Chapter 26 #2
Two days later, Arabella was still in her house. Her father was happy to have her there, not questioning what was truly going on. But for Arabella, it felt even worse than in the beginning.
It was painfully obvious to her that she could not go back to being her father’s daughter, not anymore.
She could not be who she really wanted to be, so she was just spiraling down into sadness.
She didn’t eat much, didn’t talk as she used to, and turned down all invitations for outings by her friends.
She was simply going through the motions of daily life.
That night, she was sitting in her small childhood room, looking at the fire, when the door burst open. It was Bridget. At first, Arabella thought that something had happened, and she stood up, but then she saw Bridget’s face distorted with anger. It was quite an unusual look for her sister.
“Enough!” Bridget said and closed the door behind her.
“Bridget?”
“I said enough. This ends tonight.”
“What exactly ends tonight?”
“This! Whatever it is you’re doing.”
“I am not doing anything.”
“Precisely!”
“Why are you angry at me?”
“Because you’re behaving like an idiot!”
Arabella felt as if she were struck across the face. Sweet, quiet Bridget seemed overtaken by anger, shaking, with eyes flaming.
“You don’t understand how-” Arabella started.
“Because you have the only privilege of being a woman hurt,” Bridget commented.
Arabella watched her sister as if she didn’t recognize her.
“You are the only woman in the world who has loved and has lost,” Bridget continued.
“I didn’t say that, I just don’t know-”
“I do! You are choosing to stay miserable!”
“How can I not be miserable?”
“By simply deciding not to!”
Bridget sighed, exhausted by the sheer effort of expressing such emotion that she was not accustomed to. She moved to Arabella and sat down on the sofa beside her, quieter now, looking down at her twined hands.
“You were still young, you don’t remember obviously,” Bridget started. “It was the year I debuted. I saw him for the first time at the Stanton ball.”
Arabella felt the weight of her words. Bridget was about to share something profound with her, and Arabella stayed still for this sacred moment.
“I remember dancing with him. It felt truly magical. When he called the next day, I just couldn’t believe it. He was just… fitted to my soul. We went for promenades, and we danced at balls. I knew in my heart that he would soon propose to me.”
Arabella’s jaw dropped. She faintly remembered a period when her sister was courted, but she didn’t know that she was so close to getting married.
“What happened?” Arabella asked very carefully.
Bridget’s jaw tightened, and she was fighting off tears.
“He was not of our station,” she finally said. “His family wouldn’t see him marry someone of so little means and influence. He was forced to marry someone else.”
Arabella’s hands flew to her mouth, but she was not fast enough to suppress the gasp leaving her lips. All these years, Bridget had been silent and quiet and melancholic. It was not just her inclination. Her sister had been aching, heartbroken.
“I still think of him,” Bridget said. “When he came to announce his engagement to me, he looked at me expectantly. But I was a coward. I never told him exactly how I felt about him. What would have happened if I had fought?”
Arabella looked away. The emotion, the heartbreak, was too much for her to bear.
“Instead, I simply wished him a happy life and stood by as I watched him marry another,” Bridget said directly at Arabella this time. “And now I spend my days constantly thinking ‘what if’.”
Bridget didn’t have to spell it out loud, but Arabella could hear the warning in her voice. She was doing the exact same thing. She was stuck.
“Loving someone,” Bridget took Arabella’s hands, “is not the tragedy. Even now, after all these years, I do not regret loving that man. But refusing to move forward? That is the real tragedy.”
Arabella felt tears run down her cheeks. Bridget smiled a teary smile and wiped them.
“It took for me to see you in the same situation to realize that I have allowed myself half-living for that long,” Bridget said softly. “And I say enough.”
Arabella let her head fall on Bridget’s shoulder. For so long, she was the one supporting her sister, and now Bridget was returning the favor.
“What do we do now?” Arabella asked.
“Honestly,” Bridget chuckled, “I feel like I have just woken up from a deep slumber.”
Arabella sighed and looked at her sister. They both deserved more, and heartbreaking as their stories were, they were not entirely tragic.
“I think,” Arabella said, “we need some distance.”
Bridget nodded.
“Some time away from what we know, to heal and to be free from everyone’s expectations.”
Arabella felt her old self stir within her.
“We will go to Wales to grandmother.”
“That is a bit too drastic,” Bridget smiled.
“Actually, it was father’s plan, wasn’t it?”
“You could have been obedient daughters and beautiful granddaughters.”
“I think we could,” Arabella smiled back.
Finally, after so many days, Arabella felt like maybe one day she could breathe freely without that weight in her soul. Maybe.
“To Wales then,” Bridget said, looking more energetic than ever before.
“To Wales.”