Chapter 14
CHAPTER 14
J ohan
I’m relaxing on the couch with Cole next to me. Pizza boxes and a few empty beer bottles litter the coffee table in front of us. I’m a bit surprised, as Cole is normally quick to tidy up, but as I don’t feel inclined to move right now, he might feel the same. I try to concentrate on the movie but I’m aware that Cole keeps looking at me. It’s making me feel hot. With anyone else, I’d be thinking this is a come on and would make a move, or expect them to. But this is Cole—he’s shown no signs he even knows what that means. He certainly doesn’t know how much his look is affecting me. I’d glanced at him once when I could feel he was looking at me, and he’d looked slightly startled, like he’d been in a daydream, and turned back to the movie. I want to ask if he’s alright, but I feel he needs to process whatever he is thinking on his own. If I try to push him he might shut down. So I try to think cooling and neutral thoughts, and definitely not about what I’d rather be doing. I’m trying so hard that I jump when he touches my arm. It’s not just a touch, he runs a finger down my arm. The feeling is electric and my skin sizzles. I all but leap from my seat.
Jesus. Fuck, what was that?
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Cole sandwiches his hands between his thighs like he’s trying to hide them and turns to look at the screen, like the last few seconds never happened.
I turn to look at him.
“It’s fine. Is everything okay?”
He turns to look at me with confusion etched on his face.
“Yes. No. I don’t know.” A lock of hair falls across his eyes and I resist the urge to push it back. Damn he looks cute.
“What is it Cole?” I try to keep my voice gentle, like the voice he uses when talking to an injured and frightened animal, trying not to startle them.
“I don’t know.” He shakes his head a little, then finds the courage to look at me. “I just wanted to touch you.”
Fuck, he wants to touch me. Where is he going with this? He looks like he doesn’t know.
“And now?” I try to keep calm.
He quirks a little smile that almost looks like an apology. “I’d like to do it again.”
Fuck, it’s already taking all my powers of restraint not to drag him down onto the couch and wreck his mouth with kisses. But this is Cole, and for him I can restrain myself. My heart is already beginning to race. I run my hand down my face to try and buy myself time, and bring my breathing under control.
“Sorry, if you don’t want me to…” a painful expression crosses his face and I need to decide if this, whatever this is, is going to happen. I have a feeling that if I start this, there’s no coming back. There is no going back to the way we were before, and I really like Cole as a friend. His earnest but hopeful look decides me.
I swallow, trying to find the ability to speak.
“I would like you to.” I see a slight smile return to his serious face. “But I want to make sure that this is something you want, really want, first.”
He pushes his lips together and looks away for a moment before turning back.
“I don’t know but I would like to try.”
This isn’t quite the answer I’d hoped for, then I catch his whispered, “With you.”
I shut my eyes for a moment, trying to compose myself. To do this for Cole, to see where it went, to find out what he’s comfortable with would be an honour. It is something I can do for him, even if it might completely break me in the process.
I open my eyes and give him a reassuring smile. “Where would you like to touch me?”
“Everywhere.”
Dear gods, this isn’t going to be easy.
He hesitantly reaches out and runs a finger down my arm again. I will myself to be still. I dare not breathe. As he reaches my hand, he lightly traces the inside of my wrist.
Jesus, my dick is starting to take an interest. Does he know what effect that can have on a person? Maybe he doesn’t.
He runs his hand back up my arm and across my chest. We’re sitting side by side so it’s getting awkward. But I have an idea.
“Cole?” He lifts his gaze from where he’s been watching his own fingers, as if he can't quite believe it, but doesn’t want to stop looking.
“Hmm?”
“Would you like me to touch you?”
He gives a small smile and a quick nod before dropping his eyes again.
I take his hand from my chest and turn it palm up.
“Cole.” I wait until he looks at me. “If you want to stop at any time, you let me know, okay?” He nods, but I need him to say it. “Tell me you understand, Cole. I won’t do anything you’re not happy with. Communication is important.” It’s as important to me and Cole right now as poor communication had been instrumental in my break up with Erik. Well that and his months of lying and deceit. I push thoughts of my ex away. I want to focus on Cole.
“I understand.” His voice is barely more than a whisper.
Keeping his hand in mine, with my other hand, I run my fingers across his palm and up the inside of his arm to the elbow and back to his wrist, tracing the same lines on him that he did on me. I hear his breath hitch and know he’s starting to understand what it feels like to be touched by another. I give his hand a gentle tug.
“Come here.” He gives me a puzzled look and I pat my lap. He turns round and faces me, kneeling and straddling my lap. Having him this close is intoxicating but now I can see his deep, dark eyes. His tousled hair falls over his eyes as he looks down at me. I resist the urge to grab his nape and connect my mouth with his, kissing him until he’s bruised and breathless. Instead, I place my hands on his thighs and wait for him to decide what he wants next. It doesn’t help that I can see he has an erection as hard as mine. This feels like being a teenager again, exploring for the first time, and somehow it is even more potent than ripping a partner’s clothes off. I’m not sure I’m going to survive this without shooting my load, but there is nothing that’s going to stop me trying.
Cole places his hands on my chest, his fingers brushing across my pecs. I move my hands up to his hips, drawing circles, and my fingers slip underneath his t-shirt and touch his skin. He gasps and I stop in case it’s too much. But he’s smiling at me. I hook a finger under his tight top and pull it slightly.
“Can I take this off?”
“If you take yours off as well.” I need no more encouragement. I push my hands up his ribs, pushing his t-shirt up, and he lifts his arms for me to take his top off. I toss it to the side and pull off my own t-shirt. Cole helps me and once my shirt is lying next to his, he gives me a delighted smile. One I haven’t seen before. My cock notices as well and twitches uncomfortably against my tight jeans. I can already feel my boxers are sticky with precum.
This time he defines my muscles with his hands and I look at him. I know that his vet and sanctuary work keep him in good shape, but he is really fit. Catching one of his hands I turn my head and press a kiss to his wrist. He doesn’t wrench his hand away, so I peck gentle kisses from his wrist to his elbow.
“Hmmm.” He closes his eyes and lets his head roll back exposing his throat. I bite on my lip to stop myself wanting to lick it. It doesn’t stop the want, but I don’t lick. Instead I briefly suck my thumb and then run it down the centre of his chest and abdomen. He lifts his head and his eyes fly open. That’s better. No it’s not. His eyes are swirling with a look I’ve seen often, just not from him—lust.
I suck my thumb again and he watches my every move, then I gently trace a circle round one of his nipples before brushing across it. He moans and arches his back, thrusting his hips forward, and even through his jeans his erection contacts with my dick. I can’t help but let a groan escape. I place an arm round his back, keeping him in place. He’s now in the perfect position for me to take my tongue to his nipple. It is hard and perfect, and with every flick of my tongue his back arches more and his hips thrust, forcing friction between his cock and mine. He places his hands on my shoulders, the effect of his nails digging into my back almost makes me come there and then. I lick across his chest to his other nipple, which is already hard and waiting for me. After a gentle teasing, I take it between my teeth and he groans. His grip on my shoulders intensifies. He moves against me, trying to find his own friction. I grab his hips and help him move. Every thrust brings me closer to the edge. I know I’m going to come in my boxers, and I’m past caring, but I want him to come first.
He’s panting, head thrown back again, and I risk a nibble to his neck. I want to clamp my teeth down on him, but that might be too much, and there is nothing I want less than to break his rhythm right now. He moans and I nibble again. He shouts. Fuck! And gives a final thrust. I hold his hips in place and move myself to find the last friction I need before I follow his release.
He rests forehead his against mine, and like mine, it is beaded with sweat, and I’m desperate to taste him but again I resist. Instead I focus on his glistening eyes, his gorgeous mouth which is panting, his breath mingling with mine. He breaks out into a wide smile then slowly extracts himself.
“Water. I need water,” he explains. Whilst he’s gone I settle into a lying position on the couch. I know I need to clean up but I can’t summon the energy right now. Cole comes back and hands me a glass of water which I drink in one go. He sits down on the edge of the couch. I don’t really want to speak right now; I don’t want to disturb this moment. He doesn’t look like he wants to either. I gently reach for him and he lies down with his back to me, and I wrap my arm round him and hold him close. That’s enough for now.
“Johan.” I wake to the feeling of movement in my arms. The warm body—it’s Cole—and he feels lovely tucked against me.
“Yes, baby.” I murmur and my world goes still. I freeze in place. My heart stops and I can’t breathe. I certainly dare not speak again. I’m not only shocked at the endearment I uttered, but that I said it at all. Normally I’m more guarded. It isn’t a word I thought I would be saying again, certainly not anytime soon. But once it is out, I know I mean it, to the depths of my soul. I’m not sure when he became so dear to me, but now I have to live with the weight of it. I just don’t know how Cole feels, and I’m not sure my heart can cope with another shatter. I crack open my eyes and Cole is looking at me with the most adorable smile.
“I need a shower.”
I relax and manage to take a breath, my heart starts beating again. I loosen my arms and reluctantly let him go.
When he’s gone I stretch, and with a grimace, feeling how crusty I am. We should have cleaned up last night, but fell asleep instead. I hope I can have a shower too, but first I need coffee.
Just as I’ve finished a cup, Cole walks back in, shirtless, in jeans and towelling his hair. He looks gorgeous and my eyes watch him walk across the room. I push a cup of coffee across the countertop towards him, and he breathes a thanks, as he picks it up.
“Cole—” I start, but he stops me.
“Shower first, talk after. C’mon, I’ll get you a towel.” He leads the way through his bedroom to his ensuite and hands me a towel. He also holds out a pair of boxer briefs and gives one of his sweet smiles.
“If yours are anything like mine were, they’re not usable.”
“Yeah, pretty unpleasant.”
When I enter the main section of Cole’s apartment after my shower, he’s pacing and looking nervous. My heart drops to my stomach. Is this when he decides that he doesn’t want to carry on exploring what he’s feeling? I don’t want to hear it but I told him last night how important communication was.
“Cole, what is it?” He stops and whirls round towards me. An anxious look crosses his face. He crosses the room in two strides and stands before me. He runs a hand through his tousled black hair. I wait patiently for him, even though it’s killing me. He swallows and seems to make up his mind.
“Can I kiss you?”
Whatever I’m expecting, it isn’t that. I didn’t know where it was going but maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought.
“Yes, of course.” His anxious look is replaced by a smile. It’s then that I realise we haven’t kissed. Not last night, not at all. I cup his face with my hands and gently brush my lips against his.