Chapter Thirteen #2
Tessa's eyes didn't soften. If anything, they grew harder. "But you can't. And no matter what you say, I'll always wonder if you look at me and wish for a different life."
Her arms dropped to her sides, her voice quieter now but carrying more weight than any shout.
"I was so sure of you, Mark," she said, her eyes glistening. "So secure in your love for me that I never even questioned it. I thought the distance, the distraction... it was just work. Stress. Pressure. That's why I thought planning a weekend away would be the perfect surprise."
Her chin trembled as she blinked back tears. "I was completely blindsided when you told me you didn't even know if you loved me anymore." She shook her head, a bitter smile tugging at her lips. "And the worst part? Looking back, you probably would have loved a weekend away. Just... not with me."
Mark flinched like she had struck him. "Don't say that," he whispered, his throat raw.
But her eyes didn't waver. "It's the truth, isn't it?"
Mark raked a hand through his hair, his voice breaking as he tried to find the words.
“Tessa... when I look back at what I said to you that day, it feels like it was someone else.
Like I'd lost my mind. I had built this.
.. this fantasy in my head about how I needed some different life to feel alive again.
But the second I spoke it out loud, the second I saw your face.
.." His voice cracked. "It all sounded so wrong. Like poison I couldn't take back."
He pressed his palms together, leaning forward as if the sheer weight of regret was crushing him. "I wish I could claw those words back. To take them out of the air and shove them back down my throat. But I can't. I can't undo them."
She looked at him—hurt, wary, maybe even a little disbelieving—as though she wasn't sure if she should let herself hear him at all.
Her voice shook, but she held his gaze. "Mark, supposing that's true—that you regret what you said, what you did.
.. how am I supposed to trust that this won't happen again?
I don't believe your discontent just vanished overnight.
Life gets routine. Kids get sick. We'll be exhausted with a newborn—what then?
Will you start looking for another distraction? Will your love for me fade again?"
Mark opened his mouth, but she cut him off with a sharper edge, the hurt and fear bleeding through.
"And what about Kate?" she said, her hands trembling slightly at her sides. "Are you still, um, kissing her, giving yourself to her?"
The question hit him like a punch to the gut. He swallowed hard, his voice low. "No. I... I haven't. For the last month or so, I stepped back from her--trying to make sense of what happened."
"But you haven't cut her off, right? You're keeping your options open with Kate while you're testing the waters with me?"
Mark took a shaky breath, feeling the weight of every choice he'd made pressing down. "No, Tessa--I don't blame you if you don't believe me, but I told her whatever we had was over, even any kind of friendship. I asked for a transfer to another division of the company."
At Tessa's raised eyebrows, Mark stammered, "I know I hurt you deeply, recklessly. I'm sorry it took me so long to recognize that because I've been so self-absorbed. And I know I can't take back what I did. But I swear... I want to focus on us. On you. On our family. I've been such a fool."
Her eyes glistened, but the wariness didn't leave them. "I don't know if I can ever trust you again, and with another baby on the way, I've been looking into some at home help. You're not the only one who has given up dreams. I'm thinking that it's more than past time for me to explore them."
"Oh, and I also spoke to a lawyer. You'll be hearing from her soon."
For a moment, Mark thought he had misheard her.
His heart stopped, then kicked painfully in his chest.
"A... a lawyer?" His voice came out rough, uneven.
Tessa didn't flinch. Her chin lifted, her arms crossing over her chest like armor.
"Yes. I needed to know what my options are.
While you were still trying to decide which one of us you wanted, I had to make sure the kids and I were protected.
Somehow, I didn't think Kate would be very excited about three active kids running around and a baby keeping her up all night.
" Her eyes burned as she delivered the final blow.
"I draw the line at someone like her pretending to be a mom to my kids. "
Her words landed like hammer blows. Mark felt his knees weaken. His hand shot out to the back of a kitchen chair, gripping it to keep himself upright. He wanted to remind her that Kate was out of the picture, but all he said was, “Tessa, please—don't do this. Don't give up on us yet."
Her laugh was sharp, bitter. "Give up? Was I the one who threw everything away for a fantasy? Who was kissing and—and doing who knows what else—with another woman? I didn't give up, Mark. You did. You chose her, and you abandoned me in every way that counts."
"I'm still here," he said desperately, stepping closer. His eyes burned, his throat tight with panic. "I know I failed you—I failed us—but I can't lose you. I can't lose this family."
She shook her head slowly, tears glistening but her gaze like stone. "Mark, you already did. Maybe not on paper yet. But the second you kissed her, the second you told me you didn't know if you loved me anymore—you broke something that doesn't just glue back together."
The image of the shattered vase flashed through his mind, but he closed the distance, voice cracking. "Then let me prove it. Let me fight for you, Tessa. For our kids. For this baby. I don't care what it takes, I'll—"
"Stop." She raised a trembling hand, halting him like a wall. The first tears slid free down her cheeks. "I don't want promises. I want actions. And right now, the only action I'm taking is protecting myself and our children. That's why I saw a lawyer."
The words knocked the air from his chest. The image of their life—the house, the laughter, family dinners, the warmth of her smile—fractured into jagged shards he couldn't hold together.
"I love you," he whispered hoarsely, his voice breaking. "Tessa, I love you."
She blinked hard, her voice steady even through the tears. "Oh, so today you think you love me again? I don't think you know what that word means. Because you don't do what you did to someone you love. You don't intentionally shatter the one person who trusts you most in the world."
Mark shook his head violently. "No, Tessa, I swear, I never meant to hurt you!"
Her voice rose, cutting through his plea like glass.
"So, you didn't mean to kiss Kate, over and over?
To hold her hand instead of mine? To laugh with her instead of me?
To share secrets with her—our secrets? You didn't mean to tell me you weren't sure you loved me anymore, or that you might want her instead of me?
You didn't mean to leave me at home, night after night, while you were with her? "
Each accusation drove into him like a blade. He staggered back a step, unable to deny a single word.
Tessa's face crumpled, grief and fury warring in her expression. When she spoke again, her voice was quieter, but it carried more finality than a shout ever could.
"So no, Mark. I don't believe you love me."
Mark's whole body trembled under the weight of her words. He wanted to fall to his knees, to beg until she believed him. Instead, he forced himself to steady his voice.
"Tessa... please. I know I don't deserve to ask you for anything.
But I'm begging you—don't make anything final right now.
At least, not while you're carrying this baby.
Put anything legal on hold until after. Give me that much time to prove I love you.
To do whatever it takes to earn back even a sliver of your trust. If, after the baby is born, you still want to go through with it. .. I won't stop you."
Tessa's eyes narrowed as she studied him. She held his gaze without speaking until, at last, she drew in a shaky breath and pulled out a chair, sinking into it. The fight seemed to drain from her all at once, leaving only the heaviness of exhaustion in her face and the slump of her shoulders.
"Mark, you need to go. I'm tired, and this conversation—it's too much stress for the baby."
Remorse washed over him. Once again, he had pushed his own needs ahead of hers, pressing when he should have been protecting. "Tessa—of course. Let me finish up in here while you go rest. Can I bring you anything? Tea?"
"No, Mark. I don't need anything except to be alone." She rose slowly from the chair and headed toward the stairs.
Mark stayed behind to tidy the kitchen, then let himself out. The weight of the day pressed down on him, but as he stepped into the night air, one thought settled firm: from here on, Tessa and the baby came first—no matter what she decided.