19. Blake #10
My hands ball into fists at my side. “Don’t talk about him like that.”
“You two are who I’m criticizing, not Kane.
” Axel points at each of us in turn. “I know why you played it this way, but I told him weeks ago—" he jerks his head at Jace “—that this would blow up in your faces, and here we are. I’m not part of this trio but even I know more about it than Kane does. How do you think that makes him feel? Embarrassed? Ashamed? Like he doesn’t mean enough to know the truth? ”
“How is this helping?” Jace barks as I sink onto the couch, my stomach feeling like it’s about to lose contents it doesn’t have. This is so bad. “We get it, we fucked up,” Jace continues. “Telling us that won’t fix shit.”
Axel throws his arms in the air like he’s done with us.
“You’re right. I tried that once already and you didn’t listen, so now I’m trying to help you figure out how to get him back.
Maybe if he understands where you’re coming from, you guys can fix it.
Put yourself in his shoes, what would you want to hear?
And don’t say sorry, that’s not good enough. ”
Jace glares at his best friend, panting with barely contained rage. “Jesus, dude. Get yourself a boyfriend and suddenly you’re a fucking expert? What makes you think you’re right?”
“This isn’t my advice, it’s Lennon’s. He said Kane needs to know why you screwed up. Even if your logic is fucked up, knowing where you’re coming from is the only thing that might make him forgive you.”
Jace’s nostrils flare, but he doesn’t object to Axel’s words. I can’t either.
“He’s right,” I admit. “What we saw as easing him into things Kane obviously sees as toying with him. And telling him how we feel won’t solve anything. He won’t forgive us for keeping secrets until he understands why we did it. That our intentions were good even if our actions were shit.”
“And how do we do that?” Jace asks. “He’s not coming back over, how do we get him to listen to us?”
“Knock on his door and ask to talk to him.” Axel shrugs, as if it’s that simple. I guess Lennon didn’t advise him on this part.
“What if he doesn’t want to talk?” Jace’s eyes fall shut as he rubs his forehead .
“I can ask Carter to give us a key to his room?” I suggest, feeling a twinge of hope for the first time since Kane walked out.
“Let me stop you there.” Axel shakes his head at me.
“A, that’s technically breaking in, so no.
B, shouldn’t you be a little more discreet than involving your boss in this little triangle?
After all, if you were so concerned about whether Kane would be on board with this lifestyle it’s not fair to put him in it without his permission. ”
“Shit, I know.” I scrub a hand over my face. I’m fucking losing it . “I’m just freaking out about not being able to fix this.”
“I hear you. I felt the same way when I thought I’d fucked up with Lennon.
But you can’t just march in there and give him some bullshit line about trying to protect him or breaking the news gently.
I know you think that’s what you were doing.
” He pins Jace with a look that says, don’t even try to object .
“Although the truth is, you were both so busy thinking about what you wanted you forgot to think about what he might want.”
“Fuck,” I groan, letting my head fall back against the couch cushions. “He’s never gonna forgive us.”
“He might. Just give him some time and…”
“Screw that,” Jace interrupts Axel. “The longer we go without trying to fix it the longer he has to convince himself this is a mistake. I won’t take that chance.”
“Me, either.” I fly off the couch, ready, as Jace’s steely resolve gives me another burst of hope.
“Stop.” Axel’s booming voice freezes us both halfway to the front door. “Whatever groveling you two have to do is gonna go a whole lot better if you’re dressed.”
Jace and I look at each other, before looking down at ourselves. Then we speed walk to the bedroom to find clothes .
Kane
Tears make my vision cloudy as I stumble into my apartment, but I’m too stubborn to let them fall. Not outside these four walls where anyone could see them.
I’m such a fool.
I want to call Liz and cry my heart out, but don’t feel like hearing the I told you so speech, especially because when she said someone would get hurt, I’m pretty sure we assumed it would be one of the guys, not me.
Yet here I am, alone and heartbroken . Flopping on the couch, I bury my head in a throw pillow.
It was futile to think I could sleep with them and not develop feelings.
Some part of me knew that all along, yet I did it anyway.
I let myself believe it was strictly curiosity, having a good time, but the truth is I wanted more time with both Blake and Jace than the one night I’d had with each, and I convinced myself I could have that without consequences because I wanted to.
Now, having ignored my common sense, I’m right back where I started when I got here. Worse, because instead of looking forward to a new job and a new town, I’m dreading having to face both. This mistake will be staring me in the face at every turn, and there’s nowhere to hide.
Hiding .
Hiding in plain sight is more like it. How did I not see there was something between them?
Was the idea of them being so comfortable during sex such a turn on that I didn’t question it.
Or maybe I just didn’t want to contemplate the answer.
But after seeing them together, hearing them confess their feelings, I feel like a fool for missing the obvious.
And to top off my embarrassment, they’re actually beautiful together.
The way they were looking into each other’s eyes, like they were the only two people in existence.
It made my heart swell even as it started to ache.
Somehow in this mess I’d been foolish enough to believe they looked at me like that too. Clearly, that was a figment of my imagination. They were probably looking at each other and I got in the way. Claimed those looks as my own instead of something they meant for each other.
The velvety pillow muffles my scream.
I’ve never been so humiliated. Or felt so alone. Not even Brian left me feeling this empty. At least he cheated on me behind my back instead of bringing me into his sordid affairs. And he never went out of his way to make me feel cherished, lulling me into a false sense of affection.
When am I going to learn?
There was never going to be a happy ending here. I should be grateful it’s over now, instead of months or years down the road, when my heart was well and truly theirs. Oh, who am I kidding? It already is theirs.
I drag my wrist across my face, wiping away the tears and snot before they trickle to my lip.
No wonder my relationships fail. For a moment there, I actually wondered if I could have them both. Stupid . And as if that wasn’t bad enough, I’m pretty sure the whole town is about to realize exactly what—whom—I’ve been doing since I got here. Brilliant .
A sharp rap on the door interrupts my pity party, and I cautiously sit up, wondering if that knock was real or imagined since no one has ever come by before. Then it sounds again, more urgent this time, and a strained voice seeps through the cracks .
“Kane? We’re here, and we only need a minute. Please, will you open the door?”
I’m not ready to face them. Not with puffy eyes, a runny nose, and enough humiliation to make my face even more pink than my hair. But living in employee housing means this place is full of employees—my co-workers—who absolutely do not need to know the depths of my depravity or delusions.
Moving swiftly to the door, I open it just wide enough that they don’t have to shout through it.
“Oh, thank God,” Blake exhales. “We know you might not be ready to hear it, but when you are, there’s a lot we have to say.” He licks his lips nervously. “About the three of us.”
Next to him, Jace shuffles from one foot to the other. “We just needed you to know that. So, please, before you tell us to fuck off, please let us tell you everything. When you’re ready.”
I’ve never seen either of them so distressed before, and despite the fact that they deserve to grovel for a lot longer, my soft heart hates seeing them this way, even after what they did.
Plus, if I let myself stew over what I saw, there’s a good chance I’ll never be ready to hear what they have to say, which means I’ll never get the answers I deserve.
I open the door wide enough for them to pass through, and with a startled glance at each other, they do.
Closing the door, I spin to find Jace’s hands shoved awkwardly in his pockets, while Blake wrings his in front of him. Keeping my face carefully blank, I walk to the couch and sit down, each of them taking a seat next to me.
Blake reaches for me but freezes his arm before he can make contact, dropping his elbows to his knees and twisting his fingers together. I arch my eyebrow, waiting .
“I uh…” he starts. “As you already know, I’m in the closet.
Or I was, until this morning. It’s not something I’m ashamed of, although I was willing to take the easy way out by not saying anything until I met the person I wanted to spend my life with.
” His eyes dart briefly to Jace, I assume since I heard them confessing their love earlier, before coming to rest on me.