Chapter 8Asher （Present Day）
Asher (Present Day)
“You have to live somewhere else.”
My mother’s voice ricocheted in my eardrums like a bullet.
I couldn’t live somewhere else because I didn’t have any money.
Summer was around the corner, and I’d just assumed I would go home because Mom was single.
She usually liked to borrow money from me when she didn’t have a boyfriend around.
So, I figured she’d want me there to mooch off of.
I hated her, but I had the strength to stomach her in a one-on-one scenario, especially if it was temporary.
But apparently, Louie had moved back in, which meant my presence wasn’t welcome.
I cursed myself for not saving more money, but I just couldn’t. I spent my entire freshman year studying and practicing hockey. The work study job I had at the library barely covered the basics.
The thought of getting an off-campus job crossed my mind, but Coach required us to attend practice during the off-season.
Between the constant training and my course load, I didn’t have time.
The only reason Callahan was a possibility for me was because of the generous scholarships I’d received, and one of those was a merit-based scholarship that required me to maintain a 3. 30 GPA.
Fear and anger washed over me. I was angry at myself because I should have anticipated something like this.
Of course, my mother was being a fucking asshole right before I was supposed to move back home for the summer.
I thought I’d just move in and we’d silently coexist, just as we had before I left.
Mom was single then, so she just ignored me.
But now, she had Louie back in her life. All of my mom’s boyfriends were awful, but Louie was by far the worst. Naturally, that’s the one she reconnected with.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I don’t have any money, Mom.”
There was an audible groan on the other end of the phone. “What about that cash you saved up last summer? You’re telling me you spent all of that? What, are you on drugs or something?”
No, Mom. You’re the one on drugs. “I had to buy a laptop and pay my student contribution, and also finance every other expense.” I couldn’t contain the edge in my tone, and Mom took notice.
“Hey! Don’t you give me shit! I’m your mother!
” Her gravely voice bellowed out of my phone, causing me to pull the thing away from my ear.
“I had to use my money to support myself and your sorry ass. That was my money. Mine. ” Mom was drunk.
I could always tell when she had been drinking.
You’d never know because she could bluff with the best of them, but her belligerence was a sure sign that she had been drinking.
Mom’s indifference towards me was a fact I learned to accept early on.
She just…didn’t love me. She was also a conservative asshole, so her suspicion that I was gay only added to her belief that I was a worthless pain in her ass.
It’s not as if she were especially religious or anything like that.
She was just bitter and hateful and found a home with the political right.
Even before Mom suspected me of being gay, she didn’t love me.
Mom cut off ties with everyone in her family, but they’d been around long enough for me to ask Grandma why she hated me so much.
Grandma sighed and said that Mom just wasn’t meant to be a mother.
Grandma and Pap made her keep me when she got pregnant, and she’d resented them and me for it ever since.
Once Mom cut ties with her folks, she kept me away from them as punishment. She made sure her parents never got to see the grandchild they forced her to have.
Grandma and Pap died when I was thirteen, so I couldn’t even try to reconnect and live with them during the summer break.
My eyes closed as the throbbing in my head intensified.
Talking to my mother was quite literally painful.
It hurt my heart, and that pain permeated the rest of my body as the conversation continued.
I needed a plan. Asking for help was so humiliating.
Coach Hughes or Cody might let me stay with them, but I was too ashamed to ask.
I didn’t want people to pity me. I didn’t want to be a charity case anymore, and I didn’t want people to know about the bad things in my life.
I could never ask Theo. He was the sunshine in my life, and I didn’t want to dim that with my sad, gloomy bullshit. I felt like a fucking raincloud.
Maybe I could get my old job back at the restaurant. Washing dishes and bussing tables was no sweat. I could do that and then save up some money and get an apartment. Then, I wouldn’t have to spend the whole summer at home.
Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.
“Please let me come home for just a month. I’ll work and save up so I can move out, and I’ll stay out of Louie’s way.” I hated the tremble in my voice. I despised asking that woman for favors, but I had no other choice.
There was a noticeable pause on her end before she finally said, “Fine. You have one month. But, just know how fucking lucky you are. You’re almost twenty. It’s time to support yourself, and don’t expect me to step in if shit hits the fan between you and my man.”
Click.
Air filled my lungs as I took a deep breath. It was as if I hadn’t taken a breath for the entire phone call. Why hadn’t I anticipated this? What was wrong with me?
Maybe I didn’t let myself anticipate it because I desperately wanted to go home for the summer and have a mom waiting for me. I should have known better.
Why did I always hope for more? She’d never given me more, but I still had this lingering hope that maybe someday she’d love me. I’m so stupid.
Theo barged into the room a moment later. I shook the agony of the phone call out of my system and put on a happy face for him.
“What’s up, fucker? You ready to get crunched tonight?”
Theo approached, doing his bro-shake thing, which still terrified me.
No matter how many years I spent playing sports, the bro-shake was an enigma that my gay ass just couldn’t comprehend.
Each guy had his own version of the bro-shake, and somehow, every other guy knew exactly what to do.
How? Was it genetic? Was it ingrained in the DNA of straight males?
“I’m ready, Big Boy,” I replied. The hockey team was co-hosting a party with a sorority on campus that night, and everyone was looking forward to it. I hoped that the party would distract me from the dread of summer.
Theo threw himself onto his bed. He’d just gotten back from the gym, so his muscles were bursting as he sprawled out on the mattress. “Just know if you see the sock on that doorknob…”
He started thrusting his hips up and down, his hands gripping the waist of the invisible woman he was pretending to fuck.
I couldn’t suppress my eyeroll. “Dude. You say that before every single party, and I’ve yet to return to a sock on the doorknob. Stop pretending like you’re a ladies’ man. You’re a big goon, and you’re going to bed alone tonight.”
“Yo, fuck you, Red! Just you wait, a sock will be on that doorknob tonight. I hope you have a place to stay because this room will be…” he started thrusting the invisible woman again, “occupied.”
I grabbed the pillow from my bed and started smacking him with it. “Stop thrusting your hips like that! You’re an idiot!”
Theo grabbed his pillow and started hitting me back. “Don’t start fights you can’t finish, fire crotch!”
Theo released an all-out assault with the pillow. I darted to the far corner of the dorm and hopped onto my desk, careful not to crunch the laptop I spent a summer saving up to buy. The pillow smacked the ceiling as I raised it above my head and smashed it over Theo’s head as he ran toward me.
This is good. I need this. Nothing pulled me out of my slumps like Theo and his buffoonery.
“You won’t win this round, Big Boy! I have the height advantage now!” He raised an arm, attempting to deflect my blows. Theo tossed his pillow, then wrapped his free arm around my thighs and threw me over his shoulders. “Put me the fuck down,” I screamed. His hand came down hard on my ass. “Ow!”
Theo tossed me on my bed and started twisting his knuckles into my thighs as he held me down. What came out of me was a mix of laughter and wails as he dug his knuckles into my sensitive skin.
“Are you gonna calm down, or do I need to teach you a lesson?” Theo started cackling now that he’d gotten the upper hand.
“LET ME GO!”
“Say you surrender, you redheaded slut!”
“NEVER!” I screamed back. Honestly, I did this shit on purpose because I liked the way Theo manhandled me. I could have fought back harder, I was a hockey player too after all, but I enjoyed being at his mercy.
“You asked for it.” His big hand gripped my thigh. He called it “the claw,” and it hurt like a motherfucker.
“OW! OKAY! I SURRENDER!”
Theo released my thigh and walked away. “Good. Now, get up, dude. It’s time to party.”
Jesus, why did I love this man so much?