Chapter 34
Jess
“Do I need to come out and ask, or are you gonna give up the goods?” Sloane asked.
“Yes. It’s just us,” Lo purred. “We know something happened, and we’re so happy for you.”
She and Sloane had come to my restorative class tonight and had stayed after to help me stack the blocks and wipe down the mats.
Lana, who was extinguishing candles, smirked.
She’d covered my classes while I was in Vermont and had bonded with Lo and Sloane.
I’d given her some details during my drive back to Jersey, free to talk openly since the girls had convinced me to let them stay another week with Josh.
I already missed them, but it was nice to have a break.
Especially because things with Brian had heated up so quickly.
He’d headed home the day before I did, and from the moment he parked his car in the lot, he’d texted me almost hourly.
And when I got home? I found him waiting out in front of the studio, pacing the sidewalk.
We’d spent the night together and woken up with our limbs intertwined.
I pretended to be deeply involved in hanging straps from the hooks on the walls, hoping, in vain, that they’d drop it.
“You two aren’t fooling anyone,” Sloane said, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes. “I’ve known Brian since law school. I can read him like a book.”
“He’s been so smiley.” Lo clapped, giddy. “Cal hit him in the head with his basketball the other day during a meeting, and he just smiled.”
I turned to face them, finding them standing only a few feet from me.
“Did you two plan this?” I asked, looking from a grinning Lo to a more serious Sloane. “The good cop, bad cop routine?”
Lo smirked. “I’m flattered you think I’m the good cop.” She put her hands on her hips. “And no. We’re just that good. So give it up. We know Brian, and we know something happened. He left here a rabid dog and came home a cuddly puppy.”
Lana put her arm around my shoulder. “And I know you. I swear you’re walking a little funny. Not to mention the constant singing to yourself.” She leaned in closer to Lo and Sloane. “Our girl is in love.”
“Lana,” I hissed.
Sloane waved dismissively. “You’re among friends.”
“Do you need wine for this?” Lo asked.
I shook my head. “I’m just working out my feelings right now. I’m not ready to talk about it.”
“You’ve clearly been working something else too,” Lana said with a wink.
My face flamed, and I prayed the floor would open up and swallow me so I wouldn’t have to put up with the teasing.
Lo fist-pumped. “I knew it.”
“Come on. Let’s order dinner and get the details out of her,” Lana said, rubbing her hands together.
Once the four of us were settled in my apartment with Thai food, the pressure to spill my secrets became too high.
“I think I’m in love with him,” I admitted into my Pad Kra Pao.
“’Course you are.”
“It happened to both of us,” Sloane said, thumbing at Lo, then herself.
“Me too,” Lana said. “When I met Max, I wasn’t interested. The next thing I knew, I was pregnant with his child and changing my name.”
“But what do I even do?” In Vermont, I found myself living in the moment, and it had all seemed too easy. But back in Jersey, as I began packing up my apartment, it was clear we had no future.
“I’m moving to Vermont,” I reminded them as I dropped my chopsticks into the cardboard container.
Sloane hummed. “That’s not necessarily a deal-breaker. But tell us more. What’s the plan? What’s in Vermont that you can’t get in Jersey?”
I sipped my water while I worked through how to explain the situation. It was complicated. Vermont wasn’t just a place; it was an idea.
A goal.
A town where the girls and I could be happy and healthy. Where I could put distance between myself and my failed marriage.
But lately, I couldn’t help but wonder if that was the right thing to do.
I’d begun to consider that maybe it would be better to own my story than to run from it.
“Family,” I finally said, keeping the rest of those thoughts to myself. “My parents are gone, but my sister and brothers are there. It’s a lot cheaper to live up there, and it’s slower-paced.”
The girls all nodded, splitting their attention between their food and me.
“I had a great childhood. I want that for my kids. Running through the woods, farm chores, spending so much time outside.”
“What about Kit? Can she continue her piano studies there?” Sloane asked. “Sully has been raving about her since he and T. J. went to the concert.”
My stomach sank. “Sort of,” I hedged.
Vermont did not offer anything close to the opportunities she had here, but…
“Her teacher is going to continue to work with her virtually,” I explained. “And my brother is restoring an old piano so she can play at home.”
What I didn’t mention was that there would be no showcases with the best and brightest and no specialized program at school. I could probably negotiate with the local junior high to get her some practice time, but we wouldn’t be footsteps away from world-class musicians and teachers.
I closed my eyes.
My nose burned, and tears pricked at the backs of my eyes. “Sorry.” I dabbed at my face with my napkin. “It’s hard. Moving would be so good for all of us. It would give us a support network and allow the girls an idyllic childhood. But in moments like these, I start to doubt myself.”
Lana grasped my knee and squeezed.
I sniffled and shook my head, straightening. “My daughters were born in the city, and part of me will always love New York.”
Sloane nodded slowly. “I can relate. For a while there, I was unhappy. I’d lost my identity, and Sully and I even lost our way. During that time, I convinced myself I needed big changes. A totally fresh start.”
My heart ached for her and her husband. I didn’t know the entire story, but I’d heard enough to understand that they had come very close to divorce.
“I was convinced I needed space from Sully in order to grow and find the person I was destined to be. But in the end, I found my fresh start with him. He supported me and encouraged me. He cheered me on as I rediscovered who I was and helped me figure out what I really wanted.”
“That’s beautiful.” I patted her hand. She was truly blessed to have ended up where she was now. What must it feel like to be loved so deeply?
“Just take your time and think things through,” she cautioned. “In my case, what I discovered when I really took the time to reflect was that my marriage wasn’t holding me back. I was holding myself back.”
I nodded politely, cleaning up to avoid making eye contact.
Her words stung. But I’d needed to hear them. I’d spent the last few years completely focused on Vermont, believing that moving there would be the answer to all of my problems.
But I was beginning to think that I’d missed the forest for the maple trees.
And that maybe the girls and I didn’t need Vermont to have a fresh start and follow our dreams.