Chapter 35
Brian
“Do you like it?” I asked, stuffing my sweaty hands into my pockets. I hadn’t set foot in here in months, and given that I’d lived in this house for seven years before I was forced to relocate to Jersey, that was strange.
But somehow, even through the rat infestation and the maggots and the giant cat that practically suffocated me each night, I’d come to think of Jersey as home. A strange home, but still home.
“This is your house?” Jess turned in a slow circle, her lips parted in what I’d like to think was awe.
Tired of renting, I’d purchased the brownstone in Carroll Gardens. I’d fallen in love with this leafy block and the one-hundred-year-old building that, at the time, needed a lot of TLC.
“I feel like I’m in a romantic comedy,” she said. “This neighborhood is like a movie set. And this house. How is this even possible? It looks so skinny from the outside, but inside, it’s so spacious. And there is so much light.”
“I can’t take credit.” I peered out the window at the street. “Terry set me up with an architect friend who helped me figure out how to make the most of the space.”
“Is that a backyard?” She scurried deeper into the living room. “In the city?”
The garden was the width of the house and extended to the block behind us. It was flanked by brick walls, and I’d had a small patio installed, where a grill I used on occasion sat. There was even some decent shrubbery. It wasn’t much, but it was my own little slice of paradise.
“Wow.” She walked around, muttering to herself. “This is not what I expected.”
“Because I hired an architect and a designer,” I explained. “They did the work, not me.”
“You know what I mean.” She turned to face me, her hands clasped in front of her. “I would have taken you for a new-construction skyscraper, modern-minimalist type of guy.”
I stalked over to her and tipped her chin up to kiss her. “Nope. I like what I like.”
She smiled at me, her dark eyes warm, before she took off to explore the rest of the house.
Next month, we’d complete the year we’d been required to spend in Jersey. Next month, I’d be moving back here. It was hard to wrap my head around. What felt like a prison sentence had turned into maybe the biggest blessing of my life. Of all our lives.
“How many bedrooms?” she asked, running her hands along the quartz countertops.
“Four.” I followed her as her curiosity took her up the spiral stairs at the back of the kitchen.
She walked into the primary bedroom and stopped dead in her tracks. “I am deceased,” she said, clutching her heart. “Look at this place.”
I crossed my arms, trying to rein in the joy that was bubbling up inside me.
This place had been a disaster when I bought it and had taken years and a ton of money to renovate. But it was my place. My shelter from the storm. And I wanted her to love it as much as I did.
She squealed when she took in the original fireplace, and she wore a thoughtful expression when she noticed the solar shades. The chandelier in the powder room earned a giggle. I’d buy another brownstone and fix it up all over again just to see her this excited.
“Wanna move in?” I kept my tone casual, wanting to gauge her response.
She pinned me with her mom glare. “Be serious, Brian.”
I walked her backward until she was pressed against the wall and caged her in with my arms. Then I dipped down to kiss her softly. “I am serious. Come live here. I’ve got the space. I’ll make some calls and have a piano delivered tomorrow.”
She blinked rapidly, her jaw unhinged.
“Or”—I kissed her again, a little longer this time—“I’ll sell it and move to a farm in Vermont. Whatever my girl wants. I’m flexible.”
With an unintelligible sound, she ducked out from under my arm to keep exploring.
“Don’t avoid me,” I said, following her into the living room.
“You don’t mean it,” she said, running her hands over the deep couch. “Your firm is here. Your life is here.”
“A year ago, I would have agreed with you wholeheartedly. But now I know better. Geography doesn’t matter. We can make anything work if we set our minds to it.”
She launched a throw pillow at my head. “Can you please stop being so perfect?”
I gave her an exaggerated wink and eased myself onto the couch. “I’m only perfect for you.”
She plopped down next to me, letting out a groan. “Oh my God. It’s like a cloud. And so deep my feet don’t even touch the floor.”
I pulled her over so she was on my lap. “You know,” I said, ghosting my lips over the shell of her ear, “I have this fantasy that includes you riding my cock on this couch. Wanna make it come true?”
She moaned against my mouth as she straddled me, her hands buried in my hair. “I really do,” she said, already breathless. “But I feel like we need to talk about all of this first.”
I grasped her hips and pulled back with a sigh. I wanted to strip her naked and make her come five times, but she was right. Yes, I was delirious for this woman, but we were adults with responsibilities. If we wanted to be together, we had to work out the logistics.
“Anything you need.”
She climbed off me and scooted over to the far side of the couch.
Instantly, I missed the warmth of her body. But this was good. The space would help me think straight.
“I want this,” she said softly. “For so long, I didn’t let myself want things. I denied my own needs and put everyone else first. But I want you. I want us.”
My heart swelled.
“But…”
I deflated.
“I need to go at my own pace.”
“Done.”
She held up a hand. “We need to figure this out together. But please know this: I have to be a priority. You are dedicated to your work, and I respect that. But I won’t ever be a corporate widow again. I won’t ever beg for scraps of attention.”
I scooted over and hauled her into my lap again. “Never fucking ever,” I growled. “I’m not perfect, and I work a lot, but do not think for one second that you and the girls will not be my top priority.”
She leaned forward, resting her forehead against mine, and closed her eyes. For a moment, we stayed like that, just breathing.
Eventually, I cleared my throat and pulled back. “Please trust me when I say that I’m nothing like him. I’m all in, happy to go at whatever speed you set. I want to do what’s best for you and the girls.”
“Thank you.” Her body relaxed in my arms. “They adore you, but I don’t expect you to be a surrogate father to them. They have a father. He sucks, but you don’t have to replace him. They’re fine with our family the way it is.”
My heart broke. Those kids deserved a hell of a lot more than Kenneth.
“You’re right,” I said. “They don’t need Kenneth because they have you. And they’ve got the support of our little Jersey City family and your family in Vermont. They’re lucky kids. I’d just be grateful to be part of their lives.”
“Thank you.” Sniffling, she threw her arms around me and buried her face in my neck.
“I would never dream of replacing Kenneth. He occupies his own circle of hell. But instead of being a replacement dad, can I just be their Brian?”
Head tilted, she frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I want to be the guy who builds Legos, who helps with math homework and loves Lake Paige dance parties. Think that’s possible?”
A single tear rolled down her cheek, followed by another and another. “Yes. I think they need a Brian.”
I kissed her gently as my heart swelled. “Then I will work tirelessly to be the Brian of their dreams.”