Chapter 59
Josephine
My body jolts as if it’s been struck by a shock of electricity. My bum slams against the table as a ringing sounds in my ears.
No, not a ringing.
A cackling.
Uncontrollable, maniacal laughter.
It takes a few seconds to realize the sounds are coming from me.
Delirious, possibly losing control of my sanity, I swipe the tears from my eyes and suck in a deep breath, willing my heart rate to level out. “I’m not marrying you.” The statement comes out on a hiccup that sends me into another fit of laughter. “We aren’t even together anymore because of you.”
Lightheaded and oxygen deprived, I inhale, let it out, and do it again, equally amused and exasperated.
All that hope for this?
Sighing, I shove away from Decker and march back to my seat.
Except as I sit in my chair and collect myself, I realize the room is quiet.
Too quiet.
When I look up, all eyes are on me.
“Wait.” I look from Kendrick to Locke to Kylian. “Did you all know about this? Is this some sort of prank?”
I’ve pulled plenty on Cap over the last few months. Maybe this is his way of retaliating. Although this one is unnecessarily cruel, given the circumstances. Sugary cereal and rubber ducks are no match for the prospect of not so wedded bliss.
Anxiety creeps up my spine when no one dares to respond.
“Somebody answer me.” My lungs seize, once again stealing my oxygen. If they were in on this, if this is some sort of joke…
Kendrick speaks up, finally. “Not a prank, Mama. But it would work.” He sighs, scrubbing his hand down his face as he looks from me to Decker.
I spin in my seat to analyze Decker’s reaction.
“This isn’t a joke? You really think I would marry you?”
He grumbles under his breath. His head is bowed low between his shoulders, and he’s back to gripping the table.
“We’re not even together, Decker. Just last night you refused—”
“Last night?” Kylian sits up straighter. “What happened last night?”
I dismiss him with a wave of my hand. I’m not interested in embarrassing Decker or myself by detailing our late-night run-ins.
Changing tack, I assert, “I don’t trust you.”
“You don’t trust him?” Kendrick challenges.
I whip my head around to glare, my anger spiking again. “To care for this family? Sure. But with my heart?”
With my focus trained on Decker again, I shake my head. “No.” I survey him, the defeat painted along every inch of him. After a few breaths, I go on. “Besides, even if I did trust him, even if any of this made sense, Decker isn’t the only person I love. Loved,” I quickly correct.
Even if I was willing to legally commit to him, my heart doesn’t belong to just one person. I want a life with all of them. A future that’s uniquely ours.
“It’s a good idea.”
Kylian’s words are a punch to the gut.
“Wh—what?” I stammer out, gasping for breath. He can’t be serious. Except Kylian doesn’t joke.
“It’s a good idea.” He shrugs. “That may have been the worst proposal I’ve ever heard,” he lobs a disappointed scowl at Decker, “but it’s a solid plan. One Thomas likely hasn’t considered.”
“You don’t mean—”
“I think you should do it.”
Just like that. Cut and dry. Black and white. It’s such a Kylian response, and yet my insides crumple into a heap at the prospect. A whimper escapes me as I work to school my expression, to keep my face from revealing the horror currently pummeling me.
I’m out of my depth here, blindsided, and very clearly unprepared for the other guys’ reactions. Never in a million years—
“Jo. Come here,” Kylian beckons, recognizing my mounting panic for what it is.
I race to him and nearly trip over my own feet trying to climb into his lap.
He pulls my hips closer so I’m straddling him, our bodies flush. His hands quickly find the hem of my hoodie and slip beneath it to smooth up the bare skin of my back.
I bury my face in his shoulder, wishing I could climb inside him and soak up the comfort he brings me. He rubs up and down my spine, assuring me that I’m okay in quiet whispers until the panic ebbs and my breathing evens out.
Eventually, his hands travel lower, grazing along my hips and cupping my ass.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Us,” I admit without hesitation, my lips brushing his neck.
Kylian. Locke. Kendrick. The men who love me, but more importantly, the men who have stood beside me. Decker loves me, too, I know it, but he’s proven time and again that love isn’t enough. He’s shown me that he’s willing to give up things that aren’t his to sacrifice.
“Baby.” Kylian squeezes me. “Do you really think marrying Decker could change what we have?”
He grasps my upper arms and pulls me back so I’m forced to look at him.
When I do, the expression on his face is carnal and full of lust. “You think just because he’d be your husband, I wouldn’t still be your daddy?”
My heart thuds against my breastbone. I whimper, craving the submission and safety that only Kylian can give me.
He senses my longing, just like he always does. Gripping my hair, he pulls, tipping my head back. “I told you, Jo. I’m never letting you go. Encouraging you to marry Decker doesn’t mean I’m giving up. In fact, it’s the opposite. It’s me holding on tighter.”
Shakily, I give him a subtle nod. I can’t move more than that with the way he’s gripping me. I don’t like what they’re suggesting, but I trust Kylian with everything I am. He would never, ever persuade me to do something that wasn’t in my best interest.
Pulling me closer, he brings his lips to my ear. “But it’s still your choice, Jo. Always your choice.”
There it is. The closing argument—the freedom to be the one in control—that assures my rioting heart that this really could be okay.
“Why?” I ask him, continuing to ignore everyone else in the room. “Why Decker?”
For the first time since I crawled into his lap, Kylian looks past me to the other guys. “Ask him. My guess is, even if he lost everything—sponsorships, endorsement deals, other revenue streams—there’s an inheritance to be claimed, and it would default to you.”
“Exactly,” Kendrick confirms behind me.
I turn, sitting with my legs draped over Kylian’s lap so I can see K.
“Cap’s mom left him more than five million dollars. It wasn’t much of a consideration before, given his expected career trajectory.”
“I’ve never heard anything about this. Was it a secret?” Locke asks, his voice quiet, reticent.
Decker lifts his head and grimaces. “Not intentionally. My mom set up a trust. She kept it from my dad. Neither of us knew about it until after she died. I get access to the money when I turn twenty-five or—”
“When you get married,” Kylian pieces together. He nods once, satisfied. “This will work.”
“How do you know?” I demand.
Kylian studies my face, calm, patient. Two things I am not right now.
“If Decker gets married, the money will be unlocked. If Decker marries you, it guarantees we all get to stay together.”
I nod, because that makes sense, though trepidation still has me in a chokehold.
“It’s more than enough money to move forward, start making a life.
We can buy the mansion, or another house if you want.
Thomas would have no say in any of it. Decker would be free.
We’d be financially stable. We wouldn’t be dependent on a career or a contract that wasn’t in our best interest. It’s simple, but it’s effective. It will work.”
The logic tracks.
But I never intended to marry for logic, despite being in love with the most methodical, logical man I’ve ever met.
I peek over my shoulder at Kendrick. Then at Locke.
“If I legally marry Decker…”
I let the idea float between us. Waiting, desperate, for one of them to object.
“It has to be him.”
The pain in Locke’s eyes cuts deep. I’m momentarily vindicated, then devastated.
“Why?” I demand, climbing out of Kylian’s lap. As I cross the room, the heat of four sets of eyes sears me. They track me from every angle until I’m standing in front of my sweet, sensitive Emo Boy.
I lower myself into his lap and tip my head back onto his shoulder so I can speak directly into his ear.
“Your words say do it, but your eyes tell a different story,” I say, my accusation a tender one. “I won’t even consider this if you’re not completely on board.”
Big hands grip my waist, and inches from my face, his ink-covered Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows thickly.
“I’m on board,” he tells me with a gentle squeeze.
Shit on a crumbly cracker.
That was not the answer I expected from him.
“Why?”
He still hasn’t answered the question. How can he so willingly encourage me to pursue a plan that legally binds me to another person? A person who hurt me.
“I want you so fucking bad,” he groans, tracing one hand up my torso and past my neck so he can cup the side of my face. Angling it, he kisses me, but it’s over far too soon. “But I want them, too. I want all of us, together. Safe. Happy. Secure.”
I search his face for any hint of a lie but come up empty-handed.
“My arthritis isn’t getting any better, Hot Girl. In the future, if I need disability benefits, it would be significantly easier to get approved without a spouse.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.” This from Kendrick. “It’s almost impossible to be chronically ill in this country and get the support needed as a married person. I won’t marry because of it. Neither should he.”
With a deep inhale, I let the reality of the words sink into my bones. The reasoning makes sense; the reality still hurts. We’ve never talked about any of this before. To be forced to discuss it under extreme pressure doesn’t feel fair to anyone around this table.
“Do you want kids?”
Kylian’s words strike my already fragile heart. What kind of question is that? Snapping my head up, I stare at him, waiting for the punchline of the joke. Or maybe to wake up and discover this entire conversation has been a nightmare.
“Answer me, Jo. Do you want kids?”
It’s too much. Too Fast. Too Far. Too Soon.
“I—I don’t—” I grapple for words to string together to make him understand.
I don’t want to do this.