14. Blake
Chapter fourteen
Blake
S omething about the way Kane’s eyes fly between us in a daze is off. I have a sinking suspicion I know why that is, but this isn’t the time or place, so I force my expression to remain blank and pretend nothing weird is going on.
“Cool, so I don’t have to introduce you two. I’m assuming you know Jace is a videographer, and when we get something tangible to show off, I figure he can film some nice promos for the new park.” I’m talking out of my ass, though it does the trick, and he snaps out of his trance.
“Yeah.” Kane blinks in rapid succession as his mind catches up to his mouth. “That’s a great idea. If it’s okay with you.” He angles his head and looks hesitantly at Jace, a mixture of longing and…sadness in the eyes that linger too long on my secret boyfriend.
“I’d love to. Blake can take me up to scout some good shots once you get further along.”
“Sure.” I nod in agreement. “So hey, what brings you up here today? I figured you’d be at Axel’s?” I’m reaching, but in the back of my mind I’m hoping the more I talk the less awkward this gets .
Jace jerks his head toward the restaurant behind him, finally loosening up. “Axel roped me into helping move some stuff for Lennon. This was my last trip, and I’ve got my truck. I can give you a lift home if you’re done for the day.”
I glace toward Kane and lift my brows. “Anything else you need, Boss?”
“No,” he blurts way too fast, which sets off a sharp pang in my chest. I have the sudden urge to reach for him, to offer some type of reassurance for whatever it is he’s feeling, but I have a strong suspicion that things between the three of us are more complicated than just my history with Kane, which means I can’t do anything before talking to Jace.
“Okay, see you tomorrow then.” I give him the warmest smile I can and hold my fist up for Kane to bump, which he does sort of robotically, as if he’s on autopilot.
Jace does the same, then we both make our way to the parking lot in silence.
It’s the first time either of us have been at a loss for words around each other, and considering the depth of some of the conversations we’ve had, that only confirms my initial thoughts.
Jace starts the engine before I find the courage to admit them. “When did you sleep with Kane?”
He runs a hand through his hair before glancing in the rearview mirror and backing out. “About a year ago,” he answers as he shifts the truck into drive. “I met him at the resort when I was playing around at the bike park. We clicked.”
I expected that, and while it doesn’t make me angry, it does have me confused. “So, when I said my new boss was KP and I’d hooked up with him you had no idea it was Kane? He was Jackson’s assistant for God’s sake.”
“You said your new boss was a guy, but you never said his name. ”
“I didn’t?” I rub at the growing ache in my forehead. “Well, I’d just been in Utah and then suddenly I have a new boss. You didn’t connect the dots?”
“I didn’t know what other parks you might’ve looked at. Trust me, I’m just as shocked by this as you.” His wide brown eyes meet mine briefly before darting back to the road.
My head bobs absently as his words sink in.
I hate to admit it, but that’s just as plausible as me not realizing KP was Jackson’s assistant since no one specifically mentioned it.
It’s one hell of a coincidence, both of us sleeping with the same man and not connecting the dots before now.
Though it pales in comparison to the real issue.
“You said you clicked. What does that mean?”
Jace’s grip tightens on the steering wheel, giving me my answer.
“It was more than just sex. Shit ,” I answer for him. My head falls against the headrest as the magnitude of this sinks in.
“What makes you say that?” He sends a nervous glance my way as he turns out of the resort.
“The way he was looking at you. The guy could barely look away. Like you’re important to him.”
He shakes his head without taking his eyes off the road. “That’s the look he was giving you.”
My heartbeat accelerates with those words, though it feels wrong to enjoy them sitting next to my boyfriend, so I deflect. “You were staring at him the same way,” I retort, “like nothing else existed. You want him.”
“I… Fuck .” He smacks the steering wheel with the palm of his hand. “I did, when we first met. Maybe I still do? I don’t know, I… I was happy to see him,” he adds.
“Is he a former lover, or someone you could love?” I ask softy. I don’t need him to answer to confirm which Kane is, but if Jace and I have any hope of staying together, I need to know he’ll be honest about this.
Jace flexes his hand on the wheel. “I haven’t been with a ton of men over the years, but out of that group, you two are the only ones I’ve thought about after…” He swallows audibly and tenses his jaw. “I don’t know if that means I could love Kane, I just know he’s special somehow.”
“I get it,” I sigh. “There’s something about him…”
“He’s been hurt before,” Jace cuts me off. “I kind of want to protect him, only…”
“Only he’s not weak, and you admire that,” I finish the thought that might as well have been my own.
A nostalgic smile tugs at the corner of Jace’s lip. “Yeah. Before Kane, I didn’t know a person could be fragile and strong at the same time.”
“Before Kane I didn’t know just talking could be such a turn on. Or pink hair.”
“It looks amazing on him doesn’t it.” Jace relaxes back into the driver’s seat, his earlier stiffness gone.
“I’m sorta partial to the bike shorts he wears.” I close my eyes, picturing the way his sleek calves poke out from those shorts as he walks. “Damn, his legs look good in those.”
“He’s sexy as hell on a bike.”
“And in bed.” Yeah, I went there, but only because it’s true . The way Kane moves, the intensity of his desire… Hot as hell.
“ Fuck !” Jace smacks the wheel again. “This is either gonna make things real simple or real complicated.”
“How could they possibly be simple?” I snort.
I see Jace shrug from the corner of my eye. “The three of us already like each other. ”
“The key word there is three . As in more than two.” I pin him with a look that says do the math.
“You’re gay and I’m bi. The math works.” His words come out so nonchalantly, you’d almost think they were no big deal, but for me it’s a very big deal.
I struggled most of my life to accept that it’s okay to like men, but never in my wildest dreams did it occur to me I could like two men at once.
Or that it’d be acceptable to do so. Not permanently, not even temporarily.
That’s not how relationships work, right? He can’t be suggesting that. Can he?
“Let me get this straight, are you implying we share a man? That we share each other? Isn’t that like cheating?” I rub my forehead to stave off the tension behind my eyes.
“Not if we all agree to it.”
“Hold up.” I lift my hand like a stop sign. “Why are we having this conversation? Just yesterday we agreed to focus on us , trying to make that work.”
“And today we know we both have a thing for the same man.” He pulls into the driveway and parks the car, turning to look at me fully for the first time all afternoon. “Plus, he has a thing for us.”
“ Had a thing for us. Separately. We have no idea if he’d like us together. Or be okay with us as partners.” I climb out of the cab and head toward the front door with Jace on my heels.
“So, we invite him over and ask.” He shuts the door behind us as we step inside.
“Ask him what exactly?” I spin to face Jace. “To be the third wheel? Our fuck buddy? Even if I was into that idea, I like him too much to treat him that way.”
“Whoa.” Jace holds his hands up in surrender.
“First off, I’m not suggesting we treat him like some toy for our amusement, although threesomes are seriously hot.
Just saying. Second—” he reaches for the waistband of my shorts and tugs me to him so he can rest his hands on my hips, “—can you honestly tell me you aren’t a little torn?
I mean, I know you want to be with me, and you’d be with only me if I asked you to.
But the feelings you have for Kane will still be there, right?
And you’ll feel guilty about pushing him aside. ”
I must do something to confirm Jace is right because the next thing I know his fingertips are under my chin, forcing me to look into the depths of his soulful brown eyes.
“You think I don’t feel the same way? I want you , but that doesn’t mean I can switch off what I feel for him any more than you can. And that’s okay.”
“How is that okay? How is it fair to either of you if I’m not committed to one of you?”
Jace cups the side of my face and gives me a gentle kiss. “What if the three of us could be committed to each other? Wouldn’t that be fair, if we’re all together?”
That statement is harder to dismiss than I expect.
It’s still hard for me to wrap my brain around, but what Jace says makes a certain amount of sense.
I really like Jace. He gets me in a way that makes it seem like he was made for me, and everything about being with him feels right.
I don’t regret the commitment I made to him because I can already envision a future with him, but if I’m being honest, brutally honest, a lot of that was just timing.
He was here first. Had Kane been first to arrive, I could just as easily have made that commitment to him, and the idea that I’d have missed being with Jace because of something as arbitrary as a move-in date doesn’t sit well.
But that’s what I’m doing with Kane if I choose to be faithful to Jace.
Maybe I’m missing out if I don’t explore things with Kane. Maybe we all are.
If this is fate, it’s playing a cruel trick .
“For argument's sake, let’s say I agree to this. What then?” I hold my breath, not sure I want to know the answer.