24. James
24
JAMES
“ I need to talk to him.”
Amanda was the absolute last person I expected to see at the hospital, but there she was, standing in the hallway outside Christopher’s door. As always she was impeccably turned out, her blonde hair pressed into a gleaming waterfall, wearing a dress that I recognized as Armani, paired with red-bottom stilettoes. I glanced at her still flat midsection, guessing that she had a few months left in heels that high.
I managed to camouflage my shock. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. He’s still recovering, and seeing you might set him back.” I moved between her and his hospital room door, a not-subtle reminder that I would always be my brother’s guardian.
I felt a pinch between my temples as I acknowledged that lately I’d fallen down on the job, and his hospital stay was the result.
“Don’t make this difficult, James.” Amanda scowled at me. “It’s Christopher’s decision, not yours. If he wants to kick me out, then I’ll leave, but you can’t make the choice for him.”
“What about the restraining order you threatened? That could go both ways, you know.”
“Restraining order?” Amanda’s face twisted up in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“Your fiancé told me about it,” I sneered.
“Oh, ignore him. He has a flair for the dramatic,” she said brusquely. “What’s happening now is between me and Christopher. Not Tim, and especially not you.”
I was gritting my teeth, probably to keep from hurling a string of insults at her. Damn it, she was right. And I realized that despite everything he’d been through, Christopher probably did want to see her.
I wordlessly stepped to the side so she could pass.
Amanda paused as she put her hand on the doorknob. “I know you think that what happened is my fault, but I’m allowed to move on with my life. And he should too.”
I crossed my arms, unwilling to admit aloud that I knew she was right. My allegiance to my brother was too strong for me to make nice with the woman who’d broken him.
“Don’t talk about the baby,” I warned her. “Because you know he wanted that more than anything, Amanda. He begged you to start a family, and you said you never wanted to have children, ever. And now you’ve decided to do just that with someone else.”
The comment hit my mark. Amanda winced for a moment before she could get her expression under control. Then she stepped into Christopher’s room.
Part of me wanted to press my ear to the door and listen to what was going on inside the room. I couldn’t imagine what Amanda might want to say to him, or how he’d react. I felt relieved that he was in a safe place, and that the various alarms attached to him would alert the nurses if something went south.
I cursed the fact that I even had the thought.
Waiting outside the door made me feel like a bouncer, so I decided to head down to the coffee stand in the lobby. My phone never stopped buzzing with work-related alerts and messages but, I was in no mind to try to put out fires at Branson. My sole focus right now had to be on my family. I pulled the cursed thing from my pocket to turn it off and fumbled with it, realizing that I had no clue how to do so. My phone was never off. I was so focused on clearing the notifications off my screen that I didn’t realize that I was taking up half the hallway.
“Excuse me,” a brusque voice rang out.
I looked up with an apology on my lips only to discover the last person I expected to see staring at me.
“Natalie…”
“Bernie told me to come,” she explained, her face stony. “I didn’t think you’d be here.”
My heart reacted viscerally, beating wildly at the sight of her. She looked beautiful and sad and angry, and all I wanted to do was wrap her in my arms. My body ached to connect with her, to find comfort in her touch, because absolutely everything in my world felt broken. But then I remembered that I couldn’t give her what she needed. And that meant that keeping my distance was better for both of us.
“Christopher will appreciate it, I’m sure,” I finally managed.
Her eyes looked red ringed, and her skin was pale and blotchy. She was still unbelievably beautiful, but broken in her own way.
We stared at one another in silence for too long.
“His room is that way?” she finally asked, pointing beyond me.
I felt like I was underwater, with all of my reactions slowed. “Yes, but you can’t go in.”
She frowned at me. “ Excuse me? Why not?”
I recognized the edge in her voice, and it immediately brought me back to our first meeting. Firey, headstrong Natalie, the woman who never backed down from me was always ready for war.
Just this once, I was too weary to engage.
I sighed. “Amanda is with him. She showed up and demanded to see him.”
Natalie’s expression shifted to concern. “Is that…is that a good idea? Isn’t she at least half the reason why he’s here?”
I nodded. “Yes, but maybe this will bring him some closure.”
“I’d like a few minutes alone with her. I’ll give her closure she won’t soon forget,” Natalie muttered.
We both went quiet again, until Natalie started to move past me. I realized that I couldn’t lose this moment, that we needed to talk through our own messy past in order to navigate any sort of cordial future, especially since she still worked for me.
“Natalie…we should talk.”
She turned to me, and I swear I saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes. It absolutely crushed me.
“Fine. Say what you have to say,” she said, crossing her arms and glaring at me.
I glanced around as a pair of nurses bustled by us. “Not here. There’s a room just down the hall where we’ll have privacy.”
She sighed but followed behind me.
As we walked into the room I tried to compose my racing thoughts. For the briefest moment I considered throwing caution to the wind and confessing that I was miserable without her. But I quickly realized that she’d wind up miserable if she stayed with me.
I wasn’t able to commit to her—or anyone. Not when I had to put my family and the business first and second. I had no right to ask her to come in third, just so she could be with a guy who might never be willing to let his guard down all the way and love her properly. She deserved so much better than that.
Natalie perched on the edge of the chair in the corner of the room, watching me warily with her purse clutched on her lap. Part of me wished she’d come out swinging like she always did, but this Natalie was different. Reserved. Silent.
Sad .
I cleared my throat, not sure where to begin. “First, thank you for coming to see Christopher. And for all you’ve done for him. He doesn’t let people in, so it means a lot that you two became close.”
She gave me a terse nod in reply. We both knew there were bigger issues to address.
“I also owe you an apology for what happened with Heidi.”
“What she did was shitty but it isn’t the issue, it’s how you responded to it,” Natalie said quickly, the fury returning to her eyes.
“You’re right. But you have to see where I was coming from?—”
“No, actually, I don’t,” she fired back. “Not at all. You’re basically saying that you value your business above everything else, including me.”
“Natalie…” I sighed. “At this moment, the business has to come first. And I apologize if I didn’t make that clear to you all along.”
She let out a harsh laugh. “Yeah, stupid me for believing that I actually mattered to you.”
I wanted to tell her that my feelings for her had been real, but it was no use. What purpose would it serve to let her know that she’d become a part of my DNA? Whatever we’d shared was over. It had to be.
“You’re better off without me,” I said softly.
“You know what? I agree.”
When I looked at her I realized that tears were streaming down her face. My chest constricted with my own pain, but I fought against it. This was for the best. Not having Natalie in my life would allow me to focus on the things I could control. And it would free her to find the relationship she deserved, with someone who could give her all the things I just didn’t have to give.
“But I have to know,” she asked in a broken voice. “Was any of it real?”
Why was she doing this to me? Forcing me to face the feelings I needed to cauterize if I expected to move forward with my life? Being honest with Natalie in this moment would serve no purpose. It would be better for both of us if I made a clean break.
“No,” I finally managed.
The anguished sob that came out of her echoed around the small room.
“So what you said in the limo was a lie? That I was…special?”
“Of course I meant that, Natalie. You’re an incredible asset to Branson. You’re the reason why the show was such a success.”
She stood up, looking both crushed and defiant. “You know that’s not what I meant. Not at all.” Her voice was jagged.
I felt like I was breaking apart. I forced myself to ignore my instincts, to fight off the urge to take the teary-eyed woman into my arms and comfort her. It would do no good for either of us.
“I don’t think I can continue working with you, James,” Natalie finally said. “I’m going to quit.”
I’d been wrestling with something, not sure if it was the right move, but I realized that I needed to speak the words now. “Natalie, no. You can’t leave Branson. I’m…I’m taking a leave of absence. You should stay, at least for a while, until you figure out what you want to do next. I won’t be around to bother you.”
Hope flashed in her expression, and I realized how much she valued her position at Branson. I was glad I could at least offer her that lifeline.
“Fine. I’ll stay as long as you’re not there. But the minute you come back, I’m leaving.”
She raised her chin at me, and I tried not to see her as a little girl, clutching a trash bag filled with clothing.
“We need to discuss workflow, and how you’ll need to manage everything with me gone,” I said. “Keep vetting the resumes for Clint’s replacement, but put the interviews on hold for now. I’m fine with giving you free rein on interviewing candidates for Lorraine’s job yourself. I’m not going to be checking in, which means that?—”
“James, seriously? Now ?” her voice broke. “You’re trying to talk shop with my heart crushed under your shoe?”
I felt my mouth go tight. Focusing on work was my move. Branson had always been my buffer, my excuse to keep people at an arm’s length. I hated that Natalie could see through my bullshit.
“You’re right. We can figure that out later.”
“Your brother is fighting for his life right down the hallway and you’re over here talking hiring plans.” Natalie scoffed. “You’re a fucking mess, James. Do you know that?”
“Stop,” I said, the single syllable a terse demand.
She jabbed her finger at me. “ You don’t get to tell me what to do. You might be my boss on paper, but our working relationship is over. And our personal relationship…well, that was never real at all, right? So shut the hell up, James Branson.”
There was no arguing with her. I could tell by her expression that she was now ready to fight to the death, and I was of no mind to meet her in that dark place.
“Fine,” I sighed.
“Are we done here?” she asked, already walking towards the door. “Because I have nothing else to say to you.”
My body had a primal reaction as her hand reached for the doorknob.
Stop her. Don’t let her go. She’s yours.
“We’re done,” I said simply. I didn’t trust myself to say anything else.
She slipped through the door without a backwards glance, and it hit me that Natalie was used to this. Leaving someone she thought cared about her. My heart splintered knowing that I’d been the one to do it to her this time.
But it was for the best, because I knew that I could never be the man that Natalie needed.