Chapter 9
Jess
“I’m sorry we’re late.” I handed the bag of bagels to Max as I kissed Lana’s cheek.
Max grinned at me. “You got onion?”
I smiled. “Of course. Shira saves a few for me on Fridays. You’re still her favorite customer, and she knows I come in to refill your stock.”
“Thanks for that.” Lana passed the baby over, then scooped my girls into hugs.
Kit and Greta had buzzed with excitement all day. More than just about anything, they looked forward to our monthly dinner with my best friend and her family.
Lana and I had worked together as assistants at a PR firm in our early twenties in New York, climbing the corporate ladder together, and had become fast friends.
While I married Kenneth, moved to New Jersey, and had babies, Lana went to India to study yoga and transcendental meditation.
She came back, traded in her Jimmy Choos for a nose ring, and started teaching.
She started in the Upper East Side, working in luxurious studios, where the money was good, but she got tired of the drama and the ass-kissing quickly.
So she used her trust fund to buy a building in Jersey City and transform it into a yoga and meditation center where she could offer sliding scale pricing to make yoga more accessible to the local community.
It was part yoga studio, part community activism hub.
She organized food drives and park cleanups and provided space to community organizations.
By the time I’d filed for divorce, she was a mainstay in the area.
During the hardest years of my life, she introduced me to yoga, and when I fell in love with it, she not only helped me train as a teacher, but she took care of me and the girls.
She was tall and lean, with smooth dark skin, sparkling eyes, and waist-length braids. Today they were twisted into one massive braid that hung down her back.
The woman always wore athleisure. Today’s outfit consisted of mint-green high-waisted leggings with a matching sports bra with thin straps that crisscrossed in the back, along with a matching slouchy sweater tied around her shoulders.
I envied her ability to show her stomach only six months after giving birth.
My tummy only made an appearance when I was doing yoga on my own, and even then, only with my highest-waisted pants.
Lana had often brought in guest instructors so she could continue traveling the world, but then she met Max, a physicist who was a few inches shorter than she was.
While she was the definition of new-agey and wild, he was nerdy and straitlaced.
They fell madly in love, and when baby Marie Curie came along, they moved to the suburbs.
The girls loved visiting. The house was massive, with a large yard, a pool, and a swing set.
Marie was too young to enjoy much of it, but my girls immediately changed into the suits we kept here so they could swim while Max fired up the grill on the patio.
Along with the swimsuits, we kept toothbrushes and pajamas as we’d spent a lot of time here over the past year.
While the house was magnificent, the local bagels, according to Max, were not. So I kept him stocked with Jersey City’s finest, and in return, he cooked feasts for us when we came over.
With wine in hand, Lana and I sat on the deck, watching the girls splash, while Marie sat on a playmat, banging her toy giraffe against the ground.
My heart squeezed as I cataloged all the ways she’d changed in the seven short days since I’d last seen her. “I can’t believe she’s already sitting up.”
“I know.” Lana sighed. “Max is convinced she’s a baby genius.”
“Obviously she is,” I cooed, waving at her.
My best friend let out a light huff. “I’m trying to have reasonable expectations for my daughter here, Jess.”
I shrugged. “Reasonable expectations are lame. Be delusional about your kids. This baby here will probably split atoms during her free time between walking high-fashion runways and qualifying for the Olympic fencing team.” I held up my wineglass.
“And compose a few iconic symphonies when she’s bored. Let the girl live.”
Lana giggled into her glass. “I’d never have survived the newborn stage without you.”
“I wouldn’t have survived the past five years without you,” I countered, seriousness edging into my tone.
Lana had pulled me out of the depressive swamp and had helped me rebuild my life, giving me a job and childcare while I finished my master’s in social work.
She’d done homework with the girls so I could study and she’d lent me clothes for job interviews.
She’d been the most solid of rocks when I needed her.
As I slid to the ground, playing peek-a-boo with her beautiful baby, a wave of shame hit me. I should have been doing more for her. I should have been visiting this sweet girl more often, building the kind of bond Lana had created with my children.
“You’ve been busy lately,” she said. “Any movement on the legal front?”
“Yes. I’ve got a new lawyer,” I explained as the girls came running out of the pool to devour the snacks Max had laid out.
Greta snatched a carrot from the tray. “He’s our babysitter too,” she said, her mouth full. Without further explanation, she inhaled a piece of cheese and darted back to the pool.
“Babysitter?” Lana raised an eyebrow.
“Not quite,” I said, a strange, protective sensation settling over me.
Lana was my best friend. I could tell her anything. But our current situation felt too complex to even explain.
“I found my new lawyer through some friends at the studio,” I explained. “He’s great and can help me.”
Lana nibbled on a cracker, eyes narrowing. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“It’s Brian,” I said, wincing.
She straightened, her mouth dropping open. “Brian Brian?”
I grimaced.
“College Brian? First love Brian? The boy you lost your virginity to Brian?”
I nodded. “Yes. His firm. He and his partners are temporarily working in Jersey. They and their families live in the apartment above their office, so they’ve got a whole after-school-program situation happening.
The girls love it. They’ve made new friends, and it’s been a big help to me, since we can’t keep a damn babysitter. ”
Lana nodded. “They hate babysitters because no one could ever measure up to me.”
“Correct.” I grinned. “So I was in need of after-school coverage, and Sloane—the attorney I was supposed to work with at Higgins, Smith and Dodge, actually—happens to be part of this family. She’s on maternity leave, so she’s home with her newborn, her seven-year-old son, and her nephew.”
“So you’re crowdsourcing childcare from your law firm?”
I cringed. “When you say it like that, it sounds sketchy.”
Lana pinched the bridge of her nose. “It is sketchy, sweetie. Do you know these people? Have you vetted them?”
“Of course,” I said. “Obviously, I know Brian. Lo has become a friend and I trust her, plus she is an emergency guardian in the court system. Their place is chock-full of Legos and art supplies, and the girls spend a couple of hours after school doing homework and playing.”
“You can always call me. Marie and I can jump in the car and come to the city.”
I leaned forward, careful not to squish the baby, and squeezed her hand. “Of course I know that. And I love you. But I promise this is working. And we’re so close to getting approval to move. I just need to get to the finish line.”
“You think Vermont’s gonna happen?”
I did. I was a positive person at my core. Kenneth may have drained a lot of that energy, but over the last few years, with distance from him, it had begun building up again. Things were finally coming together. And I knew in my bones that Brian would win this for me.
We’d head to Vermont. It was only a matter of time. “I know it,” I said. “We had a meeting today. Brian stood up to Kenneth and scared the shit out of him.”
Lana clasped her hands. “Okay, tell me everything.”
Her smile grew wider as I gave more and more detail. “He did that? The precious Metros tickets?”
“Yes. So, for the first time, I feel hopeful that Vermont will happen. That we can get our fresh start.”
She scooted around so we were knee to knee and put her head on my shoulder.
“I’m all for you and those kids. Whatever is best for you.
I want you to live the brightest, happiest, and most fulfilling life possible, my love.
” She sniffed lightly. “And if I have to lose you to the maple farm and those damn green mountains, then I’ll have to be okay with it.
But there are good things here. Don’t forget that. ”
Tears filled my eyes. This woman had lifted me up and carried me through some of my darkest moments. “I could never forget.”
“Who wants ribs?” Max called, saving us before the moment could get any heavier.
After dinner, Max gave Marie a bath while Lana and I cleaned up. As usual, he’d made way too much food. He’d get no complaints from me. I’d gladly eat these incredible ribs for breakfast tomorrow.
“Don’t think I’ve forgotten about Brian,” Lana whispered.
I didn’t dare look up from the dish I was scrubbing.
“How does he look?” she asked.
I sighed, and a snapshot of him appeared in my mind. “Amazing.”
“Single?”
I hesitated, knowing exactly where her brain was going. Since falling for Max, Lana had transformed from one of those “men are unnecessary” types to a hopeless romantic.
“This is fate. Out of all the lawyers you could have been referred to, you end up in Brian’s office?”
“Yes. Fate that I’d finally get a good lawyer.”
“Sure.” She chuckled. “Because the universe is deeply concerned with the quality of your legal representation.” She whipped me gently with her dishtowel. “Obviously the universe knows you need to get some.”
“Can we not talk about this, please?” I said through gritted teeth. “He’s my lawyer.”
“He fucked with your ex-husband for sport, hitting him where it hurts the most—his social standing. For that alone, he deserves a blowjob.”
“Stop,” I hissed, peering over to where the girls were playing in the living room.