2. Svetlana
Chapter 2
Svetlana
M y heart breaks a little when Vitya holds the drink out to me and looks away, like he can’t even stand the sight of me. I try very hard to not think about the fact that he went out last night, because picturing him with another woman makes me want to toss the scalding cup of coffee in his face right before I vomit all over his nice black boots.
I take the latte, my anger momentarily appeased when the sweet drink hits my tastebuds. When we start to descend, he reaches into his leather jacket and pulls out a small bag before silently handing it over to me. I smell the blueberry muffin before I even open it and take it out. It’s my favorite muffin, the one I always get when I drag him into the coffeeshop on the corner, and I can’t help but be touched that he remembered.
“Thank you,” I tell him before taking a huge bite and giving a soft moan when I get a taste of the juicy blueberries. It’s still warm, and I’m already halfway done with it by the time we reach the SUV.
I’m still happily chewing away when he lets out a soft grunt. I swear I have this man’s grunts memorized. He has a variety of them, and this is his for fuck’s sake, put your goddamn seat belt on grunt. I smile and take another bite. Sometimes I just feel the urge to annoy him.
Today is one of those days.
“Seat belt,” he finally growls when I don’t immediately hop to and obey him.
“Oh my god,” I groan. “For being such a badass, you sure are a rule follower.”
He raises a brow at me, clearly not amused. His blue eyes stay on mine, waiting for me to buckle in. Even though he looks like he could use a few more hours of sleep, the man still takes my breath away. It’s infuriating. As painful as it is to be around him day in and day out, I can’t imagine not seeing him every day. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I fell in love with him the second I stumbled upon his unconscious, bloody body. I’ve never been so scared in my life, and I still have nightmares about it, dreams where he doesn’t wake up, dreams where no matter what I do, his body remains lifeless.
I push the thoughts aside and grab my seat belt. When he hears the click that lets him know I’m secure in my seat, he puts his focus back on driving and starts the SUV. He’s wearing a black henley under his black leather jacket, and the man looks fucking scrumptious. The neck tattoo that I’ll never be able to get enough of is peeking out from the collar of his jacket, curling up his skin in a way that makes me want to lean over and lick it. It’s a black dragon with red highlights, done in a brushstroke style so it almost looks like it’s floating on his skin. The artwork is stunning, and every time I see it I want to reach out and touch it. I’ve tried copying it, but I can never seem to get it just right. I’m embarrassed to admit how many times I’ve drawn this man. I will never be able to face him again if he ever finds my stash of sketchpads, especially the drawings I did of him naked. I had to get creative, but something tells me the giant dick I gave him is spot-fucking-on.
Finishing my muffin, I toss the liner into the small trashcan he keeps behind his seat. I’d once thrown an empty fruit snack wrapper on the floor, and the man had nearly had a stroke. You’d think I’d pissed on his grandma’s grave with the fuss he made. The next day, there was a tiny garbage can in the back, and I’m under strict orders to use it.
When we’re stuck in traffic on our way to Natalya’s and I can’t stand the silence any longer, I ask, “So did you have a fun night?”
“It was all right,” he says, and that could mean a thousand different things and doesn’t tell me at all what I want to know. I swear that’s why he said it.
“Well how nice for you that you get to go out and meet people,” I mumble, hearing the grumpy tone of my voice but unable to do anything to hide it.
“We’re going out right now,” he reminds me. “We’re on our way to Dominic’s, and you’re about to spend the afternoon with your cousins and their babies.”
I look over at him. “Yeah, that’s exactly the same thing. Is that what you did last night? Went out and spent some time with family members and their babies?”
“Not exactly.”
“Yeah, I thought not. I swear, one of these days I’m going to sneak my ass out again.” I’m so irritated that the words come out before I can stop them, but when we hit a red light and Vitya puts his full attention on me, I know I’ve fucked up.
“What the hell did you just say?”
“Nothing,” I whisper, determined to not say any more about the time Natalya and I snuck out and went to Dominic’s club. That was before they got together, and he’d been just as livid when he caught us as Vitya is now.
He surprises me by reaching across and hooking a finger under my chin before gently turning my face to his. “Have you snuck out on me, Svetlana?”
Even if I wanted to lie, I wouldn’t be able to. No way in hell can I look into his gorgeous blue eyes and say something that’s not true. If he asks me if I’ve fallen in love with him, I’m pretty much fucked .
“No,” I whisper, trying not to think about how damn good it feels to have his hand on me, to feel his skin against mine.
“But you have snuck out at some point?” he presses, determined to get the full story.
I stay silent, and his mouth tightens in a hard line. Someone honks behind us, neither one of us realizing that the light has turned green. He hesitates, keeping his finger hooked under my chin, and before he lets go, his thumb gives my cheek the softest caress. It’s over before I have a chance to fully savor it, and when he starts yelling at me, I convince myself that it must’ve been my imagination.
“You’d better start fucking talking, Sveta. When did you get out, and what the hell did you do?”
When I keep my mouth clamped shut, he smacks the steering wheel and yells, “I swear to god, I will pull this fucking car over!”
I laugh because he sounds like an angry dad, and right after I’ve done it, I realize what a colossal mistake it was because he jerks the wheel, cutting through traffic while ignoring all the angry honks that surround us.
“What the hell?” I look around, gasping when I see how close the car next to us comes to hitting the side of our SUV. But as mad as Vitya is, the man is always in control, and when we arrive safely at the curb, I can’t say I’m all that surprised.
“Talk.” He hisses the word out in Russian while slamming the gearshift into park and turning to face me. “Right fucking now.”
“Okay,” I say, using my let’s calm down tone, but he’s having none of it. He’s radiating anger, and I’ve never seen him look so close to losing control. Vitya is usually so calm and that’s partly why I try so hard to get a rise out of him, but right now he’s squeezing the steering wheel like he’s about to rip it in two and his jaw is clenched so tightly shut that I’m surprised he hasn’t cracked a tooth yet. I’m also slightly worried about the vein I can see throbbing near his temple.
“Just calm down,” I try to tell him, but he just narrows his gorgeous blue eyes at me .
“Talk,” he says again, and the tone of his voice has me opening my mouth to try and explain.
“It was a long time ago. I was eighteen.”
“How did it happen, and where the hell did you go?”
“You have to promise me you won’t say anything,” I tell him, not wanting to get anyone in trouble.
He lets out a harsh laugh. “You’re in no position to demand promises from me. You tell me right now what the hell happened, or I’m going to find the answers on my own.”
I know what that would entail, and the thought of him talking to my dad and uncles about this has me letting out a heavy sigh. “Fine, I’ll tell you, but I’m begging you to not say anything. Natalya and I snuck out a couple of years ago. It was right after Dominic came back to the States. We wanted to go to his club, so we snuck out and went. He pretty much immediately saw us and was as happy about it as you are. He hauled our asses back and made us swear to never do it again.”
I can’t help but grin. “In case you hadn’t noticed, they ended up falling ridiculously in love and getting married, so you’re welcome.”
He does not see the humor in my story and continues to glare at me. “How did you escape?”
Knowing we’re going to be sitting here until he gets the whole story, I get to it and tell him. “We were at the farmhouse.”
He immediately interrupts me. “Who was on duty?”
“Do you want me to tell the story or not?”
The look on his face almost has me laughing again, but I bite my lip and manage to keep it together. “As I was saying, we were at the farmhouse, and Grigori and Feliks were watching us that night.” Before I continue, I add, “I want to make it very clear that escaping for the night was entirely my idea, and I didn’t give Natalya much of a choice. I pushed her to do it, and I’m the one who came up with the plan. It was all me.”
“I don’t doubt that for a second. Natalya is much too sweet to do something so damn reckless.”
I raise a brow but don’t bother arguing. He’s right. Natalya would’ve stayed in that night if I would’ve let her. She may have had some fun and it might have put her and Dominic together for a few hours, but that crazy escape plan was all me, and it could’ve gone wrong in so many different ways.
“Anyway,” I say, getting us back on track. “We said we were just going to watch movies in our room, and then we climbed down the trellis and hiked through the woods to where I had an Uber driver waiting. He took us to Dominic’s club. We paid some guy who was out back to let us sneak in the back door. We were on the dance floor when some jackass got a little handsy with Natalya. That’s when Dominic found us.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
He grips the steering wheel tighter and angles his body towards me. “Did anyone try to touch you?”
“No, no one tried to touch me.” He raises a brow at my irritated tone. “I’m as pure as the fucking snow, Vitya. Untouched and hidden away.”
“It’s to keep you safe,” he says, and then quickly starts asking more questions. “Why didn’t Dominic tell anyone? Have you ever tried to sneak out again?”
“He didn’t say anything because Natalya asked him not to, and I’m guessing he was already more than a little in love with her. We promised him we’d never try it again, and we haven’t.”
Vitya still looks pissed. His blue eyes study me, trying to figure out what the hell to do with the problem child he’s responsible for watching.
“Are you going to tell my dad? I’d like to prepare myself mentally if you’re going to go that route.” I raise a brow at him and add, “I think it’d be a real shit move if you rat us out.”
He surprises me by letting out a harsh laugh. “You’ve got some nerve, Sveta. Jesus Christ.” He sighs and scrubs a hand over his face. “I’m not going to say anything because I don’t want Feliks and Grigori’s deaths on my conscious. They’re good men. They fucked up, but they’re good men, and they don’t deserve a bullet to the head because you lied to them and snuck your ass out the damn window.”
“You really think my dad and uncles would kill them?” The idea sickens me, but surely they wouldn’t shoot them over something that was my fault. “This was two years ago, and Grigori almost died protecting Natalya when she was attacked. No way would Lev kill him after that.”
Vitya shrugs. “Maybe that would save Grigori, especially since the injuries forced him into retirement, but Feliks would be fucked. They’d make an example out of him.”
I picture Feliks, the man who’s been a constant in my life since I was a kid. He used to watch over me with Sergei and Aleksandr until Vitya came along and singlehandedly took over the job. His wife is always so sweet to me, and they have three kids. I feel sick to my stomach and a lump is forming in my throat when I look back at Vitya.
“Thank you for not saying anything. I couldn’t live with that guilt.”
“I want your word that you will never try anything like that with me.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
He surprises me by giving a nod, like he immediately believes me.
“That’s it?” I ask. “You’re not going to demand I check in or that I get some sort of tracker put in my ass cheek?”
A ghost of a smile crosses his gorgeous mouth before he says, “I know you, Sveta. When you give your word, you keep it.” There’s no trace of a smile on his face when he adds, “But I swear to you, if you ever break my trust and try to sneak off, I will put you over my lap and spank your ass so raw you won’t be able to sit for a week.”
My jaw drops at his words and the vivid image that pops into my head. In my mind, I’m not crying and receiving a punishment I don’t want. Nope, in my head we’re naked, and I’m writhing on his lap as he smacks my ass red and fingers my pussy. It’s so vivid I swear I can feel a soft sting across my ass.
“Don’t.” The sound of Vitya’s strained voice drags me from my fantasy and right back into reality .
“Don’t what?” I whisper, trying like hell to pretend I’m not sitting in a pair of wet panties right now.
“Don’t ever look at me like that again, Sveta,” he warns and then quickly turns away, putting the SUV in drive and whipping us back into traffic. I stare out the window, pretending he didn’t just rip my heart out and stomp on it.
We make the rest of the drive in silence, and when we reach Dominic’s house and his guards open the gates for us, I’m more than ready to get out and put some space between us. As soon as he’s parked in front of the mansion, I’m opening the door and hauling ass. He doesn’t try and stop me. We both know I’m secure in the Alessi fortress. I ignore the guards I see patrolling along the fence and make my way inside, not bothering to knock because thanks to the delay of me getting chewed out on the way here, I know Natalya and Lara are already inside waiting for me.
My sour mood takes a turn for the better when I hear Isabella happily babbling away in a baby talk that’s complete nonsense to me, but somehow makes sense to her mom and dad. As soon as I turn the corner and step into the gorgeous sunroom that Dominic had built for Natalya, Isabella squeals and comes running over. Her two-year-old body isn’t exactly graceful, but she’s the cutest damn thing I’ve ever seen. I quickly drop to my knees and open my arms. She barrels into me, throwing her little arms around my neck and hugging me in the fearless, all-in way that kids do so easily. They don’t worry it’s going to be too much. They just put everything they have into it, never shying away from showing affection, and I love that so much. At what age do we start holding back? Why do we ever decide that our love is something we should tamp down?
My mind briefly goes to Vitya, wondering what he’d do if I just ran up to him and threw my arms around him. Just the idea of what his reaction could be answers my previous questions. Fear, a huge dose of fear and the possibility of rejection is why we hold back. Seeing Isabella’s huge smile makes me think it might just be worth pushing through my fear one day. She’s beaming, practically lit up from within .
“How’s my favorite niece?” I ask her, and then look over at where Lara is sitting. “As soon as you and Luka have a girl, I’m going to have to stop saying that.”
Lara smiles and kisses her son’s cheek. Roma gives me a big smile, showing off his new baby teeth and looking downright adorable.
“Don’t worry, you’ve got some time. I know Luka would be thrilled if I got pregnant again right now, but I think I’d rather wait a bit longer.”
“Good luck with that,” Natalya says with a laugh. “I said the same thing to Dominic, and here I am three months pregnant again.”
Despite her words, she’s practically glowing and giving us both a blinding smile. I kiss Isabella’s cheek before letting her go so she can run and play with the pile of toys in the corner while I sink into one of the plush chairs. Natalya and I grew up together, and she’s always been more like a sister to me than a cousin. I’m close with everyone in my family, and it’s never once been an issue that we’re not actually related by blood. That’s never mattered to any of us. When Lara and Luka got together, the last thing I was expecting was to find out that she is my actual cousin. A lot of secrets came to light, but it’s been for the best, and now I can’t imagine our family without her. She’s exactly who Luka needed in his life, and I’ve never seen him happier.
“Everything okay?” Natalya asks, eyeing me in that way that only best friends can. She knows something is off.
“I’m fine. It’s just Vitya.”
Before she can ask me for details, Lucia walks in carrying a huge tray of food, and I quickly jump up to help her. I ignore the huge salads with grilled chicken, my eyes going directly to the plate of bombolone , making my mouth immediately start to water. I’ve become addicted to the Italian doughnuts, and when Lucia sees my reaction, she gives a soft laugh.
“I knew you were coming today, Svetlana,” she tells me in her pretty Italian accent. “You think I wouldn’t make your favorite?”
“You’re an angel,” I tell her, helping her to set the tray down on the coffee table in front of us. Grabbing a doughnut, I sit back and ask, “So how’s married life treating you?”
She grins and waves her hand at me. Lucia has been working for the Alessi family pretty much her whole life, and she fell hard for Dr. Bianchi, the man who used to be Dominic’s live-in doctor, the one who treated all the members of the mafia. Since he’s in his seventies now and recently married, he decided to hand things over to Tony, the much younger med student he spent a couple of years training. Dominic keeps trying to get Lucia to retire, but she’s having none of it. She says she’s only in her sixties and still has lots of good years left, especially now that Natalya is expecting again, so as a wedding present he had an apartment built for them over his massive garage and insisted she take more time off. It seems to be working well for everyone.
“Mr. Alessi asked me to bring you this,” she tells Natalya, setting down a big glass of freshly squeezed orange juice next to her salad and a big bowl of fruit. “He also said that you need to make sure and finish your lunch since you didn’t eat enough at breakfast.”
Natalya laughs. “He pays way too much attention to what I eat.”
“You are his whole world,” Lucia says, “of course he pays attention.”
Natalya smiles at her and takes a big drink of the orange juice, earning her a nod of approval from Lucia. The two of them are on a mission to make sure my cousin’s nutritional needs are met. They were the same way when she was pregnant with Isabella.
“So?” I ask, wiggling my brows at Lucia when it’s obvious she’s intending on ignoring my question.
She shakes her head and blushes. “Stop teasing me,” she says, but before she leaves the room, she looks over her shoulder and gives me a wink. “You’d never know the man was in his seventies. Some days, I can barely keep up with him.”
We all burst out laughing as she leaves the room.
“Must be an Italian thing,” Natalya says, waving Isabella over so she can eat her lunch with us.
“And a Russian thing apparently,” Lara adds with a laugh .
“Okay, stop bragging you two,” I tell them. “Let’s not forget that I’m not getting any D-I-C-K. ” I spell the word out because my niece picks up on everything. She gives me a grin and reaches for a cracker.
I shove the last bite of doughnut into my mouth and reach for Roma so Lara can eat some lunch. He gives me a big smile and laughs when I kiss his chubby cheeks. His blue-green eyes are the perfect mix of his mom and dad, and I swear he gets cuter every time I see him. Putting him in my lap so he’s sitting with his back to my chest, I stack some toys around us and hold him while he starts to grab at everything.
“So what happened this morning with Vitya?” Natalya asks while stabbing at her salad. “Or was it just the usual?”
I groan and kiss the top of Roma’s cute head, because it’s impossible to get too angry while he’s sitting in my lap.
“Just the usual, I guess.” I don’t mention the argument we had, instead choosing to keep that little tidbit to myself. “He can’t stand me. I don’t know why he agreed to bodyguard duty.”
Natalya lets out a soft laugh while she and Lara share a look.
“What?” I ask. “Don’t share that look.”
Natalya gives me a wink. “What look?”
“The you’re such a dumbass, Vitya is obviously in love with you look, because it’s not true, Nat.”
She looks at me in mock horror. “I would never call you a dumbass.” Looking over at Lara, she adds, “But he’s definitely in love with her.”
“Absolutely,” Lara agrees. Turning her blue eyes to me, she says, “He makes sure you have your hat on before you go out in cold weather, Sveta. Arkady is an amazing bodyguard, and he always makes sure Roma and I are safe, but he doesn’t make sure my hat is pulled down so my ears don’t get cold.”
“He’s just overbearing,” I tell them. “He doesn’t want my dad to get pissed, and he just really likes bossing me around.”
“No, there’s more to it than that,” Natalya insists. “There’s something in the way he looks at you.”
“Well, he sure couldn’t look away fast enough today.” I hug Roma and kiss his cheek before saying, “And he went out last night. I think we all know what that means.”
“Not necessarily,” Lara says. “Especially if he’s in a bad mood today. Wouldn’t he be a little happier if what you think happened actually happened?”
I think about it while Roma plays with my fingers. Vitya has been incredibly irritable lately, and you’d think if he’d gotten laid last night that he’d at least be a little bit happier today, but there’s no difference in mood. In fact, he’s even worse than he was yesterday.
“Maybe he couldn’t find anyone,” I say, “or maybe it was just really bad.”
“Or maybe he didn’t do anything because none of those women were you,” Natalya says, reminding me of what a hopeless romantic she is.
“Yeah, I’m sure that’s it,” I tell her, and she lifts a brow at my sarcastic tone and points a perfectly manicured pink nail at me.
“Lara and I are right. You just wait and see, Sveta. One day he’s going to lose control around you and the truth is going to come out.”
I lift Roma up and turn him around so he’s standing on my lap with my hands securely around his waist. His unsteady legs lock in place before they give out and he giggles. He’s only six months old, but it’s obvious he’s anxious to start running around. He’s a big slobbery mess, but I don’t care. I kiss his tummy and make him laugh, the sound of it making me forget all about my crappy morning with Vitya.
“Daddy!”
I turn my head to see Vitya watching me from the doorway as Dominic comes walking in. I look away, not ready to make eye contact with him just yet and instead watch Isabella run to her dad. Dominic laughs and scoops her up, covering her in kisses while speaking rapid Italian. I have no idea if she understands any of it, but she smiles and laughs all the same.
Keeping Isabella in his arms, he walks over to Natalya and leans down to kiss her. “How are you feeling, principessa ? ”
“I’m fine,” she tells him. “I think the morning sickness might be gone for good.”
“Glad to hear it.” He does a quick scan of the plate in front of her. “Keep eating, baby. You haven’t eaten nearly enough. Make sure you get all the chicken and avocado. It’s good for you.”
She pats his cheek. “So bossy.”
“I am, and I’m used to being obeyed, so pick up your fork and start eating.”
She laughs at him, a move that no one else could ever get away with, and says, “It’s so cute when you say things like that.”
Dominic groans and looks over at us. “You see what a handful she is?”
“Definitely,” I agree. “Always has been.”
Natalya laughs, knowing we’re both full of shit, and Dominic gives her a wink when she picks up her fork and spears a piece of grilled chicken and avocado.
“Hey, Vitya,” Luka says, pulling my attention back to the open French doors that Vitya is currently leaning a shoulder against. He nods at Luka and then turns his attention back to me, but I look away again and watch my cousin walk over. He kisses Lara and then whispers something that makes her blush. Roma, having heard his dad’s voice when he came in, grunts while trying to wiggle around. He lets out an annoyed whine that has Luka giving Lara another kiss before turning to his son with a laugh.
He sits down next to me, holding his hands out for Roma and giving him a big smile. “Hey, little man.”
Roma squeals and tries like hell to leap across my lap. I hand him over with a laugh while Luka pulls him closer and kisses him. My cousin has taken to being a daddy like a pro. I never thought he’d settle down, but it suits him. He’s almost twenty-one, the oldest out of us cousins, and he’s always taken that role very seriously. The Bratva used to be his entire life, but he’s done an amazing job of balancing it all. His wife and son will never come second, and he makes sure they know that .
He nudges my shoulder with his when Roma gets distracted by one of his toys. “What’d you do to piss Vitya off?” he asks, keeping his voice low so only I can hear it.
“You just assume it’s my fault? As if, Luka. That man was a grump long before he was assigned to me.”
Luka gives a soft laugh. “True enough.”
I chance a quick look at the doorway, making sure one of Vitya’s talents isn’t lip reading. He’s watching me, but he seems oblivious to what Luka and I are actually saying.
“He’s getting so big,” I say, watching Roma, feeling like it was just yesterday that I was meeting him for the first time and they were putting his tiny body in my arms.
“I know.” Luka brushes back the dark, silky strands of his son’s hair and looks over at Lara. “About time we had another, I think.”
“She’s still nursing this little guy,” I say, reaching over to tickle Roma’s tummy and making him laugh again.
“Pregnant and nursing,” he muses while looking at his wife, and something in his eyes tells me I really don’t want to know what my cousin is thinking right now. I laugh and kiss Roma’s cheek.
“Bye-bye, little man. Auntie Sveta loves you,” I tell him, and then I stand up to say goodbye to the others.
“You’re leaving already?” Natalya asks.
“Yeah, I need to get going,” I say, even though I really don’t. Sometimes being around my happily married cousins is depressing. I’m thrilled for them, I really am, but today’s been a shit day, and I don’t want to ruin their happy mood. Natalya gives me a warm smile, no doubt seeing through my lie about needing to go.
That sweet smile turns into her biting her lip to hold back a laugh when Vitya walks over and says, “You need to eat lunch.”
“I’m fine, Vitya. I ate a doughnut.”
He points to the salad Lucia made for me. “You need real food,” he argues.
I bite my own lip, but it’s not to hold back a laugh. It’s so I don’t turn around and start yelling at him in front of my precious niece and nephew. I look at Dominic. “Have you had lunch?”
“No, I just got here a few minutes ago.”
“Perfect.” I hand him the salad. “Enjoy.”
He takes the bowl and gives a soft laugh while muttering, “Thanks so much for pulling my ass into this, Sveta.”
I ignore the angry look I know Vitya is giving me and pull my niece in for a big hug. “I love you, munchkin,” I tell her.
“Princess,” she corrects me.
“I love you, princess munchkin,” I say, making her throw her head back and laugh.
I give Natalya and Lara a quick hug, promising to call them both soon, and then I turn to face my angry bodyguard. He does not look even slightly amused.
“Jacket,” he says, giving me the one-word command.
I grab my coat from where I’d tossed it earlier and put it on.
“Hat,” he says, and I sigh, knowing this is probably exactly what Dominic says to Isabella before he takes her outside to play. Natalya coughs to try and hide her laugh as I tug my hat on, making sure it’s covering my ears, because I don’t want to have that debate with him right now with everyone watching me.
He turns so I can follow him out, and before I leave, I grab one more bombolone , because I fully intend on drowning my sorrows in sugar. It makes them much more palatable that way.
“Bye, love you,” I call out to my family before leaving the room, feeling very much like a disobedient toddler, and I really hate that.
We walk to the SUV in silence, and once I’m in, he looks over at me, waiting for me to buckle up.
“My hands are full and sticky,” I tell him, knowing this is just adding to the toddler image I have of myself right now, but damn it, Lucia’s doughnuts are the best, and it’s not like I get them every day.
He grunts, his pissed-off one, and leans over, tugging on my seat belt and pulling it across my body before snapping it into place .
“You need to eat some real food,” he tells me again. “A muffin and two doughnuts is not going to cut it.”
I finish chewing the bite I just took while he nods to Dominic’s guards and pulls out onto the street.
“How do you know I ate two doughnuts?”
He briefly glances over at me. “It’s my job to watch you, Sveta.”
“You have no respect for personal boundaries. Were you also eavesdropping?” I ask, hoping like hell he didn’t hear us talking about him.
“No, I wasn’t. Despite what you might think, I give you as much space as I can while also ensuring your safety.”
When we get further into the city, he asks, “Do you still want to go to the mall?”
It takes me a second to remember that I’d threatened another trip when I was mad and jealous about him going out, but now it’s the last thing I want to do.
“No, I just want to go home.”
“Want to swing by your favorite restaurant and grab something?”
I shove the last of the doughnut into my mouth and mumble, “Mm-mm.”
He sighs but doesn’t fight me on it. We spend the rest of the drive in silence. Usually I’d put on my holiday playlist, but not even the idea of annoying him with Christmas cheer has any appeal right now.
Neither one of us breaks the silence until we’re back in the parking garage and stepping onto the private elevator.
He presses the button and asks, “Going anywhere else today?”
I think about making him wait around in the penthouse on the off chance that I might decide to go somewhere, but I’m not so sure my heart can take it today. I like having him near me. Even if I can’t have him in the way that I want, I still feel better when he’s close to me, but today is too hard. After knowing he went out last night and then when I’d accidentally let him see how badly I want him in the car and the harsh way he told me to never look at him like that again—yeah, I think I’m ready to call it a day.
“No,” I tell him. “I’m not going anywhere. You can leave, Vitya. ”
He looks over at me, but I keep looking straight ahead at my reflection in the elevator doors.
“Is there any way you’re going to change your mind and want to go somewhere tonight?”
I turn my head and meet his gaze. “Wanting to go out again tonight?”
“Yes,” he says, and I quickly look away so he can’t see how badly he’s hurt me.
“Whatever,” I mumble. “Do whatever the fuck you want. I’m staying in.”
“Sveta,” he starts to say, but the doors start to open, and I cut him off.
“I promise I’m not leaving, Vitya, so you can relax. Go out and have your fun.”
I walk into the apartment, leaving him in the elevator and refusing to turn around to take one last look. I hear the doors shut behind me, and I’m equal parts hurt and pissed. I hate how attached I’ve become to him. I’m usually a pretty strong woman. I’ve got a good head on my shoulders, and I rarely get overly emotional, but that man has me in knots, and I hate it.
I’m all set to have a lousy rest of my day and night when I walk into the kitchen and see my brother. Valentin and I are twins, and I can’t imagine my life without him. We’ve always been close, and he takes one look at me and sighs before grabbing his phone. Wrapping an arm around me, I listen to him place a large order of Chinese food, making sure to get all my favorites, plus an extra order of spring rolls, before pocketing his phone again.
“Mom and Dad are at Uncle Danil’s. They won’t be back until later, so you and I are going to eat our weight in Chinese food and binge watch ‘80s movies.”
I smile up at him. We may be twins, but we’re different in so many ways. I got our mom’s lighter brown hair, and his is darker like our dad’s, and he ended up with blue eyes like our mom’s, while mine are the same whiskey-brown as our dad’s. It’s also a well-known fact that I’m the louder of the two. But even with all our differences, Val just gets me. He took one look at me and knew I needed comfort food and a night of John Hughes.
“You’re my favorite person in the whole wide world, Val,” I tell him, making him laugh. I first said that to him when we were six, and he’d helped me sneak into the kitchen one night for chocolate milk. I said it to make him laugh, but I’m serious. Family is everything, and my brother will always be my best friend.
He leads me over to the couch and grabs the remote before tossing me my favorite super comfy blanket. Sitting down next to me, he says, “I’m not so sure that’s true anymore.”
I get comfortable and say, “It’ll always be true.”
He looks over at me, giving me the same soft smile I’ve seen a million times. “You want to talk about it?”
“Not particularly.”
He gives a soft laugh and goes back to hunting down our first movie. When he stops on Pretty in Pink , I nudge his shoulder, letting him know he’s picked well. Molly Ringwald makes everything better.
Val doesn’t force me to talk, but when the movie starts, he says, “Sis, you and I have one hell of a knack for falling for people we shouldn’t.”
I lean my head against his shoulder, knowing he’s talking about Yelena. My brother has been in love with our cousin for as long as I can remember. She isn’t a blood relative, but they’re still worried about what it will do to the family if they come out with how they feel.
“At least your person loves you back,” I tell him. “Mine can barely tolerate my presence.”
He gives a soft laugh. “I’m pretty sure that’s not at all how he feels. He would’ve never taken the position if he hated you. It would’ve been a conflict of interest. Would you risk your life for someone you despised?”
“He feels like he owes me for what I did. That’s all it is, Val.”
“We’ll see,” he tells me in that calm way of his. Even though we shared a womb, he ended up with all the easygoing genes. I got my dad’s smartass mouth and my mom’s artistic talent. I used to think there was no way my brother would ever want to step into the role as a Bratva boss, but he’s surprised me. He may be calm and more on the quiet side, but he’s taken to Bratva life with surprising ease. I keep begging him to bend the rules and let me join him one night, but he’s made it clear that’s never going to fucking happen.
Once the food gets here and Val runs down to get it, we dig into our feast. I push Vitya from my mind and enjoy a rare day of just my brother and I hanging out like we used to do when we were little. After we finish Pretty in Pink , I put it on National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and laugh so hard I nearly pee my pants. It’s exactly what I needed, and when I hug my brother good night, I squeeze him a little tighter, hoping he understands how much he means to me.
He disappears into his room to text Yelena, and I manage to keep my mind off Vitya for about ten minutes, but my thoughts always drift right back to him until I’m just as miserable as I was when I first walked into our apartment. All Val’s hard work goes right down the fucking drain. The man is always on my mind. I may be able to push him aside every once in a while, but he’s always there, taking up space and overpowering everything else.
I’m not so sure I’ll ever be free of him, and that thought is both a comfort and a torture.
I’m not much of a drinker, but a sudden desire hits me, and once it does, it won’t let go. There’s enough vodka around here for me to take some and my parents will be none the wiser. Not wanting to upset Val or make him feel like he needs to babysit me, I grab a bottle and escape into my bedroom.
The first drink goes down painfully, the second is a little better, and the third is just plain smooth. A soft laugh escapes as everything starts to grow wonderfully fuzzy. My body relaxes, the tension leaves my shoulders, and instead of stressing about Vitya, I keep drinking, wondering why in the hell I never just asked him what he thought about me. I mean, two years of sexual tension when I could’ve just asked the guy if he wanted to be with me. It’s all so obvious now, and I reach for my phone with newfound courage that if I were sober, I’d be questioning. In my intoxicated state, though, it makes perfect sense. I fumble around until I have our texts pulled up, and then I get to work.
Me:
Do u want me?
Vitya:
WTF? Are you leaving? Do you need me to come get you?
Me:
LOL.
Vitya:
Are you okay? What’s going on?
Me:
Truth time, Vit. Do u want me? Cuz I want u.
Vitya:
Have you been drinking?
Me:
LOL. Maybe…
Vitya:
Jesus, don’t move. I’m coming.
Me:
Promises. Promises. I’d like to come too. Wanna work something out?
I don’t get a response, so I drink another glass and then another. When the room starts to spin, I realize my mistake. Even after all the food I ate, the alcohol hits me hard, and I’m right in the middle of seriously regretting my life choice when my bedroom door opens and Vitya storms in. He does not look pleased. Grabbing the bottle out of my hand, he sets it aside and squats down next to me. Cupping my face, he tilts my head back so he can see me better .
“What the fuck were you thinking?”
“Didn’t wanna think,” I mumble. “Duh.”
I try to smack his hand away, but it doesn’t do any good. I’m too weak and uncoordinated, and he’s too damn strong.
“Wish you weren’t so damn attractive,” I growl, and his mouth quirks up in the tiniest grin before he kills it and hauls me to my feet. “Uh-oh,” I groan, feeling the room start to shift before my stomach lurches and I clamp a hand over my mouth.
“Fuck,” he groans, wrapping an arm around me and hauling my ass into the connecting bathroom. He has just enough time to lift the toilet lid and lower me to my knees before everything I just ate comes back with a vengeance. I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life, and my one true regret is that I didn’t drink more so I could’ve just passed out and spared myself this mortification. Vitya holds my hair and pats my back while I cry and puke.
“This was really stupid,” he tells me, but there’s no anger in his voice.
I groan and keep my head in the toilet when I say, “Oh, I don’t know. It still seems like a pretty good idea to me.”
He laughs at my sarcasm while I finish puking, and when I have absolutely nothing left to give, he hands me a wet cloth so I can clean myself up. “I’m fine,” I try to tell him, but he doesn’t leave. He helps me stand and get to the sink so I can brush my teeth, waiting to make sure I’m okay.
“You can leave,” I say again, hoping he’ll just walk out and we’ll never speak of this again.
“I don’t work for you, Sveta,” he informs me. “You can’t just dismiss me.”
I wave my toothbrush around my bathroom. “I’m not in any danger.”
“No, but you’re not in any condition to be left alone just yet.” He leans against the doorway and crosses his arms over his chest. “Where are your parents?”
“Don’t worry, they won’t be back for a few hours. ”
He sighs and goes into my room, returning with the bottle of vodka that I never want to see again. “Should I go put this back so they don’t find it in here?”
“I can do it later,” I try to tell him, but he’s already walking out again. When he comes back, he has a bottle of aspirin, two bottles of water, and a sleeve of crackers. I shake my head at the food. “No way.”
“First time I’ve ever seen you refuse food,” he says with a smirk.
“This isn’t funny, Vitya. This is humiliating.” I turn around and rest my ass against the counter. “I can’t remember exactly what I texted you, but can I see your phone so I can delete them?”
His smirk grows. “Nope.”
“Then can you delete them?”
“I could, yes, but I’m not going to.”
With my eyes on his, I refuse to look away. God, what I wouldn’t give to be able to close the distance between us and wrap my body around his. The headache that’s beginning to pound behind my eyes and the nauseous feeling that has yet to fully leave is enough to remind me of the reality of the situation. He’s my bodyguard, and I’ve just made a complete and total ass of myself.
I look away and very ungracefully make my way to my bed. Crawling into it, I pull the blankets over my head and tell him to go away. He doesn’t. I feel the mattress dip when he sits down next to me before gently pulling back the covers.
“First you need to take some aspirin and drink one of these bottles.”
“I can’t,” I tell him.
He lifts a brow at me. “You will. Now sit your ass up or I’ll haul you up myself.”
With a pained groan, I sit and pop the aspirin in my mouth before taking the water. I drink as much as I can before pushing it away.
“Finish it,” he tells me.
“I can’t.”
“You need it.”
“I’m gonna throw it up,” I warn him.
He relents and puts it on my nightstand next to the other bottle and the crackers. “You need to drink more when you can and try and eat something.”
“Mm-hmm,” I mumble, already sinking back against the covers, but when I try to pull the blankets back over my head, he surprises me by reaching out and stopping me. He grabs the blanket, tucking it around me instead of over me, and before he stands, he brings his hand up to brush a strand of hair off my forehead. His fingers graze my skin, and I’m craving his touch so badly that I actually lean into it and close my eyes. His fingers immediately still, and by the time I open my eyes, he’s pulling back to stand up.
Instead of leaving, he sits on the floor next to the bed, leaning his back up against it.
“Thought you had to be somewhere,” I say.
He looks at his watch. “I still have some time.”
“You can go,” I tell him.
Turning his head to look at me, he says, “I’m not leaving until I’m sure you’re okay.”
Rolling onto my side, I curl my legs up and stare at Vitya’s profile. I’ve dreamed about him being in my room so many times, but none of those fantasies ever involved him holding my hair while I puke and make a fool of myself. My eyes focus on his sculpted jawline and neck tattoo.
“Tell me about your tattoo,” I whisper.
“No. Try and get some sleep.”
I must still be a little drunk because I reach a hand out and lightly brush my fingers over the dragon. He stiffens at my touch, jaw clenched and veins throbbing, before he grabs my hand and puts it back on the bed. Meeting my eyes, he says, “Go to sleep, Sveta.”
“You’re the most stubborn man I’ve ever met,” I tell him.
He gives a soft laugh. “Well, that’s high praise coming from you.”
I roll onto my back, hoping he’ll grow bored and leave so I can wallow in my embarrassment in private. He doesn’t. He sits in that annoyingly calm way of his, barely moving and not making a sound. I don’t know how he does it. I toss and turn, trying to get comfortable until I finally give up and curl back into the fetal position.
After what feels like forever, he says, “I need to go,” reminding me that he has plans tonight. Plans that don’t involve babysitting my sorry ass. “Don’t forget to drink the water, Sveta, and text me if you need me.”
“I’ll be fine, Vitya. Go have your fun.”
He hesitates, almost like he wants to say something, but then he just gives a small shake of his head before leaving my room and softly shutting the door behind him. I groan and pull the covers over my head, wanting nothing more than to sleep and forget this ever happened.