Chapter 12
CHAPTER 12
C ole
Johan appears early on Saturday afternoon and as I want to do some training with Erin, I ask if he wants to do some with Barney as well. He looks delighted and we head out to the paddocks. I go through some of the basics again with him, and leave him to it as I want to concentrate on Erin after it didn’t go well last weekend. I steal a few glances over at him and Barney, but all looks good, so I leave them to it. Afterwards, we head up to my apartment. I make us some coffee and switch on Wheel of Time.
As the closing credits of the third episode start rolling, Johan sits forward.
“I suppose I ought to go, get some dinner. Thank you Cole, I’ve enjoyed being here,” he says, starting to stand.
“Oh good, Tom said you would.”
He stops, perched on the edge of the couch. Resting his forearms on his knees, he bows his head, releasing a sigh.
I’m confused. Was it something I said? I’ve said the wrong thing—again. This always happens when I try to have friends, this is why I stopped trying a long time ago. I would say something and then they wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore. I don’t want this to happen. Why did I think I could try again? I should keep my mouth shut and never mix with people.
“Cole?”
I turn back and look at Johan.
“Can I ask you a question?”
I nod and look at him. He’s gazing at me and it feels intense. I normally hate it when people look at me so directly, and I’d be leaving, unable to stand it. But I find it oddly calming. Maybe it’s his eyes; I haven’t noticed before how blue they are. It’s a nice colour, like the cornflowers which grow in the farmhouse garden. I’ve always liked those flowers. I’m about to tell him this when I realise he’s asked a question.
“Did you invite me here today because you wanted to, or because your brother told you to?”
“Oh, Tom told me to.”
Johan’s face scrunches slightly and I can’t see his eyes anymore. I want to.
“But that’s because I asked him?”
“Asked him?” Johan’s face relaxes again and the gaze is back.
“Yes, I asked him what I should do to get you to hang out with me, and he suggested asking you round to watch something. You said you hadn’t seen Wheel of Time, so I chose that.”
Johan sinks back against the couch releasing a breath.
“I like your eyes. They’re the colour of cornflowers.”
Johan tips his head a bit then releases a big belly laugh, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. I’m not sure why he’s laughing. Is he laughing at me? I don’t like it, and shove my hands between my knees to stop them shaking. If I run to my bedroom, will Johan just leave? It would be best. I turn, about to flee, but feel a hand on my arm.
“Are you okay, Cole?”
No, I’m not okay. “Why are you laughing?”
Johan’s laugh subsides and he looks at me, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “I’m sorry, I think it’s just in relief.”
“Oh. Are we still friends?”
“Yes, we’re still friends.”
“Good. Please stay and watch some more, and I can fix us something to eat.”
It’s Sunday evening. We’ve binge-watched the whole of the series, in two days. I can’t remember the last time anyone sat with me watching television. Johan has left for home, and again the room feels empty without him taking up space in it. I try and focus on some work. There are always admin tasks to do for the practice, though I am trying to get Sam to take on some of them. I also need to update Roffe’s details. I take him off the lost and found dog database, relieved that no-one has come forward to claim him. I need to put his details up on the adoption website. I complete the online form and then upload his photo, one I had taken of him earlier when he was looking up at Johan. My finger hovers over the send button, but instead I hit delete and close my laptop.