Chapter 22
SAPPHIRE
I’m sitting in bed with the television on in the background.
However, I have no idea what the plot is as I’m absentmindedly petting Ghost, who’s snuggled up next to me, while I daydreamingly admire my pretty new dress hanging on the back of my bedroom door that Eli said I look beautiful in. The one he insisted he pay for.
My phone chimes, alerting me to a new text breaking my swoonfest.
I hurriedly pick up my phone when I see Eli’s name flash across the screen, my heart fluttering in my chest like a butterfly trapped in a jar, and open the text.
Eli
Please accept my apologies for what happened earlier today. It was unprofessional of me, and it should never have occurred.
Me
I’m not sorry.
Eli
It won’t happen again.
Me
I want it to.
Eli
I can have one of my brothers handle the rest of the event details with you if you’d prefer.
Me
That’s unnecessary, and I don’t prefer that as an option.
Eli
I don’t know what came over me.
Me
You like me, just admit it.
Eli
I will pick you up tomorrow at eleven, or if you want to go separately, I won’t be offended.
Me
I will be offended if you don’t pick me up.
Eli
See you tomorrow then.
Me
Are you even reading my replies?
My text goes from delivered to read in the blink of an eye, and of course, I know he’s read them, but he’s avoiding me.
I’m not sure how we went from nothing to him kissing me and then back to where we started in just a few hours, but this is the sticky spot we’re in now. If it means forcing him to admit he likes me, then I’ll do it.
Getting people to step outside their comfort zone is what I specialize in.
My parents always taught me to take risks in life and try new things, even if it didn’t go the way I wanted, so I make the most insane, over-the-top declaration of admiration I’ve ever made.
Me
I like you, and I get the impression you like me too; otherwise, you wouldn’t have kissed me today.
I think you’re too scared to admit how you feel.
But fear of the unknown and fear of your feelings doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.
Running away doesn’t help either because it will catch up with you eventually and you’ll regret never taking the jump into the unknown.
And I get it, you’re guarded. I also know that dealing with someone like me, who is expressive and wears her heart on her sleeve, might make you feel like your emotions are confusing or possibly more complicated to manage because I’m a lot.
Often too much for some people. But I like you, Eli. More than you realize.
I almost give up hope as a long stretch of time passes before bubbles start dancing on the screen, showing me he’s responding.
Nervous anticipation builds as I re-read our message thread, my knee bouncing from jitters, with dopamine and oxytocin firing like fireworks through my veins.
Eli
You’re not too much.
I’m not too much.
I smile uncontrollably and he has no idea how much four little words mean to me.
When that’s all I’ve ever felt. Too much.
Growing up, I’ve always been the anomaly, the girl who started life out in the desert with eccentric parents and even wilder clothes.
When I first started my business, I began to doubt myself, thinking my dresses were too bright, or that I talked too much, and that my idea to launch a holistic events company might be too ambitious and could fall flat.
Still, after my first speaking invitation, which I landed when a guy named Mark from a small Silicon Valley company saw my YouTube channel, where I shared advice and tips on motivating staff in mainstream office settings, that experience changed my life.
On the outside, I might seem bold and unbothered, but I question myself every day.
I exude confidence, there’s no doubt about that, but those old thoughts that swirl in my mind about where I came from, who I am, and my bubbly personality, which people either love or hate, pop up again.
It’s a persistent feeling that no matter how many cord-cutting meditations I do, they still stick to me like Velcro.
I’m not sure I will ever be able to shake them off.
If Eli is scared to admit how he feels, I’m petrified I might have misread the situation and blown it entirely because he still hasn’t confirmed whether he likes me more than just as an associate.
Girls at school disliked me just for being myself, and several boyfriends tried to change me as soon as we started dating. They attempted to suppress my spirit and water me down. Those relationships never ended well, which is why I’m still single.
There’s fear within me, not just from rejection, but I’m protecting myself from someone trying to smother my fire and dim who I am.
Sitting up straighter in my bed, I cross my legs and lean over my phone, needing more of his reassurance to confirm that I’m not just imagining the tension growing between us.
Me
I’m not too much?
Eli
To me, you are just the right amount of everything.
Oh snap!
While he might not be much of a talker, he’s a great texter.
Me
Thank you.
Eli
I, on the other hand, am far from perfect and am a work in progress.
Me
Aren’t we all?
Eli
You think you know me, but you don’t.
Me
I want to get to know you, all of you: the real you, the unpolished version.
Eli
You don’t.
Me
Can I not decide that for myself?
Eli
I’ll see you tomorrow, Sapphire.
Hell, he’s deeper than the ocean, and I know when to stop pushing. I won’t drive him over the edge and away from me.
Me
Goodnight, Elijah.
Eli
It’s Eli.
Me
I know, I like testing you.
Eli
Trust me, I know. Goodnight, Sapphire.
Me
I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I can’t wait to see you in your tuxedo.
Eli
And I can’t wait to see what dress you picked.
I realize he doesn’t know because he didn’t stick around long enough to find out.
Me
Thank you for the dress, shoes, and everything. You left way too much money, though.
Eli
Buy more dresses with it.
Me
No one has ever bought me dresses before.
Eli
Or buy another pair of cowboy boots.
I chuckle at that text and immediately reply.
Me
You like my cowboy boots?
Eli
You really don’t want to know my honest answer.
Me
I do.
Keeping me teetering on the edge of suspense, he takes his damn sweet time to reply.
Eli
You don’t, Sapphire. It’s unprofessional.
Me
I might want you to be unprofessional. You’ve already kissed me.
Eli
Enough now. Goodnight.
Just like that he brings our conversation to an abrupt halt.
I consider myself a patient woman, and I am usually willing to wait. But tomorrow is a new day and an opportunity to show him what it would be like to be with me, entirely.
Look out, Elijah Hart, you’ve lived in the grayscale long enough, and I’m here to wake you up and show you what living in full imperfect color looks like.