Chapter 27
Twenty-Seven
Kade
I've hit my limit. "Stop."
Jarek huffs but at least he apologizes. There's only so many times I can listen to him do his deep breathing exercises. Instead of driving me absolutely batshit with his heavy breathing, he starts counting back from one hundred. At least he's quiet.
If I were driving, I would have the volume all the way up, but Silas needs silence to focus on driving. That's one of the main reasons he's rarely our designated driver when we're out as a pack.
I probably would have been able to rest had Jarek been driving, but he needs to focus on getting through to Vivian. I'm so fucking scared to try because I fear pushing harder will make me lose what little I have right now.
Thunking my head back on the headrest, I try to tune out my alpha mate in the passenger seat in front of me. Jarek has looked ready to pass out for an hour now but he keeps at it. We need him to bust our omega's fucking walls down.
My teeth ache from grinding them together for over two days. I don't think my jaw has relaxed once since Vivie went missing.
One of our contacts was able to get security footage of the grocery store exit. Hearing that Vivie walked out all on her own without a fucking care for her safety or us was gut-wrenching.
She knows better. We have rules in place for a damn reason. Vivie knows this. So why? What was so important to risk her safety for? Or who?
Was she threatened? Or saw someone she knew?
There are so many questions, and the worst part of all is the fear that I'll never know the truth. Each minute that passes feels exponentially harder.
"Jarek, you okay?" Silas snaps me out of my downward spiral with his worry for our mate. "Hey," he says a bit more urgently, patting Jarek's thigh.
"Pay attention to the road," I mutter to my beta. Unbuckling my seatbelt, I bend forward as far as I can and lean over the center console. I immediately know what's wrong with Jarek.
His eyes are wide, breathing labored, and he's clawing at his chest. He's having a panic attack. I pull his hands away quickly and place his hand on my chest. It's an awkward position but a necessary one.
Willing my heart to stay calm, I speak in low tones, trying to get him to calm down. "Alright, Jay. I have you. I'm here. Just try to breathe with me, okay?"
Shaking his head rapidly, Jarek tries to tug his hand out of mine. He's so fucking pale it's terrifying, and if I allowed my mind to play tricks on me, I would almost believe his lips are turning blue too.
"Not an option. Breathe, my love," I murmur even as my lungs struggle for air too.
"Kade—"
"Hold on, Silas," I murmur, knowing he's freaking out too. It's been so long since Jarek has had one of these attacks.
Jay wheezes and his eyes slam shut. He actually manages to pull himself free from my grip. With his hands in his long hair, he yanks and pulls until I'm basically fucking wrestling for control.
"Pull over!" I demand, thankful when Silas immediately does so. Releasing Jarek is fucking hard, but I'm out the back door in a split second and ripping the front passenger one open right away.
In the time it takes me to get out of the car, Jarek has folded himself over and put his head between his knees.
"Damn it," I growl even though I'm glad he's at least okay enough to remember another tactic in calming his panic.
Unfortunately I don't think the extra blood flow to his brain will do much.
"What happened?" I ask Silas as he comes around to stand a step behind me.
Silas blows out a shaky breath and leans against the side of the truck so close to me I inhale his green tea and rainwater scent.
"He was trying to get through to Vivie. I was watching his body language because I was eager to see if it worked again.
That's when he stiffened like he'd been struck, then he went pale a few moments later.
Which is when his breathing changed and I got scared. "
While he talks, I run my hand up and down Jay's back in slow, heavy strokes. I won't move him unless he shows signs of getting worse again. Plus I have no idea what would happen if I started manhandling him while he was locked in on Vivie.
Is it selfish to keep him in this state of panic so we can hopefully find our omega sooner?
"Shh, just breathe," I coo, bending at the waist and hugging Jarek.
Tears burn my eyes, so I pinch them closed knowing I can't fall apart right now.
As much as I wish I were in Jay's spot so I could feel Vivian and feel a stronger pull to her location, that's just not how Vivie is allowing it.
It's as if she's putting the most effort into keeping me at bay.
I fear it's strategic. Is what she's experiencing so bad she needs to hide it from the pack alpha because I might lose my absolute mind if I knew?
"She's—"
A startled gasp slips from me when Jarek speaks for the first time in way too long. I stand and murmur, "She's what, Jay?"
The trembling of his shoulders and obvious heave of his back make my stomach twist uncomfortably. Whatever he experienced was more than just connecting with our woman again.
When a sob rips through Jay's chest, Silas and I tug him from the truck and wrap him in our arms as tightly as we can.
Jarek used to have panic attacks starting a few months after we met Vivian.
He was coming into his designation while constantly terrified something might take our omega away.
Be it scientists or suicide, Jarek feared for Vivie's life so viscerally he would slip into panic attacks.
Vivie never knew the extent of Jarek’s trauma. Yes she knew he had an older sister who took her own life when he was ten, but Vivian has never mentioned having any suicidal ideation. That didn't stop Jarek from worrying constantly.
A year and a half. That's how long they lasted on a weekly basis.
The more he got to know Vivie and realized she had no plans to leave us by her own hand, the less the panic came.
Therapy helped, though he wanted to keep that on the down low at university.
He didn't want it getting around for a few reasons.
One was Vivie and the other was the stigma around men, especially alphas, going to therapy.
Jarek told Vivian a few years ago about therapy but never gave her much detail. He mainly explained it was for grief for his sister. Since then, Vivie has understood his more vulnerable side and accepted it wholeheartedly.
Jarek drops his forehead onto my shoulder and blows out a heavy breath. With my heart breaking and my men in my arms, I stand strong when all I want to do is crumble.
"She's hurting. Mentally and—and physically," Jarek croaks and shudders. "W-we're close, though."
We're close. That's the part I'm going to hold on to, and I know someone around here who might be able to help us. We're close, Vivie.