30. Cin
Cin
Toby suggests playing games with the boys, but I decline. I need to talk to my mother and figure out what the hell we're going to do. If my father has really escaped from prison, then I need to know what he looks like, and a part of me is curious.
I’ve never seen him, well, not that I remember, and Mama never had any pictures.
I’m not sure I’m ready for another conversation that may or may not change my entire life. I don’t think I can pinpoint any real feelings on the matter. It’s like I can’t latch onto any of them, they fly away in the breeze with all of my thoughts.
My father isn’t a good man, and I don’t have any hope that he’s changed. However I do want to understand him, why was he insistent that I had to die. What was it for?
Money?
Fame?
Immortality?
Ego?
At this point I’d believe anything.
Talon brushes my arm with his as he walks by and makes it a point to look into my eyes before heading toward the kitchen. I take it as a sign that he wants to talk, away from his brothers.
I follow him after a few minutes, seeing him leaned against the counter with a glass of water between where his arms are braced.
“You probably need to drink more water,” he says, sliding the glass toward me and I can’t control my expression because… what?
“Look Talon, I know I’m in your domain, and I can stick to your room for the most part, but is messing with me necessary?”
He shakes his head, hair flopping back and forth with the movement, “this isn’t that.”
“First in the pool you… aren’t mean, then earlier you were almost flirting with me, and now you're telling me I should drink more water? My neck already hurts enough without your mood swings giving me whiplash.”
He steps around the island, and I take a step back. He pauses and I can see the wheels in his brain moving, tumbling over one another, and it should scare me, considering the shit he’s done. But it doesn’t. Maybe that means a part of me is forever broken, or maybe I never had that gene to start with.
Everything about this situation has me questioning everything I know about myself.
I killed a guy, granted he was also trying to kill me.
Still. I don’t know what to think about this new version of Talon that doesn’t seem to want to mess with me.
“Spice,” he starts, slowly lifting his hands in surrender and letting them fall. “You’re right, I’ve been an asshole for no reason, beyond you putting me on my ass the first time we met. You wounded my pride, and it pissed me off.”
I’m dumbfounded because Talon–this alien version–just told me everything I knew to be true, yet I still hoped it was deeper than that. I didn’t expect a love declaration or anything, but damn, I expected something along the lines of ‘stupid boy does mean things to the girl he likes.’
“But you never deserved this,” his eyes land on my neck, before bouncing back up to meet my eyes. “If I had known…”
I scoff, “if you had known, what? That my father is a deranged cult leader who wanted to kill off his two year old daughter, you’d what? Magically have shed the douchebag muscle you decided to flex on me because of your wounded pride ?”
He looks away, jaw clenched tight, fists flexing. His long fingers open and close as he breathes. I wonder what those hands would feel like on my body. Would he be gentle, or rough with me?
“I…” he starts and it pulls me from my conflicting thoughts.
“I’m not mad at you, I don’t blame you, even though I probably should,” I stop him in his tracks, “my father would have found me one way or another. My mother said he was looking and he must have been close if something you did flagged his attention.”
He’s staring at me now, wide blue-green eyes trained on me. As if he’s lost for words he opens his mouth and closes it a few times.
“I don’t know what you’ve been through, Talon, but I’m no longer okay with being your punching bag.”
Shrugging and turning on my heel, I walk out of the kitchen and sit gingerly down on the couch closest to Toby. I was honest with Talon when I told him I’m not mad. I don’t blame him for my father’s actions. I put up with Talon for far too long anyway, it’s time for him to put on his big boy undies and play nice.
Toby leans over, eyes locked on the screen where the three of them play, “Gemma wants to come over, she’s been wrecked since you went missing.”
I can’t help the smile that graces my lips, if my life weren’t so complicated I’d probably try to pursue something with her. Given the fact that Gemma and Toby seem to communicate on more of a best friends with benefits level than a romantic one, I don’t think he’d mind.
“Can I borrow your phone?” I ask him, I haven’t seen mine since being kidnapped, so it must be long gone.
He nods toward the table where a plate of sweets and drinks are strewn about. His cell phone is sitting face up beside a can of soda that smells of spicy cherries. Plucking it from the table I hold it up to his face and he glances in its direction so it unlocks.
I guess he’s not worried about me snooping, which I wouldn’t, but most guys have shit on their phones they don’t want anyone to see.
Finding Gemma’s contact is easy, especially since there was already a text from her waiting to be responded to. He wasn’t kidding, she has texted about me for days.
Hitting the call button beside her name I let the phone ring until she answers.
“Hey,” she answers, her voice filled with apprehension.
“Hey Gemma,” I say, and I can hear her gasp through the phone.
“OhmyGodCin!” Her words roll together and her voice picks up in pitch, “I know Toby said you were okay, but I was so worried, your mom lost her shit when you never came back to the table. I’ve never seen anyone so… intimidating.”
I laugh at her rambles, “she can be intense.”
“How are you? Are you okay? God, you probably aren’t and I’ve been selfishly hoping you’d call me, but you probably haven’t even been able to process. I mean, kidnapped? Who does that?!”
Her words come out a mile a minute, and I laugh harder.
“I’m okay, processing, yes.”
Talon enters the living room then, holding the water he tried to get me to drink, and sits down across from me without saying a word.
“I’m so happy you’re okay,” she says in a small voice, and my heart swells.
“Me too,” I admit, and we stay silent for a few beats. “Toby said you’ve been wanting to visit, and as much as I’d love to see you, things here are… complicated.”
“I can imagine,” she whispers. I feel bad because I know she’s alone back on campus; sure she has the rest of the small population that stayed, but when they aren’t your usual group, it can be lonely.
“Maybe when we get things settled you can come out? Maybe have a girls night?” I offer, hoping she understands.
“You’re coming back, right?”
“I’m not sure right now,” I answer truthfully, I highly doubt Mama will let me out of her sight anytime soon. Even to go to school.
She doesn’t say anything, and I have to pull the phone from my ear to make sure she didn’t hang up.
“I’m sorry,” I say, because what else can I say.
She lets out a deep breath on the other line, “I feel like that’s supposed to be my line.”
Smiling and biting my lip I tell her bye and place Toby’s phone back where I found it.
No one says anything as I get cozy on the end of the couch beside Toby and watch while they play their games.