Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
ALIX
Alix should’ve felt triumphant with the hot lawyer in her kitchen, sunshine in her hair, this morning’s mind-blowingly good sex still buzzing in her bloodstream, but the whole thing made her heart ache in a way that was almost too much.
She pretended to focus on the tofu scramble in front of her. “Apparently, how you spend midnight and New Year’s Day sets the tone for your year,” she said, just to fill the silence.
Grace took a slow sip of coffee, eyes still a little sleepy. “Then I guess we’re in for a year of lots of sex.”
Alix laughed, too loud. “God, I hope so.”
It came out breezy, but inside she could feel the wobble. The small voice reminding her she’d once promised herself not to get too attached, not to start planning futures she couldn’t keep.
She flipped the tofu again, letting the sizzle drown out her thoughts. She’d added extra spices this time, things Connie swore by in her cookbook, and the smell alone almost made her proud.
Grace forked a bite from the pan. “Okay, this is… actually good.”
“Don’t sound so surprised,” Alix said.
“I’m serious.” Grace grinned. “You’re a whole domestic Goddess.”
Alix pointed the spatula at her. “Let’s not get carried away. I’m still the kind of person who eats chips for dinner.”
“Balance,” Grace said. “You’re thriving.”
They ate off mismatched plates on the counter, knees brushing.
Sunlight filtered through the window, catching in Grace’s dark hair to highlight it golden, and Alix couldn’t stop thinking about how fast she could fall in love with this version of her life.
How much she already was. It was terrifying.
Grace set her fork down after a while, her voice more restrained than usual. “So, I know you were like, sex-high, but… would you ever move?”
Alix froze mid-bite. Her first instinct was to joke — Yeah, sure, I’ll start packing — but she could feel that wasn’t what Grace was asking. She was asking if Alix could do something real. Something lasting.
“Yeah,” Alix said eventually. “I mean… yeah, of course.”
Grace tilted her head. “You’d move?”
Alix shrugged, trying to look casual while her pulse hammered in her throat. “I mean, it’s too early to really think about that, right? But I guess we have to figure out what long distance even looks like for us.”
“Right,” Grace said carefully.
“Maybe I come to Miami for Valentine’s Day,” Alix added quickly, relieved to have something practical to say. “You’ve already taken so much time off work, and I know you’re stressed about that. My schedule’s flexible. And I wanna hang out with the cats. Let them meet their new stepmom.”
Grace smiled at that, but the expression didn’t quite hide the flicker of worry in her eyes. “Stepmom, huh?”
Alix nodded solemnly. “I plan to be the cool one who lets them on the counter.”
Grace laughed, but Alix could feel her watching her too closely, like she might catch the tremor in her voice.
“And after Valentine’s Day?” Grace asked.
“We figure it out.” It was supposed to sound confident. Instead it came out small, uncertain.
Grace hesitated. “Long term, I could move to LA.”
The idea hit Alix like a flash of heat. “No,” she said quickly, shaking her head.
“That’s way more complicated. You have Connie.
I don’t even know how the bar works, but I’m sure it’s a nightmare.
Way easier for me to move. I already looked into it.
My license would transfer fine to Florida after some paperwork. ”
Grace blinked. “You’ve already looked into it?”
Alix met her gaze, trying to smile but feeling her throat tighten.
“I was curious,” she said, which was technically true.
“And maybe a little serious. About you. About us. My only hangup is Phyllis. I don’t know how she affords this place without my rent.
I’m sure she’d find another Craigslist roomie, but Phyllis is an acquired taste, you know?
” She exhaled, looking down at her hands.
“I just… I want this to work, Grace. I don’t know what that looks like yet, but I’m trying. I’m really trying.”
Grace searched her face. “Hey,” she said quietly. “You don’t have to have it all figured out today.”
“I know.” Alix forced a shaky laugh. “But I’m usually great at the whole ‘go with the flow’ thing. Until this, apparently. And then I say dumb stuff and ruin perfectly good tofu scrambles.”
Grace reached out, brushing her thumb across the back of Alix’s hand. “You didn’t ruin anything.”
That simple touch unraveled her a little.
For the rest of the day, Alix held on to the small things. Grace’s hand finding hers under the blanket, her quiet laugh as they continued their CSI marathon from Aunt Sylvia’s house, the weight of her head on Alix’s shoulder. Every moment felt borrowed, precious.
“Promise me lots of phone sex,” Alix said as they curled together on the couch watching the sunset through the windows, her voice already drowsy. “And, like, a tasteful amount of nudes.”
Grace laughed. “You’re shameless.”
“Completely. It’s part of my charm.”
Grace leaned up and kissed her jaw. “It’s working.”
They made a lazy dinner from whatever was in the fridge — leftover pasta, olives, a mystery jar of sun-dried tomatoes. They ate on the couch, watching another episode, and by the time the credits rolled, Grace was half-asleep against her.
Alix pressed her lips to Grace’s hair, her chest tightening with something tender and terrifying all at once. Tomorrow, Grace would be gone. And then it’d be six weeks until she’d see her again. She let herself breathe out, envisioning Valentine’s Day in Miami to get her through.
She didn’t know what the next month or year would look like. How they’d juggle flights and time zones and fear, but for the first time, she wanted to find out.
Alix closed her eyes, feeling Grace breathe against her collarbone, and thought, If this is how the year starts, maybe I don’t have to brace for the ending.
It should’ve been easy — lying there, letting herself rest — but Alix’s brain kept whirring, spinning through memories like a deck of old Polaroids she’d meant to throw out.
She hadn’t thought about Kirstin in so long, but something about the quiet always brought old ghosts back. Maybe it was the contrast — the calm in her chest now versus the constant, anxious performance she’d called love back then.
Kirstin, and all of her exes, for that matter, had loved the version of her that simply enhanced the existing scenery. The one who stayed bright and uncomplicated, always up for a drink, always fine. Alix the fun one, the fixer, the woman who made other people’s lives easier just by orbiting them.
She’d built that version of herself out of habit and fear, and Kirstin had adored it. Adored it as long as Alix stayed small. As long as she didn’t ask for too much.
The second she’d needed softness, real softness, not sex or distraction, Kirstin had made her feel like she’d changed the rules mid-game. Like vulnerability was a bait-and-switch.
It had taught her something ugly and quiet: that being wanted wasn’t the same as being chosen. That being useful was safer than being seen.
Grace stirred beside her, murmuring something unintelligible, her breath warm against Alix’s skin. Alix brushed a strand of hair off her face and felt that little quake in her chest again. The one that came every time she realized Grace wasn’t going anywhere.
Grace didn’t need her to be easy. Didn’t reward her for pretending everything was fine. She asked questions. She stayed through the silences. She held her when the jokes ran out.
It terrified Alix sometimes, how much it mattered. How much she wanted to get it right.
Kirstin used to say she loved how easy she was.
Grace loved her anyway.
Grace shifted closer in her sleep, instinctively tucking her closer. Alix turned toward her, pressing her forehead to Grace’s temple, breathing her in until the old ghosts quieted.