19. Thirty-what?
19
Thirty-what?
I’ll never be the kind of person who gets awards or headlines. My legacy is my kids’ security, their happiness, and the strength I show them every day. I proved you can be a mother, a provider, and a fighter all at once. That’s what I hope they remember about me.
Carrie Carbone, dental assistant and mother of five
LUCIE
I stared through the window of Danny’s Toyota at the giant cross on top of the modern building. “You brought me to church?”
“We aren’t going to Mass,” he said. “The church has a hall we rent for family gatherings. It’s bigger than my aunt and uncle’s place.”
I got out of the car. Why had I thought meeting his family was a good idea? “I’m an atheist.”
“Then you’ll probably flame up as you cross the threshold,” he said dryly.
“I’m serious,” I said. “Are you religious?”
“Not really. My family is, though, so the church has always been a part of my life.” When he circled to my side of the car, he held out his hand.
I didn’t take it. “Are they going to have a problem when our child isn’t baptized?”
“Maybe?” But his expression said definitely. “But I’ll deal with that.”
No way was I going to raise a child Catholic. Not after that story I’d done on how a local church—thankfully, not this one—had covered up decades of molestation by its priest. I’d learned the regional leadership protected all kinds of bad people in the name of religion. But a bubble of guilt about denying Danny something that mattered to him lodged in my belly, right next to our banana-sized fetus. “Are you going to have a problem with it?”
Pressing a hand to my back, Danny guided me through the parking lot toward the fellowship hall. He didn’t answer until we stepped onto the sidewalk next to the sign that read, “CONNIE AND RANGI’S SILVER ANNIVERSARY PARTY THIS WAY.” Tied to it were a bunch of balloons that danced in the breeze. He grabbed the strings to keep them from blowing in my face.
Finally, he said, “You still believe in birthdays, right?”
I chuckled. “I’m an atheist, not a monster.”
“So, my family could host a big bash for our kid’s birthday?” he asked. “Or we could take her to one of those awful pizza joints with the creepy animatronics?”
I grimaced. “I think there could be some negotiation around the animatronics.”
“Then I don’t care about the religion shit. But will it be okay if I tell her I believe in God, even if you don’t? And would it be okay if we all went to my mom’s place for Easter and Christmas?”
We all made it sound like he wanted to be something more than co-parents. I might be meeting his family, but I wasn’t ready for more. Not yet. Maybe not ever. I sidestepped that sinkhole by saying, “We can engage in dialogue around religion when the kid’s an appropriate age. And I don’t have any dispute with holidays, especially if it’s a mostly secular celebration.”
He grinned. “You’ve always gotta use those big, smart words. But I get it.” He opened the door to the hall. “I think we’ll be good.”
I should’ve told him what weighed on my mind. That coming here was a step I wasn’t sure I was ready to make. That he might read more into it than I intended for this concession I was making out of remorse for cutting him out of the pregnancy. But it was too late to turn back. Squaring my shoulders, I walked through the door.
“Danny!” A small child ran at Danny, and he swung her up onto his hip. My breath caught in my chest. God, it was sexy seeing him holding that little girl. One of my ovaries might have exploded. Good thing I was already pregnant.
Then I shook my head. A man showing care for a child shouldn’t be anything special. Women did it all the time. Stupid internalized patriarchy.
The girl smacked a kiss on his cheek. “Nonna gave me almonds. Want one?” She held out a netting bag of pastel Jordan almonds. The candy coating had melted on her palm in colorful smears.
“Sure, put it here.” He opened his mouth, and she dropped one in.
No, that wasn’t adorable. It was disgusting.
“Really?” I said.
He shrugged. “Candy’s candy. Want one?”
“I’ll pass.”
“That’s cool,” he said. “There’s going to be a lot of great food. You’ll need to pace yourself. Isn’t that right, Emma?”
“’Cept the anise cookies.” She shuddered. “They taste like black licorice. Yuck.”
“More for me,” he said.
“There you are.” A dark-haired woman with Danny’s olive skin clacked up to us in a pair of platform sandals. She stretched up to kiss his cheek, then wiped away her red lipstick print with her thumb. “She’s got a special radar for her favorite cousin.”
Acid reflux was burning in my gut, not jealousy that made me want to put my own lipstick print on Danny’s cheek—if I were wearing lipstick.
“How’s it going?” he asked her.
“Nuts, as usual. The boys have baseball games this afternoon, so we’ve got to hustle out of here in a minute. But first I want to meet your date.” She cut her gaze to me.
Date?
“So, you didn’t come over here to talk to me?” he said. “Lucie, meet my cousin Tina and her daughter, Emma. Tina, this is my upstairs neighbor, Lucie Knox. Lucie’s a journalist for the city paper.”
“A neighbor? Not your girlfriend?” she asked. When she looked at me, her gaze seemed to linger on my belly. I crossed an arm protectively over it. I thought I’d hidden my bump pretty well with my A-line dress.
“Christ, Tina,” he muttered.
She shot me an apologetic expression I was sure was fake. “I’m an optimist. Sue me.”
“We’re friends and neighbors,” I said. “That’s all.”
Danny seemed to stiffen.
“Hmm.” Tina’s glittering gaze ping-ponged between us. “I’m sorry I can’t stay and talk, but the coach is, like, intense about being on time. I’ll call you this week, Danny.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek again. Then she shot me a sly smirk like she could sense the acid boiling in my belly.
Emma grabbed Danny’s ears and planted a sticky kiss on the tip of his nose. “Bye, Danny. Lucie, don’t eat the anise cookies, ’kay?”
“Got it,” I said. “Nice meeting you.”
He set Emma on the floor, and she trotted off with her mother.
“Hungry?” he asked.
“Starving. I don’t like anise, but talking about cookies is making my stomach growl.”
“No one goes hungry at an Italian party,” he said. “I’ve gotta introduce you to the guests of honor and then I promise I’ll feed you. Come on.”
He led me to a couple who looked a few years older than us. The woman was about my height and shared Danny’s dark hair and brown eyes. The man’s skin was darker than hers, about the same shade as mine. He was taller and broader than Danny, with high cheekbones.
When the group they were talking to wandered toward the open doors that led to the courtyard and buffet tables, Danny stepped up and hugged them. “Aunt Connie, Uncle Rangi, let me introduce my friend Lucie Knox.”
Connie leaned toward me as if she’d hug me, but I held out my hand for a shake. “Happy anniversary,” I said.
She shook my hand, narrowing her eyes. “Only a friend? I think you’re more than that.” Unsubtly, she stared at my stomach. “Or you will be in a few months.”
“Ma told you?” Danny asked. “She promised she wouldn’t!”
Could she see I was pregnant? I sucked in a breath and pressed a hand on my belly as if I could flatten it.
“Of course she did.” Rangi rolled his eyes. “There’s no secrets between sisters. Congratulations, you two.”
“But I—” Danny sighed. “Sorry, Lucie. I know you aren’t ready for it to be public knowledge.”
I rubbed my chest where my heart was beating too fast. “It’s okay. As long as it doesn’t get back to my boss.”
“Promise.” He traced an X over his breastbone. Then he turned to his aunt and uncle. “We’re friends who’re going to co-parent our…our daughter.” A slow smile spread over his face.
I pressed my hand against my chest. Hearing him say “our daughter” like that wasn’t sexy. Nope.
“Do you two have kids?” I asked. I hoped they had a dozen, and we could talk about all of them instead of the tiny human growing inside me—and my relationship with her father.
“No. I was almost forty when we met,” Connie said. “I wasn’t interested in kids. And twenty-five years ago, it wasn’t as popular to start a family in your forties.”
“Wait,” I said. “How old are you?”
“Lucie,” Danny chided gently.
Connie laughed. “It’s all right. I take it as a compliment. I just turned sixty-three. And my groom is fifty-five, though he doesn’t look a day over forty.” She slipped her arm around his waist, and his big hand went around her shoulders.
It was true. He could’ve been our age. Though Danny didn’t have smile lines like his uncle’s, I was pretty sure I had a few. And Connie looked fabulous. “Your family has great genes,” I said.
“It’s all the red wine we drink,” she said. “But speaking of my maturity, Danny, I’ll be ready to retire in a few years, and I’m looking for someone to take over my insurance agency. Tony said you might be interested, considering your situation.” She shot another pointed look at my belly.
“Oh, no.” I wanted to step in front of Danny and shield him. I couldn’t imagine him sitting in an office all day. “Danny and his brother are going to buy the bar where they work.”
“Ah,” Connie said. “Then I must have misheard about Leo going to see a kitchen space with Gio.”
Danny’s posture stiffened. “Leo wouldn’t do that.”
“Sure, Danny. But if anything changes, let me know. It’s a solid business. You’d sell a lot of insurance with that face.” She reached up and patted his cheek.
“Connie,” Rangi said. “He said he wasn’t interested.”
She tilted her head. “Lucie said he wasn’t interested.”
When I glanced at Danny, he rubbed his hand over his mouth. I sighed. He was such a people-pleaser that he couldn’t tell his aunt no. I’d already done what I could, so I waited for him to say the right thing.
He glanced at my midsection. “I’ll call you if I change my mind, okay?”
That wasn’t the right thing. I glared at him.
Connie’s smile was broad. “Okay.”
“We need to get Lucie some food,” he said.
“It was nice meeting you both,” I said. “Happy anniversary again.”
“Thank you,” Rangi said. “Good luck with the…” Another look at my belly.
Connie’s glittering smile was calculating. “Talk to you soon, Danny.”
As we walked through the doorway to the grassy courtyard, I wanted to put my arm around him. But what would I be protecting him from? His inability to say no to people? That was a problem he needed to solve himself.
“You’re not seriously considering working at an insurance agency,” I said.
“No.” But that “no” sounded uncertain.
“You’d hate sitting behind a desk and wearing a tie.” He wasn’t wearing a tie today. He wore a soft-looking button-down in a green checked pattern that brought out the lighter streaks in his brown eyes. He’d rolled up the sleeves to show off his muscular forearms, sunlight sparkling on the dark hair. I swallowed and looked straight ahead at the tables of food.
“Maybe,” he said. “I’m not the only person I have to think about.”
I stroked my belly. “The baby will be fine. I’ve got health insurance.”
“Doctor’s visits aren’t the only cost when you have a child,” he said gently. “Daycare is expensive. So is college.”
“Daycare.” My head felt light. “I hadn’t thought of that yet.”
Like he could sense me wobbling, he threaded my arm through his. “I can switch up my schedule so I can take care of her while you’re at work. My family can cover for us in an emergency, like if you have to travel.”
The ground steadied. “That sounds good.”
“We’ll be fine. We’ve got some time. Now, what do you want to eat?”
I stared at the table loaded with food. “Everything.”
Danny wouldn’t let me try any of the cured meats or soft cheeses, but there were plenty of other things to eat. When we’d filled our plates, he led me to a table headed up by his mother. I recognized her from the baby shower I’d walked in on when I’d told him about the pregnancy. That seemed so long ago.
I sat next to Leo, and Danny sat on my other side, next to his mother. Across the table were a dark-haired man and woman and a blond woman, all in their twenties.
“Ma, you remember Lucie,” Danny said. “Lucie, this is my mother, Carrie. You know Leo. And these are my other siblings. Elena and Tony—they’re twins—and Giuliana.”
“Hi.” I nodded at them. Did they all know about the baby? They must, right? I didn’t have any siblings, but if Carrie had told her sister, Danny must have told his siblings.
“I’m so glad you came.” Carrie beamed. “I’m sorry I didn’t properly welcome you when we met at the bar. But welcome to the family. We’re so excited. The very first grandchild!”
That answered that question. “Thank you.” I speared a bite of sausage and popped it into my mouth. Delicious . Briefly, I closed my eyes to enjoy the savory, spicy flavor.
“Danny tells us you’re a journalist,” Carrie said.
“And you’re writing a book!” Elena interjected. “Is it fiction or nonfiction?”
“Nonfiction,” I said. “I’m interviewing women about their legacies.”
“Like, politicians and philanthropists?” Elena asked.
“Some. And, also, regular women. Danny introduced me to Sister Frances.”
“What a good idea,” Danny’s mother said, patting his hand. “She’s helped so many people all over the world.”
“And right here,” I said. “In schools, shaping young minds.”
“Young minds like Danny’s,” Giuliana said, raising her eyebrows.
Danny growled, “Watch it, Giuliana.”
I glanced between them.
Leo nudged my elbow. “Try the mushroom ravioli.”
I picked up a square of pasta with my fork and bit into it. Umami, thyme, garlic, and gooey cheese burst over my tongue. The buttery sauce tasted like comfort, like a warm blanket and a fire on a wintry day. I hummed in pleasure. “One of your recipes, Leo?”
“I made the pasta myself,” he said proudly. “If you like it, I’ll make you a to-go container.”
“Yes, please,” I said, spearing another square.
“Lucie, my sister and brothers and I want to throw you guys a baby shower,” Elena said.
“A baby shower?” I repeated.
“You know,” Tony said, “a party with tons of presents and embarrassing games.”
“And food,” Leo said. “I’ll make a cream cake.”
I glanced at Giuliana. Her blond eyebrows pinched together as her gaze hopped between Danny and me. Did she not want to host the party? Or was she concerned about something else?
The others were waiting for me to say something. They’d offered me a kindness I should accept because I wasn’t an asshole. “Thank you. I’d…” I cleared my throat. I might not be an asshole, but I wouldn’t lie and tell them I’d love it. Embarrassing games sounded awful. “Let’s do it.”
Elena jumped up and circled the table to hug me. Leo squeezed my shoulder. On my other side, Danny’s grin stretched his cheeks.
Across the table, Giuliana’s long blond hair hid her face like a curtain as she whispered something to Tony that made him frown. He glanced at Danny, then at me. When he saw me watching them, he dropped his gaze to his plate and mumbled something.
Giuliana’s smile was feral when she looked across the table at her brother. “Speaking of celebrations, what are you planning to do for your birthday, Danny?”
“Piantagrane,” Leo muttered beside me.
“What?” I asked.
He shook his head. “She’s stirring up trouble.”
Danny’s cheeks went red as he set down the slice of garlic bread he’d lifted to his lips. “I don’t know. I don’t have plans.”
I bumped his shoulder with mine. “I didn’t know your birthday was coming up.”
“Birthdays aren’t a big deal for me.” He picked up his fork and moved some food around on his plate.
He’d asked about celebrating birthdays earlier. Why would he say he didn’t want to celebrate his? “We could do something,” I whispered. Were those mind-altering mushrooms in Leo’s ravioli? Had I just offered to do something couple-y with him?
“Really?” he asked, just as softly. Those gold-brown eyes of his sucked me in.
“Yeah,” I murmured. Were mushrooms an aphrodisiac? Something strange was going on here. I swayed closer to him.
“Of course your birthday is a big deal,” his mother said. “You’ll come to the house. We’ll have a party. Prosecco, cake, and music. It’s not every day you turn thirty.”
The happy haze cleared from my brain.
“Thirty…what?” I asked.