Chapter 21
ARI
It’s Saturday, and instead of walking along the beach like I hoped, I’m standing in an exclusive fashion boutique.
“I don’t think I like this one either,” I call out to Joseph, who was determined to come with me, along with my best friend, Maeve, to pick a dress for the ball.
“Show us.” Maeve encourages me to step out of the changing room.
I turn around awkwardly and hike the trailing dress up to one side then slide back the curtain to reveal the bright teal dress that’s much too long for me.
“Nope.” Joseph shoos me back into the changing room. “That’s drowning you.” He takes a sip of champagne that was offered to us when we arrived.
Maeve tilts her head to the side; confusion lines appear across her forehead. “Try on the gold.” She points to the one hanging up.
Who knew dress shopping would be so difficult.
“I’m not sure I like the back on the gold one.” The plunging cowl back won’t hide my scar.
“Kill my curiosity, go on.” Maeve makes praying hands, pleading with me, giving me huge puppy dog eyes.
“Okay.” I give in and close the curtain again, annoyed that after trying on over a dozen dresses, I don’t even have a maybe. They’ve all been a no so far. “I won’t be able to wear a bra with it.” I point out the obvious.
“They do those stick-on bras. Let me ask the assistant,” Joseph says, eagerly willing to help. “Size?” he asks, and I give him my cup size as I struggle to get out of yet another dress and rehang it, then take my bra off.
“I’m not sure gold is my color.” With my hands on my hips, I stare at it. As stunning as it is, I really wanted to wear a dark colored dress, not one that looks like sunshine.
“Here you go, sweetie.” Joseph pushes his hand through the small gap in the curtain and hands me a delicate-looking stick-on bra that’s slightly padded in a natural color that might actually work.
“Thank you.” I take the bra out of his wiggling hand and laugh at him. Joseph is a ball of energy every single second of every day and he’s a breath of fresh air in the office.
Even after I leave Hart Law, I hope we remain friends, but he may not want to if I expose my findings.
Not that I’ve found anything.
I spoke to Julie, my contact at The Golden Telegraph , again via email last night and she said she finally has some concrete evidence coming her way and would send it to me once she had it in her hands.
She wasn’t sure how long it would take, it could be days, weeks or months, but she’d found something, and I’ve been waiting for years already so another few months won’t matter.
Whatever it is, I hope it’s enough to finally put an end to the torment I’ve been feeling since I was old enough to investigate the case myself but have only been able to get so far.
If I’m not careful I’m going to drive myself stupid. My obsession is becoming just that: obsessive. I push the thoughts of my family aside so I can focus on the task at hand… finding a dress.
“Why the hell did I say I would be his date?” I ask out loud, knowing full well it was because the thought of Nathan with another woman curdled my blood.
Joseph replies, “Because Vivienne Cavendish is vile and we don’t want her near Mr. Crankypants. He deserves someone much less…”
Maeve jumps in. “Gold digger and murdery.”
We all burst out laughing. It seems like everyone knows what Vivienne is like.
“Have you read the statement his family released? They despise her and I swear she killed her husband on that flight.” Maeve says what everyone is thinking.
Confidentiality is king in the office; Joseph and I haven’t spoken about Vivienne since she left the other day.
Joseph says with confidence, “Karma will get her.”
“Amen to that,” I agree. It’s what I’m hoping for; justice for my family.
Joseph informed me that Nathan’s parents are attending the ball, which means I’ll finally come face-to-face with his father.
I inhale a deep breath. I might need a whiskey, or maybe even a distillery, to prepare me for that.
Sticking the clear self-adhesive wings of the bra to the side of one boob and then the other, I push the girls up to give them some much-needed cleavage.
“This bra is great.” I check the sides, then my back, which is completely exposed and will work with the deep cowl back, then jump up and down to check how robust the bra is. “It’s even jiggle proof.”
“Great, now enough stalling and put the dress on.” Maeve urges me to move quicker.
I don’t blame her for being annoyed. I thought we’d be in and out of the dress shop within twenty minutes, but two hours later, we are still here.
I slip the golden ankle-length evening gown off the clothes hanger, step into the satin, and slide it up my body.
Wiggling it up over my hips, I slip my arms through the holes to place the elegant straps on my shoulders and do up the concealed zipper under my armpit.
I catch a glimpse of the draping cowl back in the mirror in front of me, reflecting in another behind me, and I feel a little zing of excitement.
I love it.
Stepping into a pair of gold-colored barely there bow-back high heels the assistant gave me to try on with the dresses and to boost my height, I smile at how utterly perfect they match the gold of the dress and buckle up the thin ankle straps.
“This is the one,” I say excitedly, almost squealing when I’m ready. “Look.” I push the curtain back quickly, causing it to swish back and forth, and reveal the decadent dress.
“Wow.” Joseph clasps his hands to his heart. “You look stunning.”
“Gorgeous.” Maeve beams, stands up, and walks to me. “Turn around.”
I do what she asks, showing them the back that’s much lower than I would usually pick, and peek back at them over my shoulder, my face feeling sore from smiling. “It’s perfect.” Then a little self-doubt kicks in, and I ask Maeve, “Can you see my scar? Is it too much?”
Maeve turns me around then grabs the tops of my shoulders and looks right at me, as if she’s staring directly into my darkness I feel sometimes.
“Your scar is part of what makes you you. Embrace it.” She releases me from her hold, and I face the giant mirror on the wall at the far end of the changing rooms.
“I feel so glamourous.” I bounce my shoulders up and down with glee, feeling giddy.
“It elongates you,” Joseph says before finishing his last sip of champagne. “Your tan skin makes you look like you’re glowing and your dark hair oozes sexy glam. Everything, is just”—he chef’s kisses his fingers—“perfection.”
“It screams sophistication,” Maeve adds. “Now can we please go get something to eat? I’m starving. And I need to pee.” She dashes off in the direction of the restroom.
Joseph’s face appears over my shoulder and he stares at my reflection in the mirror, admiring my outfit. “You’re going to knock his socks off.”
“I don’t think so.” I can’t stop looking at the dress. It’s so pretty.
“Oh, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. And since you arrived, he’s been nice to me, and less cranky. And even when he is, you still manage to navigate his moods. You deserve this dress.” Joseph catches my eye in the mirror.
“He’s not so bad once you get to know him,” I say, defending him. He’s a man with many layers but when it’s just me and him, he’s different.
You do something to me.
When he made that confession along with struggling to eat and sleep because of me, I knew he was being serious.
Nathan is careful with his words and his feelings, which I’m handling with care, but I’m not sure I am equipped to deal with them when I don’t even understand my own feelings for him.
Although compartmentalizing and separating him from his father, as well as him from the business, is helping.
When it’s just us, it’s exactly that, just us, and nothing else matters in those moments. Part of me wishes that I could forget about seeking the truth while the other is determined to keep on looking.
I feel so conflicted, and at this point I don’t know what side of the fence I’m sitting on.
His words replay in my mind like looped CCTV footage. There isn’t a damn thing you could say to keep me away from you. You make me want to burn down the world for you, protect you, and never let you go. I’ve never seen myself settling down before…
Which has me reconsidering my next move.
Should I halt digging any deeper into my family’s deaths and pursue things with Nathan or forget about him completely?
Forgetting him isn’t an option. He’s already made a place inside my brain and my heart for himself.
I want him to burn down the world for me, but settling down with him? Was he serious?
What if I accept that what happened to my family was an accident and that there was nothing more to it?
What if their deaths were all meant to lead me to Nathan?
A grand plan or something equally universal.
My mind and body continue this inner fight with one another. I love my job at Hart Law, which I also can’t understand. It’s become more than just a mission for me; I’m helping to change lives and help people. It’s a position I would love to stay in.
Nathan, his brothers, and everyone at Hart Law are cleaner than a virgin-white tablecloth.
So why can’t I let the unsettling feeling I have in my gut rest?
It’s actually beginning to annoy me now.
Joseph breaks me out of my muddled thoughts. “And if this dress doesn’t make him fall in love with you, I will. In fact, I might be a little bit in love with you already.”
“Don’t tell your boyfriend that.” I snort, lifting the ankle-skimming silk upward.
“I’m taking the shoes too.” I show them off.
They’re the most beautiful shoes I have ever owned, and I have no idea how much they are because none of the items in this shop that Joseph insisted we come to has a price tag.
“Take the shoes and let’s find you a purse to match.” Joseph pulls a platinum credit card out of his pocket and waves it at me. “It’s all on Nathan.” He winks.
“I feel like a million dollars.”
“Nathan’s golden girl.” He narrows his eyes, as if deep in thought. “It looks like that gold dress from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days , only you wear it better.”
“ How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days ?” I scoff.
Little does he know how accurate that is… How many more days will I be at Hart Law?
The unfortunate truth is that I want more days, more nights, every night with Nathan.
My decision is made. I’m going to stop digging for things that might bring me more pain and put my own investigation on hold to see how things pan out between us.
For now.
Until such a time, and when I’m ready to pick up my investigation again, I’m praying Nathan doesn’t find out my secret and my real reason for me switching my job to bring to light the truth behind the car crash.
Because if he ever finds out my true reason for being there, it will kill him and it will make him question everything about me and how trustworthy I am.
He’s a loyal man, and my reasons for working for him are in no way loyal and that’s why I need to stop my search for the truth. I’m not giving up, I’m just doing things on my own terms.
And I know I will never be able to give myself to him fully, so for now, he’ll have to accept whatever I offer.
I mean, it’s not like we have a future together.
I’ve never seen myself settling down before, but with you …
I knew he meant he could see himself doing that with me, and that one sentence tugged at my heart and hurt so bad because a little part of me can see glimmers of that too.
Reality is, we have no future together because since our first encounter, I’ve never been honest.
“Ready to go?” Joseph asks brightly.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
Ready for anything life throws my way.