Chapter 30
Thirty
Jarek
Idon’t know how much more I can take. The harder I try to reach her, the easier it is to gain access. That doesn't mean by any stretch of the imagination that it's easy.
Fucking hell, it's the hardest, most awful thing I have ever experienced. I've never fought and tried so hard to immerse myself in the bond like Vivie does daily. Now I'm being sucked into our shared subconscious and becoming way more intertwined than I ever have in the past.
I was content to know our bond ran so deep our mate could basically live in it. Now, as my ability expands, I'm fucking horrified.
Of course I can imagine and see the beauty of what this could be, but holy fucking shit I feel like I'm dying. I may not be able to see what Vivie does in the bond, but I'm wondering if I might feel more than she does.
Every ache, every physical twinge of her muscles, I swear to fuck I can feel. It's tripping me out so bad I can't see straight.
She's doing a good job of keeping her emotions tucked away, but she can't hide her starvation from me. My butterfly has been hungry since yesterday. Each time I reach for her, I hope like hell she's eaten but I'm proven wrong every damn hour.
I've become a mindless husk on the outside, simply pointing and guiding my alpha and beta toward her location. That is when I can actually manage to function between the outside world and the one in my soul.
Vivian's hungry, her body aches. The ricochet through my body of her getting seriously hurt earlier in the day was the worst thing I've ever experienced.
My arm, back, and skull felt like they were shattering into a million pieces.
I don't know if that's truly what she felt or if that was my experience as her mate.
Knowing my omega, the woman I'm bound to and love so much it fucking hurts, is being abused, starved, and who knows what else is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
"Jarek?"
I have nothing to say to Kade. I'm fighting for my fucking sanity over here. Nothing's happened in the bond, at least physically for a while. Except for her hunger and thirst.
"Jay, give me something. Please."
With a scratchy throat and all my focus turned inward, I rumble, "She's hungry."
There's some cursing and thuds. I absently hope they aren't fucking up the truck.
Warmth tingles my hand immediately making me jolt and frown. It's been a while since Kade or Silas have touched me. The heat burns hotter and turns tingly. I feel my face twitch, and I force my eyes open because whatever they're doing is distracting me from my task.
Except, when I glance down, there's nothing touching me. Snapping my attention up with alarm, I find Silas and Kade on the other side of the parking lot in a heated discussion.
What the fuck?
Slamming my eyes shut, I focus on the sensation. The warmth slowly cools and the tingles fizzle away too. What's happening, Butterfly?
There's nothing for a few moments, but I beg a thousand times in those minutes for her to feel the warmth again. Whatever it was, it was the most pleasant sensation she's experienced since I've been able to bust down her walls. I don't care what it was. She needs warmth and tingles.
A blast of fear through the bond startles a grunt out of me and sends me crashing to my knees. The sun burns my head as I bow, but I'm quickly distracted as sharp pinpricks of pain scatter about my scalp.
"JAREK!"
My throat convulses in desperation to scream, but I can't. I'm unable to get any kind of sound out as I experience Vivian being dragged around by her hair like it's me that's there.
Red fills my vision for a split moment as uncharacteristic rage shoves me onto my hands. What's happening to me?!
I can't be distracted by my struggle. I need to know what's happening to her. Let me in, let me in, LET ME IN! I batter and ram my psyche into hers, desperate for as much information as possible even if it splits me down the middle of my sanity.
I almost regret my determination when she drops every single wall and unveils the true dehumanization she's suffering. My heart stops beating, my eyes spring open, and the breath in my lungs revolts before it attacks my organs.
Kade and Silas are kneeling in front of me and shouting but I can't hear them. I can't hear anything. It's silent in here.
The warmth of the sun ceases to exist, and a damp chill layers over my skin even though I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt. It's cold and smells like mold in here.
Where I could once see Kade and Silas, it's as if a door slams closed and darkness steals my vision. It's pitch black in here.
Then the loneliness comes. It weighs heavier than the terror forcing my breaths into a broken rhythm. My eyes drag upwards and back as I succumb to the sheer trauma of the second hand abuse of my omega.
Right before I pass out, I wonder why Vivie is only now experiencing loneliness.