sleeping as sound as a baby bird in her little bed.
“We gave her some antibiotics to help the pain go down. She should be good for the rest of the night.” He smiles. “I’ll leave you.”
“Thank you so much, Doctor.” Brad smiles, already kissing Paislee's little hand. “Thank you.” He sniffs.
I see a tear running off down his face and off his nose, and before it lands, he wipes it away.
As I watch him, watching her, I can’t help but feel uncomfortable with what he said earlier.
I understand being scared over Paislee, and I’m so grateful she’s okay… but…I can’t help but feel like there’s a wall between us once again, that wasn’t there before.
Deciding to leave it alone for right now, I go to the other side of the bed, and hold Paislee's other hand. “You did so good with her. She’s going to be okay.”
He sniffs, avoiding my eyes. “I could’ve been better.”
I shake my head. “Ear infections happen. I had a million when I was younger. It’s not your fault.”
“We took her to the water park. I should’ve thought about it. I should’ve…” He stops himself, jaw tight.
He won’t even look at me. He’s here—but not really. My heart in my throat, I step back, giving him some space.
“You seem different,” I say, my voice low, threading through the quiet between us.
His eyes pinch shut, as though it physically pains him to hear that. “I was careless this weekend. With you…with us. I wasn’t being responsible.”
The words hit like a punch. My chest burns.
“Let me get this straight. Paislee gets sick and suddenly what we have is irresponsible? How does that even work?” I keep my voice low, careful not to wake her. But damn, it’s hard when all I want to do is yell.
He shakes his head, clearly not filtering anything I’m saying. “If I wasn’t so focused on you, I would’ve known something was wrong.”
“Brad, you cannot be serious. That’s not how these things work.”
“That’s exactly how these things work. You don’t give your all, people get hurt.”
My brows knit. “Are we even talking about Paislee anymore? Because it sure as hell doesn't sound like it.”
He buries his head in his hands. “You don’t understand.”
“I don’t?” My voice cracks.
“Of course not. You’re just a child, you have no idea,” he bites.
I freeze. The words split me open.
You’re just a child, Noah.
That’s how he sees me. Maybe that’s how he’ll always see me.
He opens his mouth to say something but before any words slip out, the door bursts open.
“Brad,” Mom gasps, rushing to throw her arms around him.
To my surprise, he hops out of his seat and throws his arms around her waist.
“I was so scared,” he shudders, tears coming all over again.
“I know, I know, baby.” She soothes him while my stomach turns. “The doctors told me everything. Our little girl is going to be alright.” Her fingers bury in his hair.
I watch the display of affection a little longer than I probably should. Seeing them so wrapped up in each other…over their baby…really puts everything in perspective for me.
I’m on the outside of their little bubble.
As long as Brad’s her fiancé, and Paislee’s dad…there’s no room for me.
Just an immature nuisance that doesn’t know anything.
“I’m gonna…” I start. I watch them not even take me in as they make their way over to Paislee. Veronica kissing and crying over her little girl. “I’m gonna go,” I mumble to myself more than anything.
I drop the truck keys on the empty chair and I walk out of the room, leaving them to be together.