19. Blake #9
Blake leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he wrings his hands together and shoots nervous glances my way. “Jim and Teri saw us.”
“Who the fuck are Jim and Teri?”
“They live one block over. Teri runs the bookshop in town, which means the secret’s out.”
I completely forgot about them seeing us, and in the whole scheme of how my fuckup with Kane will impact the three of us, I haven’t been paying attention to how it will impact Blake. I reach over and grab the hand closest to me, hoping it calms him.
“It was coming out anyway, wasn’t it?” I know how lame that sounds, but there’s not much else I can do other than reassure him the reveal won’t be the end of the world.
“Yeah.” Blake’s head falls to his chest. “But I wanted it to come from me.”
Being outed by others is a fear second only to having those closest to you reject who you are. Despite how badly we screwed this up, how badly I screwed up, Blake doesn’t deserve that. Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
“I’m sorry.” I give his hand a gentle squeeze.
“It’s not your fault.” Blake squeezes my fingers back, though there’s no reassurance behind the gesture. Is he already giving up? “I should have come out the moment you moved in, before Kane was even involved. Maybe it would’ve prevented all this.”
He’s not wrong—not entirely—but I can’t blame him.
“And maybe it would've kept him from getting involved with us at all. Besides, I agreed to keep quiet, which makes this just as much my fault.” I rub at the lingering ache in my chest, trying to keep my shit together.
A shrill bell pierces the air, and Blake drops my hand to reach for his phone, sitting on the coffee table where he left it last night. His shoulders slump as he hits accept.
“Hey, Mom… That didn’t take long. Teri must have called you as soon as she walked in the door…”
His eyes fall shut as he takes a shaky breath
“There’s a perfectly good explanation… No, I’m not on drugs.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose .
“My roommate isn’t, either. He’s…” Blake holds his breath as muffled sounds come from near his ear.
“He wasn’t flashing them on purpose… No, no one was cheating on anyone. Look.” Blake exhales heavily, and I take his hand again, squeezing it firmly in mine. “This isn’t how I wanted to tell you, but… No, I’m not sick. Mom, listen.”
Lifting his eyes to mine, Blake holds my gaze as he bares his soul. “My roommate, Jace… He’s more than just my roommate. He’s my boyfriend. And the guy who was here this morning… He’s our other boyfriend. Or we’d like him to be…”
I know Blake’s world is in a tailspin right now, but the fact he isn’t shriveled in the corner freaking out over how this is playing out is pretty bad ass.
I mean, he’s basically living his worst nightmare, revealing his truth in response to what’s being said about him instead of controlling the narrative, and he’s speaking calmly instead of losing his shit.
I’ve never been so in awe of another person, and my best friend is a pro dirt biker with a couple of world titles under his belt.
I mouth the words I love you , and the corner of his lip lifts in a relieved yet forlorn sort of way.
“I’m gay, Mom,” he says. “And I recently found a man—two men—I’d like to spend my life with… Yes, the same man Teri saw leaving this morning… I didn’t do a very good job of explaining what he meant to me.”
I tighten my grip on Blake’s hand and give a slight shake of my head. “ We didn’t do a good job explaining what he means to us ,” Blake amends, and I nod. Then his jaw falls open.
“Say that again.” He puts the phone on speaker.
“Relationships with two people can be tough, I can’t imagine the confusion with three.” A soft, gentle voice echoes from the speaker as Blake’s hazel eyes meet mine, wide with surprise .
“You uh, seem to be taking this pretty well,” he stutters.
“That’s because it’s not a surprise. Well, the being gay part. I wasn’t expecting you to fall for two men at once, but fate makes its own rules.”
“You know I’m gay?” His brow furrows in a mixture of confusion and shock.
“I had my suspicions when your superhero phase was more about the actors playing the heroes than the powers they had. And your dad said you once saw a boy so pretty you about snapped your neck trying to get another look at him.”
“How come you never said anything?”
“The books I read recommended you let people come to you when they’re ready.”
“But…but,” he sputters. “You always talked about me settling down with a nice girl and giving you grandkids.”
“I said I had my suspicions, not that I’m all knowing.
And since you never corrected me, I wondered if you might be bisexual.
So, when do I get to meet these men?” she asks as if her nonchalance hasn’t just short circuited her son’s brain.
Although hearing her talk, I’m pretty sure that’s a fair statement to make.
She really had no idea how tortured he was by the simple act of giving him space to come out on his own terms.
Blake’s eyes look a little glassy as he blinks them in rapid succession, but the strength of his grip as he squeezes my hand tells me he’s going to be okay. “As soon as Jace and I get our guy back.”
Blak e
I hang up the phone and give my head a shake to clear it. “I guess high school me wasn’t as good at pretending that I didn’t notice guys as I thought I was.”
“Captain America was your favorite, wasn’t he? I can see a little boy scout underneath the rugged bike guy thing you’ve got going on.” For the first time since Kane left, Jace almost smiles. “And you’ve got his square jaw underneath that stubble.”
“You think I look like Chris Evans?” That almost makes me smile myself. Almost . “I can’t complain about that. I don’t think I’ve got a boy scout quality, though. Not after the way I handled things.”
I love Jace for wanting to share the blame, but when it comes down to it I’m the one who was reluctant to come out, so I’m the one that may have just cost us our shot at happiness with Kane. Maybe even with the two of us.
Jace and I may have made promises to each other about staying together regardless of what happens with him, but that was before we got glimpses of how epic things could be with the three of us.
I can’t unsee how perfect that future looked, so even if losing Kane doesn’t tear Jace and I apart, there will always be a void where Kane should be.
Please let us be able to fix this.
“Okay, first, we both screwed up, so stop insisting it’s all your fault.
And second, we said from the beginning no matter what happens with Kane the two of us are in this.
That hasn’t changed for me. I love you, and I’ll love you no matter where we go from here.
” Jace’s gaze holds mine hostage, daring me to object. “Are you with me?”
“Yeah.” I try to smile, though I’m pretty sure it wobbles. “I’m with you.”
“Good. Now, instead of getting hung up on how we both fucked up, let's figure out how to fix it.” Jace chews on his lip for a moment before nudging me with an elbow. “Think your mom would have any ideas?”
That snaps me out of my funk. “My Mom ? Why the hell do you think she’d have any ideas?”
“She made that comment about relationships being hard.” He lifts a shoulder like that explains everything.
“Would you ask your mom for advice about how you and your boyfriend could win back your other boyfriend?”
Jace runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah, okay. Bad idea. Think maybe one of the guys would know what to do? I mean, your friend Cade is married. He’s gotta have some good advice.”
Though Jace isn’t acting jittery, the fact that he’s tossing out random, ridiculous ideas tells me his outer calm is an act, probably for my benefit. Shit . If he’s worried then…
The doorbell has us looking at each other expectantly for a split second before we launch off the couch and scramble for the door, our arms and legs a tangle of limbs as we claw over one another to get there with single-minded focus. Please let it be him.
I throw open the door to find Axel on the threshold, an uncharacteristic frown on his face. He looks over each of us head to toe before shoving his way inside. “Get dressed. We’ve gotta talk.”
Jace and I exchange a nervous glance before trailing him into the living room.
“What are you doing here?” Jace plays casual.
Axel spins abruptly, stopping us in our tracks. “Lennon told me Kane canceled on brunch. Apparently, he’s not feeling so hot, although he sounded more depressed than sick. Like he’d been crying. Lennon thought you two would like to know.
“Why us? What does Lennon know.” Jace’s voice is eerily level, his stiff arms evidence that he’s holding onto control by a thread .
Axel crosses his arms in front of his chest, though he’s too nice a guy to look truly intimidating. Just like a disappointed older brother. That’s almost worse. “Pretty much everything.”
“What the fuck, man?” Jace explodes. “I told you about the three of us in confidence.”
“Yeah, well, I was worried you’d get hurt with all your secrets, but you wouldn’t listen to me. So, I talked to Lennon.” He twists to face me. “He’s the only one, though. You’re friends with him, you know he’d never repeat anything.”
Jace glances at me and I nod to reassure him. “Lennon’s solid.” Turning to Axel I add, “I wish you hadn’t told him before I did, though. Like you said, I’m friends with him.”
Axel has the decency to duck his head as he replies. “Fair enough. But he might be able to save your asses, so it’s a good thing he’s in the know.”
“Save our asses?” Jace interrupts. “What are you talking about?”
“My guess is Kane found out about the two of you before you had a chance to come clean on your own. Right?” Axel prompts.
Jace and I share a guilty look, which Axel doesn’t miss.
“Fuck.” Axel wheels on Jace. “You didn’t even ask if he’s into this lifestyle, did you? So, in his mind, the two of you are the couple and he’s the extra spice on the side.”