19. Carmie
Chapter 19
Carmie
I knew. That’s the worst part. I knew he was capable of something like that, and I was still terrified when I watched it happen.
Lev’s good at hiding his violent side. That’s the darkness he keeps hidden behind that charming mask. And that’s all Lev is most of the time: masks over masks, layers of charm and good looks, all hiding the creature lurking under the surface.
The monster that broke Emory’s fingers and would’ve choked him to death right there on the man’s office floor.
The monster that casually walked out as if nothing had happened.
I knew, and it still terrified me.
The second we got home, I locked myself in my room. Not because I thought he’d hurt me—he’d only lost his cool to protect me back there—but more because I don’t know how to process what I just watched.
Lev in all his beautiful glory breaking a human for touching me.
That’s what I keep seeing as I try to sleep. Emory crossing a line, and Lev hurting him for it.
Lev delighting in that pain.
That’s the sickest part of it all—his smile never slipped even as he cracked Emory’s fingers back and broke the bones like sticks of chalk.
In the morning, I hurry downstairs to make my small cup of coffee. I was plagued by dreams of my husband pulling my hair and burying my mouth with his and fucking me with vicious glee, and I liked it in my dream.
I liked it when I woke up, too.
“You’re avoiding me.”
I yelp and look over at where he’s sitting at the table. He’s in an exercise shirt, damp with sweat, and he’s quietly reading the paper.
“Who still gets a physical newspaper?” I ask, trying to lighten the situation.
He smiles. So charming and handsome. “You’re not going to talk about it, are you?”
“I don’t really know what to say.”
He nods slightly and stands up. “Let me show you something.”
“Lev—”
But he’s already walking away. I watch him, trembling. Would he hurt me here? Would he do to me what he did to Emory? I don’t think so, but I don’t really know. Natalya thinks Lev’s a good person. Alex thinks so too.
Do they know about his darkness?
I follow reluctantly. Lev heads down into the basement, and I wonder if this is a murder sort of situation as I trail after him.
But the basement isn’t some dungeon. It’s partially finished, and one half is clearly a gym. Or at least it was. Now it’s been cleared out, the dark rubber floor empty and the weights shoved to the side.
In their place are several different fencing foils.
“I asked the guy which is the best and he asked which style you prefer. I had no clue, so I bought them all.”
They’re beautiful. Brand new and gleaming. Pistol grips, French-style handles, bayonet-style body cord plugs, all in the three different disciplines.
I pick up a lovely saber and test the weight. It’s perfect, way better than my old weapon upstairs. I swipe in the air and fall into my old stance, lunging slightly, going for a kill. Lev stands off to the side and watches with a tight smile on his face.
“How’d you get all this so fast?”
“One of my clients owns a high-end sporting goods store in the suburbs. I drove out and had him open early so I could get these.”
“It’s too much. They must’ve cost you thousands, and I don’t even fence in epee.” I gesture at the different blades.
“Don’t worry. We’ll go back and you’ll pick out whatever you really want.” He steps toward me and I raise the saber in between us. If it comes down to a fight, he could easily swat away my dull blade and take me right here, pinning me down to the rubber mat, using me however he wants.
Fuck me. Break my fingers. Fill me to the brim. Make me hurt.
“What you did to Emory,” I say softly, heart racing. “That was fucked.”
His smile seems almost sincere. “I didn’t want to have to do it, but he crossed a line.”
“He was drunk and stupid. You nearly killed him.”
“I should have.”
“What am I supposed to say to that?”
“You knew what I was. You grew up with men like me.”
“I know,” I say, feeling breathless. “But I wasn’t normally around. You know.”
“When they hurt people?” His smile is dangerous as he comes a little closer.
I swipe at the air and he stops just out of range. “You went too far.”
“You’re right, little fencer. I lost control. You saw me at my worst.” He spreads his hands almost in apology, but he doesn’t quite say it. “I did it for you.”
“No, don’t say that. You were enjoying yourself.”
“Maybe I was, but if it hadn’t been you?—”
“You would’ve killed him. If it hadn’t been me trying to make you stop, you would’ve choked him until he died.”
His head tilts, and he licks his lips. “Should I have let him grab you like that then? Should I have let him hurt you?”
“No, of course not. But you didn’t have to take it that far.”
“You make me do this.”
“I don’t make you do anything.”
He moves forward. I lunge, mostly by instinct, and the tip of my blade catches his shoulder. I stare in shock as he grunts in pain. It cuts through his shirt, but he doesn’t stop. He pushes forward, coming at me, bending the blade until it bites into his skin.
A drop of red wells up around the cut.
“Stop,” I tell him, eyes wide.
He doesn’t. He keeps coming and lets the tip sink in deeper. His face grimaces with pain. “I would never do that to you,” he says, staring at me. “You know that, don’t you?”
I break first. I pull my arm back, turning so the blade slips out of the wound in his shoulder, and as I turn, he grabs me and pulls me against him. My heart’s racing wildly as I look at the surprisingly deep cut and up into his handsome face.
“I don’t know anything,” I say, and his lips are so close to mine. This vicious, terrifying man could crush me with his mouth if he wanted. He could ruin me here and now like he ruined me already. And a sick part of me wants him to keep coming.
To let the blade sink in deeper, right up to the hilt.
“I promise, little fencer, you’re mine . You’re my wife. You’re the mother of my unborn child. I will never hurt you, and I will never let anyone else hurt you.”
My lips part. My mouth waters. My heart’s racing like crazy.
Blood drips down his shoulder, staining his shirt.
“I should take care of that mess,” I say, stepping back before I can make an even bigger mistake. I drop the saber to the floor.
“If you want to.” He stares at me like he doesn’t care either way.
I lead him upstairs to the medicine cabinet. He lets me clean and bandage the wound, and when he leaves for the day, I lock my bedroom door and get myself off so hard I nearly black out as I scream his name into my pillow.