Chapter 11
CHAPTER 11
J ohan
I’ve now started working with Tom, and daily life begins to take on a pattern which I really like. I’m at the farm early, visit Roffe first and give him some breakfast, then take him on a short walk. He’s getting stronger, even though it has only been a few days since I found him. Then I leave him in the kennels while I work on the farm.
The work is varied and I enjoy it. I could be delivering hay, helping fix up the barns, or helping out in the orchard, picking apples to store over winter or to be delivered to a local cider producer. But best of all, Tom teaches me to drive the tractors. They’re used for a variety for different jobs. Some of them are huge machines for ploughing and harrowing out in the fields, whilst others are smaller, usually used for moving crates round in the produce yard. All of them are great fun and after a few intensive lessons, I’m allowed off on my own.
My first job is to top the horse’s summer paddocks, which is to cut down anything the horses don’t eat, such as the nettles, docks and thistles. Then to chain-harrow them to break up and spread any droppings. These will be left over winter, and not used again until spring. I find the driving up and down the paddocks enjoyable. There’s something quite calming in the repetition, but there’s enough variety to not be bored. It also allows my mind to wander, and more often than not, it wanders to Cole.
Despite the circumstances of finding Roffe and the worry over his health, I enjoy spending time with Cole. He’s great at teaching me how to train his horses, and is amazing with how he treated Roffe, something I will always be grateful for. And I have a new appreciation for how skilled he is at his job. But, he is also kind and interesting. We also have a shared interest in sci-fi and fantasy books, and movies. And of course, he’s gorgeous, capable of being both adorable when he’s smiling, and broodingly handsome when he's not.
But the last point is moot as I’m not dating anyone, ever again, and even if I was, Cole isn’t interested. I'm not sure he even thinks about dating. So it’s fine. But I would like to be friends. He doesn’t have many, and I do like hanging out with him.
I realise that since the weekend, I’ve been so wrapped up in thinking about Roffe, Cole, and getting the hang of my new work responsibilities that I haven’t thought about Erik. Thinking about him now, makes me rub my chest in my familiar gesture to ease the pain that’s lodged there. But after a couple of seconds I stop. The gesture is futile as there’s no longer a hard lump, one that causes my breath to shake and nausea to rise. It has receded to a dull ache, one more of regret than misery, but I can live with that.
I haven’t seen much of Cole for most of the week. I didn’t realise how busy his life is; he has a lot of routine visits, as well as emergencies. Sometimes I see him and Sam leaving or arriving, heading out to deal with a call or coming back to restock. He does sessions in his surgery building on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and it is on the Thursday of my first week of work that I see him. I’ve finished for the day and want to see Roffe, feed him and take him out, before heading home for a shower and some dinner. Cole is talking to the owner of a yellow Labrador when I enter the surgery. Sam is clearing away and tidying up. They flash me a smile. Sam always looks cheery.
“Hi Sam,” I call, and they head over.
“Hi Johan. I love Roffe, he’s so sweet. I’m glad you found him. He’s going to be a lovely dog for someone when he goes up for adoption. I don’t think he’ll be here long. Someone will snap him up quickly.”
Whilst I know it would be good to find Roffe a good home, I feel sad that he might leave so soon. But I don’t want Sam to see my weakness, so I force a smile. “Whoever he goes to will be very lucky.”
Once Roffe was strong enough, he was moved out of the surgery building and into the small kennel block of three kennels. He has more room to move around, but as he’s the only resident at the moment, I feel that he might be lonely. I grab his lead and unlock the door. As usual, he greets me enthusiastically and I crouch down to give him a stroke and a rub before taking him for a walk.
I take him up towards the orchards and let him have a sniff around for a little while. After twenty minutes I head back, taking a route round the paddocks. I’m lost in my own thoughts and don’t notice Cole approaching until Vin comes rushing up to Roffe and greets him. They’re becoming good friends. Vin is friendly but not boisterous. I imagine them running around together when Roffe is fully strong again, deliberately dismissing the thought that he might have a new home by then. I look up and Cole is walking across the field. I appreciate his easy gait and how good he looks in his jeans and open-necked shirt. Since I saw him last, he’s thrown on a padded jacket to help with the cooling autumn afternoon. He looks relaxed, his dark eyes shining and his black hair sexily tousled. His lips are full and he’s smiling. Looking like that, I could break my no dating rule. I sigh, and switch into friend mode.
“Hi Johan,” he says as he approaches. I stop and wait for him to reach me.
“Hi Cole.”
He crouches down and gives Roffe a fuss, then looks up at me. He looks so gorgeous that I feel it all the way down to my cock, which twitches. I curse it for being inappropriate, being a friend is going to be hard in more ways than one.
“He’s doing well.” He gives Roffe another stroke before standing up, this time he is very close to me. One step and I would be close enough to kiss him. At that thought my eyes are drawn to his plump lips, and I wonder what he tastes like. What it would be like to have his lips on my skin. I need to get a grip on myself. This is Cole, it’s never going to happen. I force myself to stop looking at his lips and I focus on Roffe instead.
“He is fine, really good.”
“I think he’s starting to fill out a bit,” Cole states, and I can see it too. He certainly doesn’t look quite as skinny as he did a few days ago.
“Well, he does love his food.” I huff a laugh remembering how he devours every morsel I feed him.
Cole grins and I have to look away again, forcing myself to focus on something else in the distance. “Has anyone been in touch to claim him?” My stomach hollows, hoping that the answer is negative. I know Cole says it’s unlikely, but still it worries me.
“No, I haven’t heard anything.”
I feel relieved but steel myself for the next question. “Then he goes up for adoption.”
“Yes, but he is still recovering, so there’s no rush.”
I take some comfort in that but at the same time push a little harder. It’s like sticking a finger in a wound, but I want to know what will happen even if I know it will hurt. After Erik’s betrayal, the one thing I can’t stand is deceit and false hope. I know I will have to hand Roffe over to someone else one day, but I’ll be proud to have been a part of his life.
“Sam says that he wouldn’t be waiting long for someone, though.”
“Probably not. He is a good looking dog. The merles are quite rare.”
I sigh as Cole confirms Sam’s prediction.
“Why don’t you have him?” Cole asks. “You like him and he clearly likes you.”
I sigh again. “Cole, I can’t. I live at Ben’s house, and there’s no way he would allow a dog at the bakery. And anyway, my time here is only temporary. I only have my visa for six months. What would I do then?” I’m not sure I could get attached for a few months and then give him up. It wouldn’t be fair on Roffe either; he deserves a permanent home.
I’m so wrapped up in thinking it’s hopeless, I don’t realise Cole has spoken.
“Sorry, what did you say?”
He looks a bit startled, like what he said was a one-time only event. I try again. “I didn’t hear you Cole, did you ask a question?”
He looks down at the dogs as if he can’t meet my eyes, which he hardly ever does, anyway. When he speaks it comes out as rush.
“Do you want to watch Wheel of Time, on Saturday, well Saturday afternoon, this weekend? I do a drop-in surgery in the morning, but after that, you could come round and watch it.”
His voice trails off and he remains staring down at the dogs.
“I’d love to.” I’d really like to hang out with him more. He does raise his face then. “I really like that. Thank you for asking.”
He smiles briefly, and it looks like relief. “Okay, good.” Then he walks off, like he is done with the conversation. I am kind of getting used to him doing that. I watch as Vin scampers after him. He sure is a conundrum sometimes.