31. We Bat-Signal the Goddess Gang
31
We Bat-Signal the Goddess Gang
I put dinner on the table so Marvin could do research that changed the world. I made sure our home was a haven where your mind could soar. When you were frustrated, which was a lot when you were young, I’d remind you to use your words. Now, you use your words to hold those in power accountable. His legacy and yours, the good work you do for others, is mine too.
Ellen Knox, homemaker
LUCIE
W hen I got into her car, Carly asked if I was okay, and I said I was. After that, my brain was too busy to speak. Why had Danny thought I’d accept a marriage proposal just because I was growing a child who shared my DNA and his? What indication had I given that I wanted that, especially in front of witnesses? And why the fuck did he think that at thirty he had any idea what he wanted?
Carly and Andrew’s new place wasn’t far from the park, but I counted seventeen worried glances during the drive. Finally, as she pulled into her driveway, she said, “I hope you don’t mind, but after you called, I texted Tessa and Savannah. This seemed like an all-hands-on-deck situation.”
There was a dull pang in my gut. I had hated having to call Carly, and I didn’t want to be the one who bat-signaled the whole Goddess Gang. But I had to admit it, I needed my girls.
“Thank you.”
An SUV whipped into the driveway as Carly pulled her sedan into the garage. Tessa. Her unmistakable mane of red hair glowed through the tinted windshield. When I hauled myself out of the car, Savannah was there to steady me.
“Where’d you come from?” I asked.
“I was with Tessa when we got Carly’s text.” Her face was pale, and her eyes were red, but she flashed me a grin. “I’m glad I was already in the city. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
“Miss what?” I asked. How much had Carly told them? I’d only told Carly I needed a ride and a place to stay for a few days.
“A Goddess Gang sleepover, obviously. Carly said we’re helping you through a crisis, with manicures.”
“I wouldn’t call it a crisis,” I grumbled.
Tessa slipped off her sunglasses to give me a piercing stare with those eerie green eyes of hers. “It’s not a crisis when the unflappable Lucie Knox needs an extraction from one of the most romantic spots in the city?”
Busted. It sucked having a genius as a bestie.
“Come inside,” Carly said. “We’ll settle in, find out what’s going on, and make a plan.”
Carly loved plans. Her job as a stylist was to ensure that everything appeared perfect, which, as it turned out, required a ton of preparation and effort. Carly’s notebook wasn’t full of gifts from her muse. It was packed with to-do lists.
“I don’t think this is something you can fix,” I said as I walked into her white kitchen. I didn’t want her to treat my catastrophe like a job or as her problem to solve.
“Maybe not, but the right self-care might make it feel better. We’ll get some snacks and mocktails and do some facial masks or mani-pedis.” She opened the refrigerator and assessed its contents.
“Could one of you massage my lower back?” I asked. “I did a lot of walking today, and there’s this massage Dan—” Nope, I wasn’t ready to say his name yet. “A massage I read about in The Book that works really well on my sore back.”
“I know the one,” Savannah said. She dropped her big purse on the counter. “Fists on the sides of your spine, right?”
“Yes.” I would not think about how the last time Danny had done it, he’d ended up entering me from behind while he fingered my clit and whispered dirty, dirty things in my ear.
“I’m on mocktails,” Tessa announced. “Do you have fresh mint and seltzer? I can make my no-jitos.”
“Plain seltzer is good for me.” Mocktails would only make me miss Danny’s superior bartending skills. I walked from the kitchen toward the living room and almost bumped into Andrew, who carried their dog in his arms. She looked up at him with the same besotted expression Carly often did. “Hey there, Loverboy.”
“Hi, Lucie. Doing okay?”
“Not really.” I wished I could get Danny out of my head, but it seemed everything made me think of him.
“Go sit on the couch, and I’ll put Chanel in your lap. She makes everything better.”
I stroked the silky white blaze on top of her head. “That sounds nice.” I walked into their living room and sank onto the couch.
Andrew eyed the narrow space between my belly and my knees. “I’ll just set her here.”
He placed her next to me on the cushion. She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and rested her chin on my knee. I stroked her from the top of her head to her tail and sighed.
“Almost as good as therapy.” He winked, then went to the kitchen where he wrapped his arms around Carly and murmured in her ear as she scanned the contents of her refrigerator. She turned in his arms and kissed him. I had to look away.
Savannah carried a kitchen chair into the living room and set it next to the couch. She leaned against it, her back to the kitchen. In a too-bright tone, she said, “Hungry? How about some raw veggies with ranch dip?”
“How about pizza? Or pasta?” Pasta made me think of Leo’s homemade ravioli. Still, it sounded comforting and filling, which was what I needed. “And ice cream. Definitely chocolate. Though maybe something salty too? Like pretzels.”
She frowned. “You should watch your salt intake. But if you promise to eat some veggies, you can have ice cream.”
“What am I, six?” I asked. “I’ll eat your damn veggies, but not because you’re dangling a treat in front of me.”
“Sorry. Old habits. I’m not sure they ever go away. You’ll see.”
Tessa walked in with a pad of paper. “Andrew’s making a supply run. What do we need?”
“Pizza and a crudités platter.” Savannah glanced at me. “Plus, ice cream. The kind that’s chocolate with the salted caramel ribbon through it. And pretzels.”
“Make it a pepperoni pizza,” I said. “And baked ziti if they have it.”
“Make it a veggie pizza,” Savannah said. “Cured meats aren’t great for the baby. And garlic knots.”
My mouth watered. Garlic knots would almost make up for the lack of pepperoni. “Fine. Can Andrew pick up my laptop from my place? I need it, but I don’t want to go back there right now.”
“Sure. Keys?” Tessa asked.
“Carly has one,” I said.
“Great.” She turned and handed the list to Andrew. “Thanks for doing this.”
He smiled. “It’s my pleasure. I feel like Nick Fury taking care of the Avengers.” Turning with a squeak of his sneaker, he planted another kiss on Carly’s lips, then strode out the door.
“Here. Switch with me.” Savannah held out a hand and pulled me up. She guided me to sit facing the back of the chair with my arms folded on top to cradle my head. She sat on the couch and started the massage with long, gentle strokes down my back. The tension drained out of me, and I understood why Chanel liked being petted so much.
Tessa’s voice came from the other side of the coffee table. “Tell us what happened.”
“We were taking a walk in the botanical garden, and when we sat down to rest, Danny proposed. He had a ring and everything.”
Savannah’s hands froze on my back, and she squealed. “Did he get down on one knee?”
I snorted. “Yeah. Why the hell would he think I wanted that?”
“You mean the knee or the proposal?” Tessa asked.
“Either. We’ve got a perfectly good thing going. There’s no reason to change it. And no one wants a house in the suburbs. No offense,” I added, looking back at Savannah.
“Suburban life isn’t for everyone,” she said.
“Wait, he wants you to move to the suburbs?” Tessa asked.
“He wants to use the money he was saving up to buy Barb’s to buy a house for the baby. I don’t want that. The baby doesn’t want that. A few years from now, he’ll wake up and discover he doesn’t want it either. He’ll regret giving up his dreams for it.”
“Will he?” Carly spoke up for the first time. “He’s in love with you.”
“In love with me? What the fuck does he know at thirty? Of course he’ll regret it. I’ve seen it firsthand. My mother gave up everything for my father—and me—and what does she have to show for it? Not even a fucking thank you when he wins yet another award.”
“She has you to show for it.” Savannah rubbed the spot where my shoulder met my neck. “She’s so proud of you.”
I sat up and shook off her hand. “But she could’ve had a career. She could’ve been winning awards. That’s why I decided not to have a baby when I was twenty.”
“And that was the right choice for you. But it might not have been the right choice for her. People are different. Is your mother more like you or like Danny?”
Danny had skipped college and given the money to his sister. He’d wanted to buy Barb’s so he could employ Nico and any of his other family members who needed a job. And he’d offered to give up his dream so I could have a fucking home office to write in. He didn’t want to live in the spotlight. Instead, he wanted to be the one who helped everyone else achieve what they wanted. “Damn it. He’s exactly like my mom.”
“You’re writing about legacies,” Tessa said. “You’re your mom’s legacy. And so is at least part of your dad’s work.”
“But she should want something with her name on it,” I said. “And so should Danny.”
“Should they?” Carly asked. “Just because you want that doesn’t mean they do.”
“But…but he’s so young.” I straightened and rolled my shoulders. “I don’t want him to give up his future for me. He could meet someone else and have more kids. He comes from a big family. He probably wants that.”
“Not necessarily,” Carly said. “He might’ve had enough child-rearing already.”
“Exactly!” I raised a finger. “He’s only thirty. Why would he want to be saddled with an oops-wife-and-kid for the rest of his life?”
Savannah stroked my back. “Because he’s a good guy. Because he loves you and that kid, regardless of whether or not he planned it.”
“Well, I’m sorry,” I said, “but I won’t let him ruin his life like that. And I’m not moving to any fucking suburb.”
“Fair,” Tessa said. “What you want matters too. And if that’s not Danny, that’s okay.”
“Exactly.” I leaned into the chair and let Savannah do the thing with her fists on my lower back. I didn’t want Danny. “All I want is someone who can share the parenting load so I can write my damn book.”
Savannah stopped moving her hands. “And if that’s all you want, then it’s not fair to Danny to take him up on his offer.”
I turned my head to look at her. “That’s what I—oh, shit. Why are you crying?”
She waved a hand in front of her face. “Don’t mind me.”
“Savannah,” Tessa said. “Tell them.”
She rubbed a tear off her face with the back of her hand. “Tonight’s about Lucie and her problems.”
“I don’t have a problem,” I said. “I already did the right thing. What’s going on with you?”
“I—” She sniffed, then her face crumpled. She hid it behind her hands.
“She asked for a divorce from her unappreciative, cheating husband,” Tessa said.
“I thought you were going to couples therapy,” I said.
Savannah wiped her eyes. “We did. And it made me realize we’ve been growing apart since the kids left the house. And before that. Our marriage had become kind of…two-dimensional. We did all the things we were supposed to, but there was nothing behind it. No passion. Maybe not even any love. It seemed like we were only sharing space. He’d go to work, and I’d deal with the house and the kids. We’ve been living separate lives, really. And I deserve more than that. I want more. And if he’s not willing to…to…”
“Treat you like a goddess?” Carly prompted.
“To treat me like a valuable human being,” Savannah said, “then I’d rather be alone.”
“You won’t be alone,” Carly said. “You have us.”
“And so do you, Lucie,” Tessa said.
“Thank you,” Savannah whispered.
“Goddamn fucking hormones.” I scrubbed a tear off my cheek.