Chapter 26 #2
“He forced his fingers inside me, and it hurt so badly. There was blood on his fingers.” Tears are running down my cheeks and my lips are trembling from holding in my sobs.
“He stood back for a second, just one quick moment to unbutton his pants and I took my only chance to get away. I kneed him in the balls, shoved him back, ripped my hair from his grip, and stumbled to the door. I got it unlocked and ran.” Reid’s eyes are tightly closed, agony marring his beautiful face.
He’s radiating with fury. “Who?” he demands. When I don’t immediately answer, he asks again, through clenched teeth. “Who? Isabelle, you tell me right fucking now because I’m going to kill him.”
My abuser doesn’t deserve the anonymity I’ve granted him all these years. He’s taken enough from me, and I'm done letting him rot my soul.
“Brett Stevens.”
Reid’s face flashes with recognition. “The fucking Deputy Sheriff? Goddamn it. Pieces of shit like him who like to abuse power always find positions of power. I don’t care if he was the fucking President, he’s as good as dead, sugar.”
I have no words. He doesn’t even know the full extent of my damage and he's ready to go to war for me, no less against a member of law enforcement. The implicit belief in my story, the indignation on my behalf, fill me with worth I’ve never known.
“Anyway. I got away from him and caught a ride home with some girls from school. My parents either didn’t believe me or were too drunk to hear me.
Only my sister and Olivia were there for me, and they were just as naive as I was.
” Reid is listening intently, furious exhalations exiting his nose, his grip tight around my fingers.
I remember standing in front of the bathroom mirror taking in my disheveled hair and the red scratches down my chest. I brought a shaking hand down under my dress and touched myself. It hurt so badly, and I was sticky with blood.
“The only thought that repeated in my mind was I’m not a virgin anymore . That’s what happens when a girl loses their virginity right? It hurts and bleeds? That's what I'd heard. I was so disgusted with myself that I threw my beautiful dress in the trash…it was stained by the ghosts of his hands.”
It wasn’t until years later that the terms molested, assaulted, and violated, replaced my fixation that I'd “given” my virginity to Brett Stevens in that dark bedroom on prom night.
He stole my sense of bodily autonomy and left an irreversible scar on my psyche.
I never saw a doctor, or reported him, because in a way, I felt like it was my fault.
I agreed to go to prom with an older boy, and I knew there were expectations.
I'd willingly gone with him to the party and into that bedroom. Besides, no one would believe me against the Sheriff’s son.
I roughly wipe the tears from my face with the sleeves of my hoodie and sit up a little straighter.
“As you can imagine, high school kids are cruel, and the bullying started immediately. He told everyone that he couldn’t claim my virginity because I was so, um, loose inside, because I'd already slept around. He said anyone else interested could step up, because he already had his turn with Easy Izzy .” Reid’s grip on my hand tightens almost painfully.
“Yea, that nickname stuck like fucking glue. Even now I can’t walk into the bar without someone snickering about Easy Izzy being ready for a ride. They accepted his lies without question.”
“Fuck. What I said to you at the football game…” Regret drips from his voice.
I give him a chagrined smile. What he said recked me and I can’t pretend it didn’t.
“The bullying was relentless, Reid. It was horrific. At the time, I made a choice that I thought was right—but instead, it ruined my entire life.”
“What do you mean? That piece of shit should be strung up and beaten to death for what he did to you. And, fuck, I’m so sorry they tortured you. Teenagers are ruthless, but you didn’t deserve any of it.” He searches my eyes for any sign of believing him.
“I decided to take the power away from them and bully myself. I leaned into the rumors, never denied them or fought against them. I even started a few rumors about myself.” I huff a disgusted laugh.
“I thought I was taking back my power by leaning into the vitriol. Brett used my hair like a leash…so I cut it off. I needed to feel like it couldn’t be used to trap me again.” I absentmindedly play with the ends of my short hair. I miss my long hair so much—I admire Delilah’s constantly.
“I stopped trying to fit in and started wearing heavy eye makeup. It seems silly now, but it felt like a shield—they couldn’t see the real me—I wouldn’t allow it.
I never actively participated in anything illicit and never drank or did drugs.
I let everyone believe whatever they wanted because no amount of truth or protest from me would ever make a difference and or overcome my reputation as a Tate.
“Best part is, I’ve never let another man touch me ever again.
Everyone thinks I’m a whore, but my only sexual experience was being violated.
Everyone thinks I’m an alcoholic like my parents, but I’ve never even tried a drop of alcohol.
I did too good of a job playing my part because it’s been over ten years and the whole town still crucifies me. ”
Desperation and shame have me devolving into panic. “So, I told you I’m a virgin. But I’m not, am I? He was inside me, and it hurt, and I bled. Did he…” I choke on the words.
“Did he take my virginity?” Full sobs burst from my chest and Reid pulls me into his arms. He holds me tightly like my pieces might crumble, rubbing my heaving back, and whispering soothing sentiments I can't hear over my own cries.
We sit entwined until the tears have stopped, and he feels safe letting me go.
Reid cradles my face in his bear paws and commands my attention with his hazel eyes, the color like a forest in a lightning storm.
“I'll gladly tell you anytime you need a reminder, but I need you to truly hear me just this once, alright? It was not your fault. He sexually assaulted you. I don’t care that he penetrated you—as far as I’m concerned, you’re a virgin.
You're so pure, and innocent. His violation of your body didn’t change that.
He might have torn your hymen, but you also could’ve popped it riding a bike or from using tampons.
Ok? Your virginity is yours to keep, or to give as you see fit.
He took something from you that day, but it wasn’t your virginity, sugar. ”
My chin is quaking, and my hands shake in his firm hold.
He's saying everything I’ve ever wanted to hear.
Everything fifteen-year-old-Isabelle needed to hear.
A wave of acceptance and calm washes over me and I melt into Reid’s chest. He protectively wraps me in his arms, so my head rests on that perfect spot between his shoulder and his pec—his bristly chin rests on the crown of my head.
We lay together for a long while. I tip my head up and meet his worried gaze. I wish I could express the freedom and power he’s returned to me. But for now, I’ll let him hold me. There’s nowhere I’d rather be.