Chapter 32
Val
There’s just enough fresh snow to show a single set of tire tracks leading into Mom’s driveway.
Did Scotty come by and leave? I bet he went to Sawyer’s.
A pang goes through my chest.
Sawyer still hasn’t replied. Or answered when I tried to call.
There’s a part of me that wonders if I should just walk away.
“Hey, Mom.” I push in without knocking to find her sitting in her recliner. I lean over and dutifully kiss the top of her head. “No big party?”
She huffs. “Hardly. Did you close up early?” Glancing first at the old Felix the Cat clock on the wall, she turns and raises her brows.
“I’m closed every Thanksgiving. Christmas, too. Remember?” I know she’s pushing sixty, but her memory has usually been pretty good.
Setting the temp on the stove, I pull out the one pan meal I brought.
Next is the extras I prepped to freeze for her. She has a hard time wanting to cook a meal for herself most of the time, so I try to bring her—
What the hell?
“Mom? Where’d all this meat come from?” I grab one of the white paper wrappers and turn it to see Black Gulch Ranch sirloin steak written across the side.
The next one looks like ribeyes.
Sawyer. I should have known.
“My ‘son number two’ stopped by a little while ago. You probably passed each other in the driveway.” She turns to look out the window.
If I had, I would have blocked him in until I could talk to him.
I try to force as much neutral into my tone as possible. “What was he up to? I haven’t seen him in ages.”
It feels like a lifetime and it’s only been a few days.
“Oh, that poor boy is lovesick,” she sighs. “Whoever that silly girl is that dumped him really screwed up.”
That knocks the wind out of me. “What do you mean?” I barely choke.
“Kids these days.” Mom waves her hand and scoffs.
“I bet she didn’t appreciate what a good person he is.
Everyone is so worried about whatever the next best thing is, they don’t see what’s really important until it’s too late.
” She folds her quilt onto the arm of her chair and joins me near the counter.
“Don’t mind me. I don’t have much drama here. I just love that boy like a son, so it’s hard to see him upset.” She lifts the foil from the pan and tents it over the food. “I’m glad you were able to make it tonight.”
The thought of him being miserable, yet refusing to talk to me, makes me both cranky and resolute.
“Mom, I’m really sorry. I have to go.” I grab my coat from the back of the chair and rush towards the door.
“Valerie? What is going on?” She stands frozen, confusion knotting her brow.
“I’m the stupid girl, Mom,” I say grimly, then step outside.
There’s only one set of tracks in the snow leading down the lane into Black Gulch.
I can’t even remember the last time I was here. Maybe when I was dating Chris and we came to visit Cade?
Over a decade ago.
The path leads past the main house and ends at the rear of Sawyer’s truck parked in front of a big shop.
His boot prints go inside, but don’t come out.
Taking a deep breath, I follow the trail where it leads me, locking the door when I go inside.
Low music is interrupted by a metallic bang, then I hear him mutter so low I can’t understand the words.
It’s warmer in here than I expected. Leaning against the bumper of a massive tractor, I try to put as much nonchalance into my tone as possible. “My mom said you stopped by.”
Sawyer jerks, whipping around with wide eyes. “Val,” he exhales, dropping whatever piece of steel he was working with. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
Moving closer, it’s hard to pace my breathing.
Just being near him makes my heart race and heat pour through my limbs.
“You’ve been avoiding me.” Shedding my jacket, I drape it over the end of a tool bench.
That damn pouty lip pokes out. “I’m just making it easier.” He drops his head, hiding his face behind the bill of his cap.
“On who?” I can’t resist stepping into his space and tilting up his chin. “We use our words, remember?”
His blue eyes cloud before he jerks his jaw out of my palm. “Oh, I heard your words, Val. Loud and clear,” he mutters, picking up the chunk of metal from the concrete.
“Then you didn’t pay attention to all those times I told you how much I wanted you. You didn’t hear me tell Eli I was with you, even after you left.” Reaching down, I cup his trembling chin again to raise his gaze, but slowly stroke his cheek with my thumb.
Tears rim his lower lids as he pulls away. “What the hell was I supposed to think, huh? You keep me at a distance, don’t want to talk to me or go out. Then take up a date with some random guy?” His Adam’s apple bobs with a hard swallow. “I’d rather not be just a fuck.”
Standing quickly, he strides away to busy himself with something at another table.
“What do you want?” I’m torn between pressing him and giving him space.
“It doesn’t matter,” he mumbles to the wall.
I stare at his shoulders hunching over while he grips the edges of the wooden top.
A shudder works through him, sending a dart of pain into my chest.
“But it does,” I say quietly. “Do you want to know why I held you back?” I want to touch him so badly my fingers linger in the air.
He raises his face to the ceiling. “Why?” Agony tinges his voice.
“To protect myself. So I wouldn’t be the one falling for you. Because you deserve so much more than me.” It hurts to admit the truth, even to myself. “So it was easy to say ‘okay’ to dinner with Eli. He was safe.”
Sawyer turns to glance at me. “And I’m not?”
Leaning against the table, I cross my arms over my belly and let my focus wander until it settles on a discarded pile of halters and bridles.
“Have you ever been bucked off a horse?” I finally ask.
“Yea. It sucks.” He shifts a little more in my direction.
That’s an encouraging sign.
“After it happened, did it make you anxious even climbing onto a different one?” I pick up one of the leather straps idly, watching him carefully.
He nods.
“Did it make you want to work the next one harder so you were more confident it wouldn’t do the same thing?”
Again, his head drops, then he lets out a long sigh. “Okay, yea, I did.”
Some of the stiffness in his spine relaxes.
It’s a struggle not to touch him yet. “I bet that one turned out better with the extra training?”
“Best ever.” His smile pulls up his cheek.
I let my tongue trace my lower lip, pulling his gaze.
“I know so.” Finally giving in to the urge, I reach out and tangle my hand into his t-shirt to pull him closer.
He lets me, framing my hips with his arms on either side of me.
“So for this to work, you need to tell me…what do you want? And not what you think I want to hear. Be honest.” Fuck, I want to kiss him.
His stubbly jaw tightens and his lips flatten. “It’s stupid.”
“Sawyer—” I trace the tensed muscle up to his ear, then raise onto my toes until my mouth hovers near the lobe. “—do I need to make you talk?”
His breath catches.
Slowly, he bends until his cheek brushes mine. “Yes, please?”
Hot breath ripples down my neck.
“Hold out your hands.” Picking up the set of reins from the bench, I loop them around his wrists. “Will you talk if I tie you up?” There’s a thrill racing through me that sends a flutter of excitement deep into my belly.
“Maybe?” His nostrils flare with a flush of pink racing up his throat.
“How do I lower that?” I point past his head to the heavy hanging hook from the ceiling.
He gestures with his bound arms. “The remote on that cable.”
With a mechanical whine, the thick clasp drops.
When it’s within reach, he raises his arms and loops his tied hands without being told.
“You’re being a good boy.” I hit the button to raise him until he has to stretch to keep his boots flat on the floor.
He’s long and lean with his slim waist exposed from under his shirt.
“Going to share now?” My nails rake over his lower abs, threading through the short hairs that lead to his belt buckle.
“I don’t know,” he stammers. “What if you don’t like it?”
He’s dangling there, completely at my mercy, and still doesn’t feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable?
Maybe I need to go first?
“Sawyer, I want to let you in. I thought I had to keep my distance to protect you, but I was really hiding myself. It’s time for me to admit that I hated every second of it.” I can’t count how many times I would want to send him a text, or call him, and didn’t.
“You did?” He chews on the inside of his cheek, then hangs his head. “I thought you were embarrassed of me.”
Something inside of me cracks.
A flood of sorrow and anger battle in a tide.
“Don’t you ever think that.” In a rash reaction, I flatten my palm to smack his toned ass.
Not enough to sting.
But he turns to muffle a moan against his bicep.
That’s new.
“Oh, little boy,” I breathe. “Is that what you need? A little punishment?”
I rub my hand up and down over the spot.
“Maybe?” he says hoarsely. “I mean, I want to tell you. It’s just so…hard.”
Glancing down, I can see what he’s talking about.
His zipper bulges beneath his buckle.
“Let me loosen that.” With a quick pull, I tug his leather belt from the loops. “Will this free that tongue up?”
Folding the strap in half, I tap it against his thigh.
Fire smolders in his gaze. “Getting closer.”
I think I’m in love.
“Hold this.” Pressing the side of the paired leather to his lips, I wait until his teeth latch on, then open the front of his Wranglers to let his stiff cock stand rigid between us.
“Do you want me to spank your bare ass until you confess?” My thumbs slide under the elastic of his boxer-briefs along his hips, teasing his bobbing erection with the taut fabric.
His whine of approval comes with a tiny nod.
The pale swath of skin practically glows under the bright shop lights as I lower his underwear to his thighs.
Taking the belt from his teeth, I let it drag down his belly to loop over the head of his throbbing cock.
“You look so sexy,” I murmur, rubbing his quaking side with my fingertips. “Time for the truth, baby.”
Letting the strap slide across my hand until I have the buckle, I give his erect shaft a slow stroke before snapping the leather against the swell of his ass.
With a gasp, he jerks forward, thrusting into my fist. “Fuck,” he groans, hanging from his tied wrists.
My thumb circles his leaking slit, smearing the bead of pre-cum over his purple ridge. “I’m going to do it again if you don’t talk.”
When his eyes meet mine in a silent blue blaze, I lash again.
Harder.
He cries out, gyrating his hips to rub himself through my palm.
“Look at you letting me mark you.” I soothe the red welt with my tongue, tracing the line over the clenching muscle.
“I like it when you do,” he grits.
“You want to see the proof of my claim on you?” I squeeze the tip of his dick to watch him heave a giant lungful of air.
He doesn’t answer, just nods.
“A tattoo? A collar? I think you’d look so good with a thin silver chain around your neck.” I watch his eyes fall nearly closed as I increase the speed of my strokes.
I can tell he’s close to erupting. I’ve seen this look on his handsome face many times now.
“Tell me, then come for me, little boy. Scream what you want while I make you explode.” With another sharp strike on his ass with the biting leather, I make him buck into my hand.
A long moan rumbles from his chest as his head falls back, his body tensing on the verge of release.
“How, Sawyer?” My own voice climbs into a fevered pitch to match his rapid pants as I snap the belt against him one last time. “How do you want to show the world I love you?”
With a rumbling roar, he raises his chin and cries out. “With a ring!”
Hot strands of cum surge out of him, spurting across the dusty concrete floor.