Chapter 26
CHAPTER
TWENTY-SIX
Erica
Oh, my.
Did Brew just more or less confess that he loves me? I gloss over the fun having gone on in the front reception; Nova and Olive laughing, while I revel in the aftermath of Brew’s confession. I didn’t just dream all of that up, right?
The man has completely lost his mind, of course.
First marriage, now I love you? I’ve never said those words to a man, not even when I was married.
It’s just not something we did. I’ve said I love you to Olive more times than I can remember, but with a partner it’s different.
It should be something you absolutely feel and say, I maintain what I said about that, but I realize now that I haven’t actually lived that myself.
It’s clear I didn’t know a lot about love at the time I got married, but it’s what was expected.
That was what I thought love was. Sadness washes over me knowing it wasn’t even anything close.
The only good thing that came out of my marriage was Olive, and for that I’ll always be grateful.
I realize I didn’t answer the question when Brew asked when he could see me again, but I guess the ball is in my court and I’m more confused than ever.
Did he really mean those things?
He’s completely absurd in saying we should get married, but what he said after that has me in a tailspin. I can’t figure him out. He’s a conundrum all on his own.
I never would have guessed that Brew would be the one saying stuff like, ‘Let’s get married because it makes you uncomfortable to have sex out of wedlock’. I mean, I need to get a grip here.
When I’m done finishing up, I don’t see Brew for the rest of the afternoon. I drive home with Olive talking the whole way about how much Brew helped her.
“I told Brew I was okay with him asking you out,” she says out of nowhere.
I almost crash the car. “What?” I reply, stricken.
“Mom, I hate to break this to you, but you’re not fooling anyone. I know there’s something going on, and you get all googly eyed whenever he’s in the room.”
I glance at her momentarily. “Googly eyed? I do not get googly eyed!”
“Okaaay. If you believe that, fine, but I’m just saying, the energy changes whenever you’re together.”
I didn’t want Olive to find out like this, not when I’m still trying to figure out what we are. “He’s my boss, nothing is goi—”
“Mom, it’s totally fine. I like Brew.”
“Y-you do?”
“Yeah, he’s cool.”
“Is that because he taught you some ASL?”
“That’s not the only reason,” she says. “But I think he’s just a little misunderstood. He told me about his girlfriend, the one who was… well, you know, and before you say anything, I was the one who asked him about how he knew ASL and what happened to her.”
“Olive, you shouldn’t go around asking people questions like that, it can be very triggering,” I tell her. “Brew is a very guarded man, and we always want to be respectful.”
“He wouldn’t have told me if he felt uncomfortable, and I told him I was sorry for what happened.”
Olive isn’t a little girl anymore, she’s old enough to understand how the world works, and that there’s good and bad in the world, but her knowing about this and how close we all came to being trafficked ourselves just rings a little too close to home.
“Alright, but just remember that we’re not to pry, as much as you might want Brew to teach you ASL, he hasn’t signed in years—”
“He said he didn’t mind.” She shrugs. “And I think in a way he enjoyed it. Brew isn’t the kind of guy to just do things at random, Mom.”
I can’t fault her there. It’s also apparent to me how much she observes about people, even if I am still reeling about the fact she thinks I’m googly eyed.
“I get that, but it’s still inconsiderate to bring up the dead.”
“I didn’t bring up the dead, he did. Anyway, you’re missing the bigger part in all of this.”
I puff air out of my cheeks. “And what is that exactly?”
“I can practice my ASL anytime with Brew, meaning I’ll be signing like a pro in no time.”
I pull up into the lot, giving her a side eye. “You really like this boy, huh?”
“Mom, he’s a friend.”
“I’m glad to hear that because I’m not exactly ready to discuss dating with my teenager.”
She rolls her eyes. “I think we’re good.”
I shake my head as she exits the van, and I follow behind her. I check the mail on the way up to the apartment. Thanks to Luna’s connections, we have an apartment in a really nice area. It’s a lot in rent, but worth it to feel safe, and there’s a park close by.
I stall when I get in the doorway, fingering through the letters. I stop when I see the one with the stamp mark from Iowa.
Olive goes into the kitchen to make a shake, and I drop everything on the hallway table, my bag falling to the floor. I rip the letter open with trembling fingers.
How the hell did he get my address?
Dear Erica,
You may have heard by now there’s been a new court hearing, and I don’t want you to worry.
Nothing has changed in the way I feel about you. I know you left because you were scared, but I forgive you for that. You were always my favorite, my number one girl. You took Olive from me, but I understand why.
I want us to be a family again. Not like before, but a family no less.
If I get out, will you agree to see me? I’ve never stopped looking for you since you left. I tried. Vincent made things very hard, and for that I have regrets.
Please know I had nothing to do with anything he was involved in.
I want to see you and my daughter.
I’ll be seeing you soon, my love. We can all be together again.
Your loving husband,
Steven
I stare at the writing, my breath caught in my chest. Is he actually delusional?
He still maintains his innocence, which I don’t buy, I never have. I believe he and Vincent had the whole thing set up. There’s no way he was working alone.
I begin to panic, but I can hear Olive in the background asking me what’s for dinner.
“Uh, lasagna and salad,” I say, mindlessly. “Finish up your homework, I just have to call Aunty Amber.”
She takes off to her room, backpack in tow, and I dial.
Amber picks up after a couple of rings. “Hey,” she says. “How you doi—”
“Steven knows where I am,” I blurt.
“What the hell?”
“He sent a letter, I just got it in the mail today.”
“Shit.”
“I know. How could he know? I changed my last name.” Of course she knows that, but I’m more saying it to myself. “He has someone on the outside, he must have.”
“I think you need to come over to our place until we figure this out,” Amber says. “Like now.”
I start to pace. “That’s the thing, he’s known for a while, the post mark was over a week ago. I mean, we’ve been here for almost two years, Amber.”
“Don’t panic, whatever you do. You have a doorman, nobody can get in, but you still need to take precautions. I’ll send Bronco over and he’ll let Cash know.”
“It’s not the MC’s problem,” I start, knowing my argument is futile.
“You work for the Nomad Brothers, that’s club property, babe.”
I know she’s right, and the MC only wants what’s best for me and Olive, but this still stings. “I’ll call Brew.”
“Okaaay. How are things with you two?”
“They’re okay,” I lower my voice. “There’s a lot to fill you in on.”
“Oh, my god, you had sex with him didn’t you?”
“Shhh!” I say.
“Why? There’s nobody here.”
“We don’t need to be talking about this while Steven knows my whereabouts.”
“You’re right. Did you tell Olive?”
“No, she’s in her room.”
“I’ll come over with Bronco. I’ll make up the spare room, just until we get things checked out. Cash won’t like this, and he won’t let either of you in the apartment alone until he’s sure you’re not being watched.”
This is the thing about the MC, and because I owe them money, I’m at their mercy. Not that I don’t appreciate the security they offer, I do, but it’s extreme, and now I have to tell Olive.
“Okay, but I’m calling Brew, too. I know he’ll be mad if I don’t fill him in.”
“Fine, but don’t answer the door until we get there, I’m calling Bronco right now.”
“Thank you, Amber. This is probably silly, but we don’t know what your brother is capable of.”
“I know,” she says. “And for that I’m truly sorry. You don’t know how much.”
“It’s not your fault,” I maintain. “You were innocent. I didn’t know what was even going on…” I trail off the way I always do when I think about the things I didn’t know about until much, much later. The very same reasons I took Olive and ran.
The fact that Steven is eerily calm about all of this just doesn’t sit well with me.
That letter has me reeling.
“Let’s not rehash all of that. We’re in a different place now. We’ll never be going back.”
“I know,” I whisper.
“So tell Olive and we’ll be there in half an hour, okay?”
“Okay, thanks, Amber.” I hang up.
We both made a promise years ago that no matter what, we’d take every precaution should something jeopardize our safety. We don’t take any chances.
“Olive?” I call, heading her way. I need to talk to her before I call Brew so she can have time to pack some things.
“In my room,” she calls back.
To think that he’s known where we live for god knows how long sends a shiver down my spine. For the first time in years, I don’t feel safe.
I don’t ever want that feeling to resonate with my daughter.