Chapter 21 Cristian
Being waterboarded is not all it's cracked up to be. The shock of cold water pouring over my bagged face is suffocating, and no matter how many times I try to remind myself it’ll end, my screaming lungs don’t get the message.
It’s a good thing I’m strapped to the table, otherwise, I would have flailed right off with the way my body tries to thrash around.
When the second—or third?—round of water stops, I try to suck in some much-needed air. The wet bag over my head makes it hard to take a full breath, and I choke on the water in my lungs.
When the bag is ripped from my head, I slam my eyes closed, unwilling to be blinded by the bright light. I try not to gasp for air, but it’s futile, my exhausted body is desperately taking what it needs.
Turning my head to the side, I cough and gasp, trying to slow my racing heart.
Tennant tsks above me. “Such a disappointment, Cris.”
I ignore him, more focused on regulating my breathing and steadying my heartbeat.
Tennant sighs, like I bore him. Good. I know him, once a “subject” is no longer interesting or useful, they’re dead; and I’ve far outlived my usefulness, as proven by my actions over the last few weeks…
months, however fucking long it’s been since I lost the true meaning of our Family.
Was it after being kidnapped and then willingly ripped away from my light in the dark, my love, Allesandro, that changed me? Or had this been building since the moment my son stood up to me and promised to kill me if I came between him and the two men he loved?
There was so much I wanted for Roman, an entire history of abuse and pain I never wanted him to face, and in the end, I hurt him more than my uncle ever did me because of my shortcomings.
I’m so fucking sorry, Figlio Mio.
“With me?” Tennant snaps his fingers in front of my face and I glare at him. He smirks. “Good. I’d hate for you to miss this next part.”
“Fuck you, Tennant.”
“Mmm, no,” he hums. “I’d rather not, thanks. I have my own lovers to fuck.”
Clenching my teeth, I don’t rise to his bait, even if the broken, twisted part of me wants to lash out.
It’d be so easy to give in, to take the goading and turn it back on him, but I know Tennant.
He wouldn’t kill me; he’d turn it into a game and prolong my suffering, because that’s the type of person he is.
Tennant is the main torturer for a reason.
He thrives off the bloodshed and trying new techniques to get a person to break. And I am his ultimate plaything.
“I think,” he says in that annoying as fuck conversational tone of his. “It’s time to end this.”
Fear like I’ve never felt before rushes through me.
Tennant wraps a rope around my neck. The rough fibers scrape against my skin and I swallow hard, feeling the heavy weight against my throat.
He undoes the straps keeping me to the table, but I’m too tired and weak to fight back.
Besides, what’s the point? Even if I managed to get off the table, and somehow grabbed one of the knives on the various tables around the room, I’d never manage to kill him.
Not before he or the guards killed me first. Besides, Tennant is my one weakness, aside from my son.
Weaknesses are what get you killed, Cristian. Are you weak like your father? A disgrace to the Amato name, the same as he was? My uncle’s voice haunts me, and has for the last twenty-two years. Even dead, his cutting and baiting words hurt more than any beating he ever gave me.
Tennant pulls me off the table, using my rope leash to lead me to the hook in the middle of the room. He chains my arms together once more, and then pulls another chain down from the ceiling, attaching the rope to it.
When he lifts me up by my arms, the rope around my neck is pulled taut. One wrong move and he can kill me easily like this.
Meeting his glacial eyes from across the room, I wonder how we ever got here. His white blond hair shines under the bright lights, and those eyes that have haunted me for the last thirty fucking years stay locked on mine.
“I don't have to like you in order to want to see your abuser bleed.”
Tennant’s words from way back then whisper in my head.
So sure of himself, confident and unapologetic, even at eleven years old.
He had already embraced what he knew he would one day become.
Even if he was indifferent to me for those initial few weeks when we first met, he still willingly gave me hope.
It’s only fitting it ends here.
“I’ll ask you one time, and one time only, Cris,” he says softly, his words barely crossing the space between us.
The barest hint of his ground-out accent can be heard, and only if you know to listen for it.
I remember, though, how he sounded and looked after spending years hiding away overseas.
Before time spent in my company and the practice of eliminating that difference washed it out, making him appear just as he is now.
“Would you change anything, if given the chance?”
I swallow, the rope rubbing my skin raw with the motion. “No,” I whisper.
“That’s what I thought. I wish I could say I’m sorry for this next part, but we both know I’m not.”
He raises the hook just a little, until the rope is pressing against my throat, and it takes all of my effort to breathe. Balancing on the balls of my feet, I try not to struggle, knowing it’ll only make it worse, and not wanting to kill myself because I panicked.
I don’t hear the door behind me open. I don’t even know someone else is in the room with us until Tennant holds out his hand for them.
My breath catches in my throat, and my heart beats loudly in my ears as my worst nightmare comes to life in front of me.
“No…” I whisper.
Roman carefully and deliberately steps into Tennant, sliding his delicate hand into Tennant’s bigger one. Neither pays me any attention, having eyes only for each other.
I drink in the sight of my son. Whole and healthy, except for the cast on his left arm.
His dark hair is neatly combed, and longer than he usually keeps it, but the length suits him.
As does the jet-black pleated skirt, paired with a burgundy suit jacket that’s a little more cinched in at the waist than usual.
Low heeled boots finish off the look, giving him another inch of height, but he’s still so much smaller than Tennant, who dips his head and presses a lingering kiss to Roman’s lips.
Not that his size or delicate appearance has anything to do with how dangerous he is.
Roman is everything Tennant and I ever wanted him to be.
An innocent-looking boy encasing the wit and viciousness of a true mafia Boss.
Roman backs away from Tennant and finally turns to me, and there's a coldness in his green eyes that I never expected to see directed at me. He doesn’t say a word as he moves in closer, his shoes hitting cement flooring is the only sound in the room aside from my thundering heart.
“Hello,” Roman says carefully, a small grin painted on his glossy lips. “I dressed up for you.” He gestures to his outfit. “Even asked Benjamin to help me with my makeup, because I wanted to be perfect for when you saw me again.”
“Roman…”
He tilts his head. “I’m sure you expect me to be angry, to not want anything to do with you…
and you’re right. I’m so fucking pissed right now.
If I never have to see you again, it’ll be too soon.
” He takes a step closer and slides his hands behind his back, as if removing the temptation to touch me.
“I almost lost my dad,” he says softly. “I don’t know if Ten told you, but Dad almost died because he was attacked.
Whether it was by the assassins who are after us, or whoever is trying to take us down, we don’t know yet.
But it doesn’t matter. Someone tried to take the only parent I have left, and…
that made me realize I have to do this.”
I shake my head, ignoring how the rope around my throat tightens and crushes my windpipe for a moment. “No…” I say with a cough. “You don’t.”
Roman sighs. “Oh, Cristian…but I do. I needed to see if I could accept you again. If you deserved my mercy. I’ll never forget what you did to my dad, what you did to me and my loves…but I also know the type of person you raised me to be.
“I still love you. It'd be so much easier if I didn’t, but you were my father, my Boss and mentor… Do you deserve to live to see the consequences of your actions? Or are you too far gone to be saved?”
“Please, Figlio,” I beg. “Kill me if you must, but don’t let me suffer.”
He laughs cruelly. “Too bad you didn’t give Ignacio the same consideration. You didn’t think Dad was worth being spared your wrath, so why should you?”
“Please…” Tears stream down my cheeks.
Roman smiles, it’s brittle, and his own eyes shine with tears, but he only stands up straighter, watching me carefully.
He holds his casted arm out. “My ribs still twinge if I move wrong, and my last x-ray showed that I still need to keep my wrist immobile for a while longer, but other than that, I’ve healed.
My bones have been broken, but they’re knitting themselves back together with the help of my doctors.
My heart, though? No one can fix that, not after you ripped it out so viciously. ”
“Roman…”
“Are you sorry?” he asks sharply.
I swallow and try to nod, but the rope doesn’t let me. “Yes,” I whisper. “I am so very fucking sorry for hurting you.”
“And Dad?”
“Yes, Carter too. He…he’s always been such a wonderful father. Better than me, the parent you always deserved.”
“Ignacio?”
I hesitate and Roman steps in even closer, pulling out a knife and holding it to my bare stomach.
“Shall I show you what it’s like to be gutted?”
“Go ahead,” I reply softly. “Do what you must, but please…make it quick, for your own sake.”
Pain rips through me as Roman slashes me with the knife. He doesn’t go deep enough to gut me, but he cuts me from hip to hip, making me bleed.
“Do not act like you know what’s best for me,” he hisses. “That’s what got you into this mess in the first place.”
“I’m sorry, Roman,” I cry, exposing my weakness to him. It’s always been him. Roman…my greatest accomplishment, my biggest weakness.
The man who stands in front of me now, with his bloodied knife and pain in his eyes, is someone any father would be proud to call his son.
Too bad I don’t deserve him.
“I love you, Figlio Mio. I’m so fucking proud of you.”
“I. Don’t. Care.” He slices me again, this time leaving a stinging, bleeding wound down the center of my chest. “I should cut out your heart, because that’s what you did to me and Dad.
But…I’m a better leader than you will ever be.
So, as much as I want to take revenge, my Ignacio is far too understanding and forgiving.
My dad still loves you, even if I’m hoping he’ll give me a brother soon, via a pair of new stepdads who deserve him far more than you ever will.
“For those reasons alone, I’ll let you live.
Because you deserve to see me and Dad move on from you.
I forgive you because you’re my father, and you did what you thought was right.
But I don’t trust you because I’m a Boss and I need to protect those who entrust me with their safety.
Know this: I will not hesitate to take you out should you ever hurt my dad again. ”
“Kill me…” I beg him. “Please, Roman. You don’t want to do this. Don’t make it harder on yourself.”
He smiles. “I’m fine. I have my lovers and my dad to help me through it. You? You’ll have nothing but your regrets. I hope you choke on them.”
With that, he spins on his heel, makes his way to Tennant for one last kiss and a murmured conversation that I don’t have the strength to try to eavesdrop on, and then leaves the room.
Tennant lowers the hook and I collapse, all my strength sapped from me. The noose around my neck chokes me, and I see spots for a moment before Ten cuts me loose. Coughing, I stare at the concrete floor as I catch my breath, even if I wish he would have let me die.
Death would be so much better than the utter devastation currently coursing through me. But that’s the point, isn’t it?
Roman did what he sought out to do. He destroyed me with a few carefully placed words. His soft heart hides the viper behind it, and I couldn’t be prouder. He’s everything I hoped for him to be…and I almost broke him.
Tennant stands in front of me and I lift my head to meet his gaze. “I will never understand that boy,” he says softly. “He is so much more forgiving than you deserve.”
“Yes,” I agree. We both know that Roman may be willing to let me live for now, but that doesn’t mean he’ll ever forget my betrayal. The boy can hold a grudge like no other, and he meant what he said. He wants me to watch as he and Carter live happy lives…without me.
It’s a fate worse than death, and one I rightfully deserve.