14. Lincoln
14
LINCOLN
“Are you sure you’re okay with me driving?” I asked as Devon climbed up into the cab of my truck.
“I don’t mind at all. Where are we going anyway?”
Devon had gone through so much to get me to say yes that I figured it was my turn to plan something. Show him I really wanted to see where this could go with him. I’d asked if he wanted to go out and do something special with me, but I hadn’t told him what yet. The idea had come to me after seeing his ice rink and how much he enjoyed the simple things. But I wanted to wait to tell him where we were going when I was sure my leg could handle it.
I peered over at Devon and started back down his drive. “I’m taking you rock climbing. There was a place near base that I used to go to all the time, but then when I broke my femur, things got a little harder.”
Devon’s head snapped to face me. “You broke your femur?”
“When I was overseas. They had to use metal pins and rods to hold everything in place. Makes climbing harder, but I can handle it once in a while.”
“We don’t have to go. I don’t want you in pain. We can do something else. What kind of things do you like to do when you’re not working?”
Devon rambled on and I found it completely fucking adorable. This man was a force to be reckoned with on the ice, but I found myself enraptured with the shy man sitting beside me. His care and concern made warmth spread through my chest.
I reached over and laid my hand over his arm. “I want to go, and I promise it won’t hurt me. I still go, just not as often as before my injury.”
Devon didn’t seem fully convinced. “Are you sure?”
I gave his arm a squeeze and smiled. “Positive. This is going to be great.”
The ride there, the conversation flowed easier than it had during dinner. It seemed that Devon had grown more comfortable since then. I enjoyed seeing him relax. I reached over and held his hand on the way there.
We pulled into the lot and Devon glanced around. “This place has rock climbing?”
“It does. I couldn’t believe it either when I found it last year.” In the heart of the city, the building gave no indication outside that it would have anything other than a couple of weights and treadmills. “Wait until you see the inside.”
I opened my door and stepped out onto the concrete, the wind whipping through my jacket. With only a light T-shirt on underneath, the cold blew right through, but I knew I’d appreciate the lighter fabric later. I grabbed the bag I brought with me from the back. Devon was a little leaner than I was, but I figured he’d still be able to fit in my clothes after we showered.
Devon eyed the bag. “Gear?”
“Nope. A change of clothes for both of us. I doubt either one of us is going to want to ride home all sweaty.”
A shy chuckle left his lips. “Good point.”
“Let’s go.”
We walked side by side into the gym. I kept my eyes on Devon, wanting to see his reaction to the place. And it didn’t disappoint. His eyes widened as he looked around at the different types of walls: speed walls, boulder walls, and challenge walls.
“I honestly can’t believe this is in here.”
I smiled, glad that we seemed to enjoy the same things. “I couldn’t either at first. Where do you want to start? Speed isn’t really my thing anymore.”
“How about the boulder walls?”
“I like it.”
We went to the desk and paid for a day pass, and after dumping my bag into the locker they provided, we headed straight for the gear. For someone who said they didn’t climb often, Devon was almost a pro at tying the knots required for the harness. Once we were both secure, we found the spotters employed by the facility. Their eyes brightened when they realized Devon was with me, not that they said anything. I knew they wouldn’t, the professionalism was one of the reasons I loved this place so much. Once you went inside, it was all about the sport. Everything else you left outside their doors.
We hooked in and started to climb. It might have been selfish of me, but I let Devon go up first, for no other reason than I wanted to stare at his ass a few minutes longer. I’d always loved a nice, tight ass and Devon’s didn’t disappoint.
Before he noticed me staring, I moved to the wall and started my way up. Agile as he was when he played, Devon made it to the top quickly. His smile lighting me up from the inside. He descended first, and when I reached the bottom, he wrapped his arms around my waist.
“This is fun.”
A few seconds later, we moved to the next wall. Over and over, we went up and down, trying different walls. Enjoying the challenge. My leg grew a little sore. Something that was easy to overlook with Devon climbing next to me.
After showering and changing, we climbed back into the car. Exhaustion riding us both.
“That was great. It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten a chance to climb. Thanks for bringing me.”
“I’m glad you came. I wish I could come more.”
“Anytime you feel up to it, call me. I’m happy to join you.”
I smiled and started the truck. The conversation that had carried us on the drive there had fallen away. The silence comfortable. We burned a ton of energy climbing.
Devon reached forward to the radio. “Mind if I put on some music?”
“Not at all.”
Devon flipped stations until finally stopping on country music. My chest instantly tightened. The familiar melody of the guitar hit me in the gut. My knuckles turned white as I gripped the steering wheel, trying to keep my focus.
Devon bobbed his head to the tune, completely unaware of my inner turmoil. I forced myself to pay attention to the road. To where I was going. Sweat dripped down the back of my neck. I could have changed the station, but I refused to be a burden to anyone. If Devon wanted to listen to this music, I’d let him and hold on to the small things I could control. Where I turned. How fast I drove.
Flashes of that day tried to creep into my memory. I pushed it back into the box, doing my best to keep it there until I could get home.
I pulled into Devon’s driveway, holding tight to the wheel. Devon turned to me. “Want to come in and hang out for a bit?”
“No, I need to get home.” My words were clipped and the heat and comfort that had existed since I picked him up fell away. Like a bucket of ice being dumped over it, the joy in the car cooled quickly.
I could see Devon shutting down, reverting back to the nervous man I’d had dinner with less than a week ago. If I could have done anything to reassure him, to make him understand this had nothing to do with him, I would have.
Except, I couldn’t.
I was barely hanging on to my own sanity at the moment.
“Okay.” Without another word, Devon climbed out of the truck and shut the door behind him.
I reached for the dial and quickly turned off the music. I still had to keep it together long enough to make it back into the city. Whether or not Devon had walked into his house, I didn’t know because I made a quick U-turn in the drive and raced toward the street.
The sooner I got home, the sooner I could let the feelings trying to take over out. The road passed by in a blur. Trees, then traffic lights the only indication that I’d made it into the city. My undershirt was completely soaked by the time I pulled into the lot.
Leaving everything in the car, I went straight for the elevator. Once the doors opened on my floor, I ran down the hall and burst into my apartment. I slammed the door closed and turned to let my back slide down the door until my ass hit the floor.
I closed my eyes and counted each breath I took. In and out. In and out. Time ticked by and my heart rate slowed. Light slowly faded from the room as the sun set. Feeling like I could finally stand on my feet without passing out, I wandered to my bedroom, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other.
Afraid that anything I put in my stomach might come back up, I went to the shower. Even though we showered at the gym, I needed to wash the sweat from my body before going to bed.
Clean and a bit less shaken, I lay down. The exhaustion from climbing and the panic attack sapped any energy I might have. I closed my eyes and let sleep take me.
Dry heat surrounded me, suffocating me. I glanced around, but the light reflecting off the sand was blinding. From what I could see it was sand and sand for miles in every direction. I had to find shelter and water if I was going to survive out here. I started walking but the weight on my back grew heavy. I reached behind to find a gun and bag strapped to my back.
I brought the gun forward. Facing it out into the open desert in front of me. One foot in front of the other. I walked and walked. It seemed like an eternity passed before I saw something approaching, but the sun was too blinding to make out what it might be.
Then I heard it. Loud music filling the air. I listened closely and heard the distinctive twang of country music. The hairs on the back of my neck rose. The object kept coming closer and closer. The outline of a Humvee filled my vision.
I stopped and waited, bracing myself for whoever might be behind the wheel. The truck rumbled forward, the speed dropping as it slowly came to a stop. I put my finger over the trigger as the door opened. Someone jumped out and slammed the door shut. That’s when Matt Creswell came into view. I blew out a breath, relief settling over me. I should have known better. Only one man loved country music that much.
“The fuck are you doing out here in the middle of nowhere?” His thick Southern drawl accenting his words.
I glanced around and shrugged. “Not a clue. Don’t remember how I got here.”
He jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “Come on, you can’t stay out here. We’ll go back to base.”
I adjusted my rifle, letting it drop in front of me. I followed him to the Humvee and climbed in the passenger side. Matt put the truck in gear, and I leaned back staring out the window as we drove through the stark desert. His familiarity comforting in this unknown part of the world.
The radio came back on. The melody so familiar, chills raced down my spine. Every instinct I possessed told me to keep my eyes straight, but I couldn’t stop myself from looking to the left.
“You don’t mind, do you?”
Matt’s once peach skin now had a deep gray pallor to it. His eyes were sunken with dark circles below them. Blood dribbled from the corner of his mouth. My eyes traveled lower where blood soaked through his entire shirt.
I jerked upright in bed. Sweat had soaked through my clothes. My breathing heavy as I tried to slow my racing heart. The room felt like it was closing in on me. I reminded myself that I was in Espen, safe in my apartment. The ache in my chest still there. I used every trick Dr. Dawkins had taught me to bring me back to myself.
Time passed and the room came back into focus.
It had been eight months since the last time I had a nightmare. Eight months of freedom. And one day had brought me back to that place.
Had I made the right decision dating Devon?