Chapter 28
Jess
Iwas sweating through my blazer, and if I wasn’t careful, I’d make my cuticles bleed. Picking at my nails was a terrible habit, one that Kenneth had chided me about for years, but I couldn’t help it.
We might not even get a decision today.
It was just a hearing. The judge would ask questions, and Brian would make arguments.
Then we’d wait. According to Lo, we were in good shape.
Kenneth had withdrawn his opposition, and we’d filed the best interest evaluation ahead of schedule.
Judge Gordon occasionally ruled from the bench, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t choose to issue a written decision instead.
Regardless of what happened today, the process was moving along, and this was the first big milestone.
Living with this uncertainty got harder every day.
At this point, I needed an answer. My heart couldn’t live in two separate places, and now that school was out, the need to make plans for our future felt more urgent.
The girls were doing well at the day camp I’d enrolled them in, and they still enjoyed spending most afternoons with T. J. and Murphy.
They’d gotten comfortable with Brian’s found family quickly, and that fact made me decidedly uncomfortable.
Since our night together, he’d been a perfect gentleman. Kind and understanding and totally professional.
But I was haunted by memories of our time in Boston.
I’d been the one to insist this couldn’t go further. I’d sworn that I couldn’t let myself fall for him.
But I was a damn liar. I’d already fallen.
Yet the man was as cool as a cucumber, seemingly unaffected by what had transpired, behaving just as he had before he’d told me he wanted me and then rocked my world.
And I couldn’t avoid him. Especially with the hearing coming up.
And because the universe hated me, Kit and Greta had decided he was their all-time favorite person.
Since the concert, they talked about him nonstop.
They had made glittery thank-you cards and baked brownies from a mix.
When they’d presented him with them, he had savored each bite as if it was from a Parisian patisserie.
My stomach ached as I considered the choices ahead. Each time I worked out the logistics of my move to Vermont, I felt a tug toward him. To that strange building and the people I now wished I hadn’t fallen for almost as deeply as I’d fallen for Brian.
The ragtag family that had embraced me and my kids and given us a soft place to land during a difficult time.
The thought of leaving them made my nose sting and tears threaten.
Brian looked as cool as ever, his dark blue suit making his eyes pop and his freshly trimmed stubble making me want to lick his neck.
He typed on his laptop while we waited for my case to be called. Every few minutes, he’d glance over at me. His intention was probably to reassure me, but it only made my gut twist more.
All the walls I’d built up, all that hard-earned cynicism, had been demolished by this sharp lawyer with muscled forearms and soulful eyes.
We waited while case after case was called. Divorce had been my first introduction to the legal system. It wasn’t until then that I understood what a snoozefest it could be. TV made it seem fascinating, yet in my experience, it was mostly drudgery, forms, and waiting. Endless waiting.
After another recess, Judge Gordon returned, and the clerk stood and read off the docket sheet. “NJ-5001-4B. Mosely.”
Brian snapped his laptop shut and led me toward the bar. He opened the door and stepped aside so I could walk through the swinging door first.
Once we were seated, the judge riffled through a stack of papers, then peered up at us over his glasses. “I see the father withdrew his opposition to the motion.”
Brian stood, smoothing down his tie. “Yes, your honor. He has declined visitation per the custody order, and my client has full legal and physical custody of the minor children. In addition, the father moved out of state last year. If you refer to exhibit four-A and seven, you will find both the custody orders and the confirmation of the out-of-state move.”
Nodding, he flipped through the big book of exhibits Lo had prepared.
With every second that passed, my muscles locked up tighter as Brian and the Judge talked through the law.
“I see no reason to deny the petition.” He straightened. “We will enter a judgment and issue a written opinion for the record.”
I froze, my breath stalling, as I processed his words.
“Clerk, please enter on the record. The motion to relocate is granted. The petitioner will have one hundred and eighty days to file residency paperwork with the court.”
The gavel sounded, startling me. Heart pounding in my ears, I blinked once, twice, a third time. Was this actually happening? Were we finally free to leave New Jersey?
Beside me, Brian gathered his things. Then he cupped my elbow and guided me to my feet. It wasn’t until we’d exited the courtroom and were in the cavernous hallway that my mind came back online.
“We did it.” I leaped at him, catching him, and myself, off guard.
He hugged me quickly, then set me on my feet and ensured I was steady before releasing me completely.
“Er. Sorry.” Ducking, I smoothed my skirt.
“I liked it,” he replied, immediately loosening his tie. “And congrats. You are a free woman.”
A thrill shot through me. “Because of you,” I breathed, beaming at him. “Thank you.”
“It’s my job.” He nodded toward the exit, then skirted around me.
I shuffled to keep up, annoyed with his humble routine. He’d answered all those complex questions with confidence and ease. Had prepared things the judge didn’t even know he wanted.
Sloane was right. He was the best.
Yet this victory felt hollow at best.
“How did you do it?” I asked as we headed toward his car. “Get Kenneth to withdraw his opposition?”
“I had his number. The guy is a coward and a shithead. That made it easy,” Brian replied, not really answering my question, as he tossed his briefcase, jacket, and tie into the back seat. Straightening, he methodically rolled up one sleeve, then the other.
I couldn’t help but gawk, drinking in every tiny movement. God, it was sexy, the way he was removing his legal armor. As I watched, the traitorous slut that was my brain came up with all kinds of fun ways to celebrate this court victory.
When he caught me looking, I averted my gaze, my face flaming.
“I think it’s because you took away his toys,” I said, hoping he wouldn’t call me out. “His baseball tickets and that charity thing.”
“Oh, I took away all his charity things,” Brian said cryptically as he slipped into the driver’s seat.
As he cranked the AC, I buckled my seat belt. “What do you mean?”
“After my call to Dylan about the charity event the night of Kit’s performance, she talked to her mother-in-law.
Evelyn Miller doesn’t fuck around. She put the word out, and now Kenneth can’t get an invite to save his life.
Every socialite in New York knows he’s a deadbeat.
They don’t want his money. He couldn’t get invited to the opening of an Olive Garden in Times Square now. ”
When he looked at me, his grin was pure sex.
I resisted the urge to fan myself. Barely. I never could have guessed that messing with my ex-husband would be such an aphrodisiac.
As we drove through the city, I found myself looking out the window and daydreaming. But not about Vermont. Though the move should have been paramount in my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking about Brian.
I should have been going through my mental checklists, preparing for the next phase of my life, yet all I wanted to do was ask him to be my boyfriend. Which was the most ridiculous, juvenile thing ever.
He was a rich, hot lawyer in his early forties. Men like that didn’t have girlfriends. They took lovers, sophisticated European women who collected fine art.
Not hot-mess single moms like me. Yes, we’d had fun together in Boston. A lot of sexy, orgasmic fun. But that was done and over with.
My phone vibrated in my purse, forcing me to rein in my runaway thoughts. I breathed a sigh of relief, though it was quickly followed by a bolt of panic. Worrying that it was summer camp calling about an emergency, I dug it out quickly.
When the name of Kit’s piano teacher appeared, I slumped back in my seat and slid my thumb over the screen to accept the call.
“Hello, Jessica,” Jenine said. “Is this a good time?”
“Yes.” I inhaled deeply and let the breath out through my nose, trying to compose myself.
Brian probably thought I was a complete train wreck.
I cleared my throat and forced a professional tone. “How can I help you?”
Jenine rarely called. She mostly sent long emails filled with details about Kit’s performance and practice work that I could barely understand.
“I’ve secured Katherine an audition at PPAS.”
I frowned. “Excuse me?” The Professional Performing Arts School was one of the best schools in the country. Thousands of students auditioned for only a few dozen spots every year.
She was silent for a moment, then, “She is going into sixth grade, correct?”
“Yes.” I shifted in my seat. “But the application deadline was months ago. And we decided not to pursue it.” PPAS had been Kit’s dream for years. I’d agonized over the decision not to apply, but ultimately, after long talks, she and I had decided it was better to stay focused on moving to Vermont.
I was relieved, when we chose not to pursue it. For as talented as my daughter was, I wasn’t sure a pressure cooker school filled with highly competitive musicians was the best thing for her at this age.
“Katherine asked. After the showcase last month,” she explained. “I have a friend on the admissions committee, and apparently, this year’s crop of applicants was… lacking.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, frustrated that Kit had gone behind my back. “Jenine,” I said, keeping my tone even. “I appreciate you pulling strings. But—”
“She’s talented, Jessica. Talented and passionate. An elite school could open many doors.”
I let out a sigh. It didn’t seem possible for my life to get more complicated than it already was, yet here we were.
“Thank you, Jenine,” I said firmly. “Send me the details and I’ll consider it.”
Once I’d disconnected the call, I threw my head back against the headrest. What other curveballs were coming today?
“You okay?”
“Yes,” I said softly, my eyes closed. “Kit got an audition at a prestigious music school.”
“That’s fantastic.”
“It is.” My heart softened a fraction. I let my head loll to one side, taking in his profile. “She deserves all the best things. But I’m trying to get my kids out of the city and into a less intense life.”
He nodded, his attention never leaving the road.
I considered not even mentioning it to Kit, but immediately, I threw that idea out. Guilt gnawed at my stomach at just the idea. I had to tell her. Auditioning would be a great experience for her, even if she didn’t get admitted.
But what if she got in? Would she want to stay?
“So you guys are heading to Vermont to visit in a few days?” Brian asked, distracting me from my mom guilt.
“Thursday morning,” I replied, forcing myself to sit up again. “I’m taking PTO. The plan is to get acclimated, then come back here the following weekend.”
He peered at me, though he kept his face forward. “Do you have a moving date in mind?”
“Not yet,” I said vaguely. “I’ve got a lot to wrap up here, and I haven’t let myself think too much about it, just in case.”
“Let me know how I can help.”
As I nodded my acknowledgment, a pit opened up in my stomach. There was so much to celebrate. Instead, I just felt dread.
We drove the rest of the way to the office in silence.
While my brain should have been cartwheeling with plans and to-do lists, my thoughts had drifted elsewhere.
To Brian’s genuine happiness for us. His commitment to helping me.
As we walked across the parking lot of his building, I wasn’t consumed by thoughts of farm life and vast mountains, but the sinking sensation that I was close to losing something even more precious.