Chapter 7Asher （December, freshman year of college）TheoAsherTheo #3
And the love that I felt for the man with his arm wrapped around my shoulder, because he was too drunk to walk straight, was eating me alive.
It hurt. I wanted to tell Theo so bad, but I just couldn’t. I loved him, and I hated myself for loving him. Nothing could come from it, so why was I torturing myself by loving a straight guy? Not just any straight guy, my best friend. My roommate.
The love of my life.
I tried the apps—the down-low dating. That’s cool in high school, but most college guys weren’t into that. They could sense my shame the minute they met me. I knew it.
Besides, it felt so wrong meeting people because they weren’t him. I never saw someone more than once in college. The little fling I had with Ross in high school was just that, a fling. It helped me forget how much I hated my life, but that’s about it.
I never opened up to Ross—never talked about anything real. I just needed an escape.
Once we’d finished hooking up, I’d wanna leave because he wasn’t Theo. The moment intimacy began, I closed up and ran away.
And it’s only gotten worse.
We finally arrived at our dorm, and I led Theo to his bed. He fell on top of the mattress, his big body causing the thing to dip. Despite our dorm being for athletes, I was positive Theo would break the bed with his big ass body at some point.
“Alright, Big Boy. Let’s get these clodhoppers off.”
Theo hummed in agreement as I pulled off his sneakers. “Asher…” he slurred.
I pulled off the second shoe and tossed it in the direction of his closet. “What’s up, Big Boy?”
“Do you like Davis better than me?”
I froze where I stood. My eyes adjusted to the darkness, and I looked at Theo’s face. His eyes were closed, but his brows were knitted with agitation.
“What?” I asked.
“Do you like Davis better than me?” he asked again.
Why would he be asking that? “Theo. You’re my best friend. Period.”
With his eyes still closed, Theo smiled and nuzzled into his pillow. “Good. You’re my best friend, too. Come here.”
Theo raised his arms, motioning for me to join him on the bed. My heart thundered in my chest. What was happening? What did he want? Did he want me to lie down with him?
I walked over, and he gripped my wrist and pulled me onto the bed. “My buddy,” He cooed as he wrapped his big arms around me. “ My friend.”
My thundering heart soon turned into a tempest of emotion. What was happening? “Theo, what are you doing?” I asked.
He pressed his nose into my ear and sang, “Snuggle buddy time.”
Oh, my god! My heart was about to explode. Theo wrapped his arm around me tighter, and I melted into him.
I wanted to tell him so bad. I craned my neck to see his peaceful face.
His eyes were closed, and his big, beautiful lips were still curved in an adorable grin.
I thought back to that moment when he kissed me in the Jacuzzi—the wave of pure, unadulterated bliss that washed over me when his lips touched mine.
There were so many things I wanted to say.
I’m in love with you. I love you so much it literally hurts. When I found out you were coming to Callahan with me, I cried. I cried happy tears because I’d have you by my side, but I cried sad tears, too, because I didn’t know if I’d ever have the guts to tell you how much I truly love you.
The words were there. I could feel them stampeding up my throat and yearning to run out of my mouth. His breath warmed my face, and my lips were just inches away from his. I wanted to speak those words then seal our lips together, trapping my confession inside his mouth as I kissed his sweet lips.
But I didn’t say them. I couldn’t do it. I clenched my eyes shut, a single tear escaping the corner and falling onto his pillow.
“Good night, Big Boy,” was all I could say without turning into a weeping mess.
“Good night, Red.”
I closed my eyes and let the warmth of his embrace lull me to sleep. Tomorrow, I’d slip out of bed before he woke up. But, for just a moment, I wanted to pretend that the love of my life was holding me because he loved me back, and not because he was a big, drunk cinnamon roll .
Theo
A jostling woke me from my stupor. My eyes opened a crack to see someone in my bed rising to a seated position before getting up.
Did I bring someone home?
I still had the spins, so I narrowed my eyes to try to see who it was.
Asher?
He rubbed his eyes as he crept to his side of the dorm.
Did we sleep together?
I had a vague memory of him walking me back home, but everything after that was gone. Asher made his way over to his bed and lay down. I turned to my side, facing him. His back was to me, and he released a big sigh.
All at once, I got sad. I wanted him to come back, but my head hurt too much to speak. I don’t know how we ended up sleeping together, but the loss of his presence beside me made my chest hurt. It felt good having him sleep beside me.
It felt…
Right.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. My emotions were all over the place—probably because I drank too much. I always woke up a little sad when I drank too much the night before.
That’s what it was. It was just the come down from a night of partying.
I turned over and faced the wall, closing my eyes to get a little more sleep.
But I couldn’t.
I tossed and turned, readjusting my pillow over and over to try to get comfortable .
It wasn’t until I spooned a pillow, pretending it was Asher, that I finally fell asleep.