Chapter Thirty-Five
Bram
I hit the keyboard in disgust. I’ve poured over this spreadsheet about a dozen times since I’ve come in to work, but right now it may as well be written in Greek. Quinn refuses to leave my mind.
Running a hand over my face, I breathe out a frustrated sigh.
God, what am I doing?
A knock sounds at the door to my mobile office, interrupting my prayers.
“Come in,” I call out.
The door opens and in steps the last person I expect—or quite frankly, want—to see at the moment.
“Lois?”
Icy blue eyes shoot daggers at me as she shuts the door behind her. I stand, apprehension tugging at my chest. “What’s wrong? Is Quinn okay?” Oh, God. What if she’s back in the hospital? I move around the desk to grab my keys, but Lois holds up a hand.
“Quinn is fine.”
Relief floods over me, and my chest loosens. “Oh. Good. Umm . . . is there something you need?” I’m not comfortable with her here. I glance at the closed door and back to Lois. My blinds are open, so I pray it’s enough to keep loose tongues from wagging.
Lois crosses her arms, her head tilting up to look at me. I’ve never seen that narrowed-eye look from Lois. At least not directed at me.
“Did you marry Quinn because you love her?”
“Wh-what?” I stumble over my words. Crap. Somehow Lois found out.
“Did you marry Quinn because you love her? Or because of the health insurance?”
My back stiffens. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I force the lie past my tight lips.
Lois scoffs. “First of all, Abraham, you’re a terrible liar. Second of all—” she pauses and her lips dip down. “I overheard Quinn talking. You married her so she could have insurance. Didn’t you?”
My cheeks puff out as I release a breath. “She needs someone to take care of her.”
There’s the slightest softening of Lois’s eyes before they narrow again. “I can admit that seems noble of you. But if you married her for insurance only, why are you going around sleeping with her and making her cry!?”
Quinn, crying? Was she that upset about what happened? Of course, she is, you idiot. You took advantage of her.
Lois doesn’t give me a chance to respond as she points an accusing finger at me. “I thought you were better than that! How could you use my little sister like that? She trusted you and you took advantage of her!” Her face turns red as she unleashes her fury at me.
And my dumb brain can’t form a single cohesive thought, so instead, I let out a sarcastic chuckle. It stops Lois in her tracks.
“Is this a game to you? I thought Quinn was your friend. You don’t take advantage of your friends, Abraham!”
I cross my arms and cock my head. “Don’t talk to me about what friends should and shouldn’t do.”
Lifting her chin, she replies, “What does that mean?”
My jaw tightens. “You know what it means.”
She snorts and averts her gaze. “So, I guess Quinn has been tossing around all my dirty laundry.”
“It was always there, Lois,” I say more softly. “I was just too blinded to see the truth.”
Tears brim her eyes as she sniffs. “Yeah, well I never wanted to hide it from you. But I couldn’t stand the thought of facing you if you found out.”
“Why not?”
She waves her hand at my face. “Because you’d be giving me the look you are now. Your disappointed and crushed look.”
“You’re wrong,” I reply firmly. “I would have been there for you.”
Wiping a finger under her eyes, she shakes her head. “No. You would have given up on me just like everyone else.”
The accusation twists my gut. “Why would you think that?”
“Why would you be any different?” she retorts with a glare.
“Because I loved you!” The declaration explodes from me, and Lois’s face pales. I run my fingers through my hair. “Lois, I was in love with you from the moment we met. I would never have given up on you.”
Emotion tugs at her lips before she releases a shaky breath. “I know.”
Everything stops as her words rush over me. “You knew?”
She nods, a tight laugh escaping her. “Why do you think I ran off to Europe?” Her gaze meets mine and the truth of her words knocks all the air out of my lungs. “You never loved me. You loved the idea of me. The Lois you created in your mind. When I saw that you were getting ready to make some kind of declaration, I panicked and ran.”
I’m too stunned to speak. I thought I’d missed my chance with Lois by not confessing my true feelings for her when she’d known all along. And had never felt the same.
“I need you to hear this, Abraham. I don’t want you comparing Quinn to me. We’re two very different people. Please don’t hold tight to what you thought you felt for me and let it keep you from loving her.” Her voice shakes with determination.
“Lois, I—”
“Do you love her?” she asks, cutting me off.
I blink stupidly. “I care about her. A lot.”
“That’s not what I asked. Are you in love with Quinn?” Her blue eyes search mine, pleading with me to say yes.
“I-I’m not sure.” Guilt presses on my chest. I hate that I don’t love my wife. At least, not the way I should.
“Then you’ve already let your feelings for me cloud what you should be building with my sister.”
Hanging my head, regret settles around me so deep that it’s suffocating. I haven’t thought about Lois in that way in a long time, but it’s still true that the feelings I once held for her have tainted my relationship with Quinn. Confusing everything. Love Quinn? I don’t even know what that looks like. But I want to.
Lois shakes her head and spins around. Reaching for the doorknob, she glances over her shoulder. “I think if you truly look at Quinn, you’ll see she’s the one you’ve been waiting for. Please . . . please take care of her. Her body and heart.”
After she lets the door shut behind her, I sink into my chair and bury my head in my hands.