Chapter 26
TWENTY-SIX
Asia
Thank God for small favors.
The farm was quiet, and that was good.
Between the blood rushing in my ears, the heavy thud of my heart, I doubted I would be able to hear anything else.
I moved into the bathroom, happy no one stopped me.
Jack wouldn’t like that, that someone could move so freely without being detected, but that didn’t matter anymore.
I let out a mirthless laugh.
Jack was gone.
And I had a mess to clean up.
I did just that, washing my hands until the webbing of my fingers cracked.
The water was ice cold, smelled of minerals and farmland.
I barely noticed.
Something, I wasn’t sure what, made me turn off the water.
My palm stung when I touched the cold metal, but I welcomed the ache.
I undressed, took a hoe bath, my lips turning up in a smile when I remembered Aunt Kathleen telling me the name of an activity that I had long engaged in.
I’d been so tough then.
Had known it all.
A summer with Uncle Levi and Aunt Kathleen proved that I knew nothing.
And now…after so many years, a lifetime, the end of the fucking world, I knew even less.
The flashlight was on the dimmest setting, but I risked turning it up, deciding I deserved a little indulging.
I moved around the small bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. My leg hit something, and I heard a thud.
Looked down and saw a cardboard corner peeking from the corner of my bed.
A box.
I picked it up, my eyes watering when I processed what it was.
Bran flakes with raisins.
Something he set aside for me.
Just for me.
I was numb, feeling like I was outside of myself as I ripped open the box.
The smell, plastic and stale cereal, turned my stomach.
But it didn’t stop me from grabbing a handful, shoving them into my mouth.
Then another.
Then another.
I chewed mechanically, swallowed robotically, not really tasting anything.
Probably for the best.
But then my mouth was dry, bran flakes stuck to my cheeks.
I coughed, then quickly lifted my arm to cover my face.
As I swiped my mouth, the first tear fell.
I fought to keep it in, but one escaped, and there was no holding back the others.
Suddenly enraged, I flung the box, listening as the flakes scattered across the hardwood floor.
Then I slumped down, my back pressed against the bed, the hard, unforgiving wood floor pressing into my tailbone.
I wanted to scream, but didn’t even have the capacity.
Instead the tears fell and fell and fell until I had none left to give.
I swiped my arm across my face again and stood.
Proved that I still had control.
My head was throbbing.
My throat was raw and scraped from the cereal.
I didn’t care.
I dropped back down on my hands and knees and crawled toward the box.
I picked it up.
Then, in the dimness of the only place I had ever called my home, I picked up the scattered flakes.
Each and every one.
They were all I had left.
JACK IS GONE. ASIA IS ALONE.
THE END IS JUST THE BEGINNING…