19. Blake #11
Blake licks his lips and continues. “I never expected to find that person. Not here. Even after some of my friends came out, I didn’t hold out any hope that I’d find someone myself, so when Jace moved here and I had a reason to come out, I wasn’t totally ready to do it.
Plus, my friend Ryder lost his brother a few months ago, and it wasn’t until after he passed that we learned he was gay.
I’ve been sort of dreading having to tell Ryder I like men since I kept that secret because of my fear over whether he’d accept that about me, and now I come to learn he had more reason to support me than I gave him credit for. ”
“Baby.” Jace blinks back tears I didn’t know he was capable of shedding, which makes me think he either didn’t know that about Blake, or didn’t know the extent of Blake’s pain. It might make me a jerk, but it’s oddly comforting to know I’m not the only one learning new things today.
Blake wipes his own eyes with the back of his wrist before waving Jace off and continuing.
“The point is, I spent years believing silence was the best solution, so it was familiar to keep my feelings about Jace a secret. Even from you, since I thought you might not let yourself explore the feelings I could tell you had if you thought you’d be coming between us.”
Wait—Is he trying to justify sleeping with me despite loving Jace?
“I’ve been out for a long time.” Jace bounces his leg as his gaze darts from it to me.
“Out as bi, I mean, and I was always pretty open to the idea that I might one day find a man—and another man or woman—I wanted to be with. It’s not something I sought out, but if I let myself daydream about my future that’s what it looked like.
I connected with Blake right away, and I moved here knowing he could be that man.
Wanted him to be, actually.” Jace shoots Blake a sheepish smile before focusing his gaze on me.
I spin to see Blake’s reaction and find him nodding solemnly. “Great. You two are in love. Is that supposed to make me feel better about sleeping with you? You weren’t cheating on each other or anything since you were both there?”
“No, it’s…” Jace scrubs a hand down his face.
“Let me finish. I found Blake, and things were going really good. Great actually. I didn’t think they could be any better.
Then you got here, and suddenly that future daydream I’d always had in the back of my mind started to feel like it could be real.
The thing is, I’d been part of a relationship like that before.
I was the third to a married couple, and on the one hand it was perfect since there was so much affection and respect between everyone, but on the other it was awkward because they’d been together for a while and had their own routines and shit, and I didn’t know where I fit.
They did their best to make me feel like an equal, I just always felt like I was taking cues from them about how to act rather than just being myself.
Looking back, I wonder if that’s because they weren’t the right fit for me, but at that time I attributed my feelings to the fact that I was an addition to their relationship, not a core part of it.
Not from the start anyway. So, when you got here and Blake and I both wanted to date you, I didn’t want to put you in a spot where you might feel like an addition.
Since we’d both already had a sexual relationship with you, I convinced Blake that was a good place to start. ”
“But sex was only supposed to be the way we approached wanting more, because we thought asking you to date both of us at once might send you running the other direction.” Blake jumps in. “We never meant to imply that’s all we wanted.”
So, sex was a way to lead into me being their boyfriend?
It pains me to admit, but their logic isn’t as backward as it sounds.
If they led with dating, I would’ve scoffed and told them they were crazy.
By leading with sex, they made things casual enough to be comfortable, and opened the door for my feelings to grow.
Understanding their motives doesn’t mean I agree with them though.
They still manipulated me, however innocent their intentions may have been in their minds.
They used sex to drive my feelings and hid the fact that they were together all along.
Even though I was starting to wonder if there was a way I could avoid having to choose between them, learning of their deception, that I’m the add-on to their couple, is a hard pill to swallow.
“How long did you plan to keep me in the dark?” I shift my gaze between them, waiting for someone to speak.
“Today. We wanted to talk to you today. What you walked in on…” Jace starts. “I realize how this is gonna sound, but the truth is after last night we were so happy. We were so sure you’d want to date us… the moment overtook us.”
I can’t help it. I snort.
“Told you,” he mumbles. “But even though that moment didn’t involve you specifically, you were still part of it.
I hope you’ll always be part of it. Just like Blake was part of the moment between the two of us when you came over after work that day.
He wasn’t physically there, but it was what happened between the two of you at lunch that set things in motion.
And when he got home, didn’t you feel how much he liked seeing us together?
That’s what Blake and I mean when we say we want to date you.
We want the three of us to be together, but in those moments where you’re with one of us separately, that makes us just as happy. ”
“We should have told you this sooner.” Blake runs a hand through his already ruffled hair “It’s my fault we didn’t.”
“Ours,” Jace interrupts. “I was the one projecting my issues onto you two,” he insists.
“I think we’re both guilty of that.” Blake turns his humble gaze to me.
“You’re new to town, you’ve got a new job, and I know those things are challenging enough without adding us to the mix.
” He draws a line between him and Jace. “I wasn’t sure you’d jump at the chance to go public about dating two guys.
And selfishly, that let me hide who I am a little longer, while I tried to wrap my head around my feelings. ”
“What’s there to wrap your head around? I heard you say you love Jace.”
“I do. But he’s not the only one.” The corner of Blake’s lip tips up in a bashful smile.
“That’s what we’re trying to tell you, sweetheart.
” Jace cups his hand around my neck and strokes my cheek.
“We love you, too. Blake and I may have started out as a couple, but once we discovered that we’d both been with you, and we both felt drawn to you the same way we did to each other…
The connection Blake and I have is the kind of thing you’re supposed to feel only once in a lifetime, but we both feel that connection to each other and to you.
There was never a doubt that the three of us belong together.
We just didn’t know how to express what you mean to us, and we let sex be the cop out until we thought you were ready to hear the truth. ”
“You wanted this to be more than sex all along?” My heart beats erratically in my chest, not sure how to interpret this news .
“We thought we might scare you off if we told you how serious we are about you.” Jace reaches for my hand, and though I’m still leery of what they’re saying, I let him take it.
“Our feelings for you were pretty intense right from the start. And by the start I don’t mean when you moved here, I mean when we first met you. ”
“That was…” My mouth falls open as I stare at Jace, dumbfounded.
“A year ago. Yeah.” I swear his cheeks turn pink with that admission. “Blake’s the fate guy, but having the two of you here—the only two people I’d ever wanted to make something real with—that’s a sign even I couldn’t ignore. The three of us…I want it more than anything.”
“So, you’re saying I’m not the side piece in your...” I wave my hand around as I search for the word I want. “Couple?”
“You’re the piece that holds us together,” Blake says softly. “Or, we want you to be.”
I open and shut my mouth, then open and shut it again.
“Can that really work? Three people ?” I may have been fantasizing about that a little this morning since I’d developed feelings for both men and couldn’t imagine being with one over the other.
But I don’t think I was taking that fantasy seriously. I mean… three people?
“It was working, wasn’t it?” Blake shrugs sheepishly. “The three of us compliment each other. You and Jace are brave where I’m practical, you and I are social where he’s independent, and he and I can be idiots where you’re smart. The fact that we’re having this conversation is proof.”
I press my lips together to contain my grin—Blake’s self-deprecating humor really is charming—though he’s making this sound much simpler than it is.
Things may have been working in the bedroom, but what happens when we step out of it?
Will we be shunned by the town? Will my job be in jeopardy?
Will my sister accept or even tolerate my lifestyle?
“Plus,” Jace continues before I can finish my thoughts, “we all have an adventurous side that likes to explore and soak up the outdoors. Plenty of two-person couples don’t fit together as well as the three of us do.”
My history with Brian is evidence of that. Still, what sounds good in theory can’t be this easy in practice. Can it?
“Even if that’s true,
Besides, there’s still the matter of their deception, and that makes me leery.
“You hurt me.” My voice is barely lounder than a whisper.
“I know,” Jace says.
“I’ve never regretted anything more,” Blake adds. “I’ve also never wanted anything more, and I made some stupid decisions to try to make it happen. That’s no excuse, just the truth, and while I can’t take back what I did, I can promise to always give you the truth. If you’ll let me. ”