Chapter 9 #2
“All I’m saying is that you’ve been through hell, and you deserve a break. You deserve all the good things. And finding an amazing lawyer worthy of fantasizing about? Seems like a good thing to me.” She lifted a shoulder. “Are you attracted to him?”
I looked at her with wide eyes. “Brian? Of course I am. I’d have to be dead not to be. Between the rumbling deep voice and those golden eyes? Jesus.”
Her smile was almost diabolical.
“He was cute in college,” I said. “More than that. He was handsome.” I set the dish I’d been rinsing in the dish rack beside the sink.
“But now? I can’t explain it.” My cheeks heated just thinking about him.
“He’s older, more serious. And he’s grown into his whole protector role.
He was like that when we were younger, but it mostly consisted of walking between me and the road and making sure I got into my apartment safely.
Now? He’s fucking with Kenneth’s life to protect us.
It’s impossible not to be attracted to him after all that. ”
She fanned herself. “Halleluiah. I want this for you. I am going to manifest the shit out of this.”
My stomach twisted. “It’s not like that.” It couldn’t be. No matter how much I wanted to kiss him.
She grinned widely and clapped her hands. “No, seriously. I’ll be on Canva making the vision board tonight. This is such good news. I bet he’s amazing in bed. The serious, focused types always are.”
“It’s not. It’s confusing. And we have this…” I sighed, drying my hands. “This connection. Like what we had so long ago never went away. The chemistry, the intensity, every time I’m around him I can feel it crackling in the air.”
“Oh shit. He’s the one,” Lana said, clasping her hands together.
“But there’s no way he’s into me. He’s gorgeous and successful and I’m…” I trailed off. “Short and stumpy and—”
“Nope.” Lana clutched my shoulders and gave me a little shake. “Don’t do that. Don’t talk negatively about your body. We’ve healed those generational wounds and we do better now, remember?”
My chest ached. I’d come so far, but… “I’m not doing it in front of my daughters.”
“Doesn’t matter,” she insisted. “They will know. I’m half convinced Kit has telepathy.”
I let out a breath of a laugh. “That would explain a lot.”
“Jessica Mosely, you are an absolute bombshell. A pocket Venus, if you will. Tiny but with plenty of curves.”
Cheeks warming, I turned away, draping the towel on the oven handle to distract myself.
She waited patiently until I was finished, then turned me around and tipped my chin up so I was forced to look at her. “The boobs, you were born with. But that ass? I take credit for that.”
Frowning, I twisted, checking out my butt in my stretchy black yoga pants. It was bigger than I would like, but she was right: it was defined, thanks to years of yoga.
“True,” I admitted.
“Thank you.” She crossed her arms. “No one talks about yoga ass, but it’s a thing, I swear it.”
“Girl, I know.”
“Anyway,” she went on. “You are beautiful. And more importantly, you’re fucking awesome. Funny and interesting. No matter how hard Ken tried, he did not drain the life force from you. You’re just as energetic, glowing, and hopeful as ever.”
“I don’t want to be hopeful. I want to be a badass.”
“You are. You can be both, you know. Badass comes in many flavors.”
Sighing, I leaned against the counter. Deep down, I wanted to believe that. I wanted to have the kind of confidence that Lana oozed.
But I’d been hurt too many times.
She’d been pushing me to date since my divorce. But I had yet to feel ready for that step.
I didn’t have time, working multiple jobs and raising my kids on my own while dodging legal issues Kenneth threw my way and then losing both my parents.
The few times I’d downloaded dating apps, I’d ended up deleting them within hours. There were so many creepy dudes out there, and the thought of getting all dolled up so I could attempt to convince a stranger I was worth spending time with made me queasy.
Head hung, I toed at the fancy tile beneath me. “I’m not sure I can do this all again.”
“I think you should try,” she said, taking a step closer. “Brian was one of the good ones. The best. Sounds like he still is.”
“I’m not sure yet,” I hedged.
She hummed. “The evidence is solid. And if he’s interested and wants a chance, why not give him one?”
“Who said he wants a chance? I don’t have a good picker,” I reminded her.
“Kenneth wasn’t a bad pick. You got two amazing kids out of the deal.”
“Yes.” My chest warmed at the thought of my girls. At the sound of their laughter from the next room. “But,” I argued, “I don’t have good instincts. I let him walk all over me. And it took me way too long to realize he’d been cheating.”
She cupped my cheek. “Because you’re trusting and hopeful.
Because you want to see the best in people.
That’s not a flaw. It’s a wonderful asset.
You are wonderful.” Her dark eyes were intense.
“Shitty people have taken advantage of your kind and generous nature. And yes, that’s awful, but you’ve learned and grown and are healing. ”
Her words hit me square in the heart. She was right. I might have been older and squishier and more jaded these days, but I’d fought hard to heal and grow.
“You deserve good things.” She wrapped her arms around me. “It’s time you started believing it.”