19. Blake #5
More silence. I don’t know whether to be frustrated or relieved that I can’t see her face to know what she’s thinking.
“They know about each other?”
“Intimately.” A pan clatters in the background, and I have to cover my mouth with my hand to stop the laugh from escaping. Poor Liz. She probably thought I couldn’t shock her any worse than I did with the pink hair.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“We sort of have an arrangement.”
“ We? As in the three of you?”
“Yep.” I press my lips together and wait for her reaction.
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“What do you think I’m saying?” It’s not really fair, but I want her to say it instead of me.
“Don’t play dumb. You’re the meat in between their bread?”
Well, I prefer to think of myself as the pin cushion that they're poking holes into with their… Okay, maybe her analogy is better.
“Ugh. Just say threesome. That’s way less creepy.”
“Three…,” she trails off, and I get a sudden image of her blinking in rapid succession as she turns the word over in her head. “Hold up, you said arrangement. Does that mean this is a regular thing?”
“Pretty regular.”
“Oh my gosh, you have to stop right now.”
“Why?” It comes out harsher than intended, but having her tell me no raises my hackles. “There’s nothing wrong with three people having consensual sex.”
“There is when you can’t separate sex from feelings,” she retorts.
“It already happened with these guys once, didn’t it?
You thought about them long after they were gone, and that was after one night.
What happens after three nights? Or three months?
You’ll be half in love with them if you aren’t already. ”
Dammit, why do I tell her everything?
“They made a lasting impression, I’ll give you that. But just because it was memorable doesn’t mean I pined away for either of them after one night.”
“It’s not one night anymore. And it’s not one guy anymore. You’re going to fall for one of them and someone will get hurt.”
She makes a good point—one I’ve already thought of since both Blake and Jace are guys I could see myself falling for.
And yeah, maybe there’s a tiny emotional component involved in the sense that the guys are so considerate when we’re all together, making me feel genuinely cared for.
Cherished almost. Plus, they’re just as concerned for my well-being and reputation as I am, going to great lengths to portray me as a friend and nothing more.
And despite our unconventional arrangement there isn’t any jealousy or awkwardness between us when Blake and I tell Jace about or day, or when Jace rubbed my leg driving home while Blake sat in the back seat after the concert.
All in all, they’re both great guys, and hanging out with them feels natural.
But none of that inherently means I’ve got… Oh shit .
“Tell me you haven’t fallen for both of them,” Liz says softly.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I protest despite a nagging fear I’ve done just that.
Jace’s dark intensity and Blake’s easygoing charm may speak to me in different ways, but I crave both, and I don’t want to give up either.
“We’re all just having fun. Three single people making the most of not being tied down. ”
“I’m serious, Kane. I worry about you. The way you were after Brian… He broke your heart. I don’t want to see you go through that again. ”
“Brian’s secrets broke my heart. Blake and Jace and I don’t have any secrets.”
I sign off by telling Liz I’ve got everything under control, but I can’t help wondering—is that still true if I want to be with them in and out of the bedroom?
Blake
“That was incredible.” Kane’s chest heaves as he tries to catch his breath, eyes roaming over the picturesque scene in front of him. “I’m not sure which I liked more, the trail or the view.”
We’ve just finished one of my favorite trails, which starts at a somewhat isolated summit and ends near the base of the resort.
From the top there’s a three-hundred-sixty-degree view of the surrounding peaks and valleys, with rolling green hills in every direction.
It’s impossible to describe the vastness of the landscape up there, but impressive as it is, it's only part of the beauty of this trail.
The real draw—this time of year, anyway—are the wildflowers.
Pinks and purples, reds and yellows, tiny splashes of color dot the landscape in every direction, but as you get closer, winding through the fields, those flowers get big.
Head high in some places. I’ve never seen anything else like it, and while I haven’t traveled as much as Jace, I’m not unfamiliar with some great rides.
Still, it’s got nothing on the pink-haired man next to me, eyes wide with wonder and a triumphant smile on his face. Damn, he’s incredible.
“Definitely the view.” A sly grin spreads across my face as I give him a once over.
Kane rolls his eyes playfully. “I was talking about the wildflowers. ”
I lean forward, putting my lips next to his ear. “I know, but your ass in those bike shorts is better than wildflowers any day.” Tilting my head way to the side so our helmets don’t bump, I drop a quick kiss on his plump lips. Who knew a kiss at the end of a ride could rival the ride itself?
“Pervert.” He pushes my chest away playfully.
“I can’t help it. A man who’s gorgeous and holds his own on a bike… You kinda tick all the boxes on my fantasy checklist.”
“Only two boxes on that list?” He cocks his head to the side, a challenging smirk on his face.
“I’m a simple guy.”
Kane’s hand shoots toward me, brushing the back of his knuckles over my semi-hard dick. “And a horny one.”
“You have no idea,” I growl, pulling his hand away from my junk before things get really uncomfortable and giving his fingers a squeeze. “But my cock isn’t coming out while we’re on the clock.” Never thought I’d be the responsible voice about screwing around at work.
“We’re on a lunch break,” he objects.
“Which is almost over.” I point at my watch.
“It is Friday.” He chews on his lip as the gears in his head spin. “I bet the crew would be excited to start their weekend a few hours early. Let’s call it a day.”
I arch a brow in his direction. “I never pegged you for the type to be a bad influence, boss.”
“I’m a great influence.” His tongue swipes his bottom lip suggestively, and I stifle a groan.
“Yeah, great,” I snort. “Tell you what, I’ll give the guys the afternoon off while you put your bike away. Meet me at the house in say, an hour? ”
“Deal.” He squeals as I pinch his ass, then takes off toward his place. I take a minute to text Jace and fill him in on our plans so he can meet us, then ride toward the worksite, using the quiet to collect my thoughts.
Even though I could have Kane to myself for the afternoon—something I think he’d be game for and which I do eventually want—neither Jace or I have had him to ourselves since the three of us started sleeping together, and it feels strange to think about.
Not wrong, but not exactly right either, given that we haven’t told him we’ve fallen for him.
Or that Jace and I have those same feelings for each other.
Kane deserves to know how we feel before things go any further.
For now, that just means telling him Jace and I are together and want the three of us to date each other.
It’s too soon to spring the ‘L’ word on him.
Still, I want him to know this thing between us is more than just a casual hookup.
It doesn’t feel right to have sex until we do that, and even though I know it’s the right thing, I’m fucking terrified.
What if we’ve gone about this all wrong?
I know Jace’s past experience is the reason he feels so strongly about hiding the true nature of our relationship, and on the one hand I support that so Kane doesn’t feel like he’s a third wheel the way Jace did when he was in a similar situation.
But that doesn’t change the fact we’re hiding, and if Kane can’t see past the deception to understand why we chose that route…
So many things can go wrong, and that doesn’t include what could happen outside our little bubble.
I’m not afraid of people learning that I like men.
Nervous maybe, but not because of what my secret is so much as the fact that I’ve been keeping it.
Especially when it comes to Ryder. And on top of that is the fact I’ve fallen for two men.
Hell, even I was leery of that at first, but now that I’m in it, I can’t imagine life any other way .
Speaking of the big reveal, I have no idea how to approach that, with Kane or anyone else. Jace said the key is being open and honest, but that’s not what I get hung up on. My roadblock comes with how to start the conversation.
Do we blurt it out, “Hey, Jace and I are dating, want to date us both?” Or do we ask him to sit down and potentially freak him out but ease into it by asking, “What’s your take on poly relationships?
Oh, and by the way you’re sort of in one.
” So far, those are the only two options I've come up with.
It's either rip the band aid off or peel it back slowly. Neither sound like great choices.
There’s no good opening that I can see, but I have to find one, because Kane deserves to know where my head is at. Where our heads are at. And until we do that, I’m not sure it’s fair to share his body.
It’s hard to believe that just a few weeks ago I wasn’t sold on the idea that a relationship with three people could work, and now I want it so desperately I’m nearly sick with anxiety.
Jace’s stable presence and Kane’s limitless joy—they’re the perfect complement to each other, to me, and I need them both like I need air to breathe.