Chapter 25
CHAPTER
TWENTY-FIVE
Brew
“Hey, Brew,” Olive says as I look up from my screen.
“S’up?”
“Mom and Nova are busy on the computer. I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind checking out what I learned today in ASL.”
My heart thunders in my chest.
She’s got some guts, I’ll give her that. Olive knew from last time I wasn’t entirely comfortable, but I’ve since learned to take the giant stick out of my ass and cut the kid some slack.
“They teach you the alphabet yet?“ I ask her.
“I can do some of the alphabet,” she replies. “But that’s it.” She signs the letters perfectly. It could just be me, but she looks a little deflated.
I wasn’t going to do this.
I was trying not to do this.
But the kid is getting really disheartened because there isn’t enough time in class to learn how to communicate with her friend. And I know from what Erica has told me she has taken it upon herself to be a kind of mascot for this kid.
Erica has certainly raised Olive to be a very thoughtful and caring child.
It’s kind of heartwarming, even though it fills me with dread having to sign. I know that’s selfish. If I can help her out, why wouldn’t I?
I’m being a dick.
“Very good. What did you learn today?”
She signs good morning.
“Here,” I say. “I’ll show you some words.”
I show her how to say hello, goodbye, and, are you ok?
It’s a good thing for me Olive is a very fast learner, and her eyes light up each time she gets something right.
“Mom said I’m not to ask about how you know ASL.” She bites down on her lip, and I pique an eyebrow.
“But you’re gonna ask, anyway?”
“Is it true? That you had a girlfriend who was deaf?”
There is no easy way of getting out of this conversation. “If I tell you, will you be done with the questions?”
She nods. “I don’t like to pry.”
“Oh, I can see that.” I scratch my chin. “It was a long time ago. Before you ask any more questions, no, she isn’t alive anymore.”
I don’t want to say the word ‘murdered’. Olive is old enough to handle the truth, but I do have an infectious need to protect children with their innocence for as long as possible.
At fourteen, she knows right from wrong. She’s also probably well aware of how the world works because of her past. She may have only been seven when she, Erica and Amber ran for their lives, but she would remember.
“How did she die?”
I clear my throat. “She was kidnapped and then… then some bad stuff happened.” I watch her carefully. “By some bad people.”
“Oh.” She looks down at the floor. “I’m sorry.”
“Sometimes the world isn’t the kind of place you think it is,” I say. “But no matter what happens, the important thing to know is that you will meet good and bad people in life, you just have to learn to tell the difference.”
“How do I do that?” she asks.
“It’s difficult. You get to learn how to read people.”
“Like when they’re lying?”
“Exactly. I used to work in special forces many years ago. You learn a lot about human behavior.“
“Did you kill people?“
“Yes.“
“Bad people?“
The corner of my lip lifts. “Only bad people.“
“Mom says you’re a good person. Even though you’re grumpy.“
I stare at her. On one hand, I’m glad she feels like I’m trustworthy enough to share that with, on the other, I’m a little insulted.
“Grumpy?”
“Or a grouch.”
“I guess that’s better than asshole,” I mutter.
She giggles. “Can you show me some swear words?”
Oh, she’s smart. “Absolutely not. Your mom will kill me.”
“Ugh, you’re no fun.”
“I’m a grump, a grouch, and now I’m no fun? I guess I’m just on a roll here.”
She takes me in for a second, then she says, “Are you dating my mom?”
My eyes widen. I’m not in the habit of speaking to teenage girls at the best of times, but being grilled by Erica’s daughter is something I’m probably going to have to get used to. “Why would you think that?”
Her eyes narrow ever so slightly. “She hums. She’s been wearing perfume, and been spending a lot more time getting ready in the mornings, plus, I’m observant.”
Well, I’ve gotta hand it to her, she’d make one hell of a detective.
“So that automatically means we’re datin’?”
“No, but she’s different around you.” Her eyes crinkle as she smiles, then drift off to the side. “It’s nice to see her happy.”
I try to swallow the lump in my throat. Erica is happy because of me?
“I probably can’t lay claim to all that happiness,” I say. “But if I did want to date her, how would you feel about that?”
She shrugs. “I’d be cool with it.”
Okay, well, that went better than expected.
“Olive, there you are,” Erica says from the doorway, looking from Olive to me. “What are you doing bothering Brew?”
“She’s not botherin’ me,” I reply instantly.
“Brew’s teaching me some ASL,” Olive says excitedly.
Erica pales suddenly, her eyes flick from her daughter to me. “Oh?”
It’s fine, I mouth.
“Yeah, and look at this, I can say ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’.” She signs as I watch her with just a little pride sneaking in. “And, ‘are you okay’?”
“Wow, honey, that’s fantastic.”
“I also taught her some swear words,” I say deadpan.
Olive laughs again. “No, he didn’t.”
I’m actually impressed she remembered it all.
Erica is still staring at me. She looks pretty today, but then again she looks pretty every day. She blinks away her confusion, and her eyes settle back on her daughter.
“She’s a smart kid,” I say.
“Must take after her mom?” Erica suggests, a little smile playing on her lips.
Olive stands, planting a kiss on her mom’s cheek. “You’re the best, but I’m gonna leave you two alone and go show Nova what I just learned.” She skips off as Erica stares after her.
When she turns to me, she says, “What did she mean by that?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Apparently, we’re not as conspicuous as we thought.”
She grips the back of the chair in front of her. “Did she say something?”
“Yeah, she said she’d be okay if we dated.”
Erica’s eyes widen, one hand flying up to her throat. “Oh, my goodness.”
I smirk. “She’s not dumb, Sparky. I didn’t say shit, she’s figured it out all on her own.”
“I think she’s more observant than I give her credit for,” Erica says. “That was really great of you; showing her some new words. She’s really getting into this ASL thing.”
“Well, it’s a good skill to have.”
“Listen, I’m sorry she came in here looking for you. I know you’re busy.”
“It’s fine. I was an ass the first time she signed. I was caught off guard. It isn’t her fault.”
“She’s nosy.”
“Yeah, and smart.”
Erica goes to leave. “I’d better get back to—”
“When can I see you again?” I ask. While I wanted to climb into her window after Olive had gone to sleep, I thought better of it. I think Erica may have needed some time by herself, so I granted her that. But now I’m itching to see her again.
“I-I don’t know.”
“Are you havin’ second thoughts?”
“No- well, I don’t know.” She pauses, gathering herself for a moment. “Not about us. Just… It’s a process, Brew. I may have been out of the church for several years, but I grew up in a religious background.”
“I told you the solution to that.”
“And I still maintain you’re crazy.”
“Not if we’re husband and wife.”
She swallows, her eyes agog as she stares at me. Her cheeks are slightly pink, and I see how her breathing changes. In a whispered voice she adds, “We can’t do that… Not just so we have permission to have sex.”
“It wouldn’t be like that.”
“Why would we get married, then?”
I frown. “All those reasons I said last night. For better or worse. In sickness and in health. For richer or poorer. Never gonna be poor, by the way, but you get the idea.”
She laughs, shaking her head. “You’ve lost your mind.”
“Maybe.”
“When two people get married in the eyes of God, they have to…”
I stay watching her, intrigued as to what she’s going to come out with next.
Her tone lowers once more. “They have to love each other, and it has to be real. You can’t just proclaim all these vows and not feel it in your heart.”
“Who said it wouldn’t be real?”
Our eyes lock. I know she feels what I feel, I can see it in her face.
“Brew.”
I look into the distance, beyond her, unable to hold her gaze. “I haven’t said it in a long time.” When I blink, my eyes land on hers again. “I’d never just tell you that I love you if I didn’t mean it.”
Her lips part, her eyes widen even farther. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“You think I throw words around at random?”
“No, I would one hundred percent say you don’t on that one.”
Cute.
“But you’re right,” I go on. “Both people have to mean it, and until then, I guess we’re at an impasse.”
She stares at me as if she’s unable to fathom my words. “An impasse?”
“A standoff, gridlock, dead end—”
“I know what it means,” she snaps. “Brew, you can’t just blurt things out like that.”
“Life’s too short to stay silent sometimes.”
Now her surprise turns to something more sinister, or as sinister as a woman like Erica can get. “Says the man who took two years to say boo to me.”
“Hey, I’m like a fine wine, I need time to age.”
“You mean, mature?”
I chuckle. “That, too.”
She doesn’t have to say it back, and it was lame of me to blurt that out, but maybe she is right. Maybe I took all this time to mature and realize what was right in front of me.
I’ve got her to thank for that. When I look at Erica, I see a future with her. This isn’t just about sex. Do I want her? Of course I do, but it’s so much more than just physical.
I tell her as such, and she backs up as I stand. “You look ready to run,” I say, my brow vexed. “And I can’t say I blame you.”
She thumbs behind her. “I should go.”
Great. I’ve scared her off. I always knew that was a chance I’d have to take, but not following my gut didn’t play out so well the last time.
If I lose Erica, then so be it. I’m done living in the shadows.
Maybe she was never mine to begin with, but a man has to shoot his shot.
If she thinks I’m kidding about anything I said, she truly has a lot to learn about me and my promises.