23. Natalie
23
NATALIE
“ I s this how you celebrate a triumphant debut?” Steph demanded, frowning at me with one hand on her hip. “Your name is basically up in lights, right under Branson. You’re a friggin’ superstar now. So why the hell are you moping around on the couch?”
I flopped onto my back and stared at the ceiling. “Have you not been paying attention to everything I’ve told you over the past forty-eight hours?”
She walked into the room still holding the spoon from her oatmeal and plopped down next to me. “Duh, of course I’ve heard you. I’ve heard every word, and I get that James acted like a total dick. But I think we both sort of knew that your relationship was more of a fling. I know I’ve never met him, but he doesn’t seem like the type of guy who’s looking for long term, you know? I thought you were okay with that. Why is it coming as a surprise to you?”
I shrugged and bit down on my lip to keep from crying. “Because it really seemed like he wasn’t a total dick, Steph. He was…special. And sweet. And romantic.”
“Yeah, and he kissed his supermodel ex on the world’s stage, so there ya go: total dick.”
I punched her leg and frowned.
“What? You know I’m not wrong.”
I didn’t answer, because deep down it did feel like she was wrong about James. And that’s what I couldn’t figure out. How could I have been so wrong about someone who I thought could be a part of my forever?
Not that it mattered, because he’d screwed me over, royally. And my phone had been silent since, which told me everything I needed to know about James. I’d hoped that maybe he’d call me, or better yet, show up on my doorstep to tell me that he’d made a huge mistake, and that he only cared about me.
I snorted softly. Yeah, right.
“What are you laughing about?” Steph asked.
“If I don’t laugh I’ll cry,” I said simply.
She leaned over to give me a kiss on the cheek and walked back to the kitchen. “You know what’ll make you feel better?”
“A dozen cupcakes? A month-long nap?”
“No, a nice, big?—”
“Don’t you dare say workout,” I cautioned.
“ Workout !” she exclaimed triumphantly, flexing one muscular arm. “C’mon, it’ll be fun! I’m going to go change.”
My phone buzzed with an incoming text, and I jumped to grab it, still hopeful that maybe James had come to his senses.
It was Rhea, asking if she could call me.
I placed the phone on my chest and sighed. Work. I’d called in sick but that clearly wasn’t enough to stop dear old Rhea from crossing the line. A part of me wished I was with my colleagues to celebrate the success of the show, but every time I thought about going to the office, I could envision James hovering in the background.
I wanted to quit. No, I needed to quit.
I closed my eyes and imagined marching into HR to hand in my notice, only to feel tears spring to my eyes. I absolutely loved my work, and my salary was at an all-time high. I just wished I didn’t have to associate the best job of my life with my biggest heartbreak. How could I get past all of my mixed-up, lovesick feelings and act like James was just my boss again? My body would probably always have an involuntary reaction to seeing him. Would it be possible for me to sit in a status meeting without focusing on the lips that had explored every inch of my body? And what about if our hands touched accidentally? Could I keep the goose bumps from spreading along my arms?
My phone rang and once again my heart fell out of rhythm until I saw who it was. Dammit, Rhea was persistent.
“Hey there,” I answered. “Everything okay?”
“Why aren’t you here with us today?” she pouted. “The woman of the hour, the brains and the beauty behind our latest success!”
“Yo, where are you?” a voice in the background called out that I recognized as Lavonte’s.
I frowned. I wanted to be there, but I also couldn’t bear the thought of it.
“Sorry, I just wasn’t feeling great today,” I answered.
“I bet. You really busted your ass right up until the last minute. You must be exhausted.”
“Yeah, I’ve been better,” I admitted.
“I understand. And you’re not the only one,” she said and tutted. “Such tough timing for a family emergency.”
I sat up straight. “Family emergency? What’s going on?”
A beat of silence. “Oh. I thought you would know better than me. The company-wide message just mentioned a family emergency. No details, and I swore to James that I wouldn’t talk about it.”
I realized that this was more than just a welfare check. Rhea was trying to pump me for details about something, assuming that James and I were still together.
“Talk about what?” I asked as I considered the many things that could’ve gone wrong since James and I last spoke. “Rhea, tell me what you know.”
She sighed. “I said I wouldn’t tell anyone…”
“Fine, I’ll call you back later when I know more. Talk soon.” I quickly hit the disconnect button.
My heart thumped wildly. Could it be Bernie? Another heart attack? I dialed her number before I could think twice.
“Natalie, honey.” She answered the phone on the first ring, and I slumped with relief that her voice sounded as strong as ever. “Are you coming to the hospital?”
My pulse ratcheted up again. “Hospital? What happened, Bernie? Are you okay?”
“Oh, sweetheart…no one told you?”
“Told me what? I know nothing, who is in the hospital, and why?”
“I’m so sorry you didn’t hear. Everyone has been so consumed by this that we must’ve forgotten to reach out to you. James has been beside himself, as you can probably imagine. But I’m surprised that he didn’t even text you.”
I gritted my teeth waiting for her to finally connect the dots for me. “Can you please tell me who is in the hospital, Bern?”
“It’s Christopher. He, um…he had an episode and misjudged the number of pills he took.”
A suicide attempt? What had triggered it? Christopher had seemed like he was beginning a new chapter, so why would he resort to hurting himself?
“Is he okay?” I asked tentatively. “Is he awake?”
“Yes, sweetheart, he’s stable now. They need him to stay a little longer, though, because they’re running some test to check his liver enzymes, or something like that. Maybe his kidney, I can’t remember.”
“Do you know why he, uh, misjudged the pills?”
“Amanda is engaged. And pregnant.”
I breathed out my shock. “Oh no. That must’ve been so hard for him to hear.”
The one-two punch of his ex’s life changes probably toppled Christopher’s shaky emotional foundation. He always found reasons to mention her when we worked together, whether it was recalling a party she’d thrown or mentioning how amazing she looked in one of the designs. It didn’t seem like he was still in love with her, since there was always a hint of anger in his memories. But he seemed stuck in the past, tied to the woman in a way that made it impossible for him to move forward—despite how promising the future looked. It wasn’t lost on me that he always brightened when Julia came up, and I’d hoped that she could be a way forward for him.
“I think he just wanted a good night’s sleep, you know?” Bernie said. “We’ve all been so busy. It’s normal to want a little help. Right?”
I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I’d never been so desperate for sleep that I’d overdosed on pills.
“He’s getting the care he needs now, that’s all that matters,” I said.
“I think he’d love to see you,” Bernie replied softly. “Connecting with the people he cares about is good therapy. And of course, I know it would make all the difference in the world to James to have you by his side.”
My heart clenched when I realized that Bernie didn’t know how much had changed. She probably saw the Heidi mess through a different lens, like Heidi’s appearance at the show was a choreographed stunt. It wasn’t like James would have had the time to explain it to her.
“Do you really think it’s a good idea?” I asked softly.
“I do,” she said quickly. “In fact, I demand that you come. You always make Christopher smile, Natalie. You remind him how important he was to our company. You gave him a reason to get out of bed and focus. I’ve seen a new spark in him since the two of you have been brainstorming.”
I’d seen it as well. Not that I knew Christopher before, but I’d definitely seen him shift from a casual observer of my work in the beginning to an eager participant. Maybe she was right? Maybe if I showed up at the hospital I could take his mind off his troubles for a bit? I wasn’t sure how I felt about seeing James…but if he’d been up with Christopher all night, as I was sure he had, then maybe he’d be heading home to get some sleep around now.
“Okay, I’ll come. How long will you be there today?”
“I’m actually leaving shortly,” she said. “I have a doctor’s appointment that I can’t miss, but I’ll be back right after it. James has been in and out, but you can probably sync up your visits.”
“I’m going to head over now,” I said quickly. “I hope to see you, Bernie.”
“Me too, sweetheart.” She sighed. “Oh, what a rollercoaster life has been lately. Here’s to brighter days ahead.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell her that “brighter days” didn’t sound even remotely possible for me.
We hung up and I dragged myself from the couch.
“Good, you’re up,” Steph said as I passed her in the hallway. I wasn’t surprised to see that she was already in her workout clothing. “I’ve got a great new ab routine you’re going to hate. Go get changed.”
“Can’t. I need to get to the hospital. Christopher, uh, took too many sleeping pills when he found out his ex was engaged and pregnant.”
Her mouth dropped open. “Oh, wow. That’s awful. But Nat…do you really want to get mixed up in their personal lives given everything that happened with the bosshole? Maybe some distance is a good thing right now.”
I shook my head and my half-up bun flopped around, reminding me that I probably looked like I’d slept under a bush. “This is different. Christopher and I had a friendship that’s bigger than Branson. I need to at least show up and tell him I’m pulling for him, you know?”
Steph half-smiled at me. “You’re a good person. A pain in the ass, but a good person.”
“Thanks. You might be the only person who feels that way. James sure as hell doesn’t.”
The wave of unexpected grief made me nauseous. I loved that I could always count on Steph’s support, but it was a stark reminder that she was the one and only person I’d gotten truly close to who hadn’t let me down. My whole life had been a series of starting over, and here I was again, pretending that I was fine despite my fractured heart.
“Hey,” Steph said as she gently grasped my shoulder. “I know this is tough.”
She pulled me into a hug, and I finally let the tears flow. Better now in the privacy of my own home than at the hospital. I needed to be strong for Christopher, and also for myself if James happened to be there. I didn’t want him to know how badly he’d hurt me. Hiding my pain had always been a part of my coping mechanism when I was rejected. Chin up, shoulders back, and ready to move on as if I didn’t have a care in the world.
“I’m going to bake up the most sinful chocolate chip cookies you’ve ever tasted,” Steph said when she finally pulled back. “We’ll eat half raw, and the rest cooked. We can drain a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream, too. Sound good?”
I sniffled. “You mean you’re not going to force me to work out?”
She placed her hand on my cheek and smiled at me. “My sister by another mister needs a break, and I’m going to make sure she gets it. Now, go get ready to show the Bransons that you’re unbroken. Go be there for Christopher, and when you get home, I’ll be there for you.”
My bottom lip trembled, and Steph wagged a finger at me.
“No more tears until you come home, got it? Dig up some of that strength I know you have, do what you gotta do at the hospital, then come home and break down with me.”
I nodded. “I can do it.”
“I know you can,” Steph said. “And that’s just one of the many things I love about you.”
She gave me another squeeze and I headed for my room, trying to figure out how to fake that I was okay yet again.