19. Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Nineteen
Katie
After hoisting me off that bike, Pax keeps me in his arms and immediately carries me to the bedroom, only remembering to kick the front door shut behind him when I mention it. Within seconds, all of our clothes are strewn on the bedroom floor, and we pounce on each other like starving lions, stumbling upon prey for the first time in weeks. Our hands are everywhere, our mouths fused together, tongues entangled in a dance of dominance, as we fall onto the bed.
Pax covers me with his body. I feel him everywhere, like a warm and very sexy blanket. But I push at his shoulders until he rolls to the side. "I want to be on top."
"Hell, yes," he groans and turns the two of us around until I’m lying on him. My knees slip down his side to the mattress, his dick trapped between my stomach and his.
Pax’s hands stroke down my back until they find their favorite place on my butt, where he gives me a playful slap.
Not giving him the satisfaction of a reaction, I reach between the two of us and line him up to my hole. There’s no need for foreplay today. As much as I love it, his bike took care of that.
A soft "Fuck, yes," falling from my lips as he slides right inside me.
"You're taking the words out of my mouth," he groans and closes his eyes when I circle my hips. "Can I try something?"
"Yeah, sure," I say distractedly as I lift myself, only to have him thrust up into me, the sound of our bodies colliding so suddenly, obscenely echoing in the quiet room.
"Hell, yes. Try it again."
"Not what I mean, though," he chuckles darkly. With both of his hands, he grabs my hips, preventing me from moving. Instead, he takes over, thrusting up into me. If I weren't kneeling already, my legs would give out, one hundred percent.
One of his hands shoots up, catching my boob and roughly massaging it with his palm. I close my eyes, letting the pleasure wash over me.
"Almost there already," I sigh, relief so close I can already taste it on my fucking tongue. It's embarrassing how hot and bothered the ride home got me, but right now, I don’t give a fuck. No complaints. My pussy tingles and the familiar pressure starts building in my core, intensifying until it’s just about to grant me the greatest fucking release I’ve ever known, when suddenly slap .
Pax's hand hits my butt cheek, and this time, it’s not a playful slap. No, it stings. But in a good way. The pressure withdraws slightly, as he kneads the stinging skin. Confused, but still aroused, I look at him. Slap. Another one.
"Fuck me," I whisper breathlessly, staring down at him with wide eyes.
"That’s exactly what I'm doing," Pax chuckles.
"I did not know I liked that," I moan, surprised. He kneads my ass, the sensitive ends of my nerves sending all kinds of mixed signals through my body.
"Oh, but I knew," he says with a grin. "Come on, get down. I want to watch your ass turn red. Want to see my hand marking you."
He wets his lips as I climb off him, lying my torso onto the mattress and raising my ass up in the air, my hands quickly tangling into the sheets as I get ready for him. Pax gathers my hair on the back of my head and holds it tightly in a ponytail as he glides right back in with an obscene squelch.
“Fuck, you’re so wet,” he groans and grips my hip, pulling me into him roughly as he thrusts inside.
"Fuck, Pax," I moan and hold onto the sheets for dear life, scared I’ll float away if I let go. I want to bury my head in them, let the pleasure drown me, and give up all control, but he pulls my torso up by my hair, arching my back, the new position making him hit just the right fucking spot inside me. "Almost there!"
Slap.
But this time it doesn't surprise me. No, this time I'm prepared, welcoming the sting. The pain ripples through my whole body and it grounds me, somehow making me feel everything. And more .
Whines fill the room, and it takes me way too long to realize that they're coming from my mouth.
Slap.
Fuck. All those hookups and one-night stands, how did I never know I like a little bit of pain mixed with pleasure?
Slap.
Oh fuck. "I'm almost there, fuck." Slap. "Oh, my fucking god, Pax I'm so close."
And that fucker slows down . I try to push myself against him, trying to get release, but he tugs at my hair.
"Trust me,” he demands slowly, and I nod, almost immediately. There’s no question about it.
I do. Goddamnit, I do. There’s no ‘buts’ or ‘what ifs,’ only trust.
I might have the urge to drown him in ice cubes if he doesn’t hurry the fuck up to make me come, but holy fuck do I trust this man.
Gradually, he picks up speed, his dick pistoning inside me pressing the air out of my lungs with each slap of skin hitting skin, until I'm just about to come.
Slap. Then he almost stops, turning letting go of my hair to grab my chin and turn my head to capture my lips in an open-mouthed kiss.
"Please, please, fucking please, Pax," I beg against his lips, barely able to breathe. I need to come like I need air, my hips moving on their own to finally find relief.
Slap.
"I love your little whines," Pax teases me, pinching my nipple and catching my moan with his mouth. "I love how unbelievably gone you are. Give yourself to me, Katie. Stop thinking."
The spot where he hit me tickles and it hurts and it 's the perfect combination to drive me even higher. And I do it. All my thoughts evaporate. I don't know what I feel where; I just know that I need to fucking come.
But he won't fucking let me and it's driving me fucking insane.
"I hope you stub your toe," I hear myself starting to spew petty insults at him. "Wet your fucking sleeve when you wash your hands." How I even have the brain capacity to come up with these, I have no idea. I've checked out. It's an out-of-body experience. I’m just a spectator at this point.
"Almost there," Pax grunts against my ear, picking up speed. Fucking finally. "You're taking me so well, Katie, feels fucking divine."
I know. I fucking know and so does he, but no words leave my mouth as he lets go of my hair to grab my hips, fucking me like he's trying to break the goddamn bed.
Then he bucks into me, and I feel his warmth fill my insides. Tears start streaming down my face. I'm close. I'm so fucking close. I'm teetering on the edge of the cliff, ready to jump but he's holding me by fucking threads of my shirt.
"Do it," he rasps in my ear and pulls out, turning me around and pushing me into the mattress, quickly replacing his cock with his fingers. "Fucking come for me, Katie."
And I fall. I fucking fall. I see stars, I’m floating in fucking space, no idea where up and down is as pleasure threatens to rip me apart. I think I forgot how to breathe, as the universe swallows me, only to spit me out once my breathing begins to calm.
When I finally come to, Pax lies next to me, his hand on my stomach and his leg between mine, looking at me with an amused grin.
"I'm not sure if I hate you or love you," I mumble, slapping his arm with no real strength behind it, because apparently right now all my limbs are made of gummy, making him laugh. How the fuck am I that much more gone from one orgasm, than when he gives me two or more?
"You sure seemed to enjoy yourself," he counters, and I stick out my tongue at him. With a chuckle he gets up, returning only a moment later with a damp towel and wipes his cum off me, before throwing it somewhere behind him. A satisfied grin spreads on his face as he looks at me, widening when he crawls back onto the bed and lies down next to me, extending his arm so I can use it as a pillow and cuddle into his side.
With his feet, he lifts the blanket and pulls it up until he can grab it with his hand and tugs the both of us in like we’re in a cocoon.
I wonder. If two butterflies were to end up in the same cocoon, would they fuse together? Would they share a heart? Or would it destroy them?
I sigh happily when his arm curves along my back, resting on the warm, sensitive skin on my ass.
"Was I too rough?" he asks worriedly, and I shake my head.
"If you were, I would have slapped you right back," I assure him and kiss whatever body part of him is in front of me with closed eyes.
“Are you all right? Do you need ointment?”
"I’m more than fine. But spent." I yawn, playfully biting down on his skin when I close my mouth again.
"Ouch," he laughs. "Little piranha."
My only answer is a lazy smile as sleep digs its claws into me, pulling me under .
"Sleep, Katie," he whispers and drops a kiss on top of my head, and seconds later, I am gone.
***
"Stop staring at me," I mumble before even opening my eyes. I can all but feel his stare drilling into the side of my head.
"Nope." I hear the grin in his voice and slowly open one of my eyes. He's propping his head on his hand, a small smile playing at his lips and the corners of his eyes as he reaches out to wrap a strand of my hair around his finger. "I like looking at you."
I turn my head to hide the blush creeping into my cheeks in my pillow, making him chuckle happily and cuddle in closer. "Even though you're not good with compliments." He adds and I playfully nudge him with my elbow.
"You're one to talk," I reply softly and turn around, scooting up until we're on eye level. "Speaking of talking," I raise my eyebrows. "What are your plans with Hystoria?"
"I'm not leaving you," he declares, conviction clear in his eyes. "Not a chance."
"That was not my question, Pax." I raise my hand and cup the side of his face. I love the feeling of his stubble in my palm and feeling his facial expressions change. "Do you want to get back into show business? Or do you want to stop?"
He sighs, his eyes dropping, and leans his face into my touch. I can see the thoughts racing behind his temples, and there’s no doubt in my mind that he’s battling an inner fight .
Which one will it be? I love having him here, but I would never keep him away from his band or his fans. I’d never do that to him. And I’d never make him choose.
Whatever he decides, whatever comes out of his mouth now, we’ll manage. Somehow we’ll make it work.
"Yes," he finally whispers and opens his eyes again. “I want to remain a part of Hystoria.” Conviction has made space for pain on his face, and I stroke the deep wrinkle between his eyebrows with the tip of my index finger until it smooths out.
"But you're scared?" It's less of a question and more of a statement. He nods slowly, looking at the nightstand next to the bed over my head instead of at me. "Of what?"
"Disappointment. People," he admits, his whisper barely audible over our breaths. "A lot of people are really fucking mad at me. Rightfully, I might add."
"So what?" I ask him, raising my eyebrow at him.
"What if going back to Hystoria is more harmful than helpful?" The wrinkle reappears and I raise my chin to kiss it away.
"If the guys were thinking that, they wouldn't be getting on my nerves, so I’d send you back to them soon." That makes a small grin appear on his face, even though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. "They're giving you a chance to make things right. Maybe you should take it and prove to them that you’ve deserved it."
"And then?" he asks and chuckles darkly. "I’ll be right back with the yea-sayers and before you know it, I'm telling you that you're not important."
"No, you won't," I assure him, but he is skeptical. I take a deep breath. "You're not going back without a game plan, Pax. I know you. You won't stop therapy, for example, and-" another deep breath. "I think you really need to talk to your friends about the whole thing."
"About which thing?" His eyes dance over my face, trying to find the answer.
"About how they can support you through a setback."
"I can't ask that of them,” he says quietly, shaking his head. “Not after fucking up like that."
"For fuck’s sake-” A deep sigh escapes me and his eyes widen in surprise. “Stop this self-loathing bullshit," I pull his ear until he yelps. "Yes, you fucked up. We've established that. Several times. Emphasis on the fucking past tense here, Pax.” I gently stroke the earlobe I’ve pulled on.
“Don’t let that stop you from taking your second chance now that it’s served to you on a silver platter and trying to make things right. Stop living in the past and fucking ask them for help. The worst they can do is say 'no' and even that wouldn't be the end of the world." I let my hand slide down his arm until I reach his wrist, then guide his hand to the side of my face to lean into it. "You can do it. We can do it."
I have no idea how, but I just know we're going to make it work. We have to.
He stares at me after my outburst, fear and fury battling in his eyes, until he lets them fall closed slowly, resigning to his fate.
"One condition," he says and opens them again, pinching my cheek. I purse my lips in a pout as I eagerly wait for him to continue. Whatever it is, I’m in. "You accept help, too."
"What?" My eyes widen and my breath falters as I slowly register what he just said .
"You heard me." He nods slowly and narrows his eyes at me. "I'll do it if you let me buy you a car and a flat. And you need to agree to go talk to a therapist."
"Therapy?" I frown and wiggle, but his hold around me tightens.
"Have you seen anyone after your parents died?" I gulp and look at him with wide eyes, finally shaking my head slowly.
"I never had the time. There was Luke, and so much to arrange, and-" He puts his finger on my lips to stop me from talking.
"Well, then you're taking the time now."
"But-"
"No 'buts',” he interrupts me again. “You can lower your hours or even stop working at all and go back to college for all I care." My eyes grow wider and wider. "You've spent years putting Luke's needs first, but he's almost an adult now. He needs to become his own person now and you need to become yours. It's time you start putting yourself first again." His voice turns soft, and I blink down the tears springing into my eyes, before shaking my head.
"Wait a second, I feel like we need to talk about this. I mean, a car? A flat?"
"No, we don't need to talk about it. I'll buy you a car and a flat and once that’s settled, I'll fly out and talk to the guys."
I'm not sure if that's his tactic to make me say no. A flat and a car? That is way more than I can accept. I wouldn't be able to afford that in a lifetime and I'm just supposed to say yes to it?
"Can I choose the flat and car?" Maybe I could pay him back someday. But he sees right through me.
"Nope." He shakes his head. "You would absolutely go for the cheapest ones, so no. I'm choosing. Luke can help me."
I glare at him, but it only causes his smile to widen.
He knows that the only downside to his plan is me having to jump over my own shadow and accept help. That the only person standing between happiness and me is me.
Finally, I nod. We might be jumping, but at least we’re doing it together.