Chapter 4 #2
The worst thing that could happen right now is for me to tell her that she's the other half of my soul, and she rejects it.
Sure, the rejection itself will be hard enough to deal with, but even worse will be that she'll send me away.
If she does that, I won't be able to ensure she's safe until all of this that she's going through has run its course.
I take a deep breath while Reese is still hiding herself in embarrassment.
"Sometimes there are others who can block our abilities.
" There. That sounds like a perfectly good reason.
Except that might also lead her to believe I can't protect her, so I quickly amend it.
"It's extremely rare. I'm as surprised as you about this since I haven't met someone I couldn't slip inside the mind of once. "
Reese spreads her fingers a little, one of her dark eyes peering at me before she snaps her fingers closed again.
I chuckle, I can't help it. She's adorable, and maybe I shouldn't be thinking that about a client, but she is the other half of my soul, so a few liberties can be taken so long as they all remain in my mind.
I want to tell her that I find her as attractive as she finds me, but telling her that is all but admitting that I have feelings for her.
Seeing as Sombrans have feelings for one person and one person only, well, it goes back around to Kolos being down here pretending to be her boyfriend, and that just won't do. For his sake and for mine.
"I'm just messing all of this up," Reese says with a little pout before she lets her hand flop back into her lap, where her fingers immediately tangle with one another.
"Okay, whatever. It's actually kind of nice you can't read my mind because after all of this has happened, it feels like there's not a piece of me that hasn't been laid bare.
At least I can still keep my thoughts to myself. "
"Even if I could hear them, we're taught how to act so you wouldn't know," I tell her.
It's meant to be reassuring, but based on the way her lips tilt downward, it's clear she likes that even less.
"Knowing what you do, are you still interested in continuing with Mauve's plan, or would you prefer this to be a strictly professional arrangement? "
"It's fine," Reese says, her bravado seeming forced, but it isn't something I'm willing to point out. Not when we're barely more than strangers still. "If it's not you, it'll be some other celebrity she's hand-picked for the job, and honestly, I don't want to deal with any of them anymore."
I ignore the curdling in my stomach at the thought of my mother having backup fake boyfriends for Reese, but knowing Mauve, she most certainly does. "Better the devil you know, right?"
Reese looks at me, a tiny glimmer of knowing in her eyes. "If you're going to sound like Mauve, this might not work out."
My shadows, not realizing that Reese is teasing us because they're taking her words a little too literally, begin their panicking anew.
They're more than capable of figuring out how she feels about us and whether she's being truthful in her words, much better than I can, since they're the ones blocking us from her mind.
And yet, they're the ones having a meltdown right now.
"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Mauve rubs off on all of us to an extent," I say, smiling as Reese shakes her head, the red in her cheeks softening to a bright pink.
"As long as you don't keep your nose pressed to your comm the entire time you're with me, I think I'll live," Reese says, and then, with a reluctant sigh, she steers us back towards what we really need to talk about. "We should put up some boundaries."
"Whatever will make you feel best, I'm willing to do," I say, sitting back in my seat and interlocking my fingers as they rest against my abdomen.
"Anything?" Reese asks, a brow quirking.
I wonder for a moment if she remembers what I said earlier about how much my father is willing to do for Mauve since she's his soulbond. I wonder if she's thinking about it, given how suggestive her question is. Even if she is, I can't help but be honest with her about that.
"There's very little I wouldn't do for you," I tell her, the words coming out much too close to a vow for my liking, so I add, "You're my client after all. I'd hate for you to be uncomfortable."
There's a flicker of emotion across her face, one I'm no good at reading.
Most Sombrans aren't the best at reading body language.
Most of us can at least read emotions on others, so we know what others are feeling at all times, unless they hide those feelings from us.
For those who can read thoughts, it becomes even more of a reliance on abilities when interacting with others.
I've never needed to be good at reading or understanding social cues because I could always just listen in on thoughts to know how I should be behaving or how someone felt about my words. Sitting across from Reese as my words affect her, well, I've never felt more useless.
"You're right," she says, a smile stretching her lips that feels as though it's brittle and unwanted.
I don't understand it, and without coming right out and telling her that I know I've erred somehow and need her to explain it to me, I'll be left in the dark. But she carries on before I get the chance, and it's at least clear to me she doesn't want to talk about it anyway.
"We should figure out a sleeping arrangement in my apartment, the amount of physical touch, and how much of a voice you want to have once everyone knows about you. Mauve already has me scheduled for a ridiculous amount of interviews and photoshoots."
"I can sleep anywhere. The fact that it's inside is a plus," I say, hoping to reignite some of that humor she showed me earlier.
Instead, she remains as placid as she was when speaking, and I feel even worse for making light of it.
"As for physical touch, whatever you think would be best to make this illusion feel real.
Sombrans can be extremely touchy when they've bonded, but I wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable.
The same goes for interviews. If you'd like me to participate, I will, but I imagine most people care far more about you than they do for someone who works as a bodyguard. "
"How touchy do you get?" Reese asks, the other parts of my answer falling to the wayside.
My shadows are all ecstatic that we might get a chance to show our soulbond how much they want to touch her, but they're going to be sorely mistaken. I won't let them near her unless she gives us clear instructions or asks us to do so.
"My shadows." I motion to where they've crawled up my body and are once again dancing in an attempt to persuade Reese to want us.
"They'll want to be touching you at all times, especially out in public.
" I grind my teeth together, but tell myself that I'm adding the next part because it's honest and not because I'm more than a little excited about the prospect.
"If we were truly together, they wouldn't let you get far if they thought there was danger, and seeing as you called me in because there's danger…
" I let the words trail off, letting Reese fill in the rest.
"Oh, okay," she says, lips pressing together as she watches the shadows do their thing of trying to entice her by moving around as much as possible. "Are you comfortable with touching me yourself?"
"Yes," I answer a little too quickly, but there's no taking it back once it's out there. "I have no issues with that," I add in a much more professional tone that doesn't make me sound like some overeager male.
"Hugging? Kissing?" Reese's cheeks darken with the questions, but it doesn't stop her from asking.
There's no doubt in my mind that my blush is rivaling hers, but she's asking it as seriously as she can, so I can give her the same respect.
I'm honestly surprised she's as flustered by this conversation as I am, considering she seems so unabashed about this kind of talk when she's pretending to be Empress.
Then again, it could be because I'm all but a stranger to her still.
For all I know, it'll only take a little bit of knowing her for her to be as brash as what I've seen from the few interviews I've watched to prepare myself to be her security detail.
"If that's what you need from me, I have no qualms doing those things," I answer.
Reese bites her thumbnail for a moment before wincing and lowering her hand.
I hadn't noticed earlier, but her fingers are all chewed up, and her thumb is now sporting an angry little swell of blood.
And just like that, my shadows are no longer interested in enticing her because she's hurt, and they want me to fix it.
"If all of that sounds agreeable to you, I'm going to go find a first aid kit," I tell her as my gaze flicks back down to her thumb for a moment. She looks too, notices the blood, and groans a little before pressing it to her lips.
"It's fine," she says when she lowers it again, the blood slower to bead from where she bit it. "It's an old nervous habit, but I'm fine. We should find Mauve, though. I'm sure she's already planning how we'll hard launch this relationship."
I offer her my hand when I stand from the conference room table, and she only hesitates for a moment before taking it. Once she's standing, I go to release it, but she interlocks our fingers.
"Best to start practicing now, don't you think?" she asks, looking up at me with that same false bravado as earlier. She doesn't have to tell me or my shadows twice before they're racing up my body, down my arm, and dancing across her forearm and fingers.
"Oh," she says, surprise marring her face. "I didn't know I'd feel them."
I pull them all back to me quickly, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.
They rage in my mind, telling me to allow them back close to our soulbond.
Reese presses a hand to my forearm where they've all congregated and runs her fingers through the smoky texture.
I feel a shiver run across my body at the soft touch, and they all start singing her praises.
"They're fine," she says a bit quieter than before as she studies the shadows on my forearm and how they all spread so some of them can twist and maneuver to keep her attention. "I was just surprised, but they're perfectly fine."
I stop restraining them, and just like before, they all race to cover her.
They at least listen to me when I tell them to stay confined to the arm we're holding and not to venture anywhere that's inappropriate.
For someone who's never had a desire to be with anyone before, they've been giving me the strong urge to allow them to skate all over her bare skin.
It's something I will keep them from pursuing, even if the urge is unbelievably tempting.
"Okay, let's go meet with Mauve," I say, because if I don't, we're going to remain standing in the conference room for as long as it takes for Reese to no longer be interested in watching and feeling my shadows against her skin.
I'd allow her to stay like that for as long as she pleases, but I'd be more likely to let it slip that I want her if we do. Nothing better to thwart off unwanted sexual urges than mentioning my mother, and it does just that. Even my shadows are grumbling about it, but it has its intended effect.
Reese looks up at me through the soft red fringe of her hair.
I swallow hard, ignoring how devastatingly beautiful she is as I give her hand a soft squeeze and start moving to leave the conference room.
There will be plenty of time for me to figure out how to navigate all of these new feelings.
Sure, it might be while sharing an apartment with the person bringing out those feelings, but I'm a professional.
Unless she initiates, I can keep my hands and my shadows and all my other parts to myself.
I'll also have to handle all these newfound desires on my own.
Something I'm very much not looking forward to.