Chapter Thirty-Six
Quinn
T hings are still awkward between Bram and me. Every time I gain the tiniest amount of courage to speak candidly with him, something happens to stop me. Whether it’s the physical distance he’s put between us over the past two weeks or the troubled, distant look in his eyes, I can’t seem to address our situation.
He hasn’t been sleeping. I know this because neither have I. There have been several times when I have woken to hear Bram scrounging around in the kitchen or in the living room with the TV on. Those nights have been hard. Every fiber in me longs to go to him. To find out why he’s having trouble sleeping. To ask him if he misses me as much as I’m missing him.
But I don’t. Like a coward, I stay hidden away in my room until he’s gone to work. I should confront him. Open up and be honest with him. But I’m terrified he’ll reject me again, and I don’t think my heart—and let’s face it, my dignity—can take it.
The day to say goodbye to Jovie comes much quicker than I want. Though we are still distant, Bram is there for me. If he wasn’t by my side through it all, I don’t think I could be as strong as I need to be for Jovie’s sake.
Bram and I take her to get a shake at The Screaming Peach Café & Bookshop. After finishing our shakes, Bram leads Jovie around the store. Tears burn my eyes watching him holding her hand, smiling at her, and kneeling to listen to her questions.
He will make an amazing dad someday. The thought comes so quickly, I almost choke on air. Bram glances over his shoulder when I start coughing, but I wave him on, though my eyes continue to follow him. What would it be like to have kids with Bram? I tuck away the question, afraid that dwelling on it will make the yearning for him unbearable.
With a gleeful squeal, Jovie stacks book after book into Bram’s outstretched arms. My heart tugs me toward them, and when he gives me a tentative smile, butterflies erupt in my stomach.
“Is Bram helping you find books?”
Jovie smiles, her wide eyes bright with laughter. “Bram said I could have whatever books I wanted!”
My gaze flicks to his and the corner of my mouth lifts. “Did he now?”
Bram shrugs. “A girl can’t have too many books.”
“Truer words have never been spoken,” I reply, chuckling over the lump in my throat. Goodness, I am going to miss this little girl.
As we drive back to Mom’s, I listen to Jovie’s excited voice as she talks about reading her books to her daddy and new mommy—her dad’s new wife. Blinking back tears, I try smiling and matching her enthusiasm, but my heart is not in it.
Bram reaches across the console and grasps my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. My heart thuds wildly in my chest at the innocent gesture. We have hardly touched since that night. He tightens his grip and doesn’t let go until we pull into Mom’s driveway.
After a late lunch, there’s a knock on the door. Mom glances at the clock, then back to me, a somber expression on her face. “It’s time, dear.”
My throat tightens, and I inhale a deep breath to keep the dammed-up tears from escaping. Kneeling in front of Jovie, I look into her blue eyes and give a shaky smile. “Don’t ever forget Jovie Bovie, I love you so much. Okay?”
Her brow wrinkles slightly then her lips stretch into a wide smile. “I know, Q. I love you too.” She wraps her arms around me, and I bury my face in her neck, breathing her in for the last time.
Everyone gives Jovie a hug and kiss, whispering their goodbye to her before Mom takes her hand and leads her out to the car where the social worker waits.
Bram comes up beside me, wrapping his arm around my waist, and drawing me closer to him. The comfort from his embrace is the only thing keeping me standing. I wave at Jovie, a plastered smile on my face until the car is out of sight. Then, I turn and bury my face into Bram’s chest as he fully envelops me in his arms. My shoulders shake with sobs, and my neck is damp from where Bram is shedding tears of his own.
When I finally pull back, I glance up at him to be sure I’m not imagining things. He wipes his thumb under his eyes, giving me a sad smile. “I’m going to miss her, too.”