Chapter 27
Brian
Bliss. Pure fucking bliss. My arm was numb from being curled around Jess all night, but I’d gladly lose a limb if it meant I could sleep next to her.
She was curled up against me so tightly it made my heart clench.
Mine.
The words had been a drumbeat in my brain on repeat since the night of the concert. Mine, mine, mine.
The sensation was one of both exhilaration and calm. Like we’d struck some kind of cosmic balance.
I hadn’t felt this way in a very long time.
Not since college.
All those years ago, I’d assumed that it was just what it felt like to be in love. But I’d never been able to replicate it. I’d never found someone I craved and respected and adored like this.
Love.
As I looked out at the Boston skyline through the gauzy drapes, I knew it.
I was in love with Jess.
Mind, body, and soul. Fuck, this was a problem.
She shifted next to me, and I found myself smiling like an idiot. This was the kind of moment I wanted to hold on to and never let go of. Revel in and enjoy, because as desperately as I wanted it forever, it wouldn’t last.
“Brian.” Her voice was husky.
I swelled with pride, knowing I’d made her scream last night.
Other parts of me swelled, too, as she sat up, causing the sheet to slip and reveal her naked breasts.
I pulled her on top of me, kissing down her collarbone, and with a husky chuckle, she wriggled against me. Last night had been an appetizer. This morning, I was only hungrier.
Hands cupping her breasts, I worshipped one nipple, then the other.
Her hand was already wrapped firmly around my cock, her firm hold making my eyes roll into the back of my head.
“Brian.” This time her voice wasn’t breathy. It didn’t drip with need. It was insistent, serious.
So I pulled back, searching her face.
She gave me a sad smile. “We need to talk.”
And just like that. My hope—and my cock—deflated.
She pushed herself off the bed and stepped into the bathroom. She came out a moment later wrapped in a fluffy white robe.
Fuck, she was adorable.
Now that she was covered up, she perched on the side of the bed.
“God, Brian.” She raked her fingers through her wild hair, gathering it into a lopsided ponytail. “The things you do to me.”
A smirk overtook me without my permission, though I quickly tamped down on it, because her expression was suddenly one of distress.
“You were hot in college. But God, now? All manly and serious? You make it hard to think straight. You’ve got this whole Michael Fassbender thing going for you.
Successful professional on the surface, but deep down, you’re still a blue-collar kid from Brooklyn who was a champion boxer.
Like you’ll negotiate contracts in your fancy suit and then turn around and kick a guy’s ass for disrespecting your woman. ”
I laughed. I’d always enjoyed her rants, but this time, as she talked about how much she was attracted to me, I wanted to encourage her to elaborate.
Turned out I didn’t have to do any encouraging. “And you’re all muscular and bearded,” she went on, lamenting me, “and good with your tongue.”
I bit the sides of my mouth to keep from smiling.
She, on the other hand, got progressively redder. Yet she didn’t stop. It was the single biggest ego boost of my life.
She let her hair down and pulled it back again. This time, the ponytail was relatively straight. “You’re the best combo of loyal golden retriever and stern brunch daddy.”
“What?” I frowned. What the hell was a brunch daddy?
She waved a hand. “Forget it. Bottom line is, you are incredible.”
That was it. There was no fighting my smile any longer.
“But.”
All the air escaped me. Aw, fuck. There was always a but.
“As much as I hate it, we can’t do this again.”
I let the weight of her words sit between us for a moment. She was right. There was no denying that. She was still my client. And she’d been very clear about her intentions last night.
As much as I wanted to plead my case and convince her of how great we could be together, I couldn’t do that to her. I wouldn’t undermine her choice or try to convince her she was wrong.
I was torn in two, and the two sides were at war. I was her lawyer, and I wanted to win her case so she could move to Vermont. Yet I was her friend, or maybe more, who wanted to explore the connection we clearly had.
But this woman had been counting down the days until she could leave Jersey since before she walked into my office and we reconnected. It wasn’t fair to ask her to stick around for me.
She scooted over and laid her head on my chest.
“You will never know how much this has meant to me. How much you mean to me. But I know myself. If we keep this up, I’ll fall in love with you.” She tipped her head up and eyed me, worrying her lip. “Hell, I’m already halfway in love with you.”
Her sweet honesty made my stomach drop.
“If we went any further only to part ways when my request is granted, it would break me.” She sighed. “I worked so hard to rebuild myself after my divorce, to forge a stronger version of the woman I used to be. I can’t lose that, and I won’t let my kids suffer either.”
I kissed her forehead, eyes closed, wishing things could be different but knowing she was right.
“And you’re a risk, Brian. A kind, smart, sexy risk. But still a risk. And I’ve got to stay focused. Deal with the legal stuff and start over in Vermont.”
“I understand,” I whispered into her hair. “And not because I don’t want more with you. I want it more than you could ever imagine. But I respect that you’re rebuilding your life for your children. I would never get in the way of that.”
Her head was tilted down again, her shoulders shaking, and suddenly, my chest was damp. Fuck. She was crying.
I wrapped both arms around her and held her close, helpless, wishing I could fix everything for her.
I cleared the emotion from my throat. “You’ve made a wonderful life for your girls.”
“Hardly,” she scoffed.
“Bullshit,” I said. “Do I need to spell it out for you?”
“Actually.” She sat up, inspecting my face like she was looking for a lie. “Yeah.”
“Okay.” Sighing, I took her hands. “First of all, you love so fully. You love with your entire being. Your words, your facial expressions, your touch. Even on dark days, those kids feel your love in every nook and cranny of their lives.”
Her eyes misted over again. “Wow.”
“The way you speak to them and about them is so effervescent. It fills everyone around you with joy. You’ve created a magical life for those girls. You work hard to make every day feel special with all your traditions.”
“Thank you.” The tears were flowing now, but I wasn’t finished.
Maybe I couldn’t keep her, but she wasn’t leaving this hotel room without understanding what a remarkable human she was.
“The way you make room for their individual personalities and all their activities and passions is admirable. You taught yourself piano just so you could understand what Kit was talking about.”
“YouTube taught me.” She let out a watery laugh. “And just the basics.”
“Take the damn credit, Jess.” I squeezed her hand. “Those kids hit the mom jackpot. Everyone who knows you has. You brighten the day of everyone you meet. I’m proud to be your lawyer and your friend. And if that’s all I get, I’m still the luckiest guy in the world.”
She took a shaky breath and let it out slowly. “Thank you.” As she wiped at her eyes, she stood, putting distance between us.
I wanted to grab her and never let go. But I wouldn’t do that to her. I wouldn’t confuse her or ask her to give up a single thing for me.
“What time are we heading back to Jersey? I need to shower.”
I leaned across the bed and snagged my phone so I could check the time. “We have a couple of hours. I’m going to hit the gym and get some coffee.”
With a nod, she shuffled toward the bathroom. At the open door, she turned, her lips tugged down. “My younger self is screaming at me right now for not taking a shot with the best guy I’ve ever known. But I’m a forty-one-year-old mom, barely hanging on by a thread. I can’t take the risk.”
My chest constricted so forcefully it took effort not to double over. “I understand.”
Nodding, she disappeared. But before she shut the door, she said, “I don’t think I’ll ever set foot in this city without having hot-sex flashbacks.”
When the door was closed and the water was running, I threw myself back on the bed and covered my face.
We wanted each other, but our situation was impossible. History was repeating itself. And now I was old enough to understand what I’d lose by letting her walk away.
But at least we’d always have Boston.