Chapter 39
ELIJAH
Watching Jayden leave for training this morning sucked. Not as bad as listening to him tell me about how weird it was nailing our plays with Weissman, though.
“So I told him the Florida game is tomorrow night, and he needs to fucking focus on the puck and being where he’s needed instead of fan-girling over the other players on the ice. I mean, he’s had all damn summer to get used to the team.”
Finley bursts out laughing at his irate expression before she goes to messaging Kailey. It was nice seeing her around Jayden’s family. I think she and Kailey could have a lot in common as Finley discovers more about herself and the ordinary world.
“Bless him, it must be all kinds of daunting to play with his heroes. Don’t be so crotchety,” Finley tells him with a mock glare.
“What does that mean? Sounds like something an old lady would do, and I’m not a grandma.”
“You’re grumbling like one,” I retort, earning myself a scowl from Jayden as Finley tells him, “It’s a synonym for crabby.”
The grin on her lips brightens his face, leaving me caught between them for a moment. The world around me lightens.
A buzz flutters in my stomach, making it hard to mute the voice in my head, reminding me of the conversation with Finley before Thanksgiving.
I know that she will always love me, like I’ve always loved her. But the longer I spend in this moment with her and Jayden, the deeper I feel her affection for him.
Finley loves me, but she also loves him. And I wish I were jealous. I wish that I hated it, because that might make it easier to get up and walk away. To force her to pick him.
Because he is the better man. Jayden can make her happy and give her what she needs when I can’t.
I’ve tried. Every time I kiss her, it feels like that’s the kiss that will take me back to the boy she misses.
It never happens.
“I’m not crabby,” Jayden finally mutters, collapsing back into the sofa with a groan.
“Ah-hmm,” Finley chuckles with a smirk.
Her cheeks are flushed, and her blue eyes are beaming like a sunny sky as she goes back to her phone.
"I’m not.” Jayden turns his head so that we’re looking at each other across the back of the couch. Then he mouths again, “I’m not.”
A hollow forms in my throat at the wide-eyed expression he’s holding me with. I don’t know how it’s possible to miss him when I saw him this morning, and now we’re sitting on my couch with the television babbling in the background.
It feels like my world is off kilter without our usual routine to keep my head occupied.
Being home gives me way too much time to think—about the past, the frequent calls with Lex and his insistence on me making public appearances with Finley to stop the rumor mill from spinning…
Mostly, I’ve been thinking about the other night with Finley and Jayden.
Touching Jayden. Being close to Jayden. Watching him… and Finley. With Finley.
It’s way more bandwidth than I know how to control. I can’t wait to start working with the physical therapy team tomorrow to get me back onto the ice so I can exhaust myself physically and mentally.
“What did the two of you do today?” He asks, breaking the silence.
Finley looks between the two of us before she mutters, “We argued.”
Fuck.
“What? Why?” Jayden asks.
Her sassy smile turns to me. “Well, don’t you have anything to say for yourself now?”
“About what?” Jayden sits up on Finley’s other side, leaning all the way forward to peer between us. “Why were you arguing?” His stare zeroes in on mine. “What happened to keeping it chill?”
“Yeah, Elijah, what happened to keeping it chill?”
“Apparently, I can't go for a walk now,” I grumble.
“A three-hour walk that had you totally out of breath and drenched in sweat when you returned.” Finley twists so she’s leaning back into Jayden while the two of them glower at me.
“I can’t sit here all day doing nothing.”
Finley shakes her head with a huff. “That’s all you’ve got to do until the doctors tell you otherwise.”
“No, it’s not!” Her face falls at my sharp bark, and regret instantly grabs me by the throat when I catch a glimpse of Jayden’s frown.
Staring from me to her, he appears so torn on what to say that I feel like a total bastard when his frown softens on me.
Because even though he knows he would do the same thing, he’s on Finley’s side of the argument.
They want to bundle me up in cotton and shut me away until they feel better about what happened.
Except they won’t ever feel better.
And I am going crazy in these walls.
“I had a bad migraine, and now I’m stuck here like an invalid!” Pushing to my feet, I ignore the wrench of my heart when they both follow.
“Relax, man,” Jayden pleads with me as I round the coffee table and pace the length of it. “We know you’re not an invalid.”
“Do you? Because I can’t move without either of you holding your breath.”
“Because you’re hellbent on ignoring your neurologist’s advice,” Finley snaps back. Like earlier, her eyes are swimming with tears. “You just don’t get it, do you?”
“Fin...” Jayden coils his arm around her waist, coaxing her closer when she turns to stomp away.
“We can’t unsee what that migraine did to you.
So, while you’re fine now, there’s nothing to say that you will be if you don’t stick with your medical team’s advice.
We’re worried, Eli... because we care. Because. .. because...”
“I can’t go through that again,” Finley says, choking on her restrained tears.
Without a second thought, my feet carry me to her. My hands clasp hers, trying to reassure her in the best way I can.
“Even if I follow the doctors’ advice, I could have another episode like that.”
“Why do you think we’re scared?” Finley’s fingers thread with mine.
“If it were me, I know I would be as stubborn, and you would be the one begging me to slow down. I do get it,” Jayden says, dropping his arm from Finley’s waist.
I don’t miss the way she inches closer to him, searching for contact with him at the same time as she urges me closer with a light tug on my hands.
Even now, she doesn’t want to pick between me and him. And he’s pulling back like he’s doing something wrong when he’s the one holding her together.
“Sitting around isn’t helping me, Fin. I need to clear my head, to be able to think about things, and...”
“And?”
I don’t know what to tell her without creating more questions that I can’t answer. Not without destroying her.
“It's hard to do when I’m stuck here. It’s either this,” I gesture around me, “or every person in my life telling me what to do. Coach, Lex, the doctors, fuck, even the PT team is on me. How am I meant to chill when I can’t get a damn second to decompress in the way I know how without the two of you spiraling on me? ”
“Oh.” Finley rolls onto the tips of her toes, bringing her forehead level with my lips as she tells me, “I’m sorry, I guess I didn’t see it that way. I didn’t understand. That I’m... I don’t know... I just don’t want you to be sick again.”
“I know, Angel.” My lips ghost over her forehead before I press a kiss to it.
I can’t think past the throb taking over my entire body, a pulsing need that builds and builds until we're pushed together and I can feel all of her touching me.
“I love you, Fin, even when I’m crotchety,” I chuckle over the bridge of her nose, placing a quick peck on the tip.
“Yeah, I think Jayden’s got you figured out, Elijah Sylkes. You’re a big grump.”
“Called it,” he says, taking another step back.
Something’s off in spite of his smile. It doesn’t reach his eyes, and his brows are pulled together funny.
“Okay, well, I’m going to head home,” he says with a sigh, as though he doesn’t live next door.
Finley sags into me as she turns to face him. Disappointment weighs her deeper into my arms.
“I thought you were staying for dinner,” she murmurs as he cautiously inches closer.
Jayden’s hands hang on either side of his body until Finley offers him hers. I expect her to close the distance between them, but instead, she coaxes him to her.
It’s so silent. The most quiet I’ve had in years when he steps right into her, his body sandwiching hers to mine.
All I can hear is my pulse quickening to a hard, relentless pounding.
What do I do now?
What does this mean?
Jayden’s stare finds mine. Searching. Asking...
All I can do is nod.
Slowly, he lowers his lips to Fin’s forehead. With his eyes locked on mine, he presses a firm, lingering kiss.
“Don’t go,” Fin whispers.
“It’s getting late...”
Lifting her face to his, her whole body burrows into mine. “It’s not even dark.”
“Lucky...”
Jayden glances between me and her.
“Stay,” is all I can say as he presses another kiss to her forehead while edging away from her. From me.
“For dinner...” Finley adds, her voice is as hoarse as mine, and anticipation for his reply has her tensing in my hold.
Before he says anything, Finley’s phone blares from the couch. Jayden pulls back, and reluctantly, she checks it.
“Shoot,” she huffs as she answers her boss’ call. “It’s Summer, we’re planning when I’ll start at the office.”
Jayden is still standing there looking more conflicted than I’ve ever seen him. His hands are stuffed in his pockets as we watch her hotfoot towards the bedrooms with an “I’ll be right back” before she disappears out of sight.
It’s just me and him.
Although it doesn’t feel awkward, there’s a shift in the air when he looks at me. It’s obvious he’s waiting for me to say something. Trouble is, I don't know what to say.
“Eli...” he starts, and before he can finish, I ask, “Do you want a drink?”
After a moment of consideration, Jayden nods, “Sure.”
Following me to the kitchen, Jayden sits at the breakfast bar while I fetch two coconut waters from the fridge.
“Glass?”
Hazel eyes narrow on me with the askance tilt of his head. “What are we doing, Eli?”
“I don’t know,” is my honest reply as I stand on the opposite side of the breakfast bar and place the coconut water cartons down between us.