Chapter 25
TWENTY-FIVE
Asia
“What are you doing old man?”
I scurried over to Uncle Levi’s bedside, a smile plastered on my face, but tears still welled in my eyes, especially when I saw him tremble.
“What does it look like I’m doing? Didn’t me and Kathleen send you care packages when you were up at that college? I would think they would have helped so you’d be able to see when somebody’s standing up,” he said.
It was Uncle Levi, but his voice was thready, breathy. And I saw his arms shake as he pushed against the soft mattress trying to hoist himself out of bed.
And failing.
He huffed against the mattress with a gentle thud.
The tear fell before I could stop it. And I swiped it away angrily, but then forced the smile back on my face.
“Sounds like you calling me dumb, but this is definitely a pot kettle situation,” I said, looking at the mattress.
“Girl, I’m not gonna spend my last days laying on this mattress, staring up at the ceiling,” he said.
“Uncle Levi,” I said, tears falling freely now.
He huffed, but then leaned back against the headboard. I lifted his pillows, not bothering to try to wipe the tears, or hide them.
I blinked, some of my tears landing on his soft baby blue comforter, turning it darker.
“Gonna fall and hit your head, and what are we gonna do then?”
“You and Kathleen aren’t blood related, but you fuss like it came to you naturally,” he said.
“Hush,” I said.
“Asia,” he said, reaching up, his hand trembling as he grabbed my wrist.
“Let me get you more comfortable,” I said, trying to pull away.
He squeezed tighter, and I looked down at him.
“It’s gonna be okay, baby,” he said.
The sob ripped out of my chest before I could stop it.
“It’s not going to be okay,” I said.
He squeezed, didn’t loosen his hold until I looked at him.
“It is,” Uncle Levi said.
I stared at him, and through his jaundiced eyes, his skin that was waxy, body that was frail and getting more frail by the day, I saw through all that. Saw what he tried to show me.
Saw that he believed it.
Prayed to every god that I could too.
“I love you, Uncle Levi,” I said.
He pulled me close to him, his strength surprising, and hugged me tight.
Hugged me the way I should have hugged him when Aunt Kathleen was gone.
Like always he was there for me in a way that no one else ever had been.
And ever would be.
I cried harder, the memory of Jack walking away filling my head.
I shook my head back and forth, trying to dislodge the image, then pulled back and looked down at Uncle Levi.
“It will be okay,” I said, patting his hand.
“It will,” he whispered, his voice sounding almost like his.
Asia
Uncle Levi was settled, and I’d even gotten him to eat some of the stew Bridget made. Only a couple of tablespoons, but it was something.
I brought it up in one of Aunt Kathleen’s tea cups.
Dirty pool, but Uncle Levi knew I broke out the porcelain to show how important this was. Knowing him like I did, he was doing it for us, not wanting to take resources, waste them on some old man he would say.
I smiled, shaking my head at his foolishness and looking down at the cup.
My stomach turned as I looked at the remnants of the stew in the cup. I wasn’t able to eat for the past couple of days, something that would have made me happy before, but was only proof of how irretrievably fucking pathetic I was.
“Oh, let me get that,” Bridget said, meeting me at the bottom of the stairs.
“It’s fine. I’m happy to do the dishes and help out in the kitchen,” I said.
“Asia, you have important things to do,” Bridget said.
“Bridget, everybody has important things to do,” I said.
“Yeah, but you got those goats back into the pen after they got out. I think that earned you a vacation from dish duty,” Bridget said.
I shook my head, remembering the incident the day before.
“I still don’t know how that happened. I swear that fence was—”
“Sorry,” Bridget said as the teacup shattered.
I stared, then looked down, the fine English roses painted onto white porcelain distorted by what looked to be a million little cracks.
I teared up again, but forced them back.
“It’s all right,” I said.
“Let me get a broom. I’ll get this cleaned up. I am so sorry, Asia,” Bridget said.
She looked to be on the verge of tears herself. And I patted her shoulder.
“It’s just stuff,” I said, shaking my head.
“That’s right. We know what matters now,” Bridget said.
I patted her shoulder, but rushed out of the kitchen, needing space, not wanting her to see me cry.
Asia
It was quiet, miserably so.
To think that peace was something I had always wanted, that I’d always loved, and now it was perverted into this. Everything that was dear to me was taken.
I let out a laugh, one that couldn’t contain the scorn that filled my heart. Guess that was the end of the world for you.
At least there were still the animal sounds, the snorts, the kicking of hooves, sounds of life. That was something. I told myself that. Willed myself to believe it. And after the second circle of the perimeter, hoping that maybe I did.
Except…
I circled yet again, my brain simultaneously moving at light speed and feeling mired in taffy. We had managed three weeks without Jack, and we were still here.
Sure, Miles rarely smiled anymore, and was rail thin.
Caitlin was snippy, looking for anything to criticize.
And Uncle Levi…
The circles under his eyes were darker, his skin ashen, no matter how much cocoa butter I rubbed on him.
He was listless.
He was dying.
I stumbled ever so slightly, but quickly righted myself.
Lourdes had found one of Aunt Kathleen’s books about herbal remedies.
And her and Elliot had been foraging, trying to find local herbs that might help him.
That was something. And if it came to it, and I prayed it wouldn’t, though, by now I should know what happened to prayers, I could go to town, maybe find something that could help him. And that was all I could do.
That had to be enough.
I circled yet again, then focused on the fence. Smiled when I looked at it, the rusted wire threaded through with fresh, new strands.
I watched Jack and Miles together, Jack stern, but surprisingly patient, as he showed the boy how to repair holes in the fence. I remembered the sound of his laugh as he had snipped the wire, then told Miles to do the same, only to have the boy recoil in horror at how hard it was.
But Jack fixed it.
I stumbled again, but didn’t take my gaze off the fence. With each second that ticked by, my smile dropped, the memories flushing back.
Jack fixed it.
I saw him fix it. I remembered it vividly.
But now, I stared, seeing what was in front of me, but not wanting to see it.
A hole, big enough for someone, something to slip in.
I hadn’t quite decided what those zombies were. Were they something? Were they someone? Were they both? I didn’t know, but what I did know was that one of those things hadn’t cut a perfectly straight line into the fence.
I stared at that hole, the precision of the cuts taunting me.
Sheriff Hayes? Had he…?
My mind, my body, everything froze as I stared more closely.
Saw the threads hanging off that pristine hole.
I got closer, lifting my flashlight.
Dropped it.
Three threads.
One green.
One yellow.
One black.
I picked up the flashlight.
Looked again.
Wondered if it would be preferable, if I could say this was all a dream, that maybe, finally, all the stress had gotten to me.
Cracked me into pieces.
I had flaws. Many of them, but lying to myself, at least not usually, had never been one.
I moved, no conscious thought guiding me, but found myself in the shed. And I wasn’t alone.
I lifted the flashlight.
“Asia, honey, what are you doing out this late?”
It was Bridget, smiling at me. She still didn’t have her makeup, but she had gotten Caitlin to trim her hair. And Jack had scavenged a box of dye. Given it to her with no ceremony at all.
I looked at her, saw her hair. The smile. The yellow, green, and black dress of Aunt Kathleen that I gifted her.
Realized I didn’t recognize her at all.
“Are you okay, honey?” she said, looking concerned.
“I’m fine,” I said.
“You don’t have to pretend. When you lose someone. It hurts. I know that.”
“I haven’t lost anyone,” I said.
Bridget grabbed my hand, patted it.
“You don’t have to pretend,” she repeated. “The world being what it is, we both know Jack is as good as dead.”
“You don’t seem too broken up about it,” I responded.
“What can I do?” she said, shrugging, before turning back to the table in the shed.
“You? What does that mean?”
“We’ve all lost so much, but we just have to keep going on,” she said.
“Have you?”
“I try. Every day. And I’ll help you do the same,” she said, smiling.
She sighed, then shook her head.
“It’ll be better now,” she said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Now we can focus on staying alive, and not worry about that ridiculous lovey-dovey crap, or even worse, have to deal with scary men barking orders. We can be safe. Quiet. Together,” she said.
She didn’t sound like Bridget at all.
“Bridget, you love love. Not that I would call what Jack and I had that.”
“You wouldn’t, would you?” she said, her voice low, seething.
“What do you mean, Bridget?” I asked.
“I mean, you wouldn’t call it love, because you’re ungrateful!” She inhaled sharply, then shook her head. “I’m sorry, Asia.”
“Don’t be sorry, Bridget. Say what you mean,” I said.
“You think it was easy for me to watch, you two, all happy and together with each other while my Irv was…one of those things!” she said, spit flying out of her mouth.
“Bridget, you know I loved Irv,” I said.
“You did, and you’ll miss him. He was a nice guy, right?
A wonderful man. And it’s a tragedy that he died so horribly.
That he had to come back as one of those…
things. It broke your heart, right? But that didn’t stop you from fucking Jack every time you got a chance.
You think that was easy for me to watch?
Or what about the fact that you were so busy screwing when lives were on the line. ”
“Bridget, what’s going on?” I asked, evenly.
I try to shake the sense of threat that rose over me, burning hotter than Uncle Levi’s fever. But I couldn’t.
Couldn’t ignore what was staring me in the face.
“Bridget, tell me,” I whispered.
But I didn’t want her to tell me anything. Wasn’t sure I could handle it.
Knew I had no choice.
She looked at me.
Smiled.
My stomach twisted, unease gripping me.
“I…It…You..” She shook her head, then brushed her hands down her dress. Then a calmness settled over her. “Fine, Asia.”
She met my eyes and an icy shiver raced through me. “You want the truth?”
“Bridget, what did you do?”
“Oh, just a few things here, there. A couple of drops of antifreeze in Levi’s oatmeal. A few bowls here or there. Let a couple of the animals out. Nothing major,” she said with a shrug.
Levi, here’s your oatmeal.
My stomach twisted as I recalled how many times I’d heard her say that. How I laughed and told him given the circumstances even Aunt Kathleen would have forgiven him for breaking his heart-healthy diet.
“You tried to kill my uncle?”
“Why not? You would have let him. You were so blinded, so caught in his spell, you would have let him do anything. Take anything and anyone.”
“Bridget. I never let anyone hurt you. Would never let anyone hurt you.”
“You think I didn’t hurt every single day?”
“I didn’t kill Irv. Jack didn’t kill Irv.”
“Precious thing. You think that matters?” she said. “It doesn’t. I didn’t get to choose. You didn’t, either. But now we’re here, together, and you understand. Really understand,” she said.
She smiled at me. Looked like the Bridget I had known for years, the one who had first walked me from the parking garage up to the courthouse.
But that girl.
That Asia.
She was gone forever.
My hand moved without thought.
I closed my fingers around the gun and pulled it out of the holster.